If I pulled up a chair,
could I sit with myself?

I’m the devil on your shoulder,
The voice inside your head,
You don’t deserve to be happy,
You're better off dead.
No one will miss you when you go,
You're just a burden you know,
You're worthless and pathetic,
You’re so fat and **** it’s disgusting.
Why don’t you just **** yourself,
‘cause your life isn’t worth living.

You'll never get rid of me,
‘cause I'm everywhere you see,
I'll even haunt you in your sleep.
I'm always gonna be there,
Lurking in the shadows,
I just want to be your friend.

You need me,
I control you,
You have no on but me,
Just do what I say and I promise I'll keep you safe,
What have you got to lose?
You have nothing,
Haha you’re just a waste of space!
Why don’t you just cut yourself,
Go on! Pick up that blade...

He's the devil on my shoulder,
The voice inside my head,
He tells me horrible things,
And says I'm better off dead,
He whispers in my ear,
And follows me everywhere,
Feeding me with empty promises,
He's says he can keep me safe,
He thinks he’s in control
But not anymore,
Because I’m stronger than him,
I won’t let him win.

I sit in a burgundy leather chair at work
Hoping that I don't get fired.
But I tried downloading an unauthorized program onto my computer
And a pop-up with the word *******
Flashed across the screen when I went to check the baseball scores.

Maybe I will forsake this whole ******* life
And run off into a hermitage
Heaping ashes on myself, prostrated before a cheap wax statue.
But on some level what I'm really doing
Is avoiding responsibility.

I'm dreading the drive home, to be honest
Because I know you will greet me with that fiery anger
That paradoxically gives me an *******
But also breaks my heart.

Maybe I can just walk in the door
***** preemptively sealed in a yellowed Mason jar,
And say,

"Just stay right where you are, Steve."
"We don't want any trouble..."

I always feel like a compass spinning
Directionless, I can hardly see
The paths I could take
To the places I need to be
But I trudge on, aimlessly

I can’t remember the last time
A day went by where
I didn’t think of you

I can’t believe how many months
Have gone by without
You still being
Just a phone call away

I can’t say how sorry
How deeply I apologize
For every single thing

I can’t cry over you
But I still get sad
I think only so many
Tears can be shed
Before you have to put
The thought to rest

.Borderline.
A single word that can describe everything.
Walking on the edge of two strong realities.
Constantly debating one way or the other.
To live or let die.
A difficult decision that impacts
More than your heavy feet.
All it takes is one slight step.
Then all anxiety can end.
All depression can be in the past.
But it’s not a simple step either.
So many people face these two strong realities daily.
They find themselves,
.Borderline.

I stay close to the words you say
I still never let them ruin my days

The alcohol ***** me up every time,
And I just can't seem to find,
My sanity in the calamity,
Of my ever loving mind,
Because when it's drowning in tequila,
I just want sleep with a fella,
I'll invite over random people from Tinder,
Thank the Lord I haven't been murdered,
Or worse, yes there's worse,
Because I'm suicidal, find me a hearse,
I've been this way,
Since the fourth grade,
When my innocence was broken,
And now I'm just too woken,
To the ways of the world and the **** people in it,
And I just can't seem to find my place among it,

Relapse on the horizon,
If I can't find a way to survive this,
Please someone save me from my drowning before I die,
Because I don't know how to swim in my own mind,

I've been in pieces lately,
Crying sometimes uncontrollably,
And that's just not me,
I'm usually relatively happy,
Cracking jokes, to cover my hurt,
So no one knows just how far down in the dirt,
I really am these days,
How much I just want to fade,
Into oblivion, and never resurface,
Because I put a mask on my face,
And tell everyone I'm okay,
It's like an automatic reaction to say,
To never tell anyone how I really feel,
Which is like garbage if you can deal,
With the truth, but most people can't handle it,
Most people don't want the real ****,

Relapse on the horizon,
If I can't find a way to survive this,
Please someone save me from my drowning before I die,
Because I don't know how to swim in my own mind.