wait till you can see a sunset,
though blind eyes,

try to see,
what my mind is lacking,
everyday tonight,

Somedays,
I Wanna,
Die,

Others,
I wanna,
Live,

But,
Barley...

you,
                         drowned,                                                      
  ­ me,      
                and,
now i'm trying to get...*                 **sober,

Lately I've fallen down,
deeper then I can dig myself out,
I've taken up smoking when they only make things worse,
My skin itches because I am allergic to some of the chemicals,
My body can't breath well enough for a good while after,
asma or not, I have to remember I wasn't breathing when I started,
at least now I feel my body trying. to do something.
sometimes if I  smoke too much my body can't take it and I *****,
funny thing is, I highly doubt any Native American smoked these.

Born into this world free,
at our starts,
we've been made equal,

as we grow like a flower from a seed,
our nature leads us to break away,
at the beauty that it holds so dearly,

and once we are free'd,
we have also handed over our self control,
as we start to journey into the unknown.

we join into our society,
create our communities,
as we are made one with the residents of our territories,

tallying up our ballots
to determine the majority,
and voice our opinions as one,

but what becomes of the controversy?
the Runner up to the majority?
and who has the right to cast the ballot?

only men,
only those of white skin,
only those of a prosperous breed.

Those whom are never controlled,
but wish to take the repelled as there property,
as the pursue of others seem to end in only their benefits,

imported men bound to nonnative men,
by those whom forgotten their own native skins,
Forgotten they also traveled across the sea,

and back as they force imported men over sea,
as shiploads roll in,
with the contents of labor bearing men,

The Fixed majority binds those of minority,
Women, Children and Imported men,
to their fateful aftermath,

Eventually as we grow,
The Majority begin to release their control.
The minority stands up to the ******* they with held.

They fight for their rights,
and they last for their life,
The nightmare more pleasant to handle.

They don't hold back their pressing manners,
They don't fall two steps back to only move forward one.
They don't back down to those out to damage them.

The compromise is far from completion.
as the lack of freedoms still create more conflicts,
thus having to re-compromise again,

Those bound to religion and other establishments,
creates the fear of change for men,
the resistance leads to hate,

Hate towards people who must judge on face value,
rather than seeing a person past their appearance.
to the point of formation of organizations to patronize these people more.

those who suffer from these acts,
are still stuck inside the past,
they can't be happy for something they barely have.

They suffer silently,
hopping their dreams will one day come true,
to be equal without the needs for laws to make you to,

To feel actual equality
without the labels they have been given from society,
to feel their birth given rights in effect.

Some who suffer say it's worthless to keep trying,
even though their moment ended with people dying,
The cause is worth the fulfillment of those who suffered back then,

And back then the rolls were set in stone,
where women couldn't hold their own,
but now we face men and women trying to change.

The rolls will stay the same,
and they will flip flop and duplicate,
where everyone gets a ballot to voice their say,

Where dreams that reach from sea to shining sea,
will one day be able to breathe and shine through,
But dreams don't shine through,

not all are free from their marginalization.
not all are free to make their accusations,
not all people are born into the rights of freedoms.

Our nation has defaulted and defamed their citizens,
unless inside an arms race, then we are free to die next to each other,
before attending a meal together,

our nation is built by those who ran away from oppression,
those whom tried to grant their families a new beginning,
those whom have now moved away from their old traditions,

we are trying to make room for the change,
we are trying to make room for our voices,
we have been trying to make room for our dreams,

but somewhere along they way,
our dreams have started to fade away,
as our pride as an american is declining at the fastest rate,

their are too many dreams trying to take place,
when we change this and change that,
we forget to change ourselves,

we forget our morals and views,
we have forgotten the golden rule,
we need to treat others like we would treat ourselves,

roll of child, women, man, aside,
difference of Skin, Hair, or even Eyes,
difference of heritage gender and age too,

what I do to you,
should be taken with meaning,
and If I can't respect you.

should you respect me?
The core of our problems have a trace,
attitude is desire for the outcome.

America is never going to stay the same,
day by day America and its people constantly change,
And there's no escape.

Things have been
changing, everyday, so its
no wonder, we didn't stay the same,
it's been years since we've been close, and
every time I just happen to run into you, you're
not the same person, who was that person then, you
have built bridges, that you have seem to cross, and
I just seem, to jump off, but the fact of the matter
is, you and I, have changed so much,
we're not the same anymore,
We have tried to
grow up,*
like a child,
stealing her
mother's red lipstick,
we are painted red, but
your red, is a red of beauty
and love, and mine is of blood,
lust and honest disgust, we
have chosen different paths,
and we walk circles
*in the woods,
trying to get to
the center of infinity as
if we can meet again, in the center
paths limbo of the happy end you walk & sad
one I walk, So when we meet in the center, and we
never cross paths, and never talk long enough to hear
each other's life stories, we just end up walking in
that never ending circle, and as we circle; life
hits us with things, some good; some
bad, but for 3.14% of the time
it's as simple as pi to
get through it.

whomever,
we can all relate,
to quotes,
and each other,

I wonder how many people we've overlooked,
and never seen,

Why does my soul strive to lead me towards broken things,
As if my soul wasn't broke enough, my soul likes to forget my memories,
memories of bad people doing very bad things,
My body doesn't need a reminder, as we know the taste of this disease,
it's eaten away at my body before,
making every breath harder and harder to breath in air,
like a mother gasping to bring her child with life again, I mourned,
My soul should've learned by now, I don't dare to give prayers,
to broken and bad things, full of hate and hurt,
these types of people attract to me like i'm in pain,
I don't find my soul like theirs trapped six feet underground in the dirt,
instead, I'll cry longer then the rain,
as if this will wash away my misery rather then hurt someone I love,
but instead my body longs for bad souls like you,
you're down below the dirt my love, and i'm trapped crying for you above,
where you and I meet again has to be different, has to be new,
I'd let myself ignite like a fire and burn,
I'd watch you dump water over my flame,
and expect  me to return,
but the shameful fact is the flame is more tamed,
then the water,
I wanted peace,
you wanted to slaughter,
Maybe I need to let you go, like butterflies you eventually must release,

being beautiful has to do,
with the words:
BEing yoU,

I believe in things
they say,
"not to, believe in,"

It didn't start with blades,
It started with panicked hands of third grade,
going into my mouth,
To rip my teeth out,

you,
two,
had no clue,
what new blue shoes,
and going to zoo,
could do for you,

Drew,
to Rue,
on Cue,
had their eyes glued,
and new true,
that very few,
due,

Drew,
with Rue,
flew,
to Peru,
And lost their new,
Blue shoes,
But gained a new
Blue hue,

Drew,
and Rue,
got married in Peru,
Under their New,
Blue,
Hue,

I used to fall for her,
head over heels,

but somehow I let us,
get off on the wrong foot,

because I didn't put my best foot forward,
enough times to save face,

and it didn't take an army full of men and women,
in about face to know they set up there own fate.

but of all the wars best spy,
none have gotten the chance to spy on your eyes,

eyes of sparkles and love though light,
but you don't know that when I see you everything seems alright,

even though it will cost me an arm and a leg,
to get close to you and I'm greeted with a cold shoulder,

when I just want your open arms,
to be meant for me,

meant for just holding my body,
to hold not just our body's but souls closely,

but I have to keep my nose clean,
and stop my tears and sniffling,

I will start by keeping my chin up,
and playing my life  by ear,

for I wasted all these years on you,
so I need to bid these thought of you "farewell"

You interest me.
If only I could have come to my senses sooner.
If only I choose quality over distance.
If only I would have looked In front of me.
If only i had gotten sober sooner,
or never became an addict at all.

You simply fascinate me with every part of your soul.
It makes me sad to know that you and I will never work out now.
It makes me sad to know that ******* you,
is the only way I can get close to you again.
It makes me sad that I think sometimes and almost believe,
that you just are using me.

You make me want to learn about your life.
I want to hear about your job.
I want to hear about your day.

I want to hear about the struggles and the ups and downs.
What happened with your car.
Why did you stop wearing your cross?
I want to hear it all.

You always made me happy,
and always took care of me.
Even though I was just a friend.
Even though I lead you on.
Even though I never told you how I feel.
Even though I didn't deserve your support, or help.

You make me want to love you,
but you will never love me.
For my mistakes.
For my imperfections.
For myself.

I am unsure how to feel.
I feel like I need to explain myself,
but don't know where to start or what to say.

I am to scared to push you away again.
I'm scared of ******* up.
I'm scared of it all.

But you also make me feel at peace,
while I'm also now anxious,
wanting to know what you think.
But you also never tell me how you feel or anyone really.

I want to know you.
All of you.
I want you to know who I really am.
Not the idea you have of me currently.

Almost jumped off that bridge,
sadly I wish I did.

instead I found some relief in *** cigs,
and used to help me forget,

I held my breath to calm down,
until tomorrow came around.

Just once,
can someone please,
be afraid,
of,
losing me,

Like a candle we all shrink away,
and are left in a pool of our own mess,
but I collected up the wax,
to make the broken things new,
and that's when my candle holder shattered,
and you can't fix things like broken glass,
the same way you can with old used wax,
it has to stay broken,
because you can't mend all broken things.

A child thought,
my cuts,
where just from,
paper
*cuts.

here lies all the coffee stains,
created while reading your *poetry,

_____________________

­when I was a kid,
I used to color,

I used to color the whole page,
inside,
and outside of the lines,
like how out of the box I was,
you couldn't contain all of me in a box,
even if you had boxes,
I'd escape,
and break free,

When I was a kid,
I colored inside,
and outside of the lines,

while in school they told me how I was out of line,
I was far from out of line,
I always made sure I was inside the lines,
but sometimes,
sometimes its as if my imagination got the best of me,
and I got to escape there conforment,
even if it was for a second it felt so great,
as if I was in prison and I got to go outside for the first time in years,
my adventures in my head couldn't break through to the real world,
like reality came in and arrested my imagination,

when I was a kid,
I stopped coloring outside of the lines,
and only colored inside,

To feel like a square peg going into a round hole,
as they tried to shaped me into what the saw to be as standard,
shaving down my unique edges,
like it was a crime to be so different,
as if I saw them try to expand to fit my square ways of thinking,
not once had they thought it could work out better,
then lining the squares and triangles and hexagons and countless others up,
to get sanded down to be as close as they could make them to be to a circle,

I'm not a kid anymore,
I'm much older now,

I still color inside the lines,
to make my beautiful pictures,
and sometimes,
like when I was a child,
I color outside the lines,

*because sometimes no one has to know,
when you've made a masterpiece,

the bed is made,
the house is clean,
I don't sleep,
because your mean,

the door is shut,
the key is in your hand,
I am stuck inside,
inside your fantasy land,

our eyes are closed,
our thoughts are deep,
I open them,
and hear you weep,

your mind is lost,
my love is boundless
and we lay down together,
and are practically soundless.

I am a trying to fight myself,
someone who just wants to be right,
but is always wrong,
and what I know,
and what I feel,
are conflicting things,

Because I know how he cares for me,
But I still feel ***** with him,
I still want the boy who ***** me,
to ******* call me,
Like I've been waiting for,
for over a year,

But I love this boy who treats me well,
but I feel like I can't really,
love him,
Like I can't love anyone,
because someone went and ****** me when I really didn't want to,
and they called that love too,

so what the **** do I know about love,
because i've been so blind to it all,
Love from me since the **** has just been appreciations like friends,
and I am sorry that I have hurt you like a boy hurt me sweetie,
but I can't be loved,
and I don't want you to waste your time trying,

so maybe its best if we part ways,
because everyday I feel as if i'm holding you back,
because I am afraid for anymore impact,
because I just want my life back the way it was,
before I knew what **** and abuse was,
before my PTSD unlocked all the secrets from me.

having PTSD showed me,
No sweetie making love to boys,
isn't going to make you happy,
so I can't love someone else even if I willingly want to,
Because is it fair to any boy to be loving me and have me start crying,
because I feel like there the boy who ***** me,

but I know the boy who ***** me is bad,
but I feel like he is the only one who could love,
a mess like me,
because he made the mess,

I just want to feel safe around all guys,
I just want to feel loved,
And my mind and heart,
are a battleground over what I am supposed to do,
because it's hard to move on just a little over a year after you learned,

the boy you loved who you dumped ***** you,
and how your breakup had nothing to do with the ****,
and how that makes everything harder and complicated to get,
and you just are always upset because he still never called,
and you really want that phone call,
so you can say you're sorry,

because you just want to be happy,
because even though things with him were bad,
you were happy,
and you want that back,
instead of crying over the bad thing that happened in the past,
you just want something good again.

in the beginning, God created the heavens,
and as heaven had been created to God's liking,
God finally moved forward to his next plan,
creating the earth,

in the creation of the Earth,
the Earth existed as a wasteland,
full of darkness,
strong winds brushed up on the waters,

God looked at what had to be done to finnish earth,
and he saw the darkness the surrounded his new creation,
compared to the bright lights of his heaven,
and the darkness had a dull beauty of its own,

God said let there be light,
God then said let light be separated from the darkness.
God made the lights like his heavens the day,
and the darkness the night,

and as night fell on the first day,
morning followed,
then God looked down upon his creation,
as the bright lights of day made it possible to see,

God said, as he stared upon the winds and waters,
let water under the winds be swarmed into pits,
as the water drew away into the pits,
and God named the pits drawing the water away, the Sea.

land appeared, and God named the soil of the land, Earth.
He said for the Earth to bring forth Vegetation,
of fruits and trees as any plant with seed.
God saw how good it was,

as night fell, on the second day, morning soon came,
God looked at heaven,
as God plucked a piece of heaven from the sky,
and made them into two pieces of light.

God put the larger piece in the day sky,
and as night hit,
God placed the slightly smaller piece in the night,
God decided to make tiny stars to place to help the night.

the stars help to govern the day and the night,
to separate the light and darkness,
and God watched evening come, on the third day,
morning soon followed.

God saw how empty the pit called the Sea was,
God brought forth all kinds of creatures as God sent them to the sea,
God made all the creatures with wings and feathers to fly in his sky,
God finally made all kinds of animals, and creeping things, for his land,

God saw how good the creation was,
and evening came on the fourth day,
and morning soon followed,
as God stared over the earth,

and said, "let us make man in our image"
let man have control over the sea, air, and land,
let's give man control of the creatures of the Earth,
God created man and women,

and night fell, on the fifth day, and morning soon came,
God said, to man and women, "Be fertile, and multiple,
have ******* of the sea air and land,
See all the seed bearing plants I give to you,"

God looked at everything he had made,
and he found it very good,
Evening came on the sixth day,
and morning followed,

Thus the seventh day appeared,
heaven and earth were completed,
since god was Satisfied with his creations,
God rested, night fell, on the seventh day,

morning
followed
soon
after.