Joliver 4d
Your name appeared
And it was something I feared
Moved to tears
Because of all our years
I don't know why I can't stop shaking

We stopped following one another
Stopped seeing each other
After our horrible fallout
Seeing you name makes my heart shout
I don't know why I can't stop shaking

Your name shouldn't be here
You should be anywhere but near
Now I can't stop thinking of you
Your name as infectious as the flu
I don't know why I can't stop shaking

You loved me, you hate me
Anyone who looks can see
I loved you, I love you
That's what makes it hurt too
I hate that I can't stop shaking
DeAnn Feb 15
my hearing goes in and out between words and ringing
my sight has become hazy
my hands are shaky
my body cannot stop moving
my brain switches running at a million miles an hour and then nothingness
my sense of touch is going haywire

i am numb
Mike Hentges Jan 30
i think too much and when im with her i cant
and i like that

shes all walls and i'm only windows
and sometimes i think she looks inside me and doesnt like what she sees

i feel like muscles and lust and nothing but, and she assures me i'm not
i feel like i'm a footnote (she puts footnotes in all her essays) in the story of her life while she is a chapter in mine
and she assures me i'm not
but sometimes she says things to convince herself of what shes saying
and sometimes she leaves me breathless and sometimes she leaves me praying

Maybe we've just put our walls in different spots. It's like my ears are deaf and my lips are tingling when she kisses them

she's like a golem
a stone skin guardian against her emotions she wont let me see
but maybe we've just put our walls in different spots It's like my eyes are blind and my body shakes when she caresses it
she wakes only to the magicians touch
and i've never been good at magic

shes tired of my worries and excited by my body and this is an equation i'm not sure i like
I've always been good at math
my mind is calculating
a steel trap
it's cold inside and she is warm in my arms, like a promise I can't keep.

I want to buy her flowers, but i'm caught between building my nest and digging my grave and i often think they're one and the same. she wants to have fun and I want to have sex. she's touching my body while i'm reaching for her mind
but maybe we've just put our walls in different spots.

UUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

fuck this and suck that and im
dying and
crying and i hate this
piece of shit brain i have where i
scream at it
just fucking enjoy this
because with each word
i speak
each
worry
in the breath of my throat i push her away
speaking leaks in our boat  
and lets
be honest
it wasnt a very sturdy boat to begin with
i need
my sledgehammer hands
destroy and rebuild
something that actually functions from
the rubble of the ruin
Build some fucking windows
a glass bottom boat
so I can always see the mistakes
i'm trying to leave behind
my
mind
scraping plaster
crumbling
and fumbling
stumbling darkness
and she feels like sunlight
she's bright
soft light through the blinds
film noir
rain
pain like kisses  
i'm the handprint on her skin
the bubble in her oxygen
and i used to be fun and we
fuck
just fucking
fuck fuck fuckf
fuckf fukfcuffkcuc\f\ ff
f
f
f
c
fuflufc
fuuf
fuk
fuck
fuk
uf

i think too much and when im with her i cant

and i like that
Zuzanna Jan 27
Racing steps
Racing heart,
Racing eyes
Racing body

Fast-paced, Step by step
Bursting through

Out the ribs
Out the cage
Out the door
Out the room

Calm down, Bathroom sink
Makes no sound

Stop the noise
Stop the mind
Stop the fear
Stop the sweat

Too hot, for those clothes
It's confirmed

Panic in
Panic out
Panic then
Panic now
emmaa Jan 22
is this what a panic attack is?
a race horse instead of a heart
static numbness prickling fingertips
the weight of every insecurity sitting on my lungs
forcing a battle to be fought with every exhausting breath
spiders crawling to and from upon my spine
whispering my greatest fears
giggling at my mortality
weakness in every inch of my being
constantly under attack by my own body
my own traitorous body
hopelessness shredding my self worth
driving my fragile state into a frenzy
i'd felt it so many times in various degrees, but never knew.
Lightheart Jan 11
It’s clawing—
Bursting!
I can’t breathe—
I have to move—
I can’t breathe!
I have to go—
I can’t breathe—!
I have to work—
I can’t b r e a t h e — !

Quickly—quickly—quickly!
Faster—!

The music has to be louder
I can’t hear
I can’t breathe
Louder louder LOUDER!
Just drown the anxiety out—

Clean—you have to clean!
I can’t think
I can’t think!
It’s too messy
You have too much stuff
Go through go through it!
If you get rid of it it’ll be better
I can’t breathe
Faster—

Wash the sheets
Dust the shelves
Line up line up
Straighten this
Straighten that
Not straight enough
Clean more—
It’s not working
I can’t breathe
Oh God
Faster faster
More more

There’s nothing left
I did it all
It’s not enough
Louder
L o u d e r
I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe!
It’s clawing—
It’s bursting!

Shut up
Shut up—
Shut up!
S H U T  U P

I can’t breathe.
I love panic attacks at 2am that make me clean obsessively
Ashley Lingy Jan 10
I feel my chest constrict as panic settles in.
"Go home!" I gasp
"Go. Home." I beg
Eventually, she takes off.
My heart is still pounding against my stiff chest.
I breathe in.
10 seconds.
I breathe out.
10 seconds.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
Umi Jan 2
...
I wonder why I begin to smile when I have my ptsd flashbacks
I wonder why it becomes so wide as my vision turns black
It feels so horrifying, I cannot escape, my mind begins to crack
Is it selfconfidence...or sanity I lack ?
I don't know...but I don't want any of this anymore
But in the end...I am just a young mindbroken whore
Maybe I deserve this cycling pain
Maybe I should concider drowning in rain ?
With pen in hand I fail to describe..fail to explain
Its like being locked in, experiencing all this pain (again)
Its like you want to run but you cant, eyes are staring
You see them grinning its somewhat unbearing
You panic you try to flee
But you can only can hope that its soon to be (over)

~ Umi
SeaChel Nov 2017
Why
Gut clenching
Heart wrenching
Hands shaking
Knees quaking

The feeling of being twisted
wrung out like a soaking wet towel, trying to get
every
last
drop
starts from the middle of my core and spreads out
towards my skin
towards my limbs
like an infectious disease rampaging my body.

Contorting my body into a ball so tight
that my shins bear marks from the iron grips of my fingers
is seemingly the only way to relieve this pressure from within.

Yet,
the only thought running through my semi-conscious mind
while I go through this invisible torture is,
"Why me?"
What sins have I committed in my past lives
which would cause me to endure this kind of pain?
Has anyone else felt the pain I described?  It literally feels like I'm being put under pressure, starting from the inside and moving out.  I've dealt with depression and anxiety, but I've never felt this kind of discomfort before...
John AD Nov 2017
Help me again from this pain,
My heartbeat is beating so fast and
I don't want to feel this way again
My body is shaking and nobody came
No love from others , and my heart always get some stain.

I feel I was in the penitentiary,
Trapped inside a cell,can't find a way to set me free,
I'm alive but I feel I'm dead
Every second of my life I felt I was running in a thread
Those books I read , Still hauntin' my head ,
The Knowledge I received , Is it good or bad?

This panic attacks , Solution is Xanax
Very addictive , but Helps me to relax.
Is this the same way to begin with ?
Or choose "To be Alive or Dead?"
Panic Attack
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