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"Charlotte, your turn"
C'mon Charlotte, you've practiced this.
Don't fall now

hi g-girls. I'm here to tell you why Hufflepuff is the best Hog-
breathe.
breathe.
breathe.
hogwarts house

"Charlotte are you okay?"

breathe.
don't fall.
don't collapse.
breathe. breathe. breathe.

I can't breathe
I can't see
I'm going into panic mode

I can't stop
I'm shaking
I'm crying
I can't breathe

help
help me
help me please

but they don't see
the fact that I
need help

breathe.
don't fall.
  please for once
    just be a normal kid.

Breathe.
Breathe.

can't breathe
the *text* is me speaking, the "text" is my teacher speaking
Lost Soul Aug 8
I'm spirialing faster and faster
I need to rid the demons that are taking over my head
Please call over a priest or a pastor!
DeNts dEnTs...three dents in my car
If only I looked behind me
My mind had traveled too far

One bite...just one bite
I want to eat but my brain always puts up a fight

One, two, three,oh God theres more,four five, six
STOP COUNTING!!...the lines....red lines
I cant hold it back anymore!


Drip,drip, drip...tears stream down my face
I shouldve been there for you
I was the one to put u in this place

The world is black, the world is good
Cover my eyes and rock in place
Just like an unstable person would
Tap...tap..tap
Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap
It's not working, I need my headphones
I open the plastic ....the sharp plastic
Pressing my finger to the point
The pains feels good.....

I put on my headphones
"They are empty, they are worn
Tell me what we built this for
On my way to something more
You're that one I can't ignore!!!
Mmm...
I'm gonna miss you
I still care
Sometimes I wish we never built this palace but real love is never a waste of time."

Close my eyes and listen .....
But they're are still pouring
Through tears is the only way the world finally glistens

Red ....red...I see red
I see blue eyes
I dig my nails into my thighs
to remind myself I'm not dead

My 1 yr old niece crys
and for a brief second I'm out of my head and I can actually stand up and try

Try to be normal, try to hold it in
But when I am alone once more
My depression once again lets panic and anxiety come in
...tap...tap....tap....tap.
The Vault Jul 29
Save my soul for I have sinned
Red hot on my thigh
And regret in my chest
Rianna Jul 27
It’s been 3 months since my last panic attack.
Oh, you mean its been one?
A understandable misunderstanding,
For it’s not like I know myself.
One tends to drop the childish habit,
Of gnawing at shreds,
When there is little left to know.
Only so much scent to unmask,
So much ‘purpose’ you can detect,
A sliver of a ‘lesson’ you can collect.

So I’ll stop fiddling with the rag doll,
Leave my questions behind,
Barricade the door,
Crush it shut,
Banish the key,
Til eternity sees
The light of day.

⁃ For it’s not like I’ll ever know myself
edited.
Katie Hawkins Jul 22
The first pang is small
Like the bite of bug
Then you can feel the pain crawl
Suddenly your dragging
The empty feeling lashing
In you gut

No more you cry
No more tears
The begging of why
Though the darkness never replied
The silence is screaming
You pray to just be dreaming

The silence is screaming
The comes a whisper cutting in
Those voices, you're wearing thin
The voices are deeming
Their scheming!
You can't take what their dealing

Just make it stop
Stop the shadow looming above
Your ear makes a pop
To **** this crud
You bet for any drug
But it's futile and painful

The doctor doesn't approve
Nothing can't be removed
You hear their breathing
Their whispering
You cry for their disappearing
But that dream isn't nearing!

Nothing is curing
Your only fearing
The sadness won't be clearing
Then you see the razor
A careless, simple razor
Maybe just a graze or,
A slice

Just one you question
And they agree
Just one run, now two
You can see the desolation
But they SCREAM to make it ******
The cuts keep coming through and through

They get quieter and quieter
You wonder their silence
Then you see the razor slowing
The key is glowing
A blood drop or two for their compliance
Nothing had ever felt tighter

You are no fighter
So you grip that razor tighter
Till they come back
If only the support hugged you back
Maybe then this wouldn't be so lonely
Maybe you'd be happy
Maybe you'd be ok
Maybe... You wouldn't be here in the first place
Just a rant and personal experience
lenore Jul 9
my insides may curl up like sails in a storm
but my heart is the flag, unafraid to be torn.
Melanie May 2
Anxiety is being unable to breathe
no matter how hard you try.
This life isn't glamorous, it's messy.
It's tear stained, exhausting, painful.
It's a feeling that never goes away.

Friends tell me to relax, just breathe.
All I can say is I can't.
Relaxing isn't in my vocabulary.
They say this isn't normal, but how
can they be so sure if they don't get it.

It's just another day. And I'm alone.
My one-dimpled smile faltering,
knowing my normal is their worst day.
They don't understand this burden
of always being scared, worried, alone.

My mind's reeling breath shuddering.
Feeling the popcorn textured
picture covered walls closing in on me.
The pinks, greens, and whites of
my dorm warping around the space.

If I were to look in a mirror, I would see a girl
shrinking under the weight of her mind.
But instead, I stay on the edge of my bed,
going through the usual motions;
inhale, hold 2, 3, 4, exhale.
I wrote this poem about my struggle with anxiety, and how, sometimes, my friends really don't get it.

This poem was submitted to Telluride Institute's Fischer Prize poetry contest.
I guess I’ll just wait
Another month
Just one November
Some time in between
And then I’ll tell you
I promise
I always keep my promise
But I should wait
I don’t know what I want
And I’m sorry I hurt you
I’m sorry it will be more than a November
I just need to know if it was you
Or the feeling
I wish they were one in the same, but
Sometimes it’s too easy for me to
fall in love with love
and not you
God I don’t want to
Hurt you

And that is what’s
Changed
I hurt him to find comfort in anything else, but
Hurting you is
Slowly
Clipping —chipping at my heart
Right in the middle
Like a bullet that goes straight in so
You dig, and dig dig dig
Through this mess in your chest your
Mind alone in its room of mirrors nothing
Is changing

Bang shot fired only
One shot fired but zing
Boom Boom Boom
louder, pounding head shouting
don’t bite it just swallow
Chest is hollow throat is
Tighter face turning whiter wait-
Don’t forget to breathe, *******, in ,****,
out- stop
Joilee May 2
It's a black hole, engulfing all the light and good inside,
no one can comprehend this black hole,
you can only feel it.
Feeling the way it consumes your strength because you have to prevent yourself from screaming into the abyss.
It's running miles and miles, but only being able to breathe through a straw.
It silences you from speaking the true meaning of your words;
shredding you up thought by thought.
Yet, it's the one thing that will never leave.
Moving around in circles, like a dog chasing its tail,
trying to find an opening from the voice within.
Getting questioned 'what's wrong' and desiring to punch them is what this black aura does to people.
Having no sense of what's right or wrong at that moment.
It's not just butterflies in the stomach
or having your palms sweat
or feeling light-headed,
it's the feeling of wanting to throw up,
not being able to breathe properly,
the room getting smaller while feeling like everyone is judging you.
It can get so bad to the point where you start wanting to peel off your skin,
to shut your brain off,
but you can't.
It's impossible.
annabruining Apr 16
I never knew how it felt lacking words; Being unable to express; unable of movement; of communicating.
I never felt how it was being unable to understand, how it was to be misunderstood. The unwillingness to understand.
You looked at me as if I was invisible, if I was a blank page in a fantasy book.
If I was the rain after a happy summer day. If I was about to leave my body. Couldn’t you tell that I was losing? Losing from the battle with my thoughts? Couldn’t you see that my tears were screaming for help? That the hands in my hair were asking you to hold me. Asking you to understand me. To be with me.
I never knew how it felt to be this small. Sitting on the ground. Wanting to disappear. My voice thrills, my legs are shaking, my mouth is dry, and my feelings are the only thing I am able to swallow. I never felt so naked, naked with my clothes on. My walls and masks; my personalities and defense mechanism. Gone. There was me. Naked. Me. Sitting on the cold floor, facing myself. Crying. Calling. Asking to be understood. Asking For help. For answers. For somebody to save me. To save me from myself.
I never knew how it felt to lose.                                    

But I did lose

I did.

-AIL
losing from yourself is the biggest lost
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