Nerves are startled
Minds a racin'
Face is flushed
Chest tightens up
Sweat then rolls
Fear is back
If Gods willing
I learned a 2 beat structure similar to this from a friend on Facebook. I took what I learned and put my own twist on it by bouncing back and forth between 2 and 3. Even kind of a 3-4. I think it sounds better with that beat rather than a constant 2. As if I did anything to explain what I mean by a beat-structure lol. Its just my personal language that I use. I used that structure while thinking about anxiety and this is the result.
Panic, panic, panic,
An ecstasy of fear-
What’s wrong with you, don’t you realise your family are near?
My mind is manic-
And all you can say is oh dear?
Can u ever just be here?
Help me with this fear?
Help, that’s all I need to end this paralysing fear,
Not your unhelpful, fault-finding sneer.
My mind is this raging hurricane and
you can't calm a storm down lest it wants to be stopped
but mine never seem to want to stop.
Every gush of wind pushes me over
to the edge and forces me to look down
into a never ending medium
where nothing exists.
I'm sorry I'm not lazy, in fact
if you tore apart this facade and
looked inside this skin,
you will find a girl searching
tirelessly for her self worth
and for happiness for
she wants to prevail, she
wants to be loved and she
wants to never stop believing.
But my hands and feet don't stop
adding earthquakes to my storm torn
body. My brain races faster than my
mouth can speak so I'm sorry
if you can't understand what I -
No, it's not that I don't want to see you,
it's just that my heart is running a marathon
and I'm already worn out thinking
about the way I'm going to say "hi",
the way I'm just waiting for the ground
to swallow me whole just to be saved.
© 2017 August LAICEY Poems
I'm sick of the nausea
Tired of the insomnia
Any second I could freak out again
Panting, screaming, apologizing, weeping
I'm scared of myself more than anything else
Manic attacks of sudden ******* panic
I care too much or I don't care enough
I beg my angels to let me give up
try to breathe in.
try to breathe out.
his hands are on my sternum.
my mind blacks out the image.
i’m wringing my hands together.
no...i’m pulling my hair.
his breath is on my neck —my ear.
i’m pressing my palms into my eyes.
i’m not sure oxygen is making it to my lungs.
he’s making animalistic sounds.
he’s thrown my body into shock.
it’s like watching in slow motion.
it’s another girl.
god, i hope it’s not you.
you stare at the door like it could hurt you
walking in certainly would
maybe standing here for a moment longer
just a second to relax
could help you face your fears
well you stood there, alright
the shock in your face as people marched through
so easily, they opened it
and closed it with pleasure
walking in wasn’t the hard part for them, was it?
one more minute you wait there
standing as the door falls
once she releases her grip
calm down, there’s nothing to fear
just open the door
and force yourself through
you feel your heart start racing
is this is a stroke?
you hold your wrist to make sure
you don’t slip through the cracks
you place your hand steadily
and feel yourself go faint
a whole body going limp
over a door, a door
this can’t be real
it’s only a door
you decide to let go of the handle
consciously making the choice
to wait out there one minute more
and you hold your wrist
to make sure you don’t slip through
Panic sinks its teeth
into my laboured lungs,
my shortened breaths
signalling their imminent collapse.
Breathe in, breathe out
I've been through this before.
It's going to be alright,
it's just a panic attack.
Walking down the crowded street
among the lucky extroverted souls,
who can blind themselves
with the cacophony created by a cold city's chaos.
Keep my eyes trained on the ground,
but keep a vigilant eye on the sidewalk behind,
To be sure fear, won't ever catch up to me.
A Painful Sensation