This morning I woke up
with the wound up tight
feeling in my chest
from a panic attack.

I started having anxiety
in my sleep again.

That hasn't happened
in a long,
long
time.
From series 5/19/18
Lightheart Jun 18
sitting in my closest
in the dark.
(crying)
i
cant
b r e a t h e
it’s the THUNDER and
it’s the ssǝɹʇs
and it’s the text she sent
the email and
everything
                            EVERYTHING
        
                                                            ᵉᵛᵉʳ­ʸᵗʰᶤᶰᵍ. . .
(im so scared)
and ᵃᶰˣᶤᵒᵘˢ
i dont know what to do besides
hide in my closet.
(in the dark)
try to focus on the music.
wear a favourite hoodie.
hug the giant plushie she gave me
and cry  .
              .
                 .
                       cry.
                             .
                            .
          
                  cry .
                         .
                        .
                         .         
                        .
(i dont know what ill do when my phone dies)
Not exactly how I wanted to spend my first Monday after graduation
Illya Oz Jun 16
I can feel someone's hands inside my abdomen,
Holding all my vital organs in those hands,
And squeezing till I feel like I might burst.
They have their hands around my throat,
So that I can't speak, can't move, can't breathe.
Until there is no way I could ever escape from them.
Anxiety isn't just mental, it becomes such a strong physical feeling that sometimes I don't even realise I'm anxious until I feel the  tightness in my stomach or the blockage in my throat.
Annie Jun 14
Lying down in just a T-shirt
I can only hear myself breathe
In and out
In and out

Why did you always shout?

I swear I'm trying my best
It's been months since I've shed a tear
But tonight, I dry my eyes
Close my eyes
Sick of all your lies

These four walls witness my sobs
I don't want to keep it in anymore
I'm breaking down
Torn down
There's only silence, no sound

My mind goes numb when they say your name
My heart pounds, I can't breathe
Flying away,
I'm flying away
I can't feel my body –as I lay

Here you are, still won't admit your mistakes
My God! My hope fractures
No gravity
There's no gravity
I'm hanging in between —you and me
anonymous Jun 2
Gasping my lungs turn to stone
“Breath!”
My throat closes in
“Just breath”
But i cant
My mind is spinning
My heart races
Im standing on solid ground
But it feels like im falling
And i keep falling
Down
Down
Down
A downward spiral my mind screams for everything to stop
But my mouth can not make a single noise
I grasp the air with my lungs
But i slip farther and farther
All i can hear is my mind breaking
Shutting down
All i feel is my heart beating
Blood rushing through my veins
The burning in my lungs
Desperatly begging for air
And I can not see
The room is spinning
And Nothing is real
Illya Oz Jun 2
And if my lungs continue to suffocate me,
I will let it over take me.
I will just close my eyes,
And maybe someone will hear me say goodbye.
Stephanie May 20
My chest is heavy

Calm down you say

My breathing is rapid

      It's no big deal you say

My heart is racing

     What's the problem you say

My words are caught in my throat

     She wants attention you say

My head is spinning

     She is being dramatic you say

My whole body is trembling

     Why do you act like that you say

My tears won't stop falling
    
      Don't act so weak you say

My screams echo inside my head

      It's just another day you say

My mind broken and realing

      You're so bothered by little things you say

My heart is shattered, unrepairable

Why do you say all these things you say
When you have experienced a trauma that leaves you with ptsd any little thing can be a trigger
When you say that life is easy,
a little frustration is as bad as it gets,
I ask you what you were doing at age six.

were you running through the park?
playing with your friends?
doing nothing much?
careless of the world?

What if your whole life is determined at age six?

When I say that life is hard,
it's never been a good thing,
you ask me what I was doing at age six.

I was running through the fields, hoping I'd forget.
I talked to almost no one,
doing nothing much.
I cared too much about the smallest things and just hoped that it would stop.

Six was the age I accepted that I would never be happy.
I knew I was different but I thought it would fade,
that maybe I'd forget and be able to stay.

But my whole life was determined at age six.
KM Hanslik May 11
"I want to go away"-
take me out of my skin, it never
fit me anyway.
Braid knots
in my lungs. Leave the imprint
of your fists on my
ribcage, I'll keep it tucked
out of sight. Don't touch me
in the daylight, everything we do
must be a secret. It'll be four or five years until
I forget the way that you said my name and the rush
that comes along with.
I know I've been branded with
the aftermath of everyone else's
trauma, but yours
never felt too heavy in my bones. I feel that I could absorb
each ache like
getting drunk on pain, but the hangover
would be loneliness instead of
a poisoned liver.
I always had this suicidal tendency
of dying to help others breathe,
but I didn't realize I'm just handing them
more weights to sink with. If I'm not careful, they might
drag me along too. How do I clean
out my closet without making
a mess of the dust left on
old skeletons? They remind me of everything
I know I should never do again, and everything that pierces
my lungs in sharp desperate fragments when I remember
where I was before. I want
to make a clean break from myself.
I want
to patch up the holes and move on but sometimes I'm tripped up on
this or that or forgetting
how to breathe again.
Take it out on me, god knows that's what I
would do.
Illya Oz May 5
I didn't write my essay...

Because in a room of silence,
Everything feels so loud.
My brain is screaming at me to run away,
Like the paper in front of me has claws and teeth,
Just waiting to tear me apart.
I want to tear it apart.

I can feel it bubbling and boiling up my throat,
Suffocating me so the anxiety can breath.
But I can't breath.
When did this silence become so deafening?
I had a SAC (a very important test) yesterday. I've had a really bad depressive episode for the past week, not able to concentrate in class and kept telling my teacher I was fine. I wrote 3 sentences for an essay that was ment to be 600+ worlds long because I was so anxious. I wrote this poem on the back on my essay. I wonder what my teacher is going to say.
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