I am Israel

I am he who wrestles; (Selah)
With sin
And lust;
With pain
And pleasures;
With hatred
And joy;
With solitude
And Chaos;
With father
And mother;
With man
And God.
Selah

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,”—

—But who is to say that is so?
Because all of these things strike with a heavy blow.
And this “good” is sometimes painful at best,
Cutting away at these things in my chest.
And the truth is my “good” only benefits me.
It keeps me comfortable, that much is plain to see.
God asks if he could remove the darkness from my heart
But my heart, only knowing darkness,  it cries out not to part.
So, I must soon decide
Whether to flee or to abide.
I hear the sound drum
I think, am I to become—

—“to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

Fast headlong I now fell ,
a hole in dark night sky ,
through diverse strange emotion ,
left alone , outside of Time .
☆
Stranded , unveiled and motionless ,
a searing red blinding light ,
rendered my chest torn apart ,
by a figure in black , out of
sight .
☆
Though feeling no base
emotion ,
there was a demon of fear ,
so prayed I sought my deliverance ,
from this being of anguish and tears .
☆
Was I summoned to awaken ?
have access to these works ,
by one lone hidden blind eye
and a chariot of thunder and verse .
☆
But something stood behind this
temple of judgement and pain .
The Sun , the Moon and a field of wheat ,
marked where that hidden door lay .
☆
Symbols rose up from the sea ,
a vision of numbers and sound .
World shifted from black , red to white ,
overwhelmed as the first scroll unbound .

The Bible says not to judge anyone, but does that apply to yourself?
The Bible says to love thy neighbor, but am I my own neighbor if I live alone?
The Bible Says to forgive others, but is their a limit I need to reach?
The Bible Says to love thy enemies, but what if I am the enemy to myself?
The Bible says not to lay with a man, but am I even a man?
The Bible says to not ******, but would I still go to hell if I was the victim?

On the church steps sits a boy in a skirt and a button up shirt
A book lies on the skirt of the boy in a skirt and a button up shirt
"Why are you not inside?" I ask the boy in a skirt and a button up shirt
"They kicked me out" Replies the boy in a skirt and a button up shirt

The church has "All are welcome" on its doors, refuses the boy in a skirt and a button up shirt
"What's your name?" I ask the boy in a skirt and a button up shirt
Nothing is said by the boy in a skirt and a button up shirt
I adjust my skirt and button up my shirt, as a girl in pants and a blouse welcomes me, the boy in a skirt and a button up shirt

The scent of sin
Is ripe in man,
Yet the vision isn’t there.
The scent of sin
Rains burning sand
Yet the sinner fails to care.
The scent of sin
Consumes the land
For at nothing does it halt.
The scent of sin
Is spread by hand
For they build top pillars of salt.

-Eat of the Fat.
But for why?
-Because you have to feed.
Drink of the sweet.
-But for why?
Cause your gluttony is greed.
-Save a portion.
But for why?
-Because your fruitlessness is nigh.
-So save a portion.
But it’s mine.
-Then all of them will die.

some nights i think i am cain without an abel
i hate my brother for never having been
i carry him, keep him, like he happened
he is heavy and i have never met him
i would hate him if he was flesh and i wish he were me
i killed him before he was alive, ruined eve's body by living
i am the first poisoned crop that made the field untillable
i killed him as he slept and i hadn't met him yet
some nights i hear him around the house
he lives in the gaps in my mother and father's conversation
some nights i think i am cain
missing an abel more for never having held him

If only we could learn to be like a little child again,
Not plagued by this world
  Innocence on another level
  Only we could learn to be like a little child again,
   Willing to learn, not wallow-
    -in shame and blame
         We could learn to be like a little child again,
          Love so strong
          We used to get along
                Could learn to be like a little child again,
                     Honesty dripping from our lips
                         But we’re still nice when one slips
                              Learn to be like a little child again,
                                 Obedient in time
                                   Not trying to find an alibi
                                       To be a little child again,
                                        One that was raised
                                          Who forgets their pain
                                            There’s no hatred in our name

I wish to be a little child again