I saw you today..
By accident..
Caught me off guard..
Wasen't expecting it..

You looked the same..
Head deep into your phone..
Unaware of what's going on around you..
Restored friendships...
With whom you hated...
All because I left you alone..
And all because you cant stand...
To be alone...

Cant say I'm surprised..
You were always high school..
All pom poms on game day..
All talk..
Loose lipped...
Knowing nothing of loyalty..
Starved for attention..
Mouth running constantly...
To whoever would listen..
Always kind of wide eyed..
And not really there...

Nothings changed...
Your still the same...
What can I say though..
I have no regrets...
Walking away...
From a fucked up friendship..
You did me so dirty...
Like we were in high school..
And if you hadn't noticed...
I graduated years ago..

The life you choose to live with you and your kids...
Just isn't okay with me anymore..
You hang out with 21 year olds...
Girl, your 30...
Your Regina George's mom..
Quit playin...
This shit isn't funny...

I hope you invest all your..
"Extra time" into your kids..
They need you...
I'll miss them..
Ill miss you..
I use to love you like a sis...
But I grew up...
I've outgrown your bullshit..
I've hung up my gown and tassel...
Its time for you to do the same..

Torias Sep 30

I can see in your eyes,
And feel in my heart.
Do you know why we are drifting?
I am not the only one to change in this.
I am too wild,
Yes, I am reckless
And hard to catch.
I know, but I see hesitation in your smile.
You hate this person,
And I cannot stand to stay if you will sit
Atop a pedestal.
Life keeps pulling us in our directions,
And you've fallen into the arms
Of someone
Who looks a lot like Jesus to you.
And if he is to become your whole world,
Then I cannot be a part of it.
And if he is to become your theology,
Then I have a different faith.
Maybe fate will tie itself into the knots it wants,
But it is hard to hear you from this distance,
From here, I can't make out what your face looks like anymore.

9/9/17~ It’s okay, you don’t have to understand. I just can’t believe how different our paths have became as we’ve grown further away from childhood...
Hannah Rogers Sep 29

My whole life I've always been the side character
And in most of my friendships have been terrible
Mostly because the out of the few a few have been just horrible to me
But even along with that I've always just been the side kick
I've always been so and so's best friend
That's all I've always been
Every time someone greeted me and I said my name
I got "Oh, name's friend."
I felt very small, but I was comfortable
Because it was all I had ever known
I always knew to keep my opinions quiet so I wouldn't lose them
I always knew to just listen in on conversations
And I always knew to smile whenever I was called the side kick
So when my best friend of 7 years moved away
And I had no friends whatsover
It was weird just being called Hannah
It was terrifying not having friends but it was liberating to be me
It was liberating to be recognized as a human and not as an accessory
And it was then that I realized I was always a side character
In my own life i was playing the damn side character
And I also realized I loved being the lead
I now make it a point to be equals in all relationships
With friends, partners, and all people
Because I know how horrible it is to be belittled
And I want all people to realize how amazing the main stage is

Friendships sorta suck.  But I sorta always felt this way.  I dont know why i connected it to theatre but i did.  I don't know.  It works though.
Leonila Sep 9

Though our journey has ended, let me live in your memory.


Arelove Sep 9

Nasaksihan ko kung paano nabuo, nabubog, nadurog ang pagkakaibigan nyo.

Nasaksihan ko ang bawat tawa, bawat luha na pumatak mula sa mga mata ninyong dalawa.

Nasaksihan ko kung paanong hindi nyo mahiwalayan ang isa't isa pati na ang minsang nagkunwari kayong di magkakilala.

Nasaksihan ko. Nasaksihan ko ang lahat maging ang pagkakalamat sa bagay na ingat na ingat kayo, pati na rin ata ako.

Dahil sa panahong kayo ay nabuo, nabubog, nadurog ay sumabay ang puso ko sa pagdurugo ng sa inyo.

Sa panahong halos maubusan ng hininga sa kakatawa, maniwala kayo, mas masaya ako kaysa sa inyo.

Pero sobra din ang sakit kapag kayo ay magkagalit dahil sa pagkukunwaring multo ang isa't isa o kaya'y taong di ninyo kilala hanggang sa magkapikunan kayong dalawa.

Akala ko'y iyon na ang pinakamalungkot sa lahat. Nagkamali ako. Dahil mas malalim pa sa lungkot ang lumukot sa kalooban ko nang umagang iyon. Nang makita ang ilang pahiwatig ng nalalapit na pagtatapos, ng pagwawakas ng bagay na minsang nagpalakas sa inyong dalawa.

Akala ko, tuluyan na itong masisira. Ngunit mukhang di ako pwedeng manghuhula dahil...

Nasaksihan ko ang muli nyong pagkapit, paglapit sa isa't isa kahit pa pilit kayong pinaglalayo ng hindi niyo pagkakaintindihan, ng inyong pagkakasakitan.

Nasaksihan ko kung paano nabuo, nabubog, nadurog, at muling nabuo ang pilit na pinaglalayo.

Leonila Sep 7

Life's Dances

No one else I'd rather be with
No other for me than you, Love
No one else I'd live and die for
There's no one else I love more
You, my one wish has come true
I've loved you a lifetime through
Tonight we celebrate our union
With you life is a blissful romance
Tic- toc the clock that doesn't stop
Oh Love, my life is sweeter with you
Hold me close until death do us apart
One, two, three we step to this Waltz
Wrapped safely in your loving embrace
I hope and pray this dance lasts forever
No one else I'd dance life's dances than with you

©Leonila 2016

Leonila Sep 7

Just like that
we let people in and out
of our everyday lives.
like revolving doors.

Freely we receive them
freely we let them go
as if people were objects
as if people had no value.

Just like that
is how we deal with
the people in our lives.
With no importance.

Life is a vicious circle
teaching us lessons
beyond what the mind
can comprehend.

Just like that
we get rid of people
today they no longer serve you
they served their purpose

In vicious circles we do spin
that treatment that upsets us
is the treatment we return
and then we wonder why.

Do we suffer the lessons we get?

Just like that
life in it's truest, realest sense
growing from the cause of pain
smiling although you want to cry.

Even when you don't understand
and so your wounded heart aches
you pick yourself up and walk again
Just like that.

Just like that
you begin to realize
you have no choice
in people's decisions and actions

But rather you accept what is
and you learn that someday
sometime you will smile again
Just like that....

Just like that.....

©Leonila 2016

Ollie Sep 2

School can be such a bore
I know this because I've roamed those halls for 7 years and it's more than I can handle
It's more than a loss of freedom, it's enemies who want to take more of it
School can be friendships
School gave me you
And so did Florida, it gave you up, you, the one who looked different, the one who knew every song by every band I could name
It's a shame I didn't meet you sooner
It's a shame I don't know if you'll live to see high school
But really I don't know if I will either
I'm just a fraud, really
And your favorite band? The lead singer was a goner
You wanted his name
You have his name
It's yours, I breathe it in when I think of you
And I'm wondering how you got something so amazing and mine is the kind you see for minor characters in every story
Our story was nothing short of a miracle and a panic attack
Our story is still being written, and it's nothing short of miraculous whispers and screamed out song lyrics
Rollercoaster rides and straight fields
Those fields were 10 times as straight as either of us are
And you called me bicurious once
I always knew you liked girls
I knew it from the way you moved
The way you talked about them, your expression in an everyday class
I always knew and you had the class to hide it from everyone else
Our story isn't the kind people put on shelves
But you could put it on an album and it might sound just the same
Do you remember how we used to sing Alone Together on a yellow school bus?
With 6 inches of space between us
But really, we were so close we could've been one person
And in a way, we were
Because I knew every side of you
I knew fallen days and I knew heartbreak
I could feel how you felt
I knew the panic attacks and the nightmares
I still do
I've never wished that I didn't
And I won't
Because I love you, quite a lot
And I'm giving a hell of a shot at keeping you alive
Cause you're one of the only reasons I'm here too
And I hold you dear, so much I use the word when I think of you
And honestly, when you told me your gender, my only wish was that I could be pansexual
Cause goddamn, I hate myself and I still don't think I, or anyone, deserves less than you
You in all your forms
You in all your attacks and your heart aches
Your heartbreaks
Your heart broke long ago but I'd do whatever it took to mend it
Mend it, bend it into the shape of my hand to hold
Or a shoulder to cry on
We decide to live on
I wrote you a note, the end of our 6th grade year
You cried reading it
I wrote it because I loved you
I wrote it because I still do
Just like I knew I would
I wrote it because I didn't want someone so amazing to die over the summer when I had no means of saving them
I did it for a broken girl
You might not be a girl but I thought you were then
I smile sometimes, thinking about it
Usually when I'm alone at night
And I practice conversations in the darkness
My thoughts tend to be about you
Like I'm tending to you with my dying breath, cause you're on yours and I just wanted you to be okay
I don't want you to fall
Cause neither of us were ever standing up straight in the first place
So take my hand
We can steady ourselves when our storybook closes
No one else has to read the pages
As long as we know them by heart
Because our story is a work of art that people want to hang in their houses
But we can only make one
So let's keep it to ourselves
With the others knowing naught but a word
It's quiet
But you don't have to say anything
Just look at me through your tears
Cause I know all your worst fears
I'll fix them
I'll always fix them for you
Like fixing the binding, the spine of a book, the story of a book I'll always consider mine
But really it's ours
You're as beautiful as a work of art
And I include the marks on your arms
Because if you have to write those stories, I'll be here until you retire from your journaling career
Until the books with bright red pages are gone
Or maybe until you are, too
I'm aware I've never read one
But maybe I'll just wear the stories of them on the inside
Once you told me, "you cut on the inside" and I know you know it was true
I know I did too
But I won't write such stories for people to see
I'll just read the one about you and me
There aren't many words on the pages
But that's okay
We've got a lifetime to fill them, if you're up to it

the other one about Tyler
Because all my poetry is

In the pursuit of happiness
I have been cutting the
toxins out of my life and darling,
I'm sorry you had to be one.
You only kiss me when you're
drunk and I have a bad feeling
you would always chose her over me.
And to my best friend, I'm sorry I
was always a second option to you,
but in order to heal i will not settle
for anything less than first place.
And to the man who thought he could
heal me, I always told you that this
was a one man job,
and it was made just for me.
You see i'm not in search for something
that can heal me,
I'm in search for a light,
Maybe just something a little
less broken than me.

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