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Em Apr 13
I'm grateful for my mind
But most of the time I wish I could think like everyone else
Not having to always feel the need to be more mature
or look at the bright side of things
Everyone tells me I'm "mature for my age"
So I keep exhausting myself
Wishing I could cut the rope to the tug of war competition in my head
The back and forth of wanting to wallow with the moon but knowing that sunshine will wash away the worry
I want to live without being concerned about what my future self will think of me
I want to be a selfish ignorant teen
But I care too much about how I am perceived to others
And I need adult validation to function
Spadille Aug 2021
I knew love when I was 16
It was something new to me
An unfamiliar rhythm that I try to dance to
I tried hard to make it fit on me
But I always miss the beat of it

Love is like a familiar stranger
Or a scenario of deja vu
I somehow knew it but barely recognizes it
It's a lesson that I have learned that I forgot
Although I am willing to relearn it

Love was always with me
Like a secretly supportive friend
That knows my demons even if I am a closed book
Always gives me an invisible pat on my shoulder
Pushes me through the hardest obstacles

Love became a dear friend
That I would share a kidney to
It became my something spectacular
A burst of vivid fireworks in the night sky
It made me stare at it in awe

Love is something I can't afford to lose
Because in all honesty, I have grown fond of it
Losing love means I'll get to start over again
I don't have the heart to face the beginning
If it is not with the same love

Love is my reason to lie to my mother
It made me want to sneak out on friday nights
Just to have long midnight walks
While holding their precious hand
As the cool wind kisses our cheeks

Love reached all my standards
Yet at the same time, erased it
I learned to love the flaws and imperfections
Love became the high standard
That no one could reach

Love is my beginning and end
Love is both my fear and courage
Love is my peace and chaos
Love is my in between
Love is you.
I knew love for a short time. Gabo, I'll miss you.
3md Jul 2020
16? I didn't think I'd get this far--
Some would like to say it's a privilege,
but really, isn't age just a number?

Nothing changes much in a day;
What we've really done is given me a new name--
a new title, signifying new obligations and new challenges.
Nothing else should be different.

But at times what a man calls himself
becomes what defines him... age is but a number,
sure, yet it represents the experience one gains
in passing through this pilgrimage: a long 'n windin' road.

It's much too early to say goodbye...
Yet again "life begins at 21..." so I haven't actually started.
Where I am I don't really know,
but certainly time will tell me where I'm headed soon.

Maybe I'd finally watch all those R-rated movies
(at least those I haven't already watched).
finally 16!
Shrika Jul 2020
The day betrays again,
Pallor crawls over my entirety
Mirrors are no longer the truth
Ashen grey swallows the only moon

My blood rejoices
My tainted, traitorous blood!
Your blood.
Cascading through my veins

Fated to this murk,
Shackled to your presence
Fading into a daze, slowly,
As frost singes this dread

This will not be my ruin,
I will decide my own doom
This curse shall be undone!

O Count De Ville
My dagger shall impale your heart!

-Mina Harker
For the BLT and Thomas W Case challenge

Mina Harker, female protagonist of the novel- Dracula, along with her friends plots against Dracula. Knowing their plans, Dracula bites Mina three times and also makes her drink his blood as a revenge giving him access to her thoughts and ensuring her fate as a vampire should she die,  due to which she switches back and forth between consciousness and a trance-like state. Van Helsing, Dracula's arch-nemesis, uses this link to his advantage by hypnotizing Mina to find and destroy Dracula.
SS May 2020
I’m 16 years old
I’ve been up all night watching old movies
and as my eyes begin to close I hear Clark gable say
You should be kissed often and by someone who knows how

I’m 16 and all I want is a Hollywood kind of love
A soft thing, filled with teary eyed confessions under Vaseline blurred stars

I’m 16 and I find myself falling teary eyed into the arms of any boy with soft palms and a cinema smile
But this love stings
And as I look to the stars for for that blurry reassurance
The sharp light claws out my eyes

I’m 16 and I learn love is a thing with teeth
And those ivory skinned women on screen can fall into the arms of something soft
But every time I fall I hit the ground so hard that it shatters every bone in my body
And broken still,
I get up
and fall again
ari Feb 2020
all i am is an inconvenience.
i want a gun. i want to use it.
i want to be forgotten.
i want to cut my skin off.
i want to be thin.
i want my face to bleed.
i want to feel things.
i don’t think i’m depressed.
i just want to blow my ******* brains out.
i never want to die.
i wish god was with me.
i want a bigger tv.
i want a nice house.
i want a dog.
i want people to share my life with.
i want my daydreams to come true.
i want to say what i want instead of holding myself back.
i want to be funny.
i want to be poetic.
i want to be smart.
i want elise.
i want dad.
i want the nightmares to disappear.
i want to be something instead of nothing.

i want to know what i want.
i don’t like school. i do like school.

i want a car.
i want to stop wanting.
journal excerpt from 2017; when i was 16.
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