he swore he could provide me with oceans
when all I could give back was a mere
dew drop.
And so I let him go.

5840 days isn’t a long time to be on earth
when you really think about it.
& if all goes well I should have at least another 20440 until I take my last breath.

so why rush so fast into what’s nearly guaranteed temporary?
call me a pessimist, but love is just a feeling.
and all feelings are temporary when you’re 16 years old.

so when such things are so short-lived,
why waste time on exclusivity & commitment?
especially on someone with such different visions on what love is supposed to be.

no one is obligated to provide reciprocation.
despite the other party’s ambitions or
the strength of how they feel,
some things just aren’t meant to be—
some people just weren’t made to love the same.
so be patient.
savor your youth.
& choose wisely your first love.

but when you’re ready to love?
you love hard.
you love recklessly.
you love exactly as you would want to be loved.
because regardless of its ability (or inability) to last,
love is never easy to forget.
and love should not be taken lightly.

I'm grateful for my mind
But most of the time I wish I could think like everyone else
Not having to always feel the need to be more mature
or look at the bright side of things
Everyone tells me I'm "mature for my age"
So I keep exhausting myself
Wishing I could cut the rope to the tug of war competition in my head
The back and forth of wanting to wallow with the moon but knowing that sunshine will wash away the worry
I want to live without being concerned about what my future self will think of me
I want to be a selfish ignorant teen
But I care too much about how I am perceived to others
And I need adult validation to function

I knew love when I was 16
It was something new to me
An unfamiliar rhythm that I try to dance to
I tried hard to make it fit on me
But I always miss the beat of it

Love is like a familiar stranger
Or a scenario of deja vu
I somehow knew it but barely recognizes it
It's a lesson that I have learned that I forgot
Although I am willing to relearn it

Love was always with me
Like a secretly supportive friend
That knows my demons even if I am a closed book
Always gives me an invisible pat on my shoulder
Pushes me through the hardest obstacles

Love became a dear friend
That I would share a kidney to
It became my something spectacular
A burst of vivid fireworks in the night sky
It made me stare at it in awe

Love is something I can't afford to lose
Because in all honesty, I have grown fond of it
Losing love means I'll get to start over again
I don't have the heart to face the beginning
If it is not with the same love

Love is my reason to lie to my mother
It made me want to sneak out on friday nights
Just to have long midnight walks
While holding their precious hand
As the cool wind kisses our cheeks

Love reached all my standards
Yet at the same time, erased it
I learned to love the flaws and imperfections
Love became the high standard
That no one could reach

Love is my beginning and end
Love is both my fear and courage
Love is my peace and chaos
Love is my in between
Love is you.

The day betrays again,
Pallor crawls over my entirety
Mirrors are no longer the truth
Ashen grey swallows the only moon

My blood rejoices
My tainted, traitorous blood!
Your blood.
Cascading through my veins

Fated to this murk,
Shackled to your presence
Fading into a daze, slowly,
As frost singes this dread

No!
This will not be my ruin,
I will decide my own doom
This curse shall be undone!

O Count De Ville
My dagger shall impale your heart!

-Mina Harker

I’m 16 years old
I’ve been up all night watching old movies
and as my eyes begin to close I hear Clark gable say
You should be kissed often and by someone who knows how

I’m 16 and all I want is a Hollywood kind of love
A soft thing, filled with teary eyed confessions under Vaseline blurred stars

I’m 16 and I find myself falling teary eyed into the arms of any boy with soft palms and a cinema smile
But this love stings
And as I look to the stars for for that blurry reassurance
The sharp light claws out my eyes

I’m 16 and I learn love is a thing with teeth
And those ivory skinned women on screen can fall into the arms of something soft
But every time I fall I hit the ground so hard that it shatters every bone in my body
And broken still,
I get up
and fall again