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Joshua Penrod Nov 2019
A warm bed that lacks connection
Is colder than a lonely one

Every day conversations that turn into lies
The simplest of notions asks for an alibi

F%ck another late night
F%ck another petty fight
Confusing true love for black eyes

Raccoon masks for the sake of abuse
Degrading words ware themselves into an emotional noose

I don't blush much anymore
A fool to expect intimacy
When your lips deem me a trifling *****

And still I stay
And still I stay
For the abuser is not only you
It's me

For when I stay
By not walking away
I abuse myself passionately

-JP
Joshua Penrod Jun 2016
What if love gave way to hate, and hate as equal to love

What a wondrous deed it would be!

To leave Athena confounded in the heavens above

The gods suspended among amusement and jealousy

How tranquil would the movements of adoration and goddess be

If hate were thief to an expression called love

"An expression called love" -JP
Joshua Penrod Apr 2016
Our words often create a barrier
Weather mis-communication or dialect of the carrier
We are often mistaken in our strive to be understood
And our attempts to erase preconceived ideas often do us no good

But language has a Jackal side
One of divine intent and clarity
One we take a little pride
When we are understood quite sincerely

A bridge over mote is our words
We let others in with every noun and every verb

For how we think and how we speak, is a narrator to how we act
And unlike words on paper, words once spoken we can never fully take back  

Our language is a weapon but more discreet than not
Because the barbs of our words catch every idea and every thought

Verbal homicide leads to dismantle and disgrace
It’s the instigator of hate crimes, discrimination and slavery of a race

Language is a lover, the reconstruction of your ruins
Language is the difference between being animal and barley human

“Barley Human” -JP
Joshua Penrod Sep 2016
No battle is won by merely one man
It is won in the blood stained garments of many
It is not dictated by the resolve in his final stand
But the impact of the burden carried by all, on every step of the journey

“Battles”-JP
Joshua Penrod Jun 2017
She said,
You have a boomerang
H
          e
                 a
           r
t
That just doesn't know how to quit.

"Boomerang Heart" -JP
Joshua Penrod Nov 2016
Dust by dust and word by word
You formed me from the walk-able earth..
Reforming the wind while turning it into breath
The very first milestone beaten with the very first step..
The garden giving the eyes something to see
Some type of solace born into simple majesty..
Making the ground good for walking
The same way syllables are proving grounds for talking..
Everything new without the need to begin again
And it’s all-overwhelming given the wealth to take in..
A brand new world

"Brand New World" -JP
Joshua Penrod Jun 2019
One minute you're on fire
The next
You're burnt
That's just how it works

"Burnt" -JP
Joshua Penrod Jul 2019
Celebrity
Bit by bit and break by break
Pain has become the celebrity
Of my heart

“Celebrity” -JP
Joshua Penrod Dec 2016
In her smoke, a heavy burn
Leaving him thirsty and parched
She taught a heavy lesson to learn
That loving her and her alone,
Is a church bell ringing above an alter dark

"Church Bell" -JP
Joshua Penrod Nov 2019
Let your losses be losses
And just sew up the hurt
Where it bleeds

-JP
Sometimes closure just seems to be too much to ask for
Joshua Penrod Jul 2019
A gun is a dangerous thing
to put in my arms
But so were you

“Dangerous Things” -JP
Joshua Penrod Dec 2016
Every piece of layer embedded
beneath the cracks...

Underneath, the surface of her soul
ached...
Ached for him to return back home,
Back home to her.

"Deployment" -JP
Joshua Penrod Dec 2019
You are everything I've ever wanted
And
Everything I've ever needed
In human form
My heart runs fast at the sound of the syllables in your name

-JP
Joshua Penrod Apr 2016
Then what is a door that is open
With beauty before me I walk
Though I go drunken to her door
Beaten and black
Guarded by brilliance
Here I am there you are
One hand on the trigger one hand on the hand  
Let both of us together leave our lives
Wealthy and wine flushed
Who would exchange compassion for a drink
Oh Lord almighty who hast formed us weak
I will have done with it I will not stand
The pain is real here's your life’s end  
It is over, what is over?
The door is closed

"Finale" -JP
What do ya'll think?
Joshua Penrod May 2017
Hope is fragile hope is frail
My hope has aged within years of betrayal
Praying for a longer shelf-life than expected
Despite the cracks glued together with worn edges

Through hail storm and fire burn
Somehow my hope has survived
Despite being tossed around
And thrown from way up high

One night a proud display
The next evening packaged up and boxed away
Hope so strong it used to be worth every penny
Now it's torn clean up
Now I'm lucky to find any

So I'm sending my hope off to be restored
Maybe another's hands can make it shine
Just like before

But for now I go without
And I'm placed with petrifying doubt
Weather hope will be there for me
Once more.

"Fragile Hope" -Jp
Joshua Penrod Sep 2017
With a zippo in your pocket
Clenching an empty gas can
You watch as smoke deadens the sky
Over the bridges you were grateful..
To Burn

-JP
Joshua Penrod Jan 2020
He put the gun back in the safe and said to himself “I don’t want to end up like Kurt”.

-JP
Joshua Penrod Apr 2019
Honestly I can't believe I went all out for you
We didn't mean it when we said forever
You aint the same that you once were
How dare you make me feel guilty for it
You wanted the same for us anyway
Hand in hand

-JP
Joshua Penrod May 2016
I could use a dose of gray
A little pepper of gloom
The heavy rain of a thousand skies
Or the four corners of a windowless room
I could use a dab of dark
An intriquite weaving of color
Steal a shade of black
And coerce it into another
I could use the oceans darkest hours
Or the deepest regrets of the night
I would love to meet blues sinister side
Or the pigment of Lizzy’s flower
As if gray in every shade were the only primary color
I could use some heavy rain
“Heavy Rain” -JP
Joshua Penrod Aug 2016
Then what is a door that is open
With beauty before me I walk
Though I go drunken to her door
Beaten and black
Guarded by brilliance

Here I am there you are
One hand on the trigger one hand on the hand  
Let both of us together leave our lives
Wealthy and wine flushed
Who would exchange compassion for a drink
Oh Lord almighty who hast formed us weak

I will have done with it I will not stand
The pain is real here's your life’s end  
It is over, what is over?
In her door alone I stand

"Her Door" -JP
Joshua Penrod Dec 2016
Watch them as they
Wage war on innocent souls
Upon their hollowed ground

"Hollowed Ground" -JP
Joshua Penrod Feb 2017
Every great Leader
Was once a humble Student

"Humble Beginnings" -JP
Joshua Penrod Jan 2020
The knife dripped with her husbands blood.

His phone buzzed on the bed side table.

She’s next, the wife thought to herself.
Joshua Penrod Jun 2016
I fall
Down Down Down
I fall infinitely
I am and continue to bask in the revelation of gravity's honest pull

Drop Drop Drop
Down Down Down
Fall Fall Fall
I find honesty In the moments where I grasp nothing
When I come face to face with decision, obligation
and
The things I cherish most

Drop Drop Drop
Down Down Down
I Fall Fall Fall
In anticipation of the very bottom
I see not what awaits at the end of my decent
Drop Drop Drop

“Fall” -JP
Joshua Penrod Sep 2016
It's not love unless someone is broken
It's not love unless they're able to break your heart
It's not innocence unless it's something that can be taken
And it's not trust if you can't trust them not to take it

It can't be passion if it's not underlying with hurt
And it's not value until you come to face with what you aren't worth
I't's not true unless it's threatened with a lie
And it can't be forever as long as something has the ability to die

It's not happiness without the faded photograph of misery
You only know what it can, when your certain of what it can't be
Knowing when to stop only because you know when to go

And knowing when it's over is the last thing that comes
And the first of the last things you will remember about her

"It's Not Love" -JP
Joshua Penrod Nov 2016
Leave Me Be

I never wanted anymore then what it was I asked for.
I'm tired of waking up thinking about you
And losing sleep doing the same.
This isn't what you want every time you speak,
But you want nothing more every time you act.
There isn't much I want, and even less I need,
I hope in speaking action I can ask you to

Leave Me Be

This whole ordeal takes the nostalgia out of my coffee cup
And pushes me away just as much.
Soft and gentle is how I tried to let you down,
For it would be best on both ends, if you might simply

Leave Me Be

Turning my back on someone like you, I could have never done
But, here and now have forced my steps.
Oh if I were a man who could commit to resolution,
Little do I know, I am.
Resolute all right now I will ever need is for you to

Leave Me Be

So love me in truth and love me in lies or love me not at all.
In any direction the leaves may fall,
We fall opposite forever and always.

I wont talk of heaven or forces of God,
For those I don't claim to see.
But, what I know and tried to show
Above all and underneath the in-between
This is not a request as much as a need.
I wish I could hate to say this but please
Learn to,

Leave Me Be
Joshua Penrod Sep 2016
Could I in my own efforts, pick myself up if I were dead?
Could I in my own efforts, heal the wounds which I continue to inflict
Could I in my own efforts, prepare to mend the sickness for which I have no cure?
Could I in my own effort, become the person I want too, but don't have the means to become

Could I in my own efforts, harness the power and the strength that I simply do not possess on my own
could I possibly in my own efforts, conquer something in my past that I have failed to over come

The answer is elegant yet most simple, of course I could not!
Could I in my own efforts fall to my knees
Could I in my own efforts, weep and lay still
Could I in my own efforts, move not one inch
Could I in my own efforts, utter a cry for help
Could I in my own efforts be liberated?
Not without a liberator good and strong to break down the gates
And I ask myself will I call for such liberation

The answer has come when I fear I shall not be liberated.
And so in my state I confess that I, am in need of a liberator
Joshua Penrod Mar 2018
Counting the reasons I fell for you
Watching reasons fray
Even if every reason was true
Then they all left me broken in two
And you left me broken just the same

Call the crimes of your magic
That got the best of me
It all looks better from the outside
The posts and pictures we hide behind
Because blind love is the best way to believe

"Loving You Blind" -JP
Joshua Penrod Feb 2017
The Magic of a Miracle is
That a Miracle is no part Magic at all
For a Miracle of course could not be a Miracle
If Magic were ever involved

"Magic of a Miracle" -JP
Joshua Penrod Jun 2016
I stop in the midnight shade of the trees
Under the shadow of moonlit courtesy  
Where angels ascend and descend

On the cobblestones of eternity
In the casting of certain uncertainty
Doth my soul completely depend……

Yes

Within this certain peace I find
Surpassing the trap of my fickle mind

Yes

And peace shall carry me unto the end    

"Midnight Shade" -JP
Joshua Penrod Dec 2016
Mistletoe
Our kiss under it
With no space between us

"Mistletoe" -JP
Joshua Penrod May 2016
If the sun shone a little less you would leave it behind
If the moon became unfaithful you would abandon your forgiveness

Sometimes life forgets to keep on living
If only death could forget to keep on dying
I wish our breath could part ways with the kinship of sighing

And that disappointment would move just a few doors down

While there is hope in need of mending
Stitching together a promise that never stopped believing in the hem of tomorrow
I, yes I… have found a friend in the depths and lakes of sorrow

So my dove
Won’t you swim good
And carry us straight on til morning    

"My Dove" -JP
Joshua Penrod Jun 2016
You are the kind of marvel that reveals the suns bright side
The kind that calls the moon to bring out his warmth
You kiss the glow of the ever setting dusk
And wake up the early rising dawn

You are my sun and moon
You are my dawn and dusk
You are my earth
You are most simply darling,
My everything

"My Everything" -JP
Joshua Penrod Jul 2019
Bury me up to my neck in water

Soothe my like you would a preachers daughter

Like someone who’s sore from bowing at pews

Who’s secretly ****** up

And never amused

“Nevermind” -JP
Human amused tired bewildered alive dead acceptance process religion religious sin truth lies deception real
Joshua Penrod Jan 2017
We go round and round like wheel chairs
Back and forth like bad decisions
Counting up taxi fares

If I could, I'd kiss you to the moon and back
But we don't have time for that
do we.

I look forward to each half-embrace
Maybe, it could be full some day
Some day....
Some day we'll see

I already know I'd go where you go
Follow you even if it's to the end of me
No one ever wants a good thing to go away
Why should I be selfish and think I'm any different

There is no difference
You say it makes no difference
And If I can't make it different
If your mind is made up
Then I make no difference
To you

"No Difference" -JP
Joshua Penrod Mar 2018
I have places to stay
But
Nowhere
To call home
"No Place Like Home" -JP
Joshua Penrod Sep 2016
I am an old soul
I never asked for explorers to progress
I never asked for inventors to invent
I never asked for science to discover or scholars to detect
I never asked to go from Steamers to engines
I never wanted to trade vinyl for headphones

But I’d always trade city lights for a mountain range
A worn out skyline for an open plane

Why do we complicate our lives in attempt to make them simple?
And why has living simply, become to most something trivial

I am raptured in this soul that refuses to age
In times that are always persistent to change

"Old Soul" -JP
Joshua Penrod Jun 2019
Exhausted
Trying constantly
To shed all those days
That have long since passed  

"Passed Days" -JP
Joshua Penrod Jun 2017
Somewhere between your heart and your lips
You become a puzzle

With every piece I pivot and fit
There draws inside me a hunger

To love you with every shape and color

Whether one thousand pieces scattered on the floor
Or masterfully put together
Joshua Penrod Jun 2016
If I were to lie here would you lay with me?
If I took a boat to the end of the world
Would you be by my side as I looked over the edge?

If I found the place we call heaven would it look and feel something like you?

If I were to walk a thousand miles would I find devotion in your shoes?

If you and I grew old would we share memories of a world together?

If you and I learned to love could we begin to fall into it with one another?

Who am I?
Not a prophet of the future

But if we were looking at the end of time, would we spend these last moments completely whole and together?

“Questions” -JP
Joshua Penrod Aug 2016
Rest now my child
Worry not what your fortune may tell
For you will always be with me

Hold fast to the path where your feet may fall
Even when your midnight eyes become oh so weak

Take my hand as I lead you on
Past every dark into the land of the living

Rhythm your heart steady and strong
To endure the good plan you are already fulfilling

“Rhythm Your Heart” -JP
Joshua Penrod Jun 2019
I was born
                    out of ritual

Cultivated
                                           in an abundance

Of sacred experience

"Ritual" -JP
Joshua Penrod Dec 2016
Roses roses rose
Smiling in all their secrets
Hidden in roses

"Roses Roses" -JP
Joshua Penrod Jun 2016
Don't mourn a shallow grave if it's what I prefer
I want to feel winter as it cools the skin of the earth
So I can feel Lucifer churn my ground from his sorrow of going astray
To feel the pulsing of the sun, while no more a witness unto the day

"Shallow Grave" -JP
Joshua Penrod Mar 2018
Everything you dream to be
You already are to me
Open and honest you came to me
Oh so simple and sweet

"Simple and Sweet" -JP
Joshua Penrod Jun 2019
I thank God
For taking from me everything He has taken
and
For giving to me everything He has given
For every step has a purpose of its own

"Thank You" -JP
Joshua Penrod Jun 2019
The Billowing
Risk
Is my second language
It's my
Native tongue

"Billowing Risk" -JP
Joshua Penrod Jun 2017
There is a longing somewhere deep deep within me
Deeper than the hurt
Deeper than the pain
Deeper than my depravity
Deeper than my darkness
Deeper than my own human will
That longs to sing out
That longs to shout
That longs to cry
That longs to long to long
To hold onto something permanent
That longs for an anchor in this ever-screaming sea
That longs for a line tied around my waste as I seemingly cascade down this sheer mountain side
That longs for a compass in the evil dense of my thoughts
That longs for a glimmer of a door in a windowless room
That longs for a hidden key in the floorboards of my captors dungeon
That longs for a drink of something wet and not dry
That longs for something more stable than the stilts to which my feet are tied
That longs for something more steady than the sways and swifts of the tower to which I have been hoisted
In all of these things and more I am a survivor
In all of these things and more I am a witness to they’re in-permanency
In all of these things and more I am a survivor
Only because of the revelation of something to which I can cling to
in tragedy, that is convinced it must continue to move

"The Longing" -JP
Sometimes there is a longing for something stable, something sure. That screams so deep inside me. So much so, that I just can't quite express it well enough
Joshua Penrod Jun 2019
It's not the mere sound of a persons laugh,
Rather it's what or whom they are laughing at
That defines who they are

"The Sound of a Laugh" -JP
Joshua Penrod Dec 2019
Don't tolerate anyone
Who is too blind to recognize
Your true value

-JP
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