The moon shines on tent city The desert breeze blows in balmy air The oceans far, what a pity The wind blows through my hair I’m hitching a ride to my home city My mind is distracted with the thought Green grass and flowers where it’s pretty Beyond this place my imagination has long sought
The moon shines on tent city Another night has flown by And I sit here looking gritty Like a bird with broken wings that can’t fly Part of me is out there waiting Waiting another day Until I find her I’ll be stating That my time here wasn’t fully lived Since I’ve been away
Unspoken words stretched between phone lines; Awkward pauses and silent tears. No one is sure what’s wrong Or how to fix it. But we both feel the pain.
The miles are vines; Strangling our voices. Severing the connection between us; That for so long relied on senses that are no longer available to us.
Time is a cancer; Rotting our confidence; And consuming the strength we’ve built together.
We are more polite; Less informal. Straining the tenuous foundation of our crumbling peace.
There was a time when your very breathe was a comfort to me. I knew each beat of your heart as if it were my own. But we are strangers again. I’m lost and alone, Searching for you in a place I have never been before. I’m unsure how to find you; Or even if I’m looking for the same man I lost.
Lately The days are growing longer The sun inside of me is heavy And tired under the weight of it all All these days without you The sky collapses again tonight and I am drowned in yet another puddle Of quiet tears that soak your pillow In a memory so bitter sweet I feel every muscle in my body go limp As I force myself to remember your smile Forgetting is easy Easier than shrinking behind the cloud of doubt that follows me wherever I go Sinking to the floor in a pile of broken bones As if god himself had tossed me like a bowling ball Making no apologies for the mess I've made of everything that was once in my path People tell me I am honorable for "holding down the fort" while you are away and don't give it a second thought They don't know the half of it I want to say there's nothing honorable about holding everything together with pins and needles Trying every day to keep myself together Keep from falling apart at the seams You made so many holes when you left No number of nails could hope to hold down this fort without you Because everything feels empty when you're gone And you've been gone for so long I don't even know what it feels like to be whole anymore
I lie awake wondering if on your restless nights You're lying there Thinking of me too I haven't cried in weeks I haven't heard from you in months And tonight I'm lying here Imagining all the places on my body that you've touched How my own fingertips do not feel like yours Despite my best efforts I cannot fool myself into thinking For even one tired moment That you are here with me again Why tonight of all nights Am I lying here crying? I have to imagine of course That this all comes back to you That surely you're somewhere On the other side of the world Thinking of me so strongly that I felt it All the way back here And so to that I say I feel you You are here with me You are always here with me This love we share Will never leave
When you haven't seen someone in months The places your subconscious wanders off to change Your dreams are different Your strongest desires suddenly seem strange to other people who do not understand These days I dream of touching the back of your neck Feeling the softness of your hair The warmth of your skin With each of my ten fingers It's a feeling I think about a lot The back of your neck Wrapping my arms around your shoulders Forgetting how much taller you are than me Remembering instantly Muscle memory I write about that a lot too Because it's real Not many people dream of flinging their arms around someone's neck In an embrace so close A moment so detailed That they wake up staring at their hands Wondering why they are empty And not on your skin Waking up feeling like I'd been robbed blind Because I swore I just had you again Only I never did This is the only place I can see you now Stare into your eyes that echo into infinity Feel the warmth radiating off of your skin And touch the back of your neck With my hands
It's been so many months since I've seen you So many months Of silence Of waiting Praying, hoping, wondering More waiting So many months have separated us That now when I look back at our pictures I feel like a stranger Looking back on memories I can barely remember The pictures feel like dreams From a foggy afternoon nap I don't recognize the closeness I can't recall the intimacy It all feels so far away So far gone That when I say I'm not even sad anymore I mean it I miss you of course I miss being happy, really happy But I'm not sad anymore It isn't a new pain It's hardly even a pain at all And that worries me because missing you felt so routine It was the only way I felt close to you Missing you Was a part of me The sadness was my rawest form of intimacy The closeness of concentration at night Trying to remember your arms wrapped around me like anchors All the times I begged you to stay All the times I knew you couldn't It's been so many, many months And still, I wait
It's been one hundred and twenty days since you left But today I smelled you Opened up one of your dresser drawers And smiled at its contents Realizing It must have been months since I'd opened this drawer I pulled out a single blue t-shirt You left behind The only one Out of the dozen others that you own And stuffed into your seabag You left this one behind I held it up and remembered the countless nights I'd spent folding these shirts Over and over again I held it up and imagined you wearing it And of course I had to, I held it up to my face, closed my eyes, and then something incredible happened I smelled you You, not your shampoo or shower gel, not your deodorant or your cologne, not your laundry detergent, not even the boat smell that plagues half your wardrobe I just smelled you Something I haven't smelled in one hundred and twenty days A scent I didn't forget, But rather a memory I forgot that I remembered Instantly it brings me back Back to all the times I hugged you as you wore this very shirt (or the one hundred variations of it) Back to all the nights I crawled into bed next to you and smelled this Smelled you Back to never thinking twice about this smell Because it was normal, routine It was you Which means it was also me It was nothing to drop to my knees and cry over Nothing to thank god for But that was one hundred and twenty days ago And today This shirt means everything to me