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How bad can it be?
"Wait until they're on deployment, then you'll see!"
Well, now he is going to leave...
What was it I was supposed to see?

I think I figured out what I would see.
The empty sheets next to me.
The missing keys and boots.

The honey-brown eyes that smiled at me.
The whispered "I love you"s and "goodnight"s.
His hand no longer clasped in my own.
And the painful realization that I have to spend my nights alone.
Lady K Milla Jul 2021
The moon shines on tent city
The desert breeze blows in balmy air
The oceans far, what a pity
The wind blows through my hair
I’m hitching a ride to my home city
My mind is distracted with the thought
Green grass and flowers where it’s pretty
Beyond this place my imagination has long sought

The moon shines on tent city
Another night has flown by
And I sit here looking gritty
Like a bird with broken wings that can’t fly
Part of me is out there waiting
Waiting another day
Until I find her I’ll be stating
That my time here wasn’t fully lived
Since I’ve been away
Kymie Nov 2020
Unspoken words
stretched between phone lines;
Awkward pauses and silent tears.
No one is sure what’s wrong
Or how to fix it.
But we both feel the pain.

The miles are vines;
Strangling our voices.
Severing the connection between us;
That for so long relied on senses that are no longer available to us.

Time is a cancer;
Rotting our confidence;
And consuming the strength we’ve built together.

We are more polite;
Less informal.
Straining the tenuous foundation of our crumbling peace.

There was a time when your very breathe was a comfort to me.
I knew each beat of your heart
as if it were my own.
But we are strangers again.
I’m lost and alone,
Searching for you in a place I have never been before.
I’m unsure how to find you;
Or even if I’m looking for the same man I lost.
Nephilem07 Jun 2019
Does she look out to sky at night,
whilst i'm a world away,
that we might see cosmic light,
not so far from the blindness of day

For when she sees the majesties,
that i might look upon,
our distance, not so great as galaxies
ever moving, on and on.

I look into the depths
of waves, and space, and thought
every view beheld sharing breaths
in hopes our time apart will fade to but a fraught.
I wrote this on deployment with the navy. Seems so melancholy looking back on it now that my marriage is in shambles.
Syd Sep 2018
Lately
The days are growing longer
The sun inside of me is heavy
And tired under the weight of it all
All these days without you
The sky collapses again tonight and
I am drowned in yet another puddle
Of quiet tears that soak your pillow
In a memory so bitter sweet
I feel every muscle in my body go limp
As I force myself to remember your smile
Forgetting is easy
Easier than shrinking behind the cloud of doubt that follows me wherever I go
Sinking to the floor in a pile of broken bones
As if god himself had tossed me like a bowling ball
Making no apologies for the mess I've made of everything that was once in my path
People tell me I am honorable for "holding down the fort" while you are away and don't give it a second thought
They don't know the half of it
I want to say there's nothing honorable about holding everything together with pins and needles
Trying every day to keep myself together
Keep from falling apart at the seams
You made so many holes when you left
No number of nails could hope to hold down this fort without you
Because everything feels empty when you're gone
And you've been gone for so long
I don't even know what it feels like
to be whole anymore
193 days without you
Syd Jul 2018
I lie awake wondering if
on your restless nights
You're lying there
Thinking of me too
I haven't cried in weeks
I haven't heard from you in months
And tonight
I'm lying here
Imagining all the places on my body that you've touched
How my own fingertips do not feel like yours
Despite my best efforts
I cannot fool myself into thinking
For even one tired moment
That you are here with me again
Why tonight of all nights
Am I lying here crying?
I have to imagine of course
That this all comes back to you
That surely you're somewhere
On the other side of the world
Thinking of me so strongly that I felt it
All the way back here
And so to that I say
I feel you
You are here with me
You are always here with me
This love we share
Will never leave
Thank you for saying hello
Syd Jul 2018
When you haven't seen someone in months
The places your subconscious wanders off to change
Your dreams are different
Your strongest desires suddenly seem strange to other people
who do not understand
These days
I dream of touching the back of your neck
Feeling the softness of your hair
The warmth of your skin
With each of my ten fingers
It's a feeling I think about a lot
The back of your neck
Wrapping my arms around your shoulders
Forgetting how much taller you are than me
Remembering instantly
Muscle memory
I write about that a lot too
Because it's real
Not many people dream of flinging their arms around someone's neck
In an embrace so close
A moment so detailed
That they wake up staring at their hands
Wondering why they are empty
And not on your skin
Waking up feeling like I'd been robbed blind
Because I swore I just had you again
Only I never did
This is the only place I can see you now
Stare into your eyes that echo into infinity
Feel the warmth radiating off of your skin
And touch the back of your neck
With my hands
You're so far gone these days
Syd Jul 2018
It's been so many months since I've seen you
So many months
Of silence
Of waiting
Praying, hoping, wondering
More waiting
So many months have separated us
That now when I look back at our pictures
I feel like a stranger
Looking back on memories I can barely remember
The pictures feel like dreams
From a foggy afternoon nap
I don't recognize the closeness
I can't recall the intimacy
It all feels so far away
So far gone
That when I say I'm not even sad anymore
I mean it
I miss you of course
I miss being happy, really happy
But I'm not sad anymore
It isn't a new pain
It's hardly even a pain at all
And that worries me because missing you felt so routine
It was the only way I felt close to you
Missing you
Was a part of me
The sadness was my rawest form of intimacy
The closeness of concentration at night
Trying to remember your arms wrapped around me like anchors
All the times I begged you to stay
All the times I knew you couldn't
It's been so many, many months
And still, I wait
Drew Vincent Jul 2018
In one month,
you will be gone.

You'll be half way around the world,
working in a desert while I,
sit here at home,
wishing I could be near you again.

In one month,
you will be gone.

Your truck will still be here,
I will still be able to ride in it,
but now I am the driver,
and will have no one to talk to.

In one month,
you will be gone.

You're going to be alone,
and I will worry about you everyday.
We will be twelve hours apart,
but will still try to talk everyday.

In one month,
you will be gone.

I'm going to miss you so much.
i really hate the military some days.
Daisy Jul 2018
He was once so adamant.
So ready to deny the duty of somebody else’s war.
But something must have changed
Once the camouflaged man was through the threshold,
Because when he left the young man was no longer a boy.

I always pictured him as a frat type guy.
The one that ended every night with a different girl,
But always called his mom.
He wasn’t sure what he was doing after graduation,
But he promised me
Weekend trips,
And car rides,
And ice cream.

He spoke to me slowly when he told me.
Counted the benefits on each hand and was sure to highlight the safety.
He says,
“I just know you worry,
But there’s no danger where they want me”
His words dangle between us
And I swallow my heart.
I should be proud,
Or happy,
Or feeling something other than this pit of dread in my stomach.

He enlisted,
And soon after began drinking.
His breath now smelled of cigarette smoke,
And he was “man”.
But every time I tried to meet the boy in his eyes
He would pull away.
We haven’t spoken in months.
Until one night he calls me.

He spoke to me slowly when he told me.
His mother was sick again,
Only days before deployment.
He’s been chain smoking
And can’t sleep.

I hear the words in the back of his throat.
Wanting to escape,
But refusing to admit
That maybe he just isn’t ready to leave.
But the days pass fast now,
And it’s only a matter of time.

I don’t know when we will speak again,
So instead I have late night conversations
With the moon,
About the boy who signed his life away
Too soon.
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