it's screaming it's pounding it's hurting
this pain is relentless
it's aching it's shaking it's breaking
this pain is unforgiving
my lungs haven't worked the same since you
like they forgot how to
like I'm always holding my breath
is this the price of lost love
or is this just debt?
how much more
how much more of this
how much more do I owe?
I'm paying with my soul
with this scarlet blood and these fragile bones
I'm paying with these numbing tears
they plead for you to come back and
each one has a crushing gravity of it's own
I'm paying with these anxious sweats
and these mindless fears
this nauseating codependency
it's ****** the life right out of me
I promise, no
I've been dead since you
God, please tell me
how much more
how much more of this?
I don't think
I can take much more of this
time passes and passes
and it's still hurting just the same
maybe it's my own fault
for seeing him four times
resetting the clock
messing with my brain
years have gone by it shouldn't hurt this bad
I still miss him with everything
that I was made to have so
is this a curse?
everything feels disconnected somehow
I feel so alone here
it's just so cold here
where did you go?
why are you are so far away?
when did we grow this apart from one another?
you're everywhere around me
you're in my daydreams
you're in my nightmares
I see you in willow trees
it's the peace of laying next to you
I feel you in this hot breeze
it's the gentle way you caress me
the air kisses me sometimes
almost like the way you do
it's not enough but it's all I have
you're here for a moment
when you're in front of me
when I can see you
for those four impulsive nights
my lungs work somewhat the same
those are the only nights where I can breathe
just a little bit easier
and it's never enough but it's all I have
you still beat in this chest of mine
you still run through my veins
you still rest sweetly in my head
so where did you go?
will we ever close this gap?
this awful space
I hate it
this distance filled with empty
filled with words we never said out loud
I will always hate it
afraid you went too far
afraid maybe I did
I don't want to believe in this
just for it to fall apart again
I would like for time to heal this distance
I would like for time to mend this gap
but I'm afraid
I'm so afraid it won't
because what if I'm just
holding on to something
I'm not meant to have anymore?
what if we have already felt all the pain we needed to
what if we have already taught each other our lessons
this love we claim to feel
is it just a trick from the ghost named nostalgia?
if time doesn't bring us back together
then I don't know what will
Every night, I search the sky
For the stars that spell out your name.
Because ever since you left
Without saying goodbye,
Nothing has been the same.
So if I'm lonely,
I lie underneath your willow tree,
And as I look at the stars,
I swear I can feel you next to me.
until I'm on the road
back to you.
carrying some hope
that "we" are not overdue.
to remember all
of what we used to do.
finally comes to leave so
I set to depart in a few.
induces me to play
Suncity, a go-to.
under a tangerine sky
wishing you could see it too.
to notice glimmering
lights out of the blue.
little did my heart know
what it would go through.
helpless against heartbreak
please, maybe we can start anew...
this does not sound like closure
can it be
end I will
find closure, right?
said it would
i think closure is achieved when,
you used to get hurt because of them,
and now you're wishing them the best
and you mean it.
have a good life.
i wish you well. good bye. thank you for showing me exactly what kind of person to avoid.
i hate you
and i'll be okay
because any kind of closure
is better than this
I don't need your arms to hold me,
your blank stares to reel me in.
You can keep your twisted maze of lies,
the end where I begin.
I must forge my chosen path,
it only leads one way.
And shall I cross you wandering,
I'll lead you far away.
You have no place inside my home,
you must go find your own.
I'll show you to my soul's front door,
and reclaim my proper throne.
Late night soul dredging.
I tried to bury the hurt
deep, deep inside.
But it returns to haunt me,
because I buried it alive.