If there is one thing that couldn’t Be further from the truth, Nothing in this life is free. To do better in chase of sanity. One of the greatest forms of currency, In a world of chaos everything Has a cost. No matter the need or want, Yet I am ever so appreciative. To be housed, clothed & fed with working Lights and water. Stability, an antidepressant in a world You wake up & do the same thing over & over. If there is one thing that couldn’t Be further from the truth. Nothing in this life is free, & I Ever so appreciative. I’d gladly pay weekly, biweekly, even monthly. I feel that much closer to liberation Under the roof of your smile, A sense of privacy unlike any other. Your lips the doorbell to inner peace. Your hands a meal to feed thousands At a time. Although nothing is free, I am ever so appreciative that a smile Doesn’t cost a thing. I couldn’t think of a better representation, A better place to be
I grew up moving from place to place, Usually about once a year. It is very difficult for a child to form friendships, When they are never in the same school two years in a row. Military brats go through this, I'm told.
My childhood was a series of disasters and moves.
Like the apartment building in Alexandria that caught on fire every other weekend. Where my step-dad lost control of the car and tried to stop by sticking his foot out of the door. My sister almost died from an allergic reaction to soap. I fell off the jungle-gym and nearly bit off my lower lip.
The townhouse in burke where my step-dad went through the sliding glass door, face-first. Where he got Tiger, the 75 lb. German Sheppard, Who was crazy and scared the **** out of us constantly. Let's see what else? I knocked my sister out of a second-story window, Our babysitter was a ******,
The townhouse in Fairfax where I first saw my step-dad hit my mother, Where we lived when they divorced. This is where we lived when the 300 lb. redneck enjoyed trying to **** me on a daily basis. Our college student tenant had to stand up for me.
Basically to make a long story short, not a lot of ****** stability in my childhood.
Every single adult relationship continued this pattern.
Whether this is because I unconsciously seek out these situations, I don't know.
I sometimes think that people need their disasters, so they have a reason to give up.
I am sick of disasters. I am tired of moving on. I am sick and tired of giving up.
Some days I think I love myself.. Some days I think I’m trying to love myself.. Some days I think I’ll never love myself.. Under this Oscillation , burning at the pit of my stomach is a constant awareness- I’m yet to, truly love myself..