the thought comes all at once or not at all a memory of something I couldn't name if you asked me I'm in the zoo, California my nose is sunburned I'm walking through corridors of land-marked heavy handed people as I coast through all the exhibits of animals I spend too much time looking at the barefoot lion in his melancholic stare and I recognize something in it he knows me through the crowd, there's a link there that I cannot grasp not then, not right away but it comes years later in a bad acid trip I spend my whole life trying to forget I can tell there's fear in his cage and the flies won't stop pestering I feel sick and keep walking never looking back as the screams of awe and amazement come from behind me I was once in terra firma too the boy with the long jaw and the empty library after school that had only the sound of books waiting to be opened collecting dust among with them, but also gathering knowledge that I was unable to use because I wasn't smart enough there's a bubble in my brain where it has shoveled all the facts I am able to keep unlike friends or attention i was always losing everyone in grocery aisles, amusement park parking lots and train stations the unbearable part was how easy it was how gently things shifted and sank there was a dog in our neighborhood that was always tied to a leash never leaving the front yard as if it was part of the lawn decoration it was always angry and the sign above the fence said beware until one day it wasn't outside anymore, the noise had stopped and settled leaving it's owner to pack it's things and go when I asked what had happened he said it had bit him when untying him from his post, shock and in pain he was unable to chase after him years later in a different city with a different name, I swore I saw that same dog in the street with a woman walking beside him but he wasn't angry, the eyes were soft and the growl had turned into a delicate yip I'd like to think he was happy I'd like to think that there are always ways out of the leash
reanalyzing and realizing there is nothing in me that cannot be giggling and dangling something inside of me does not belong to the decision this piece of paper has called me she believes the height of my exposure and the greatness of my pride will be the death of me just wait and see i do not like the love i see i wish to be More i wish to be Me she says that person does not exist so i will frame her on the wall i will make contact everyday i use it as reminder that i will never be what they want of me
all my life, my heart has sought a thing i could not name.
Sometimes I just don’t know Sometimes I just don’t get it A fluid line of ink on a page Stops abruptly near the edge Unsure of where to continue What to continue Pooling into a dark stain On a once praised piece of work
oh, the damage to be done to this soul should the smile be evasive elusive feigned why so unwilling to risk if the smile not be immediate and sure and without doubt i have lost so many to doubt i am unwise in the ways of love convinced that the connection i feel is a false sign that you are just being kind to a lonely soul what can i do when i fear my words will push you away rather than pull you in short of a whispered 'i love you' from your lips i remain as lost as a glance in the dark