I always blame myself for being indecisive. But would it make me crazy if I just love being unsure and somewhat lost — of things, of places to go, or of people? Aren’t there really anything beautiful about it?
Every morning I awake to the same thing. The walls are ever slowly closing.. Warped into this dark hole, slowly sinking still. It amazes me that they can't see. Even now, how close I am to the edge. To the end of my existence. She's suffering silently, submerged into the depths of loneliness. Ever aching, forever unsure.
She is doing kind of **** I would never do It genuinely hurts to see the way she's treating you Back when mine I treated you as if you were my king Looks as if in her mind you are nothing more than a fling I try to hide disapproval because I don't have the right To tell who is and who isn't worthy of holding you so tight But is hard to witness you take any amount of abuse Emotional and physical You refuse to cut her loose Does it seem I am simply sipping on some haterade? Opinion formed without even giving you a chance to persuade In gut instinct churns that she will run once more What is stopping her now that wasn't in the way before? Despite previous cold shoulder you dove right back into her (eye-see)icy sea You really believe she changed overnight into the woman you need her to be Suspicions Concerns Questions swarm my confused mind You chase what does not care and leave who loves you behind Rushing to her side again the moment you get the chance When she pushes away I'm sure you'll repeat the dance At worst I threw some punches when I lost control of my fist Appears violent tendencies are something she doesn't bother to resist I hope under covers she at least warms your body at night when it's late Waking up by you privilege missed most so I pray that one blessing she appreciates I wish her to hold you down whether doing good or bad Because I supported through struggles no matter how little you had She better carry more weight than I could to help relieve your heavy load Demonstrating far greater strength then the pathetic bit I showed Inevitably she will grow tired of the endless games and lies Wonder how much manipulation she'll endure before she will finally cave and realize I had given up on promised transformation and pushed for solely honesty Something tells me she is not capable of accepting that this is all you'll ever be She does a more adequate job than me at being everything you desire Does a word exist describing the qualities I lack which you require? Inside is excruciating knowing you have discovered happiness with someone new In presence underneath maintained composure visciously longing to fall for anyone other than you Unsure how much misery must drown in before loneliness finally sets me free Maybe it is time to admit that this cage my heart is locked within was created with no key
Perhaps I am searching for something that doesn't exist
You can be in a room filled with the most kindest people, having a blast where it’s 2am. And all I want is to speak to you or even just write you a cute little message. I thought I’d never say this about anyone… sometimes I think maybe these are just true feelings… I never want anything at all back I just urm want to make you feel happy and loved. Wonder if someone could tell me if it’s okay to be thinking all these things even if you don’t feel the same or say you can’t talk to me how I want you too… but it come back around to I never want anything. I’m just being nice because you deserve to feel loved
Your face seems to be all I see whenever I close my eyes.
why does he haunt me? a ghost of love we never truly had, how could I miss it? You? ..him?
Memories flash through my head like daggers to the chest. Wounding me seemed to be the target before our first encounter. To gaze, unbothered, at something so innocent while envisioning how to bring me to my knees.
did I love you? or did I love the idea of you loving me? I’ll never truly know because you are a ghost of my past.