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the thought comes all at once or not at all
a memory of something I couldn't name if you asked me
I'm in the zoo, California
my nose is sunburned
I'm walking through corridors of land-marked heavy handed people
as I coast through all the exhibits of animals
I spend too much time looking at the barefoot lion in his melancholic stare and I recognize something in it
he knows me through the crowd, there's a link there that I cannot grasp
not then, not right away but it comes years later in a bad acid trip I spend my whole life trying to forget
I can tell there's fear in his cage and the flies won't stop pestering
I feel sick and keep walking never looking back as the screams of awe and amazement come from behind me
I was once in terra firma too
the boy with the long jaw and the empty library after school that had only the sound of books waiting to be opened
collecting dust among with them, but also gathering knowledge that I was unable to use because I wasn't smart enough
there's a bubble in my brain where it has shoveled all the facts I am able to keep unlike friends or attention
i was always losing everyone in grocery aisles, amusement park parking lots and train stations
the unbearable part was how easy it was
how gently things shifted and sank
there was a dog in our neighborhood that was always tied to a leash never leaving the front yard as if it was part of the lawn decoration
it was always angry and the sign above the fence said beware
until one day it wasn't outside anymore, the noise had stopped and settled leaving it's owner to pack it's things and go
when I asked what had happened he said it had bit him when untying him from his post, shock and in pain he was unable to chase after him
years later in a different city with a different name, I swore I saw that same dog in the street with a woman walking beside him but he wasn't angry, the eyes were soft and the growl had turned into a delicate yip
I'd like to think he was happy
I'd like to think that there are always ways out of the leash
mc ish Feb 10
reanalyzing and realizing
there is nothing in me that cannot be
giggling and dangling
something inside of me does not belong
to the decision this piece of paper has called me
she believes the height of my exposure and the greatness of my pride
will be the death of me
just wait and see
i do not like the love i see
i wish to be More
i wish to be Me
she says that person does not exist
so i will frame her on the wall
i will make contact everyday
i use it as reminder that i will never be what they want of me
all my life, my heart has sought a thing i could not name.
Mister J Feb 2
I simply want to love without regrets
I simply want an honest relationship
And yet even with everything I give
I still get treated like a greedy kid

I love in the darkness, kept from all the pain
Yet I remain oblivious to who she really is
She stole my heart and took it with her
Yet here I am, left blinded and without her

I am tired..
I am broken..
I am hurt..
I am set aside..

Yet why do I still cling on
To broken dreams?
Why do I still hope for
The best reality?

She's lost
I want to stay here
I want to be the beacon
Yet she strays from me

I simply want to be with her
And yet her eyes look elsewhere
She shuns me away
I've been feeling tired

Goodnight dearest Hera
I pray for your bright tomorrow
Let me slumber for a while
And when tomorrow comes, please give back the heart you stole.
Pouring out these emotions

Goodnight

-J
SC Kelley Jan 27
I think you take my breath away.

People always say that as an endearing thing.

But I think you actually physically take my breath away.

I don't know how.

Maybe it was when you layed your head on my chest.

Or tangled your fingers with mine.

Or felt safe enough to drift off to sleep in my arms.

All I know is that I think you take my breath away.

I just wish I was surer of you.

Because I want that feeling for eternity.

But I don't think you are my eternity.

~S.C.Kelley
For those who know what it feels like
twenty-six Jan 26
slowly
surely
i'm losing my mind

slowly
surely
i'm living helplessly

slowly
growing unsurely
anxieties living in me

slowly
but surely
i'm giving up
There are days I could leave this behind
Pack up and go with clear conscience and mind
Yet as time ticks away I still stay
Anger brings out a side of people
Perhaps one that hasn’t been seen
But then again it’s useful
It makes the slate start clean

I have a motto now
I’ll live each day for me
I’m done trying to satisfy the thirsty man
And portraying what he wants me to be

Let’s be honest I should’ve seen this coming
After all he wasn’t mine
But God it shouldn’t of hurt like this
And I shouldn’t be silently crying
Wolf Dec 2018
Sometimes
I just don’t know
Sometimes
I just don’t get it
A fluid line of ink on a page
Stops abruptly near the edge
Unsure of where to continue
What to continue
Pooling into a dark stain
On a once praised piece of work
oh, the damage to be done to this soul
should the smile be evasive
elusive
feigned
why so unwilling to risk
if the smile not be immediate and sure
and without doubt
i have lost so many
to doubt
i am unwise in the ways of love
convinced that the connection i feel
is a false sign
that you are just being kind
to a lonely soul
what can i do when i fear my words will push you away
rather than pull you in
short of a whispered  'i love you' from your lips
i remain as lost as a glance in the dark
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