I knew it the moment I saw you today
your love, your devotion for me
came flooding through
from your heart to mine--
you see, I saw the gift
shining there in your eyes
saw the locks you'd shorn
just for me
and then I knew beyond any doubt
that this love you hold
would be a glorious exaltation
that all could see--
for your beautiful gift
will shine so clear and true
and always, always, my love--
I will forever love and adore you!!!
©Pamela Rae 04.24.2017
In that moment it had occurred to me that for my entire life I had been breathing in a toxic, poisonous gas.
One that had been draining my life and destroying my soul.
The first word she spoke, the first smile that I witnessed grace her lips; that was fresh air.
She was oxygen.
I may not have much. I may not be worth anything of value.
But she owns every ounce of my soul.
Every thought in my head.
She owns my entire heart,
and every second of my future.
I am happy that she freed herself,
But disappointed with her as well.
'Cause I had limited her she feels,
While she was her own delimiter.
I am happy that I had my fidelity,
But hurt with her eternal docility.
'Cause she was so docile overall,
While having such a crude ear.
I am happy that I am not with her,
But sad that I am very lonely now.
'Cause she was so close to my heart,
While keeping me close to her own.
I am happy that I did love her a lot,
But weeping that it is, after all, past.
I couldn’t tell my mother
That I had kissed a sailor.
She wouldn’t understand;
I’d feel the force of her hand.
My father would concur
He’d stand beside her
They’d both call me names
And give me all the blame
Because surely I knew
That’s not what I should do.
And though I still feel today
They knew no other way
I told myself they never knew
That what I was feeling was true.
It was an emotion stronger
And powerful and lasting longer
Than a whim or a fleeting crush.
A moment that made the world hush.
They saw it as a cause to grieve
And I saw it as something to believe.
That love was real and had power
To stretch a moment into an hour
Then the hour into a lovely week
That shows you what you seek
And teaches you what you deserve
If you simply act and have the nerve
To be who you are and be proud.
Look them in the eye and be proud.
Tell them you are sorry they’re upset;
You will love who you will with no regret.
A friend of mine asks,
“Why do you only ever write about romance lately?”
Well, the answer is quite simple, really. It is because I have tasted it.
I tasted it when my eyes first drank the light from his grace when he stood tall above me
His saturnine windows called out to me behind flesh curtains whenever he spoke, ever asking me to join him in his ecstasy
He, from a distance, darted towards me and pressed our sides together—letting myself melt in the velveteen touch of fabric skin
There was a shower of momentary light that night but only his radiance did I bask in.
I tasted it in the heart of the stone city where usurpers of old stood on polished stone
The Bulwark’s adobe reach embraced our reverie as memories from sleep stories become reality
He, in the confines of that venerable fortress, made me vulnerable for I was secure in his arms
His fingers are in between my own like woven mithril unbreakable lest he broke its bond himself
It is in this kingdom of carven stone and handmade walls that he sang of ardor with a dragon’s petrifying gaze.
I tasted it in yuletide storms where men and women waged war with happiness and grief
When the armies of pain and suffering fell at our clasped hands and cheeks red from amorous verve you said you were to journey home
But you did not let go of my grasp
With me you remained and in your arms I stayed
As the bitter winds of bigoted mouths blew, as the fire from damnation is declared by self-righteous souls, we stood fast in the storm.
I tasted it when he said our love he could no longer endure
There we sat, on a tarnished vehicle, as the last of our love gave into rust
What is frightening to me peeked from his saturnine eyes and he closed his curtains shut for the downpour of despondency was to come
We flooded our façades and the rivers quaked our emotional integrity
He held my hand for one final chance before we ripped our wrappings forever apart and he kissed me tender
Our lips made love—like the first they ever met in weathered heat—for the last time.
I tasted it when I told him “Just do so, when your appetite roars to love me again,” and until now I am waiting.
So, why do I ever only write about romance lately?
Well, the reason is quite complicated, really. But–but it is because I’ve tasted it.
I will not die for you
Woman fey of flesh and home,
I linger but to see you unfrock
The holy, set rogues to roam.
Why should I thus be consumed
In breath like coldest fire?
Shape of rising waterfalls
That state, I surely do not desire
The downy breasts, the runny skin,
Spark of cheek, notes of hair in shower,
The gliding step, the gusty tone,
Fools have died for much less a dower.
The lancing pools, the hemlock mien,
The highland sheen, the dawn-bird voice,
The Safire eye, over step of pyramid
Merlin gave Arthur a safer choice.
I will not drown for you,
Flood of hair, red as the lye
In parted Jordan, that sea, not me,
Shall pine as ever, slowly dying.
Your healing humors, your subtle sovereignty,
Your blood, noble as seven-seas are blue,
Little mirror who paints the sky,
Though nearly, I will not die for you.
I stumbled upon a skeleton,
Upon finding it. I picked it up and took it back home laying it on the table.
I stared long and hard at the dried up bones, letting my eyes wander up and down.
I grabbed a few blankets, anything I could find to compensate for everything that was missing.
Going out and about the streets getting everything I could to revive the skeleton.
Watching the bottom jaw drop and turn my direction.
A broken spirit that's long forgotten the touch of a generous hand.
A sudden change, watching a pale figure fill with color.
The time taken finding piece by piece, doing my best to stitch together all the fragments I found.
Watching it lay on the table, a full skeleton.
Now filled with flesh, play doe. Anything I could find.
I filled it with every essence of my dream girl, perfectly sculpting her face until perfection.
There wasn't anything superficial or vain about this, what I was attempting was creating love at first sight.
Accepting the good as well as the tragic misfortune of stumbling upon a skeleton.
Pacing back and forth at first then deciding to pick it up.
Dark holes filling the spaces where eyes use to be.
Going out finding different bits and pieces to fit a personality other than my own.
I grew excited at the very thought.
A happening, bonding with something other than myself.
It felt natural, feeling my thoughts roll off of my tongue.
My time was no longer my own.
Watching her slowly come back to life.
Filling her with a bit of my philosophy. My experiences.
I conversed while she lay there in silence.
Her eyebrow curved, Trying to make sense of everything that's going on.
She eventually began to move, she began to speak, filling me with her past experiences
Thoughts and ideas.
The more that time went on,
The more I became of her.
She noticed the subtle change of how quiet I became.
The will to want to do anything now gone.
Her face drooped over now staring at me with those deep dark spaces I have yet to fill.
Before I could ask what was wrong she revealed a dark truth about her past.
Correcting her face in the mirror.
She told me that she watched me pace back and forth, debating whether or not to leave her there.
That due to the curse that was placed on her, no matter what happens she will forever be a monster.
Devouring those that encounter her.
I pleaded that I meant to do her no harm, to no avail.
The damage was done
Love doesn't take two
I can love you all by myself
and I do...
Love doesn't take a million dollars
I can love you for free
but love is valuable...
Love doesn't take a lot of effort
I can love you easily
but it takes giving a part of yourself...
Love doesn't need a plan
I can love you with great spontaneity
but love takes passionate devotion...
Love doesn't require all your time
I can love you in the seconds of my day
but love takes a lifetime...