All roads seem blocked
All exits taped off! This and that always get in the way I ask and wonder and I don't feel okay Am I worthy?? As though you should answer... Are you? Who am I to choose There are hidden things I cannot see Your heart, your soul, your memories Your trauma, your fears, Your meant to be's That crashed and burned broke your heart... Who am I to think you're too broken to restart? Can I assume you have no right to life? That you're cursed unloved & shouldn't been born... right... When I look in a mirror I only see me So I ask myself, Am I worthy? And then I answer, most certainly.
Barely scraping by
arms to my side FIRM Shoulder to shoulder confined within the edges TRAPPED Within this life within these problems CAPTIVE To worldly temptations battling my self-worth WAR Values disarrayed confidence shattered CONFUSED Power in faith strength in love SUPPORT Lost love faith unfamiliar ALONE By myself for the first time CHANGE Poetry came along after a long distance TIME Providing an avenue allowing a healthy vice ART No longer alone with my feelings ESCAPED Forever learning about myself through my own words EDUCATION Words forever kept and some far to long GONE Bad memories, dark tales past trauma, a bitter heart FORGIVEN The cause of myself the cause of who I was MINDSET Others can affect us and they did to me REALITY However the most important lesson poetry has taught me TRUTHFULLY It doesn’t mean they can control my feelings ANYMORE When you are of sound mind when you are of a good heart GENUINE When you wear your heart on your sleeve and actually care COMPASSION You will attract the energy you strive to become MAGNET We must save ourselves before we can save someone else FACT We must love ourselves before we can love someone else FACT We must want to be saved and loved to become both FACT Faith is calling my name as it’s weighing heavy on my heart BELIEVING This life makes no sense without there being something MORE Thoughts of why I have been so unconvinced or scared QUESTIONS? As a broken person I had no foundation to build from Weak I felt undeserving and like a hypocrite knowing my sins PATHETIC Afraid of knowing what’s right but going against his word GOD Bitter from a childhood past that wasn’t his fault nor mine ANGRY That’s the only way to explain the way I treated us both BADLY That explains why my relationships always failed HURT In life most things are self-inflicted, but we must find the CAUSE Poetry saved me, poetry taught me , poetry shined the light BRIGHT To what it was that caused this, to the importance of love HAPPINESS For better or worse poetry never escaped me LOYAL The truth is a poet will never be alone unless they want to be REALIZATION It’s in our hearts, it’s in our mind, our souls and gives purpose FULFILLMENT My words aren’t combined letters but rather released EMOTIONS I write with rawness, the ink my blood, my pain becomes yours EXPOSED My happiness and self-growth also equally transferred NOW But who I was, I wish on no one nor those feelings EVER It was a necessary journey but one I’m glad has transformed GONE So my deepest apologies to anyone that felt left in the dark SORRY
no, i am not a first grader
incapable of knowing when to capitalize and i type in lowercase to be nonchalant i don't capitalize 'i' because i am not important my self worth is lower than the Mariana Trench it's hard for me to even address myself without feeling annoying i am not more important than the word prestigious i'm not more pretty than the word beautiful i am not as nice as the word affectionate i'm not as secure as the word trustworthy it's so hard to reprogram your brain to accept that you can be of some worth, that you can be desirable at all after years of too much thinking and being alone and trapped in my mind everyday i must try my best to remind myself that the subject of a sentence is being complemented by the beautiful words like the way a close friends complement you i have to remember that there are people there for me even if my head tries to tell me otherwise it's a struggle every time, but 'I' just have to try
it's hard sometimes to remember that everyone has worth, even yourself...
i wish i knew my worth
but it comes and goes as it pleases like a tide pulling in and out but i am nothing like the sea i am a drought waiting for rain and lemon poppy colored pollen seeds
Jewel in the hands of ignorant Is just another stone But a jewel in king's crown Is as precious as his throne
I finally get up, i leave you behind Now i'm free Senseless I cry of joy as mom holds me in her arms Now i feel Empty I paint 'til i can't feel my hands anymore and my cheeks hurt a sweet ache caused by my smile Now i create Ugly I look in the mirror I don't see a stranger Now i am But not really I'm not Not now
Practice makes progress, i guess
I'm not gullible, you know.
I know second chances are just excuses. I know I have to stop counting the stars for those who wouldn't even stay up to see them glow. I know. I can't keep breaking myself to fit their template, to make them feel perfect. I know I need to start burning bridges with the match that has always stayed unlit through my temperance. I know. I need to stop looking through rose-colored lenses. I always hoped that when I took them off, nothing would change. But maybe it's good that I finally see what has really been in front of me.
I just need some quiet
Some peace Because these voices are screaming at me tearing me apart Just one day to not be told how worthless I've become These voices are tormenting me making me insane I just want some peace and quiet Even just one day
Self talk, our own demise
When did we become
a thumbs up or a like? At what point did we lose our own self-worth over a photo?
I am humiliated
that I have ever let worthless men, determine my self worth. I am like the ocean. Soft, breaking, blue. But vengeful, strong, and powerful.
Oldie from 06/19