All roads seem blocked
All exits taped off!
This and that
always get in the way
I ask and wonder and
I don't feel okay

Am I worthy??
As though
you should answer...
Are you?
Who am I to choose

There are hidden things
I cannot see
Your heart, your soul,
your memories
Your trauma, your fears,
Your meant to be's

That crashed and burned
broke your heart...

Who am I to think
you're too broken to restart?

Can I assume you
have no right to life?
That you're cursed
unloved & shouldn't
been born... right...

When I look in a mirror
I only see me
So I ask myself,
Am I worthy?
And then I answer,
most certainly.

Barely scraping by
arms to my side

FIRM

Shoulder to shoulder
confined within the edges

TRAPPED

Within this life
within these problems

CAPTIVE

To worldly temptations
battling my self-worth

WAR

Values disarrayed
confidence shattered

CONFUSED

Power in faith
strength in love

SUPPORT

Lost love
faith unfamiliar

ALONE

By myself
for the first time

CHANGE

Poetry came along
after a long distance

TIME

Providing an avenue
allowing a healthy vice

ART

No longer alone
with my feelings

ESCAPED

Forever learning about myself
through my own words

EDUCATION

Words forever kept
and some far to long

GONE

Bad memories, dark tales
past trauma, a bitter heart

FORGIVEN

The cause of myself
the cause of who I was

MINDSET

Others can affect us
and they did to me

REALITY

However the most important
lesson poetry has taught me

TRUTHFULLY

It doesn’t mean they can
control my feelings

ANYMORE

When you are of sound mind
when you are of a good heart

GENUINE

When you wear your heart on your sleeve and actually care

COMPASSION

You will attract the energy you strive to become

MAGNET

We must save ourselves before we can save someone else

FACT

We must love ourselves before we can love someone else

FACT

We must want to be saved and loved to become both

FACT

Faith is calling my name as it’s weighing heavy on my heart

BELIEVING

This life makes no sense without there being something

MORE

Thoughts of why I have been so unconvinced or scared

QUESTIONS?

As a broken person I had no foundation to build from

Weak

I felt undeserving and like a hypocrite knowing my sins

PATHETIC

Afraid of knowing what’s right but going against his word

GOD

Bitter from a childhood past that wasn’t his fault nor mine

ANGRY

That’s the only way to explain the way I treated us both

BADLY

That explains why my relationships always failed

HURT

In life most things are self-inflicted, but we must find the

CAUSE

Poetry saved me, poetry taught me , poetry shined the light

BRIGHT

To what it was that caused this, to the importance of love

HAPPINESS

For better or worse poetry never escaped me

LOYAL

The truth is a poet will never be alone unless they want to be

REALIZATION

It’s in our hearts, it’s in our mind, our souls and gives purpose

FULFILLMENT

My words aren’t combined letters but rather released

EMOTIONS

I write with rawness, the ink my blood, my pain becomes yours

EXPOSED

My happiness and self-growth also equally transferred

NOW

But who I was, I wish on no one nor those feelings

EVER

It was a necessary journey but one I’m glad has transformed

GONE

So my deepest apologies to anyone that felt left in the dark

SORRY

no, i am not a first grader
incapable of knowing when to capitalize
and i type in lowercase to be nonchalant
i don't capitalize 'i' because

i am not important
my self worth is lower than the Mariana Trench
it's hard for me to even address
myself without feeling annoying

i am not more important than the word prestigious
i'm not more pretty than the word beautiful
i am not as nice as the word affectionate
i'm not as secure as the word trustworthy

it's so hard to reprogram your brain to accept
that you can be of some worth, that you can be
desirable at all after years of too much thinking
and being alone and trapped in my mind

everyday i must try my best to remind myself
that the subject of a sentence is being
complemented by the beautiful words
like the way a close friends complement you

i have to remember that there are people there for me
even if my head tries to tell me otherwise
it's a struggle every time, but
'I'
just have to try

i wish i knew my worth
but it comes and goes as it pleases
like a tide pulling in and out
but i am nothing like the sea
i am a drought
waiting for rain and lemon poppy colored pollen seeds

I'm not gullible, you know.
I know second chances
are just excuses.
I know I have to stop counting the stars for those
who wouldn't even stay up to see them glow.
I know.

I can't keep breaking myself to fit their template,
to make them feel perfect.
I know I need to start burning bridges
with the match that has always stayed unlit through my temperance.
I know.

I need to stop looking through rose-colored lenses.
I always hoped that when I took them off,
nothing would change.

But maybe it's good that
I finally see what has really been in front of me.

I am humiliated
that I have ever let worthless men,
determine my self worth.
I am like the ocean.
Soft, breaking, blue.
But vengeful, strong, and powerful.