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calypso Apr 15
i stop at my line
not forgetting it,
not wanting to deceit
i stand in the spotlight, silent
everyone's staring
while everyone's waiting
for a definite answer
'yes', 'i do', whichever works
but i do, the unexpected
i turn around and leave
expectedly, everyone gasps
as i turn to look back at the crowd
someone stands up
and their clap echos through the theatre
all for my anonymous victory
behind the scenes:

he stares back at me from across the table. say something, his eyes say, agree to this. i stare back with big eyes, exposing my anxious thoughts.
his act is done, mine has started. my line is written for me when his is written by himself. i don't have control over what i say, yet i have to play as if my words are not retained.
the crowd looks at us, waiting for this play to go on. people are looking around, trying to find the cause of this problem. It's here, the place you avoid glancing at, i think. i ponder over my next move, either i say my line or anything else won't do. our audience doesn't expect less than a plot twist. should i give them the expected unexpected?
i do what i said i'd do to him before the show. i stand up from my seat, and make every person on the edge of their seat.
i go off script.
"no, i dont want this" i declaim. "i won't stand this". I start to walk towards the back of the stage when i heard the claps. they're rhythmic and loud. i turn around to see them standing on the stairs, coming towards the stage. they smiles while looking at me, while my world falls apart and reforms.
Chanise Nov 2021
Tourette’s
uncontrollable
loud inside stares from outside
Suffering from inflated embarrassment and shame
Unknown, only known by me
suppressed until I cannot anymore
I am not my tics, but they are in me
they follow me, poke me jabbing to be included in my life
sudden, and uncomfortable they feel extreme
I blink excessively to shrug off the tickle in my brain
My shoulder seizes and jerks back in forth up and down
With no warning, I start to yell or grunt, scared of my excessive tics
I cry afterwards full of shame and misery
Hands start to flail as I rock back and forth
back and forth back and forth, I’m okay I am going to be okay
Comfort in the uncomfortable knowing my secret that cannot be exposed in my own company
but what about when there are others around me,
I hope no one noticed and I feel like a failure once again
I suppress when others are around and free my spirit when alone
I look at myself and my face contorts until it feels correct and the tics are over
Until next time I feel the uncontrollable
nonstop
smothering
repressed
constraint of my tics
Druzzayne Rika Aug 2020
somehow
I was a mystery
   To you

But I was a broken piece
   A tired soul
     feeling unease

I closed doors
  windows
built fences around my home

all I wanted was control
  Of the car
   My life was driving

and wasn't it nice
      every other sunsets
   a shadow beneath the surface
we collided

a disruption
    my routine gone
anticipation
   and back to drama

It was uncontrollable
  the fifth gear
    I am scared

The wind flying my hair
    car radio, top volume
it was going too fast

   It was beyond
me, my white fences disappeared
and my living room couch is occupied
        Why cannot I stop this mess

Soon it will be too late
   A repeat of fate
       Or maybe this is not a mistake
?
Perdue Poems Aug 2019
Thrown into the ice river
Blinded and screaming
To the end we rush
We've no control
Over the currents whose icy waters
Brush our soul
When waterfall's rise
When our bones have cracked
And our muscles dried
Our eyes see the land
We brushed aside
And we cry
For we never took the time
To love the beauty of the river
The other day I caught you staring,
I don’t think you realized because,
When my eyes met yours we broke into uncontrollable laughter.

The incredible feeling of being in the presence of pure love,
Intertwined instinctively

Remember to never grow a day older,
But always grow a day wiser.


And know our love is a pre-written plot from the very beginning
A script sent straight from stars



           —letters to my sun ☀️
Jay M May 2019
Picking up the pace
Trying to win the race
Attempting to flee this place...

Running wild
Movements swift
Like that of a hare
Legs pumping

I need to be free

Here I come
Prepared to strike
But the question is;
Are you?

Brace yourself
Collision is inevitable
Like the flow of time
Tick
Tick
Ticking away

Be careful
I'll strike
'Cause you know what I am
I'm a monster

Teeth bared
Believe me
I don't care if it's aired
I'll still tear you apart

So please
Get out of the way
As I come charging through
Like a rhino
Destroying all in my path...

- Jay M
May 6th, 2019
I've been a bit...aggressive lately. Just - no surprises...
Light House Feb 2019
So destructive...
So unaware... of the pain she causes.
SMS Jan 2019
Hot salty streams
Accompanied with
An occasional sob.
Sometimes fall soft
Barely noticeable
Little snowflakes
Spot the ground.
Other times fall heavy
Hard not to notice
Forceful hailstorms
Thunder as they fall.
Tsu Mar 2019
Don't tell me who I am
Or who I'm supposed to be
Because I am strong
Because I am beautiful
In every way

Don't tell me I need to stop frowning
Or why I should pretend I'm happy
Because I have the right to emotions
Because I have the right for what I need to feel
Each and every day

Don't tell me to stop living my life
Or to stop the things I love and do
Because I am me
Because I am not a reflection of you
You don't control me

Don't just tell me I need to share
To love
To smile
Because I'll only do it
If you show me first

I am independent
I am strong
I am flawless yet imperfect
I am me.
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