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1.2k · Sep 2015
the englishman.
Cat Fiske Sep 2015
there once was an englishman
and he treated me as well as the bee treat the flowers as they land,
and the englishman told me everyday,
how much he truly loved me,
how he loved me as if I was the only girl around,
how he told me I would be the sexiest girl in any town,
and the englishman told me he loved me,
and it took me quite a while to actually believe,

but, this englishman did other things for me,
when he'd talk I feel in love with his voice,
and his smartness,
and his jokes,
and his way to always throw into the conversation,
a million compliments,
and I could barely find the words to say thank you most times,
and I was shocked to hear all the lovely things he had said about me,
rather than the usually flaw countdown party I got daily,

and I hated myself,
that I could not say I love you back,
for a while I don't know why I didn't believe,
why I felt like it was too good to be true,
and how I wanted to grow up each second I spoke to him,
so I could move away to see him,

so, I truly loved this person,
and I kept thinking and waiting,
for when,
he'd stop,
loving me too,
I love this guy a lot, and I figured I'd write something about him.
1.2k · Apr 2015
Panic Attacks
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
You seem to hurt my heart,                                                          
­Repetitively,                                                    ­                              
and the doctors say:                                                             ­         
                                       "They can’t bandage a word broken heart,"
   "When the bandage won’t  be able to fix me,"                              
This is when my body mutates,
Making it hard to breath ,                  
                                  Or really do anything,
This is when,
            My ribs,                                      
                 wrap around my heart,
trying to protect it from you,                                              
                               and while my lungs were unprotected,
and I was at a lack of breath,                          
                               ­  you seemed to take that,
with any happiness you could find,                
And I sat there,
        Shaking,
Then,                  
                 ­                                       Crying because it’s not even first period
what it feels like to have one, mine are because of my PTSD triggers
1.2k · Oct 2015
Speech to truth.
Cat Fiske Oct 2015
We are the Failure, Cowards and Conditioned Leaders,
We face the future with warm courage and high hope.
We don't want to wake up and face the music,
as we keep sticking with old and precious values,
For we are the destroyer of homes,
homes for a future that we can't seem to get our hands on,
homes where living will be the expression of everything,
but like that is good and fair,
this shan't be that,
how we hope, future homes hold,
truth and love and security and faith will be realities,
but like all dreams,
we wake and see its not a reality,
We are the Failure, Cowards and Conditioned Leaders,
as we face the future with warm courage and high hope.
for nothing good will come from our race.
literally a rewrite of the fccla creed, makes me feel better, hopes it can help  others? idk, dont take it at all personal or litteral was just about a club.
1.2k · May 2015
Skip
Cat Fiske May 2015
I want to skip,
Skip class,
Skip school,
Skip life...

Skip around like the inner child in me,
Screams out asking for,
Daily,
Nightly,

When ever things are bad,
Just,
Skipping around my issues,
Like people skipped around me,

I think about skipping out,
If all the bad things,

But what if I miss,
Something good,
Because I was too busy,
Skipping.
The child in me, I skipled down the hallway and wrote this.
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
It didn't start with blades,
It started with panicked hands of third grade,
going into my mouth,
To rip my teeth out,
idk just part of something
1.2k · Oct 2015
hold me
Cat Fiske Oct 2015
I want to be loved,
more than you feel unloved,
more then I tell you daily,
I love you sweetie,
Love you more then I want you,
to just love me,
and feel my love surround you,
hold you,
and have you hold me,
but you don't
you walk the otherway free,
and leave me in a cell,
and you come and go as you please,
and when you do visit me,
it's like a cell block tango of emotions,
as if you throw me behind bars,
untouched,
unloved,
by you,
when I just want you to,
hold me.
I just wanted you too.
1.2k · Oct 2015
ripped away [10w]
Cat Fiske Oct 2015
But I get torn to pieces
For the stupidest reasons
[10w]
1.2k · Aug 2015
Leaf me alone.
Cat Fiske Aug 2015
Leave me alone,
with the trees and the rocks that feel as cold as the stone,
where the leafs will fall down like the rain the pores from the clouds,
and I still sit there getting soaked by the leaves as the touch me like it's allowed,
I'll pour my heart into what I feel is worth something more than what I have,
but for now my heart is silent like the leaves as they fall down onto me,
and my mind is the only thing making a sound,
like the wind does ever so effortlessly,
and it isn't until the leaves have covered me completely,
that I feel nothing but there cold,
a cold that is like the trees and rocks,
but felt a lot more like stone,
and as the leaves became stone,
like I finally felt alone,
Just a short little poem I had spinning around in my head.
1.2k · May 2015
More [10w]
Cat Fiske May 2015
I wanted to help,
but,
People need more than words.
words arn't enough
1.1k · Feb 2016
Where Has Mommy Gone
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
your mommy has gone to bed early,
that's what the doctor had said,
and he didn't feel the pain you felt the year after,
every time someone asked you where mommy was.

Kids can be mean, and kids sometimes miss their mommy,
can't you leave it at that,
You could if you knew where mommy went,
But we don't,

now all I have is a box full of her memories,
her photos, her jewelry, her smells that wish to never fade,
the last bottle of whiskey you saw her drink,
put next to the bottle of wine saved from her wedding day,

mommy went to bed early,
that's what the doctor said,
I asked him when she would get up,
he said she hurt to much to wake,

without another cup, a nurse chimed in,
I asked him, when she could come back to love me,
come back to hug me,
and he shrugged with no reply.
1.1k · Sep 2015
Stupid things. [10w]
Cat Fiske Sep 2015
stupid things,
makes me,
remember things
from your
stupid face.
10w
1.1k · May 2015
Fly.
Cat Fiske May 2015
and you said,
I don't care about you.
I have no problem,
I just don't care about your existence anymore.
nothing personal,

and now I understand,
no one will stick around for you.
even those who love you.
and you just have to let them fly away,
like butterflies you wanted to take.
someone has been sending me these messages because I tagged them on fb about something, I got death threats from there new girl friend bc im there old one. it *****
1.1k · May 2015
But what if im not.
Cat Fiske May 2015
its easy
to love me
at 2a.m.
If I'm happy.

but what if,
I'm on the bathroom floor,
upset.
1.1k · Jan 2016
unlovable
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
it's sad that you feel no one can love you,
to feel only the one person who hurt you, will be the only one to of loved you,
when his love was in ways good and bad,
but the bad outweighed the good,

you as you are, miss him for every time it was good.
and  you as you are, try to use it to cover up the bad things,
you remember, there were lots of good thing that happened,
and you wonder, how many bad things really happened,
as you see the bad were always there, just ignored,
if a living soul only truly knew,
like a child I played hide and seek with this one, but made sure it was never to be found,
and lived the pain that stays and will follows you around,
like the things you wished you could of done more about,
this is why I can't allow myself to love anyone,
even if I deserve them
even if I want them,
even if they wanted to,
I don't know how to trust that way again,

I don't remember turning fifteen,
so I promised myself never to live that day again,
I can't celebrate my birthday without hating the skin I have to live in,
My body feels disgusted by all the things I have to remember,
I ******* turned fifteen, and what you did,
was far from the gift I wanted,
but I still stayed with you,

as I was so blinded,
maybe by you.
maybe still,
why do I still want you,
why do I still want to be with such a bad soul as you,
I've shut my heart out to anyone else,
I planed at fourteen that at eighteen I'd move away with you,
what was I thinking,

you've only brought me pain,
only made me cry,
only made me remember things I tried to forget,
this is why I took up smoking cigarettes,
and burning away my pain,
giving the third degree to my skin like it's you,
I doubt you have felt an inch of the pain I have been dealt by you,
because I was nothing but good to you,

just not myself,
when it came to you,
I still remember the good though,
the times we smiled,
and went for walks,
and saw two dollar movies over and over but never really saw them,
I wish I could have it all back before it all got bad,
but I can't.
and i'm unlovable now.
because I gave a fool my trust,
when I should of run,
Unlovable
1.1k · Aug 2015
Pal
Cat Fiske Aug 2015
Pal
If you knew,
I liked you,
If what they said and thought about us,
was true,
If we were really ever going to,
end up being a thing,
If we became more,
than lunch pals,
homework calls,
I'd be all yours,
you know so,
I know so,
But what we have,
is a ******* great friendship pal,
another old poem about a crush.
1.1k · May 2015
Life [10w]
Cat Fiske May 2015
Life is hard
don't let yourself get down,
stand proud,
life
10w
1.1k · Feb 2016
Horse Therapy
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
My horse Bobby is trapped in horse hospital,
Bobby kicks at things that make sounds like the whips used to beat at him,
so Bobby is behind a wall with a window for his head to poke out,
and he pokes it out all time when I stop by,
and I hate to leave because goodbye leaves me to cry,
I'd of never seen Bobby's body,
if it wasn't for the spaces inbetween the bars on the wall,
Bobby back used to be nothing more then ripped up flesh,
Bobby lives in his own world of fear now,
in that little stall,
in that little box he is safe, yet trapped in his past,
Bobby reminds me of my past,
and how my room is like his stall,
and sometimes I get to stick my head out,
but I will always be reminded of those sounds of fear,
like to Bobby those sounds that scare him as if he was getting whipped,
I have my own fears,
I keep hold of,
never to get rid of,
Just like Bobby,
and like Bobby no matter how many times you tell us it's okay,
we still are fearful of the wrong that was done,
and easily could become done again.
Bobby, I may not be able to own you,
even if I could,
they wouldn't let me,
because you're in horse hospital,
so I want to make you and myself get better,
so I would be able to take you home,
and not cry when I leave you in the stall,
as you stick you head out,
and watch me leave the horse hospital,
Bobby my horse has ptsd, just like me.
1.0k · Aug 2015
darkest sun
Cat Fiske Aug 2015
I didn't,
even though,
I wanted to,

I wanted to watch candles flicker and scabs form,
I wanted to see blood **** from were the light was so bright,
like nothing could be dark,

but the irony in what I wanted to do,
using light to create the darkness,
my simple candle will mimic the gods in the sun.

but my mind became that of a stronger one,
knowing the candle need not make my path darth,
and the candle acted as a godly sun,
the godliest of all,
the british one,

and I just felt over old burns and cuts,
and cried as one might,
in a the present of the brits sun god,

for even the queen herself would of cried if given her time.
but right now it's just me,
and the dark night.
idk just something
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
Maybe it was better this way,
Better to learn this today,

Rather then trying to **** up a hard truth,
In years older then my youth,

you took my life,
and made me sharpen my knife,

and I handed you it,
you stabbed me with it,
and wouldn't even toss me the first aid kit,

Satin white stained red,
from blood shed,

and I sat there and wilted away,
and you still took my body and played,

And maybe I owe you a thank you,
Because now I have a few clues,

I know what you did was ****,
But at lest you let me escape,

who else would of let me out of there *******?
even if it was without your doing...

so let me just make this loud and clear
Because I might even toast with my beer,

Yes you may have helped me learn something,
but I learned that you matter no more than a piece of string,

but you were that worthless ******* piece of string,
that was holding my world together at the seams,
idk just thoughts on what ive delt with
1.0k · Dec 2016
Delilah
Cat Fiske Dec 2016
delilah was my only love,
my only escape from this world,
a drive with her was all I needed to take the edge off,
no cigarette or drug could really do the trick,
nothing really worked to clear my head,
but delilah could.

delilah was my best friend,
never lied to me,
never went behind my back,
delilah was like an angel,
used to always help me get home and back,

delilah died.
and I killed her.
someone drove us off the road,
a third of a mile from my house.
and we hit rock bottom,
before we hit the tree.

delilah died,
going under twenty.
fifteen years old,
my first real love,
my first investment to better myself,
ripped from me.

Delilah the victim of accident,
left the world,
with two flat tires,
and a bent licence plate.
we took delilah outback,
and put her out of her misery.

r.i.p. 2001-05/12/2016
Delilah, my first car. the most money I spent on anything. is gone.

Delilah was a subaru outback and my escape from the world.
1.0k · Feb 2016
Believe [10w]
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
I believe in things
they say,
"not to, believe in,"
10w
1.0k · Jun 2016
Nothing left is real
Cat Fiske Jun 2016
I tried to hurt myself today,
to see if I could still feel,
but the pain is lost,
and nothing left is real,

I remember everything,
no relief from old ideals
just got to try to cry it away,
and still nothing feels quite real,

No bullets nor ballots,
could really fix my inner friend,
they hide away,
left unfound in the end,

Take it all away,
my blood and guts of dirt,
I can't feel a thing,
I can't make it hurt,
1.0k · Apr 2015
Her Violation of your eyes,
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
-----------------------------------------------------------------­------------------------------
You,                              ­                                                                 ­                       
Look,                                    ­                                                                
­Smile,                                                           ­                     
Laugh,                                                           ­ 
  Wave,                                    
At,                    
Me,        
     And,
                I,
                            Feel,
       ­                                           Special,
             ­                 But,
             When,
Its,  
To,              
Her,                            
I,                                        
Feel,                ­                                    
Impartial,                                                                            
----------------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------
idk just something cute i made about how i feel about a girl I like.
1.0k · May 2015
Words are Shot Down.
Cat Fiske May 2015
My mind may be weak,
but the words i've spoke,
have not gotten their rightful moments,
have been built just to get broken,
and that wasn't what I had chose,

For my words have spoken,
louder than your screams on froze over mountain tops highest peaks,
so loud they will make the snow lung and leap down,

My words have been stronger then body's covered in satin gowns,
But my words are like ghost towns making people white and corps like,
But unlike the pen and paper that is silent,
I can speak these tales of tyrants to beauty,
but I never complete this duty for my mouth feels like foreign tongues,

I try to speak from the heart inside my lungs but words,
and towards the end of my spiel,
I feel like what I said wasn't real,
or the appeal I was going for.

you shut a door on me and my thoughts,
like your my boss who doesn't have to listen to my words,
and discord all the things i've endured.

I've matured enough to know I can't be asking for a cure,
but maybe if you were able to listen to me,
and stop disagreeing to start with,
I'd feel like I wouldn't have to pitch my life story as real,
instead of its normal appeal of a called myth,
because with my ****** life I'd make up **** about what happened?
no one believes you
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
1,
I will tell you every detail and fact no matter how mean,
lets start off by being honest I was turning sixteen,
2,
my life was falling faster then the leaves from trees,
Dropped like petals from decaying flowers
                 because they were ignored by the bee's,
I was wilting massively wanting to be free,
of my misery,

3,
**** is not something they teach you about,
and when it happened to me it was considered allowed,
Because when he did it,
I didn't have a fit,
or say "No stop",
I just kept crying like I was before in even more shock,
But like a toddlers screams and cries,
Your demanding wants was the only compromise,
But in the the same way,
my cries made me just as much as your baby,
4,
and he didn't take care of me,
like he promised he would,
like any man claims they could,

5,
I was still cutting myself up again,
until December 2014 on the 10th,
That's when I decided to stop,
6,
We had split, in late February,
the year before now as it still felt then it felt even more necessary,
now to cut myself again,
because like my face has been a women though she could be so plain,
and state to me sweetie,
as I listened to a women use words like a child does things sneaky,
As she explained to me how badly you had mistreated me,

7,
I didn't disagree,
but she and I knew I wore a face of unbelief,
like how a drug addict doesn't wish to admit there mistreatment,
but to make it worse she tied in my mother and father,
like tying the rope on there daughter,
8,
I now sat on the floor,
my life I lived was not the same and I couldn't handle more,
I heard her talk to me about the school,
and all the kids there,
and what they did to me,
but right then my body only knew how to go through the motions,
of point A to point B,
when I got up and grabbed a pen,
and began,

8,
I spoke about my 8th birthday my final birthday party,
9,... I mean 10,
I wrote on my arms,
till both looked like a henna tattoo's gone into a complete mess,
but they were names,
and places,
and everything,
because I remembered everyone's words,

11,
I took the pen,
and on each sleeve of hate,
I made what as a normal person would call there own fate,
pen in hand I put pen to skin and pressed down,
and like how you press your lips and body to the person you love
you move around,
12,
the pen was pulled down,
and like Siemens twins
the other helped me drown
the next one.

13,
the day before my birthday I leave the hospital,
and I know what I did was not logical
but like a freak it was probable,
and the kids not knowing the scars on my arms,
the wounds I had created most due to them,
still picked on me,
14,
I went home and my mom yelled at me,
I skipped dinner,
woke to the same thing,
she demanded to drive me in,
and hit me the whole five minute car ride there,

15,
It was my birthday,
my 16th birthday,
and I hit my mother back finally,
while she was driving,
16,
I arrived at school,
and she was cursing at me,
so I cursed back,
Called her a **** and ran inside crying,
6: Talk about the worst birthday you have had. this is all true. i encourage u to write one too, or go to my collection and find one of the 40 story topics and write one,
1.0k · May 2015
Glimpse into the real world
Cat Fiske May 2015
My film class,
Is my favorite class

and the class I hate the most,

I love film,
I have a passion for this art,

this medium,

this class is my soul and bodies passion,
and like a job,

like my job,

it fits me,
but like all jobs,

there's things that just ******* ****.

and it's not over the normal things,
like time and money,

its the people you work with,

or in my case,
my class,

and they are all *****,

when someone makes it their point,
to upset you and hurt you everyday,

because finally you are good at something,

when you **** at science,
and allowed your math skills to fall behind,

your life is filled with lies and you find,

a reason to live,
worth all your effort and time

but the same people calling you stupid and dumb and a **** up,

in math and science,
are in this film class,

forced to take a smile,

and sarcastically say,
"good job,"

when your film gets played in class,

and even when you ask,
no one give you advice like you give when asked,

and every frame seen on the projected screen,

gives me anxiety,
and the rude, unhelpful reminders from my bullies,

don't ******* help me,

when I want to run out of my favorite class daily,
and scream  in all their faces,

"*******"

"for once..."
but I don't

I sit,

I bit skin off skinless lips,
hold back tears,

the urge to leave,

take all my insults
that are directed at me,

with a head tilted down fake half smile,

when they should be directed to my film,
but everyday, I do get to say;

*******,

because this year,
I make it to all my classes,

even the next one,

history.
period 11/12

with my dignity
My sadness and upsetness by these people, but how oh how it prepares me for the real world. I Am better than I was, and will only get better, and that's all you can hope for.
1.0k · Jun 2016
What have I done..
Cat Fiske Jun 2016
What have I done,
to make everyone hate me,
to allow others to treat me so bad,
this is something,
only hate,
would of caused,

What have I done,
to make you all hate me so much,
because only hate,
can cause,
this kind of pain,
to make someone hurt so much,

What have I done,
to hurt everyday here,
its killing me,
inside, I know I will die,
and never come back,
only if I stay here,

What have I done,
because I want to stop,
I want to live a little bit longer,
but the pain keeps going,
I am alone with these fears,

What have I done,
Because now everybody,
hates me,
their is no one to trust here,
no soul left inside,
like theirs no one left here to save me,

What have I done,
to make you not care,
if you don't care,
as it seems to be,
then just let me,
walk out and leave,

What have I done,
to find myself here,
I need to escape,
I don't want to die here,
the odds never fall,
in my fate,

Please just Tell me,
What have I done?
Tell me, Please!
What have I done?
I Promise to stop!
What have I done?
so much pain
1.0k · May 2015
Nightmares
Cat Fiske May 2015
Every night
The nightmares come
Tearing at her
Until she comes undone.
Every night
They stay the same
Taunting her
Until she goes insane.
Every night
She stays awake,
How much more
Can one girl take?
Every night
Her cries aren’t heard,
Or if they are
No one says a word,
Just another things about waking up in a panic attack because of your ptsd
Cat Fiske Sep 2015
Googleing your hello poetry name, and typing the word poem's after it,
I only found this out when a friend of mine,
typed in,
Cat Fiske ****,
and my name came up with my hp links
and in the images I was the first three and my **** poem was one of them,
this is kinda funny I hope u all try it.

but example:
Id type:
Cat Fiske Poems

and all my stuff would come up, the more you do the more that shows up in the images and on googles. and your followers pics come up too. I find that cool as well.
Google your self.
993 · Sep 2015
heartless [10s]
Cat Fiske Sep 2015
you have my heart,
you left,
so,
give it* 
**back.
10w
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
we had meet because of my school talent show,
I was in 8th grade,
my little brother was an act,
I randomly had sat,
and there you where,
The new boy,
who knew my brother,
because my brother stayed after for all the clubs,
but my brother was in 6th grade,
and I didn't know they only met,
because of,
homework club,

I gave the boy my number,
And added him on Facebook,
Age wise he could of been in mine,
but most likely 7th grade,
I didn't know he was in 6th grade,
and his only friends where my brothers,

I texted him all the time,
and saw him at the end of the day all the time,
and stole his sweatshirts,
and finally one day he kissed me,
and I was so happy,
we went to his locker,
and I relied, he was in the 6th grade wing,
and everything made sense,
we weren't dating,
so I wasn't worried,
but then,

He asked me out,
and I told him sure,
but he had to keep it quite,
the second time he kissed me,
he tried to shove his tongue down my throat,
and I almost gagged,
I was so embarrassed by it,

but eventually my brother found out,
and didn't trust me ever again,
to talk to any of his friends,
and eventually me and the kid broke up,
but I still see him from time to time now.
and he still like to make me gag on his tongue.
2: Talk about your first kiss.
Cat Fiske May 2015
and I will absolutely be positive!
even while I stalk your words,
even when there words that make me want to cry,
even when there words that speak of such simple things,
you make them so much more,
even when there words that make other words seem meaningless,
even when you point out the uglyness in our world,
I will chose to only see the beauty,
and love it,
and when people chose not to be kind,
you have to do away with them,
and love the kind souled people,
because there all that are going to matter in this world,
add: brandon nagley,
this is about him.
983 · Jan 2016
stop
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
__
stop.

don't give in,
don't let them,
make your worst dreams,
come out,


shout,

as loud as you want.
as loud as you need.
but make sure you,


stop.

before the demands on the inside
**get released,
982 · May 2015
Attention [10w]
Cat Fiske May 2015
I wonder how many people we've overlooked,
and never seen,
just something short and sweet
973 · Dec 2015
separated
Cat Fiske Dec 2015
I feel as if you have passed away,
gone away and won't come back to stay,

Like the rain that is scared to cry,
I have done all I can,

I have Tried,

So I sit each day outside
waiting for you to come back to me,

like the rain,
I stand over closed flowers,

I cry out for you,

as tears drip off my face,
rolling on unopened  petals,

as they take the rain's place,
unopened petals open up like new,

and I can only wish they were you,

but they are not,
moving away my crying eyes from now open petals,

but neither you nor the rain,
come back in time,

as I and the flowers rot.
about losing someone you care about.
967 · Nov 2015
coloring books
Cat Fiske Nov 2015
_____________________

­when I was a kid,
I used to color,

I used to color the whole page,
inside,
and outside of the lines,
like how out of the box I was,
you couldn't contain all of me in a box,
even if you had boxes,
I'd escape,
and break free,


When I was a kid,
I colored inside,
and outside of the lines,

while in school they told me how I was out of line,
I was far from out of line,
I always made sure I was inside the lines,
but sometimes,
sometimes its as if my imagination got the best of me,
and I got to escape there conforment,
even if it was for a second it felt so great,
as if I was in prison and I got to go outside for the first time in years,
my adventures in my head couldn't break through to the real world,
like reality came in and arrested my imagination,


when I was a kid,
I stopped coloring outside of the lines,
and only colored inside,

To feel like a square peg going into a round hole,
as they tried to shaped me into what the saw to be as standard,
shaving down my unique edges,
like it was a crime to be so different,
as if I saw them try to expand to fit my square ways of thinking,
not once had they thought it could work out better,
then lining the squares and triangles and hexagons and countless others up,
to get sanded down to be as close as they could make them to be to a circle,


I'm not a kid anymore,
I'm much older now,

I still color inside the lines,
to make my beautiful pictures,
and sometimes,
like when I was a child,
I color outside the lines,

*because sometimes no one has to know,
when you've made a masterpiece,
a poem about coloring
962 · May 2015
Treebark [10w]
Cat Fiske May 2015
and her scars healed,
and her wrists mimicked,
*the treebark,
a old poem I just typed up now
946 · Aug 2015
Lie [10w]
Cat Fiske Aug 2015
lie.
everyone lied to you first,
they killed the truth
10w
946 · Jun 2016
the boy with light hair
Cat Fiske Jun 2016
the boy with light hair,
had a thin soothing voice,
that filled me with care,
and held broad shoulders underneath,
his hickey covered neck,
his adam's apple always turned me on,
and it soon became covered from my peck,
and he would return the favor,
and would hold me tight in his lanky arms,
and I'd look into the eyes of my savior,
eyes that you'd never forget in your life,
and he held me tight,
and protected me,
I knew everything was going to be alright,
the boy with light hair was mine,
and he called to tell me he loved me,
and to make sure I knew he cared,
his heart was deeper then the sea,
and he poured waves of love onto me,
he held me hand and never let go,
and pulled me in and held me close,
and if love hurt I wouldn't have known,
because it all felt so good,
until the day,
the boy with light hair,
came my way,
and threw me around his house,
saying I couldn't leave,
and he pushed me up against the wall,
and ripped my coat sleeve,
it was his,
it smelled like cats and moist hair,
and he then held me,
and told me he cared,
a day later,
he striked my face,
and then I returned it back,
and when his friend left he took me to a place,
and he picked me up and sat me down,
and punched me hard,
and I broke down,
I cradled my face in my hands,
he stared at the outcome,
and picked me up and held me close,
I laid on him as I went numb,
and the boy with the light hair,
kept pretending he loved me,
even when he would beat me,
til I begged on my knees,
and every time I was with him,
I thought it was okay,
he hurt me so much,
but i still stayed,
I didn't know the boy with light hair,
was doing bad things,
I never knew it was wrong,
I thought they were all good things,
I just didn't notice,
how he was hurting me,
the boy with the light hair and his motives,
he even went on to **** me,
and i sat their and let him do it,
everyday,
he went and ripped off my outfits,
I never questioned the boy with the light hair,
I didn't think to do so,
he did so many bad things,
I never would say no,
I just keep crying,
and staying quiet,
it was hard,
but I got by it,
and the boy with the light hair,
left me during the snow,
he mocked me,
and called me a ***,
and I called and called,
and cried to the phone,
and I cried more each time,
the operator said leave  a message after the tone,
and i begged him to call me back
but he never will,
like the call,
the boy with the light hair will never love me back,
and I cried and still do as I await his call.
Cat Fiske May 2015
if I am to have,
a son,
or daughter,
who comes out to me as gay,
and sit there crying trying to explain,
what else could I say,
then,
"stop crying",
"you said you where happy",
because acceptance is what people want,
in love,
in life,
and as a parent its your job,
to give it to them.
gay or strait our hearts are what makes us a person, and everyday that fact won't change. read past and future on the bible pages or on there life, there more then the part your mind can't stop fixating on as wrong.
939 · Jun 2016
i'm just another nothing,
Cat Fiske Jun 2016
Alone in a crowded room,
at some point I have to realize,
that some people can only stay in your heart,
but not in your life,

it feels like everyone else's life is moving on,
but its as if am stuck in the hole i can't climb out of,
as the world judges me by the decisions I have made,
not remembering the options I had to chose from,

and I hate getting flashbacks,
from the past I don't want to remember,
but the past comes back as they tap my shoulders,
and force me to look back,

I never ment to depend on anyone this much,
but I need you more then the earth needs the sun,
I just want to feel that i'm important to someone.
I don't really know where I stand in others lives.

one minute i'm their everything but then i'm nothing special,
I think this is why i get so upset,
i would never do these things that people do,
to hurt me, to hurt them,

and the thoughts get me lost inside,
I will be that person everyone replaces after a while,
I didn't change for you or for me,
I guess you just never really knew me,

because you never cared enough to find out,
or cared enough to know what i'm going through,
everything happens for a reason,
but can I know the reason?

i'm just another nothing,
nothing special,
nothing worth their time,
nothing worth a soul in the world.
937 · May 2015
burdening you.
Cat Fiske May 2015
he thinks he's burdening me,
with his bothersome texts and such,
but truth be told,
I love them lots,

he thinks he's burdening me,
with his bothersome IMs and photo spams,
but truth be told,
I find it cute and sweet,

he thinks he's burdening me,
but he writes me page upon page of poems,
on everything my life hold,
and we have and may never met,
I hope we can,
he know so much about me,
even the things I don't understand,

So I'm burdening you,
because yeah,
your wasting your time on little old me,
who just sit and wastes her life away,
living on poetry,
when I need to be living a life,
where things matter more,
then words I have on torn pages,
thats how I'm,
*Burdening you.
Brandon :P its for you.
937 · Feb 2016
I, Make, Me,
Cat Fiske Feb 2016
_________

shake, cold, ****

Make me believe these forgeries spitting off your tongue,
thinking I am someone to purely award you my love.
when you're nothing more then trash


no, stop, crys,

"Make me?"
make you not take the vial of my youth, you hold it,
worthless to me, but worth everything you still hold over me.


years, passed, two,

Make the memories go away,
of all the things from that awful day,
you hold nothing and everything over me,


black-out, leg-spaz, cry-now,

Make me lose control of myself,
"do you really know yourself?
what is happening to you?"


count, tiles, breathe,

Makes me know the length and width
of every ceiling, every floor, every wall, of every room,
I'm stuck inside of as I struggle to just breathe,


in, and, out,

makes me wonder why I can't do these simple things,
makes me remember all my other flaws and mistakes,
makes it even harder to breathe,


please, help, me,

Make me look someone down,
and beg with my eyes,
for help, for something


giving, trust, hard,

makes it look easy when its not,
I can say it all that I want,
but do I mean it?.


Talk, to, me,

Make me tell you what is wrong,
tell me what to say,
tell me its okay when its not,


it's, not, okay,

make me argue with you,
make me have to tell you the truth,
my past and pain,


you're, just, helping,

Make me help myself,
make me learn to do things I need on my own,
Make me not feel bad for getting help.


you, did, good

Make sure I tell myself,
"because no one else is there to tell you,
how good you did for getting through,"


I, Make, Me

**make myself do the things I need,
I no longer rely on you or anyone for these,
I'm not a child anymore sweetie,
933 · Jan 2016
I saw Mary
Cat Fiske Jan 2016
we drove by saint mary's all the time.
and this was no different today,
than the last,

but I saw mary,
in the window that night,
and it was all a flash as we drove by,

as I said we did all the time,
but this time,
I saw the ****** in the night,

each and everyday I wonder,
why did I see her,
why didn't I greet her,

I wonder why she was there,
or if she was as scared,
as me,

I question myself everyday,
like did you really see,
Mother Mary?

I cannot explain what I saw,
Mary had not spoken to me,
as she just appeared to me for a moment,

as I was shocked to see her disappear so quickly,
the view of the hospital window she was in was fading,
I clutched a set of my grandmother rosary beads she gave me to fix,

in my hands there all I felt the whole car ride back,
as I kept bringing back the image of Mary,
and her outstretched hands,

the silhouette won't fade from my memory,
I constantly try to find out why,
she decided to appear to me,

we drive by saint mary's all the time,
and I look for her in the window before it fades away,
as we drive by,

and I haven't seen the room light up,
since the time she appeared to me,
but I will still wait for her every time we drive by.
it's true. and I will look for her every time we drive by, until I die.
933 · Oct 2015
suck it up,
Cat Fiske Oct 2015
**** it up,
**** it in,
hold it all inside,
up in your head,

learning how not a soul wants a thing to do,
with such a problem like you,
so stop crying about it,
if you must,

hold yourself tight,
even lie to yourself about it,
but never ever,
let it all come flowing out,

no one will be around to pick up the broken pieces,
that you shatter in,

so be like a mirror,
and reflect back at them,
there spitting self image
*as they **** it up.
how people judge others before they judge themselves.
Cat Fiske May 2015
I hate getting calls and the voice mails that always follow,
like the rainbow after rain.

the only exception was,
to here your long gone voice,
again.

but there was no rainbows
to follow this storm.
35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.
918 · Sep 2015
regret
Cat Fiske Sep 2015
sometimes i regret almost,
most things,
most thoughts
and,
most actions,

but,
my feelings,
are what I regret,
more than anything,
else in the world,

and,
sorry I can't,
fix the damage,
I've done,

to you,
others,
and,
to myself.
an old poem
917 · May 2016
Down the Old Road.
Cat Fiske May 2016
Sometimes I feel your cold fists against my cheek,
and I remember the last times we peacefully got to sleep.
Im getting weak.
as I can't get over the new smell of the newly fallen autumn leaves,
910 · Oct 2017
a picture of her face
Cat Fiske Oct 2017
the
smile across,
this women's,
face,
brings me,
so much joy!

I play to her,
painting,
a picture,
of her face,

A picture,
of this woman's face,
is left inside,
my head,

for she has left,
and I alone,
with a picture of her face,

I can play,
for her still,
for her memory,
never fades,

she is still,
right by my side,
I still have,
a picture of her face.

and though,
she left,
so sudden,
so abrupt,
I remember,
one important thing,
the way she smiled,
the way she laughed,
and how I still have,


I miss,
my love,
so dear,
to me,
gone,
in a flash,

only to leave,
a picture of her face,

she only left,
a picture of her face.

my love is gone,
and left so fast,
leaving me here,
to play to,
a picture of her face,

I remember,
her smile,
the way she laugh,
but only stare,
to a picture of her face,

my love is gone,
and left so fast,
leaving me here,
to play to,
a picture of her face,

I remember,
her smile,
the way she laugh,
but only stare,
to a picture of her face,


I still,
play to her,
for she has left,
and I alone,
with a picture of her face,
Scoot Joplin a picture of her face, during the song.
Listen to the song while reading to get the tempo
909 · May 2015
Lefthanded Base
Cat Fiske May 2015
he has a left handed base,
and I want to hear him play,

but he is in vermont,
for the winters,
but that's alright,
we can have the summers,

but I will be working,
and trying to get my truck I wanted,
and he will be waiting,
daily for me,

he will eventually get tired,
of waiting for me,
to hear him play,
right?

see,
I love him,
even though the last time I was with him,
my friend kicked his sack,

do I know why,
nope,
will he, she, or anyone tell me,
why they hell they were made at him?

nope...
but I love him,
I love his long hair,
and his honest mind,

I love how he doesn't call me pretty,
but still does with his eyes.
I love how he just means what he says,
and says what he means,

I love how he,
says he thinks he loves me,
and how he doesn't get mad when I cry,
I love when he holds me,

I love when he kisses me,
and kisses my neck,
and leaves marks,
to make sure I don't forget where he was,

I love how he doesn't make me **** him,
or **** his ****,
unless I want to,
but,

I hate,
how I won't get to hear his base,
still,
and how I miss him,
my baby :c
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