I forgot how much I missed you Until we started talking again I've been through lots of painful things But not many compare to losing a friend
You texted me a week ago You tried to apologize It wasn't your fault (You liked looking in my eyes)
Said you found this jacket In the picture, it reminded Me of a 80s quilt I said you should get it, you did
Adults keep pulling on our sleeves Telling us to grow up Keep only what you need Well I needed connection And I needed a friend You were running low on those too Maybe life's out to get us Maybe they just don't care I know it's easier If I have you there
The trees keep growing The flowers keep blossoming Shouldn't we still grow?
With everything happening in the world I find it strange that people always say thats how it's always been or that is how Ive always done it. Life is continually growing and changing into a better you. Don't stunt your growth
back when i played tag.. running away from my friends was fun. i remember how exciting it was to run fast. i always got an adrenaline rush running away.
back when i would spin in circles over and over to feel dizzy and fall down, and after i fell i would lay in the scratchy grass and watch the sky because it was fun to see the world spin for a minute. it was new to see things spin that weren’t supposed to rotate.
back when a swimsuit was just a swimsuit that my mom got for me at walmart, i didn’t care what it looked like because i just wanted to play at the pool or in the sprinklers or to wash the car with my siblings on a crispy summer morning (but the water always ended up being dumped on eachother rather than on the car)
back when the only validation i needed to be happy was a thumbs up and an encouraging “good job shay may!” from my parents. because i’m pretty sure they knew everything when i was 5 years old.
back when i heard the garage door and would run to give my parents the biggest hug because every hour they were gone felt like a week..
and now it’s different everything has something motivating it..
as we learn more, we hurt more we feel more and tbh it *****.
because now i run to prevent a mental breakdown i run to burn calories
i spin in circles not by choice, but because life is ****** and confusing and makes your head spin.. it’s not anything new i’ve grown accustomed to my mind losing balance and falling over and over.. the ceiling spinning in my room at 2:00am doesn’t bring the same joy as the blue sky did.
now a swimsuit has to look flattering and not show my body too much because of course, i’m actually a *******.
now i need validation from anyone willing to give it to me and also from the whole freaking internet and honestly it’s still not even enough. never will be
now when i see my parents i walk up to them and hug them and say “hey how are you?”
it’s boring it’s hard it’s ******
and i wish i was little when food was just food
and when running didn’t include running away from myself
look around you, enjoy the hair clips and lip gloss those moon-shoes and silly-bands. too-long legs and frizzy hair are the worst of your problems now but it gets a whole lot darker, and not a thing will stop when you can't find a candle.
i wish i had been happier when i was a kid. all i wanted was to grow up and be mature. i definitely thought my life was the worst, but maturity kind of ***** and now i just wanna go back.