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s May 12
sometimes
i think about being a kid again

back when i played tag..
running away from my friends was fun.
i remember how exciting it was to run fast.
i always got an adrenaline rush running away.

back when i would spin in circles over and over to feel dizzy and fall down,
and after i fell i would lay in the scratchy grass and watch the sky because it was fun to see the world spin for a minute.
it was new to see things spin that weren’t supposed to rotate.

back when a swimsuit was just a swimsuit that my mom got for me at walmart,
i didn’t care what it looked like because i just wanted to play at the pool
or in the sprinklers
or to wash the car with my siblings on a crispy summer morning
(but the water always ended up being dumped on eachother rather than on the car)

back when the only validation i needed to be happy was a thumbs up and an encouraging “good job shay may!” from my parents.
because i’m pretty sure they knew everything when i was 5 years old.

back when i heard the garage door and would run to give my parents the biggest hug because every hour they were gone felt like a week..

and now it’s different
everything has something motivating it..

as we learn more,
we hurt more
we feel more
and tbh it *****.

because now
i run to prevent a mental breakdown
i run to burn calories

i spin in circles not by choice,
but because life is ****** and confusing
and makes your head spin..
it’s not anything new
i’ve grown accustomed to my mind
losing balance and falling over and over..
the ceiling spinning in my room at 2:00am doesn’t bring the same joy as the blue sky did.

now a swimsuit has to look flattering
and not show my body too much
because of course,
i’m actually a *******.

now i need validation from anyone willing to give it to me and also from the whole freaking internet
and honestly it’s still not even enough.
never will be

now when i see my parents
i walk up to them
and hug them and say
“hey how are you?”

it’s boring
it’s hard
it’s ******

and i wish i was little
when food was just food

and when running didn’t include
running away from myself
Growing up *****
Capriccio Dec 2019
It's like I'm just  a big kid
Who won't behave
I know I'm broken in this way

I am not the marrying kind
And I'm not fine
I don't need
Nor do I need to ever be
The One
un-loved Dec 2019
look around you,
enjoy the hair clips and lip gloss
those moon-shoes and silly-bands.
too-long legs and frizzy hair
are the worst of your problems now
but it gets a whole lot darker,
and not a thing will stop
when you can't find a candle.
i wish i had been happier when i was a kid. all i wanted was to grow up and be mature. i definitely thought my life was the worst, but maturity kind of ***** and now i just wanna go back.
Jules Oct 2019
I gave so much of myself up
But was it ever enough?
I don't wanna grow up
Upside down
Can't turn around
Another day
And I'm a goner
Mama I don't wanna feel no longer
elish Sep 2019
i am a grass.

i get cut out,
whenever i grow up.
society tells the youth to shut up because we dont know anything yet, since we are young. but when we grow up and we are learning, they cut us out and say that we are pointless.
Pretty girl Apr 2019
i am but a child with my eyes closed believing i am invisible
cloaked in my own curiosity
i tiptoe over sentences and ask about big words like
what does ******* mean?

My mama told me don't ask for it
What is it?
How do I paint my nails red without smearing the Polish?

When i felt (becoming a woman) run down my legs along went my wonder, childlike
My body was now poetic in the way it wrote verses across the pad
Jenna Mar 2019
pots filled with life

brimming with memories

light, a mother's caress

water, ingredient to growth

waiting for the opportunity

to stand tall and beautiful

no other, the same
Nyx105 Feb 2019
I am in a forest of people
They completely surround me
Encasing me in a shell of the unknown
I don't know where I am.
I don't know what to do.
If they are all White Willow then I must be the Weeping.
The sun is so far out of my reach
How do they know that is the way to go
How are they so sure that they must grow up
When I am unsure if I am growing down.
Elizabeth Jan 2019
Freshman.
Living life like out of a book.
Holding onto the storybooks,
Their parents read to them when they were babies.
Now wanting to be the epitome of school.
Hitting school like a bomb,
Being North Korea against our school of Trump,
And reaching standards unknown to any man or woman before them.
They just throw their “Perfect” shape right into someone’s face,
And say HA!

To reach the standard of perfection,
They spend money on beauty.
Just styling themselves like the Kardashians,
And following Kylie Jenner’s shot glass lips challenge.
“Trends” is just another word for a wannabe utopian.
With parents, there is no worry over money,
As long as they are happy.

Happiness is Perfection.
Key to perfection is starvation.
Because being too big isn’t “pretty.”
Compare yourself,
To the preppy blonde cheerleader who thinks she is perfect,
cause she can shake her hips to the music.
To be like her you skip meals,
A day,
maybe two,
or even a week.
You're told, ”Go on a diet, you need it!”
To bad a genie can't make us skinnier with a snap of his fingers.

The genie did change the style.
Yelling “Attention!”
“The trends have changed.”
“Floral is now in.”
“So rid of those nasty old outfits, and pick up the new.”
“Paint yourself in the vision of everyone’s flower.”
“Invest in the fashion trends that make us “cool”.”

Now that you have the style,
You need friends.
Your bullies tease you,
“Oh lost puppy dog,
With your lonely eyes and scarce heartbeat,
Searching for someone to love you,
Too bad no one will.”
Dive head first into the sea of hope and status quo.
Taking in the account of who they dated,
Or what sport they are good at.
Cause Lord forbid you are friends with your ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend.
So stay clear of the nuclear reactors,
And just keep building your fumes,
With death glares and eye rolls.

“Oh No someone hold my earrings.”
Your ex is dating your best friend.
“SINCE WHEN!”
He isn’t worth losing your best friend over.
But you only argue and fight.
So start World War 3.
Be a slave to your own mistakes.

One mistake you didn’t make was advice on dating.
OH Wait,
You messed that up too.
The hottest guy in school was the one who held your heart,
Well sorry to say,
You aren’t good enough.
Oh, you want to catch his attention now?
Then attach yourself to his side,
Like a leech ******* all the attention from him.
Draining him of his status.
Just so you give up,
And say he wasn’t good enough.

Just like you weren’t good in school.
Boring lessons,
That makes you question when in life will I need this skill?
You think,
Oh, I will marry a rich guy and sit at home looking pretty.
REALITY CHECK.
Focus in school so you can sit at home and look pretty,
When you retire.

Gasp You are a rich girl.
Wait till I tell everyone what I just saw.
Such a disgrace!
No Lies.
No secrets.
Well too bad,
We know everything and tell everyone.
We can destroy you even if it isn’t true.
So keep your mouth shut,
Or don’t.

Miss Perfect of 2018 doesn’t spread rumors though.
She is too busy,
Getting her dad to pay for her.
Her $100 acrylic nails,
And $200 designer purse.
That is what you get when you meet a preppy cheerleader.
Daddy’s money is what causes happiness.

You can take daddy’s money and pay your friends.
No need for real friends,
Not if you are the most popular girl in school.
So be gullible and laugh at all their jokes and they will love you,
Not!

So Congratulations.
You are now the biggest brat in the school.
Don’t want all of this,
Be Yourself.
Sorry that it is long but I promise that it is worth your time
WizardsPen Nov 2018
You came
You lie
You left
I cried
I grow up
Random thoughts. :)
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