I've watched the movies of my ages,
Even those that were before,
I've read books of teenage feelings,
I've read about leprechauns.
The world has become an endless series,
The scenes repeat in every lore,
There's no book that could surprise me,
The same stories in every store.
My eyes are saying they are full of seeing,
They are replete of colours,
Even my mouth is fed of disagreeing,
They both wish to remain closed.
While my eyelids are feignedly sleeping,
While my lips are firmly closed,
The darkness is calling and appealing,
But the movie colours shout.
The films keep shooting everywhere,
Like an ever writing Molière,
But do the plays interest me more,
Or not seeing them anymore?
Thinking about feeling about
When I was feeling being loved by her
Was some kind of spiral
Some kind of collaboration with her -
Like our times together were on film
And it was a Her-in-my-Head kind of time ,
All the memories and the moments
From a **** Bill pantomime.
It was like our living & loving forever
Was going to go just as planned
And we'd be Adam & Eve at the End of Days
As the last tree burned and we held hands -
Don't get me wrong we were no Bonnie & Clyde
Playing out the tragedy of the old Midwest,
In a lovers' rush to take one final ride
On our way to a certain romantic death.
Thinking about dreaming about
Being her dream of perfection
Was some kind of wish fulfillment
Like an immaculate Inception
As she made it all up and our screenplay unfolded -
Every day in every way I woke up in her story
Until the CGI FX in my head-space exploded
In 5 point surround sound and Technicolor glory -
It was Cinéma vérité, a Love Affair with twists.
It was endless sequels, Terminator and Matrix,
The Towering Inferno and us trapped in the lift -
Fade to a pile of melting yellow bricks...
You remind me of
Some indie films i've seen
Where the colors are warm and subtle
Every scene so intricate and perfectly written
An underrated classic that’s so well hidden
From the view of the public eye
Its a taste that only some can acquire
Your intro ****** and conclusion
Are independent on its own
A beguiling, marvelous illusion
A vision to which nothing comes close
Your music harmonizes
with the view of the terrain
The film puts my heart at ease
You’re a cinematic masterpiece
I imagine to romanticize my life
I fantisize my drive to work as quirky and cute
My cup of tea is the best thing I've ever tasted
Wearisome tasks are now so compelling to do
Now I start to picture things in such a charming and beautiful way.
Darkness and heterodox philosophies clouded my mind for so long,
I almost forgot to admire goods and breathing trinkets.
Waking up and peaking in, would be the bright sunshine through the blinds
And my frizzed hair all over my face.
Through triumphs and trebulations
This is a film
About a girl
Viewing her life
As a studio ghibli film
denali licking me from the inside out
it’s a tickle that starts from the tummy and ends in your
toes, if i had ‘em but they fought the good fight
back when imagination consisted of staring up at the sky
and pretending you were already in the place you were
and when mirrors reflected what you thought you saw
instead it’s time spent thinking about your name on my skin
the electric wild is running down your spine will you try to catch it
pornographic sentiments are cheap change for feeling something
city lights and lonely nights only look good on film
a haphazard mechanical zeus for the metallic taste
that’s still lingering from when i tried to breathe
Written after seeing the film of the same name, starring Robert De Niro.
I drive these lonely streets at night
Picking up shadows from under street lights
I'll take anyone, kooks, pushers, hookers
I'll travel any place, don't bother me
Not my business the hours these people keep.
The rain lashes down, blurring the bright lights
Like a watercolour painting, mixing, blending
Some day a great rain will come
And wash all the **** off the streets.
I feel inside me a change coming
Someone must somehow stop
The users and abusers of the innocent,
There must be one to make a stand.
I see young girls, fourteen or fifteen
Walking the sidewalk for the pleasure of creeps
Selling the dream of teenage ***;
What dreams do they have locked away
Washed into the gutter by the rain.
I see drug pushers selling people's lives
On the dream of a trip to the wild side
Everyone is trying to get out, escape
But the streets have a grip you cannot see,
You can buy a potion to get you high
But from this hell there is no easy exit.
Some come to this circus to trade
They need to live their life of lies
And I am the ferryman to the other side.
Some day a great rain will come
To wash away all of this ****,
Women will be able to walk safe, alone
Without looking over their shoulder;
I feel a change coming in me
I must be the one to make a stand,
These children of sin need a home
Somewhere to shelter from the storm,
Then maybe I can sleep nights again.
sometimes we have to soak
in the negatives
of our celluloid scenes
in order to develop
and see the color
with in the world
A shutter clicks in flashing colors,
recording the imaginary.
The wheezing voice of tales unfolding,
now hoarse from an endless retelling.
Capture what we can't remember,
make up everything that's left.
A faint, but echoed, call to arms
that no on hears on set
#18 in my Year One collection, from notes on 2/26
Eight months ago a roll of expired film turned my whole world purple and I began speaking in rays of light instead of words.
And there I sat in amongst the thorny thistle mats of violet and green and silver-grey clouds
And I wondered how in this world of endless colour anyone could feel so overwhelmingly blue
But sometimes the blue absorbs you
Or you just seem to see the blue in all the other colours too
And it seeps into your purple world
And it seeps into your dreams and clings to your skin and seeps and clings and seeps
But blue has its place
Blue is beautiful, interesting, and full of soul and wonder
We have blue days just like we have purple days and orange days and gold
Sometimes we find someone or something that makes our blue days feel like spring
And together you sit back and admire the beauty in the blue
Or sometimes, most times, that person is you because at the end of the day you know your blue better than anyone else
So cut yourself some slack and love your blue
It’s just trying it’s best to be a colour and you’re just trying your best to be
I hope all of you have the strength to embrace your blue
we all want a movie ending
those romcoms you see on valentine’s day
that kind of ending
after all, i am a film student
but film has taught me more than the hollywood romance
it has taught me the crushing realities of life
the noir, lesser known tragedies and
the indie, underappreciated art of living
so the days that i wander and think about how we might reunite on a new york city street, coffee in tow and heels on, catching up and suddenly eloping in a whirlwind romance,
i curse hollywood for tainting my imagination
for cursing me with unnecessary pain through setups and disappointments
but then again, film has taught me that i will get my movie ending,
except i am not, and will not be the audience
i am the director, the screenwriter and the editor.