Me: *Has a test tmorrow that I still have to study and homework for 6 subjects that I still have to do.
Also me: *Decides to watch an entire DEH bootleg at 22:45
And then we're wondering why my grades are so bad
A "poem" every day.
So we had geography homework,
And also Latin and Maths.
I didn't do any of those.
We had a study hour, so I was copying the Math answers from the answer keys.
Two of my best friends didn't have any books.
I jokingly said; you can do my homework if you want.
They're doing my homework now.
Oh my ******* god.
A "poem" every day.
It started when I was twelve
A new place, a new school
When I couldn't quite understand myself
Not the best place to lose my school
It started when I was in class
When the teacher called me innocently
My heart started beating too loud, too fast
And then I felt all heads and eyes on me
It started when I was fourteen
The year when I was invited to a dance
But all I could hear were the haunting taunts, so mean
That's why I stayed home in a trance
It started when he asked me out
By this guy I liked, out of the blue
When I tried to answer, I couldn't open my mouth
Red-faced, I ran like an animal escaping the zoo
It started when I was sixteen
And I was graduating top of the class
But giving a speech, I wasn't too keen
Felt a bottomless pit on my stomach so vast
It started when I was an adult
Found myself not getting any employment
I just know that all of this is my fault
Cause it feels like some kind of punishment
I know how it all started
But I only have so much left to bend
I feel like I am being deserted
I just wanna know when this will end
Had an assignment to present social anxiety disorder creatively and this was the result. Only had a day to do this, so it's pretty rough.
Disclaimer: mostly NOT based on my own experiences
Homework looks at me
I really do not want to
... **** it. Tomorrow.
I just really hate Trigonometry and i won't ever use it in life. That is all.
the beep beep makes me hardly do sit up
with some skins about to crack
open the laptop. write half of it
and cry over uncompleted tasks
wearing the clothes that is all black
******* snow, extremely ****** me up
The class is draining me so I’m gonna skip it
Stuck in the mindset thats make me wanna go basking
In the bed where I can fully go dreaming
I, Amanda Kay Burke, on this day (April 5th, 2019), declare myself to all of you.
I declare no belief in what we refer to as "God."
I don't own enough luck to find four-leaf clovers.
I love those rare moments in time when bliss lays its roots so deep in my mind I become one of those people who cannot stop smiling.
Waking in time to catch the sunrise.
I love catching frogs too.
Yet I suspect I enjoy releasing them even more.
I love watching the rain crash down from above
Like tears from aliens we'll never encounter
On a distant moon in my skull
Or some astrophysical realm I saw in a dream.
I love bleeding
It reminds me I am actually still a breathing human being
I hate the pain as much as any undomesticated animal does though
I love sweets.
Maybe because I am sour like vinegar.
How I long to instead be cake, honey, or even peach-like in nature.
I want to be caramel melting into buttery rich folds
For a day or perhaps two at most.
I love surprises.
I declare I love showers.
They make me feel okay.i
I love my family.
I love my friends.
I love being the reason someone laughs
Love the freckle on the end of my nose.
The shape of my fingernails.
I love that my limbs all work the way they were designed.
That I have ten fingers, two eyes, and one heart.
I love that I only have the best intentions.
It makes up for the ideas I try that fail.
I declare I hate running
Or any exercise really..
I shrug off those who believe they know me when they don't.
Not a fan of classical music
Or boys who treat love like a joke.
I despise the white shreds of paper leftover when you rip pages out of a notebook.
I hate cigarettes, but you can vape around me.
I hate my completely pathetic lack of willpower.
I hate how the most trivial things make me angry.
I declare my hatred towards rising stress.
Hate how I cry over geometry.
I hate my nose, teeth, and thighs.
In each and every last form
I hate all types of goodbyes.
I hate my voice when I complain a tad too much.
How unathletic and clumsy I am.
I hate how I can keep everyone else's secrets
Not my own
When I can't grasp concepts the rest of the room understands.
I declare I'm quite surprised to learn
Not all creatures are as shallow as I presume.
I was not expecting my junior year to be like this.
People I grew up with aren't there anymore.
I'm frightened I'll be torn apart by society.
I am terrified by spiders
But I think their webs are beautiful.
I love food
But hate how it makes me feel.
I'm unsure of where life will take me
I have a feeling that's part of the deal.
I declare sometimes I am a hypocrite.
A good actress but a ****** liar.
Wear my heart on my sleeve.
To be perfectly honest
When it comes to sad films
I'm a big emotional cried.
I am human.
I have plenty of flaws.
The worst at moving on and letting go.
Every ordeal I've been through on this Earth had made me strong.
If there's one thing life has taught me
It is to take it day by day and go with the flow.
So you can go with the flow
I go over my bucket list one more time...
Study, then jog a bit, finish my drawing for my grandma, then the equation I couldn’t figure out, then write the essay-
Or wait-maybe I should read the guidelines one more time-
The due date, when is it again?
AH! Piano is more immediate, where’s my metronome?
Oh no! The books are all our of order again and I can’t find it, why don’t I reorganize them in the process-
My room looks like trash why don’t I-
“Honey, are you done with your homework yet?”
I've ******* up, I am ******* up, I can't stop ******* up because I am a ***** up.
Im a perfectionist and a procrastinator, to things I hate so deeply about myself, I've let down so many, myself included.
I'm so angry and frustrated all the time... but I know its all because of me, no one else's fault but my own.
I know I'm the only one who can fix it, who can stop it but I haven't, I can't, I need help but no one can help me, but me.
****! I've ******* up!
Why do I keep repeatedly failing at school? Everyone keeps telling me I'm the only one who can make me get back on track but, why wouldn't I have done that already? Its making me sick to my stomach worrying about it.
I've had all day to work.
Yet I procrastinate until the next–
At 3:30 I'm so exhausted,
I don't even feel alive anymore.
It feels unreal.
I haven't eaten for seven hours.
I fear that going to the kitchen to fill myself
Will awaken the family
Out of their gentle sleep,
And into my reality:
My task gives me so much anxiety.
I put it off.
I don't think about it.
I rid it from my mind.
Until 3:30 am.
Maybe I should start doing homework,
I just wrote eight finished drafts.
I have an arm full of words and ink,
That I just made in class.
What else should I be doing?
Is the question mostly asked.
But I'll just copy her history notes,
I really need to get some sleep.
I'm writing a small poem every day about how I feel or the world around me. This is #15