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lenore Jul 9
my insides may curl up like sails in a storm
but my heart is the flag, unafraid to be torn.
And the ground beneath
My feet vanishes.
The air in my lungs
Evaporates within me.
The blood in my veins
Exsanguinates through my pores.
And my mind shrivels and expands
Like the core ready to explode.
And I’m dying.

5 things I can see:
The chair
The sky
The door
The walls
My hand

The walls are closing in.
4 things I can touch:
The floor
The chair
My hair
The walls

The walls swirl in my vision
3 things I can hear:
The birds outside
The fan
The sound of my feet bouncing off the floor.

The walls move in and out of my vision.
2 things I can smell
The cut grass.
The sweat on my skin

The walls
1 thing I can taste:
The salt on my lips.

And then the walls vanish.
It’s always a battle with you
I try to stand up, and you’re always there to kick me down again
You beat me down and I just lie there and take it
A right swing to my body image, an uppercut to my confidence

I’m never allowed to be happy
And God forbid I feel beautiful for once
You make me out to be this obnoxious person that nobody can stand
But I don’t see you with any friends, and no one’s coming to your defense

You tell me that I annoy all my friends and they’ll all betray me
Yet you never fail to be first in line for taking a swing at me
Always whispering in my ear and telling me that nobody has ever really liked me
But you have always been the first to bash me for being who I am

Maybe I’m really not all that bad
Maybe I’m really ******* fantastic
And maybe you’re just scared that I’ll figure it out and you’ll be forgotten
Because you’re nothing but an irrelevant voice constantly fighting to keep itself heard

You are the voice of my anxiety
You exist because I do
And without me, you are nothing
But without you, I can be happy

I am all you have
I give your voice life and I give it meaning
You are nothing but what I allow you to be
You say I’m nothing, but you are nothing without me
Melanie May 2
Anxiety is being unable to breathe
no matter how hard you try.
This life isn't glamorous, it's messy.
It's tear stained, exhausting, painful.
It's a feeling that never goes away.

Friends tell me to relax, just breathe.
All I can say is I can't.
Relaxing isn't in my vocabulary.
They say this isn't normal, but how
can they be so sure if they don't get it.

It's just another day. And I'm alone.
My one-dimpled smile faltering,
knowing my normal is their worst day.
They don't understand this burden
of always being scared, worried, alone.

My mind's reeling breath shuddering.
Feeling the popcorn textured
picture covered walls closing in on me.
The pinks, greens, and whites of
my dorm warping around the space.

If I were to look in a mirror, I would see a girl
shrinking under the weight of her mind.
But instead, I stay on the edge of my bed,
going through the usual motions;
inhale, hold 2, 3, 4, exhale.
I wrote this poem about my struggle with anxiety, and how, sometimes, my friends really don't get it.

This poem was submitted to Telluride Institute's Fischer Prize poetry contest.
Lost Apr 3
I sit there
Not believing that each person
Can possibly be so shallow
Can have so little layers

That what they’re showing the room
Isn’t just a shoddy facade
So incompetently shielding the world
From the turbulence
Bubbling underneath

Each of them is at a simmer

Sizzling and crackling
Hissing out little bits
Of their true interiors
In small foggy clouds
That dissipate and are forgotten
Sometimes before they are even acknowledged
This is an old poem initially drafted while having a panic attack at a party. Enjoy.
muteD Mar 19
and my chest keeps constricting.
tightening.
and my eyes keep watering.
gushing.
and my head keeps hurting.
throbbing.
I was in the middle of if having an anxiety attack.
Shaking

Tunnel vision

Dizziness

No precision

Almost gone

Blurry vision

The world spinning

Vision fades

Lights out

Gone today
The desk in front of me has eyes.
The chair I’m sitting in has eyes.
The lights above my head have eyes.
The walls around me have eyes.
The bricks in the walls have eyes.
The windows in the walls have eyes.
The trees through the windows have eyes.
The leaves on the trees have eyes.
The road next to the trees has eyes.
The lines on the road have eyes.
The cars on the road have eyes.
The wheels on the cars have eyes.
The people all around me have eyes.
The eyes have eyes.
And those eyes also have eyes.
My eyes have eyes.
My skin has eyes.
My fingers have eyes.
My hair has eyes.
My clothes have eyes.
And every single one of them
Is staring at me.
And every single one of them
Wants me dead.
Everything wants me dead.
Everything is devouring me.
Don’t pay any mind to the kid having an anxiety attack in the middle of class.
void Dec 2018
i layed forever just holding back dry tears and when i finally got the courage to move i went through the motions of going to bed
and i got upstairs and i grabbed my guitar and i held it and i tried to play but i couldn't it kept getting worse so i just stood there
guitar in my hands and i was shaking and i couldn't breathe
so i layed down and i waited to be told goodnight and i layed on my side choking on myself
and then i couldn't move and i couldn't do anything and i tried to write but it didn't feel good so i layed in my side choking on myself
and i tried to draw but it almost made me cry so i layed on my side choking on myself
and i grabbed my guitar again and put it down and layed down on my side choking on myself
and i just couldn't break away and
it was the most awful feeling on earth
and i could hear so many things being said and i could see
so many things happening inside my head and i couldn't shut them out so the tears started to seep but i couldn't cry and i could feel myself choking
on myself and i couldn't do anything about it
choking on myself and
i couldn't do anything about it
choking on myself
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