and this is the part
where i realize he's
not even worth my tears
or the scars on my wrist,
his eyes are not worth
my pain, and his
sweet smile isn't worth
my sadness.
                                         *but everytime i look at him,
                                          this feeling appears, where
                                          i can just leave my world for
                                          a second and enter his, where
                                          i feel almost infinite standing
                                          next to him, where all i wanna
                                          do i hold his hand and kiss his
                                                               thin lips.

i remember the day
i first saw you
and how everybody
said "stay away from him"
and how i shrugged
my shoulders and
approached your attitude.

                              i remember the day
                              i last saw you,
                              and how you said
                              "i'm no good",
                              and how i shrugged
                              my shoulders and
                              touched your tongue
                              for the last time.

the smell of cigars,
the mess around us,
the arguments we start,
the feelings that makes us fall apart,
the heartbreaks we suffer,
the words we mutter,
the broken pieces we repair,
the kisses we share,
the hugs that mend us,
the insults that turn to dust,
the tears we sob,
the banks we rob,
create one
chaotic perfection,
out of us.

that perfectly shaped bone,
i can see it right through
your tender and thin
skin,
it is visible when you
breathe and swallow
my taste,
my venom.

you have to step
out of your comfort zone,
so you can enjoy
life's adventures,
whether they end up
good or bad,
whether they leave
bad or good memories,
whether they give you
nightmares or sweet dreams,
you have to learn to
take risks and not
be cautious, because
if you are, you are just going
to end up living
a bored, bland, lifeless life.

he is confused;
because he is unaware of her miserable ways to make him notice her,
because he does not know why does she keep being nice when he is constantly mean to her,
because he is planning ways to see her and he does not know why,
maybe he is just losing his mind.

she is confused;*
because she does not understand how can he be so blind and stupid not to notice her love,
because she keeps being nice to him even though he keeps being a ****,
because she is always trapped in his net, whenever she is around - he is around.
maybe she is just crazy.
__
soon enough they will both realize that love does not exist in this cruel world and go separate ways, until they meet each other again..

all she wants to do
is get lost,
walk into some
unfamiliar alley
and disappear
from the world,
to build something
of her own.
and after all,
it‘s a big city,
nobody will
find her,
and she doesn't want
to be found.

i am crying again,
because of him,
because he looks so
perfect in every picture he
takes and in every sunlight
that shines over him.
i am crying again,
because i know he will
never be mine,
and i want him so badly.
i am crying again,
because i promised myself
that i will not fall for him
again. i guess,
i broke my promise.
i am crying again,
because it takes every cell
and fiber in my body,
not to go to the ***** bathroom,
cry it all out and make new scars,
because i am going to the doctor's
in the morning,
and i cannot afford my mom‘s
stupid lectures.
i am crying again,
because i love him too much,
and because i know he will
find the perfect girl someday,
but she won't ever love him
the way that i do.
i am crying again,
because i will never be
yours, g.
and i want to,
so much.
i am crying again,
laying in bed,
looking at your pictures
in my phone,
and i am crying again,
because i will never
feel your lips on mine,
ever.

i have noticed recently,
that her green eyes are darker,
her shiny hair is darker,
her soft lips are darker,
her flushed cheeks are darker,
her ****** thoughts are darker,
and her twisted soul is darker.
but even like this,
with her changed,
i still love her with
that dark glow that
shines over her.

look at the stars, darling.
look how they sparkle and shine,
only for you
i said to her, lying on the wet grass.
but there are no stars
she furrowed her black eyebrows
and looked at me.
that's right, darling. nothing ever
shines for you. you are worthless
i simplify and kiss her forehead.
i know*
she whisperes while she closes
her blue eyes and falls asleep
on my shoulder.

i'm sick and cold and shaking and coughing the venom that is you and you have poisoned my blood and my heart isn't beating the same anymore and you are so painfully beautiful it hurts//

i loved him more than anything and i missed his smile like the flowers miss the rain but there were stroms and lightning and i couldn't stop crying over him but he was just shining and i always wondered where he went with his friends and if he had started smoking cigarettes or if he ever got drunk and tried to call me but remembered he didn't have my number, though i'm sure i haven't crossed his mind this year//

the snow seems warmer without you and you should know by now that i hate warmth and i always preferred the cold, maybe that's why i always loved you, you were colder than the ice i slipped on and fell and i fell for you and i still have no clue why i compare you to the weather//

i've been slashing blood for him even though he doesn't care but maybe i should show him my wrists and he would run away but i‘d tell him it's all him, he did this with his pity laugh that reminded me of bitter coffee and black chocolate but he would still leave, boys with deadly smiles and clear minds and rough hands who play tennis in the rain always leave and they always ruin girls with nice hearts and sparkling eyes and flushed cheeks and freezing lips who love to chase them//

i am crawling
on the floor,
looking for
the dignity
i lost, when
i told you
i loved you.

you really want to disappear, don't you?
you want to be invisible and
you want to run away from everything, don't you?
you think everybody will forget about you
once you're finally gone, don't you?
you think you will do everyone a favor if you
aren't there anymore, don't you?
you think everything will be easier
once you're gone, don't you?

all of that is pure *******.

*life was given to you because you had to make some change, difference in this ****** up world. and you certainly shouldn't throw it away because you feel like **** or you think you're not good enough. because if you weren't good enough, you wouldn't be here, right now.

laughing at nothing
specific,
you said you could
swim the pacific.

i didn't believe you,
of course
and that's when you
headed for the doors.

i laughed harder,
at your blunt escape.
but you thought
that this was a date.

i gave you a
disapproving look,
and you stared at me
until your hands with
mine hooked.

you kissed me out
of the blue,
and you smiled against
my lips because you knew
it was true.

and i realized that
with a couple of drinks,
you can do a lot of
brave things.

i.
i met a boy with light brown eyes
and a nice smile, with glitter in his hair
and no blood on his hands, and
he reminded me of the rain and
sun at the same time.

  *ii.
he sometimes looked at me but it
wasn't with the same passionte eyes
i viewed him and i was certain he wasn't
longing for me to kiss his neck and graze
my teeth on the thin skin of his collarbone.

   iii.
he fascinated me in ways i couldn't even explain,
his mind was the ocean i wanted to dive in and explore,
but i found myself unable to swim in the deep water,
and i couldn't find a way out on the surface, i felt myself
drowning and his arms, which didn't even reach out for me,
couldn't save me.

    iv.*
i was buried by his laugh and drugged on his smile
but i couldn't wish for a more lovelier death.

slurred lyrics from underneath
the ***** window, ready to be cleaned,
words so peacefully spoken,
that it makes your heart dance,
spinning world,
entering a different dimension
where all you can do
is sing me love songs
on your old, rusty guitar,
and all i can do is smile,
crinkle my nose and get
lost in the universe that is your mind.

**** you left my lips
black and cold and
unwanted and drunk and
unable to kiss another
teenage boy without still
tasting you on the tip of
my tongue.

the thought of dying
someday, it's a good
enough reason to live,
i can live with that fact
that i am going to die someday,
to leave earth and finally
go to hell and meet
my satan.

she lost control again,
just like in any situation
where she's helpless and
anxious, and she needs
someone to calm her down
with sloppy kisses and
tight hugs, but there's
no one to give her what
she wants and needs.