Don't laugh,
You are next.


F.Z.**N

The months were passing
As my doubts growing
Higher and higher.
I was thinking that
She was just a summer fling,
That we were just mad
At each other,
That we will eventually
Get back together.

Anyway,
My doubts carried on
Until the merry merry day
I saw my grandmother's ring
Around her finger.
And I knew we were pretty much over.


F.Z.**N

Okay maybe you found yourself
Some other girl,
You don't need me any more.


F.Z.**N

There was a time
When I was with you
And each smile,
Each shiver was framed
And hanged
On the walls of our dreams.
Now I fall asleep
And everything
Is silent,
Except the screams
Of those paintings
As they crumbled
To the floor
And didn't mean a thing
Any more.


F.Z.**N

What kills me the most
Is that your forever
Never quite matched mine.


F.Z.**N

It's okay
I have the moon's company;
The only one
Who can understand me.


F.Z.**N

It took me three-hundred-twenty-six letters
And more, even more tears,
Endless nights
With your face
Smiling behind the window
Snatching sleep away from me,
Endless exhausting days
With no capacity to notice the sun
No capacity to notice the time,
And a lot of pain
A hell lot of pain
To forget you

But I don't think I do.


F.Z.**N

My bag heavy
With sanity
Slowed my steps
Before I dropped it
In the middle of nowhere
And started to run
Toward insanity,
Toward you.


F.Z.**N

I am not your match, no.
I'm just a match
Waiting to be set on fire.


F.Z.**N

Yes, she loves you.
It's obvious.
But she wouldn't go out of her way
And wake up at 5 in the morning
Just to kiss you
Before you went to class.
She loves you
But she wouldn't cry herself to sleep
After you two argued
Over something stupid.
She wouldn't say sorry
For something she didn't do,
She wouldn't giggle to herself
When you crossed her mind,
She wouldn't have eyes only for you,
She wouldn't ******* kiss you
And taste immortality in your lips.

She wouldn't love you
The way I did.

Isn't it quite deranging
That every book,
Every song,
Every dream
Still speak your name.


F.Z.**N

**** life, man.
**** it to the bone.


F.Z.**N

And we're all
Just passing the time
Trying to forget
We're going to die


F.Z.**N

You feel safe, darling.
Just like home
When it's raining.


F.Z.**N

You looked me in the eye
With the same smile you gave me
A long time ago.
You let me order your coffee for you
I knew which one
It's still the same
From a long time ago.

I laughed about the jokes you told me
You laughed at how unfunny
Mine were
And you playfully hit me
I frowned, you laughed,
I laughed, you laughed again
And said sorry
Just like you did
A long time ago.

The worst of it all
Was that when your hand
Accidentally brushed mine
I shivered
Just like I did
A long long time ago.


-- Eleanor

This morning on the tramway a stranger
Was singing our song.
I didn't know how to feel about it,
Whether I wanted to keep listening
Or change seats,
Whether I loved you still
Or didn't care any more.

So I simply looked out of the window
And smiled to the memory of us.


F.Z.**N

In the light I am born
And in the light I die
But somewhere in the dark
I see your face.


F.Z.**N

It's not love that leads to disappointment
But rather attachment.


-- Eleanor

When love hits two people
It's far beyond their capacity
It's not a choice.
Like God, bored in his kingdom,
Ordered the angels
To stitch them together
As one piece of fabric
Through thick and thin.

Then the Devil, jealous of such union,
Does his best to set them apart again.
He tries loosening the threads,
Uses scissors to rip them.
He even makes little unnoticeable holes
Just to damage the cloth.

But they must be smart
They must see through his villain attempts
At spoiling the embroidery of love
God sewed on the cloth of their heart.
They must resist.

Sometimes they do
Sometimes they don't.


F.Z.**N

This world is bound to end one day
And believe me darling
It's not going to go out of its way
And make our love infinite

So I understand if you must go,
I totally understand.


F.Z.**N

I thought I forgot you
I thought I long had you buried
Deep in my memory.
I thought you could no longer haunt me
Like you used to do so often.
I thought I got over you
Until your eyes met mine today,
Once or twice at most and that was about it.

I couldn't look at you,
I couldn't look at you without bursting into tears,
So I burst into laughter instead.
And I suppose that you saw through my fake act.
Anyway...

You were there in your corner,
There in your pedestal,
There in your elegance
Drawing something dangerously beautiful
And you were beautifully dangerous.
And I,
I could only watch you from a distance
And learn to admire you
Without touching you,
Without kissing you,
Or ******* you.

We exchanged a conversation
About random things
You know, like
How it took me about an hour
To take a proper picture of the cat you gave me,
How it tragically died,
How I didn't cry when it died...
But I actually did cry when it died...

You looked all right, seriously.
There in your peaceful world
That I no longer was part of.
There in your artistic mind,
There in your capacity to forget,
There in your tendency to break promises,
There in the awful effect you always have on me.

So you said goodbye
Because you had something to go back to.
I said goodbye
Even though I had nothing to go back to.

We parted ways once again,
Me with your drawing pencil in my bag
And you, you my dear, with a piece of me
Inside your pocket.

I remember you once said forever, but you only lied.
I went home,
I went home and cried.


-- Eleanor

Here's you and here's me.

Here's you happily living
Your life without me.

And here's me happily dying
In terrible poetry.

Here's you and here's me...
Here's you and here's me.


F.Z.**N

We can either hate or admire
the people who have the talent we don't.


F.Z.**N

I know I'd give anything to be in her shoes,
I know I'd swallow fifty gallons of gasoline
and set myself on fire
just so you held me in those strong arms of yours
that once pushed me against a wall,
and that now effortlessly carry her heavy body
somewhere empty, somewhere private
somewhere romantic...

I know that deep within my broken heart
there's this empty space that nobody dares
taking up,
I know that sometime within the next two decades
I am going to be making little holes in the pictures
of us together while hating myself so much
for not being her or at least someone as decent.

I know that her laughter is the only song
you never tire of,
I know that when she says she loves you
your heart grows wings and starts to flop,
I know that she makes you happy,
I know that your eyes sparkle
at the thought of her,
I know that she is the one
and so very pretty
whereas I'm not even a memory.


F.Z.**N

When I met you the soil was wet
Underneath cloudy skies
And so were your eyes.

Now it's the summer,
everything is dry
You must say goodbye.


F.Z.**N

We are apart
Like a broken heart.


F.Z.**N

I want to write less and less
About you
Until I no longer
Remember you.


F.Z.**N

In wanting to forget
There is regret,
Pain,
And love.


F.Z.**N

I met someone today and he was awesome.
He wore a leather  jacket, almost the same as yours.
He had a neat haircut but a funny beard.
Do you remember when
I used to always pester you
About trimming yours?
I did it all the time and you never listened.

Anyway, he told me a joke;
One that I've heard before and that still
Made me laugh like the world was about to end.
I think I know where I heard it the first time.
He also ordered your milkshake, I mean ours.
And smoked the same brand of cigarettes
You always did.

He was awesome because he took me for a ride
On his Harley Davidson and gave me his helmet
The way you always did.

He was awesome because he winked
At random girls and smiled at me
The way you always did.

He was awesome because he listened to the blues
The way you always did.

He was awesome because he reminded me of you.
Baby I think I still love you.


F.Z.**N

People always ask me about you
Especially at the liquor store.

And I don't know how to tell them
We don't drink together any more.


F.Z.**N

I saw him today
He seemed happy,
He is happy, you know.
So I'm happy, too.


--Eleanor

Nearly two years ago
You'd smile because you liked me,
Then you'd smile because you loved me.
God you'd even smile
Because I made you so angry
You wanted to **** me and kiss me at the same time.

What I mean is that you smiled at me
For so many reasons, countless reasons really.

Even now you still do it,
I mean, don't get me wrong
You smile at me

Out of common courtesy.


F.Z.**N

I smile so wide and ask her about
her boyfriend, how he's doing,
how he's treating her...
She smiles back and says
that they love each other.

Don't get me wrong,
I'm happy for her, really.
It's just that it's so weird
to refer to you now as someone's
boyfriend when you used to be
the reason I was breathing.


F.Z.N

I remember thinking about you and
getting glimpses of  heaven,
I remember looking in your eyes
and seeing my very own reflection
like you were glass and me
so desperate for your opinion,
like we were one and the same,
Like we were perfection.

And now, and now...
you are but a long gone stranger
I had spent years mistaking for myself.

I mean it's just funny,
for the short times we spent together
I certainly did believe
you were never going to leave.


F.Z.N

Entire universes could exist
Between two people, he truthfully said.


F.Z.**N

I have no earthly idea what love is;
It's divine.


F.Z.**N

I feel like a stranger
Stuck in another stranger's body.


-- Eleanor

I am sharp and dreaded
Blood is dripping from me
Not my blood, no
Someone else's blood
They use me for stabbing.

I am sharp and hidden
Under her pillow
Like a gun
Constantly firing
Keeping her from sleeping.

I am sharp and I like it
Out of her reach
Safely kept in your kitchen drawer
Waiting for you to come home
To slice her open again
I am yours and I am vindictive.

I am sharp and I am your words.


F.Z.**N

More than ninety-eight days
Since you've been gone
I never was good with numbers
You knew that very well

There were times
When you called me stupid
It didn't bring me down
I knew better
Insults from you
Never came out as offensive anyway

There were times
We had conversations
So terrible I wanted to dissolve
In my cup of tea
Yeah like sugar
I didn't know about you though
It was hard to
But I remember our last as a couple
It was the worst of all
You cried for the first time
And I didn't
Yeah for the first time

There's a shadow
On my beige painted wall tonight
It belongs to no object
Quite funny
It's the shadow of your love
I think, I hope, I wish
More than ninety-eight days passed
Since you left and forgot

But I know how
You will never walk with a shadow again


F.Z.**N

How I ever stumbled across you
I don't know.
How I ever started to love you.
I don't know.

All I know is that there won't come
A day where I don't think of you.


F.Z.N

You are still alive for a reason.
Make sure you find it.


F.Z.N

No one can tell
The hour
Or the day
You will never see them
Again.

So love them,
Just love them
While you have the time.


F.Z.**N

I don't care that you left, you know.
All you took was my happiness.


F.Z.**N

You are the morphine kinda person;
Dangerous and addicting.


F.Z.N

I am better off without you,
I lie to myself.


F.Z.*N

Wooden hands
Bruising random shapes
On my bare thighs.
Wooden hands
Leaving me covered
In rainbow lies.

And when wooden hands
Cross my mind,
They come in the form
Of sunshine.


F.Z.N

Will you ever remember
The Spring times
We swallowed butterflies so often
Our stomachs refused to digest them
And the cold Winter days
The sun hid behind the clouds
And cried heavy rain
Utterly jealous of the heat
We made each other feel.

Will you ever remember
The early mornings
You swore
Your love was pure
And each time
You promised me eternity

Because this is not what I see
Nor is it what you want of me.


F.Z.N

Of course your eyes are empty,
of course I can see through them
and read your soul
just to find out you don't love me
any more.


F.Z.N

I am ready,
So let me know when you are.


F.Z.N

The first time I loved you was
because you were caring and kind.
The second time
was for the exact opposite.

And the last was
for a mixture of both.


F.Z.N