Alone... Whether I'm in a crowded room, or alone with you.... It never seems to be enough... I guess it shouldn't bother me as much, this feeling of loneliness... I'd grown all too familiar with it growing up... Never fitting in, always the one being left out of parties and social gatherings.... This feeling of loneliness is something I'd grown accustomed to, but i never expected to feel it from you.... I thought you'd be different, I know how much your gaming means to you and I get that, I really do... I just need someone... Someone who's always going to be there, sure there'll be distractions, but nothing that's so self emerging and addicting that in that moment and time nothing else matters but winning... I just need that constant reassurance, that you're not going anywhere, that I'm ok... All i want is to be ok..... Not Alone...... I want, no, I crave that comfort, like a warm blanket and cozy socks, curled up at a window to watch the rain as it pours down outside... God I feel so alone.....
I lay, in my room, feeling nostalgic, Feeling emotions i thought were long lost from times where, i didn't need to think about the gasoline tank walking out on me, and leaving me with a pile of metal to push.
I start to think to myself, will death be significant? will i give out in the middle of the street like the gasoline tank of a person who believes it'll last another day?
if i knew happiness would leave me hanging when i needed it the most, i wouldn't have presented myself those years ago, when i first met it, oblivious of how addicting it is.
And now I'm in rehab, laying on a mattress on top of metal bars, playing dead so my emotions leave me alone, and let me live a life on my own.
But i still open my eyes, let my breathing be visible through my chest, let my arms tremble in fear.