I always love new beginnings, new year resolutions. I love change. I love how January made me feel that "Oh, another year to have fun". I quickly grabbed a chocolate and watched my parents having their own quality time.
They were talking about divorce, and I've always wondered how did divorce even became an option? I never thought he would end the fight with his own fist and her blood. And I hated February, ever since then.
I told my friends that I hated love and how shitty love made me felt last month. They wished love will knock at their door this March. I asked why, they just told me "love isn't always a bad thing, and it never will."
I saw her crying and cursing her boyfriend's name at the corner. The day after that, I hated my Mom for forgiving my Dad, right after what he did. She just told me that's how love works. I guess April was made for bitter people like me.
May is my birth month. It was also the month, when we first met. I never liked the idea of you. You were the kind of guy, everyone can love but not everyone can handle.
I saw you with your friends, you were having fun. You asked me if you can court and steal my heart, I said no, but you continued anyway. June gave me feelings I thought I will never have.
You hugged me tight and asked me to stay. I said, I can't not because I didn't want to, but because I have to. You held my hand and told me you love me. July ended well because of you.
August started with a fight. My Mom hated me. You started talking to other girls, just like how my Dad did. All I did was to cry like tomorrow doesn't exist. You told me how sorry you are, the next day.
I hated September. You told me you didn't love me anymore. I let go of you. I started writing poems since the day you left me. And I guess that was bitter and sweet at the same time.
October wasn't that fun. I drunk my love away and let alcohol control my body. The next day, I found out how I told you how much I love you. And I don't blame alcohol for that.
"You need to move on, it's November already." my friends told me. I remember what my Mom said, so I forgave you for leaving me. But I wished you would never forget about me.
December came with coldness and your warmth is all I craved. I asked your friends, how you were doing, they said, you're fine without me. I used to love change, but now I hate how change overwhelm you completely.
Now and then,
when the wind whips the world warm
and all leaves
are but the blanket to the soil,
early nights bring in the thought of you.
When I think of people
I have loved
I remember a silent memory
I still hear it in the distance,
They kick and scream.
on the marble floor
smiling up at me
'i missed you'
Every day since has been October.
I played each game,
I finished strong.
We talk about things I have little interest in,
I want it to end.
I can smell the cool air from the back of the room,
and I can't wait to embrace it entirely when I exit.
It smells like snow and family time,
if that could be a smell.
like an addiction.
We didn't start the fire
we children of the sun that did not
last the night,
But in the end it burned us all
And it has been a month
since we stood
Around a hole in the ground
And watched them drip tears and roses
on your body
Like you weren't just a year older than us
A child of the sun and the moon
and the forest
Who died on a mountain 7000 kilometers
But the grass was just as green
And the sunrise over the peak just as beautiful
In the last wild place that you loved
No, we didn't start the fire,
We children of the sun that did not last the night
But in the end it burned us all.
Another brand new day, a chance to start again
But if i did so then I'd have to discard all this pain
And as much as it pains me to hold it like so,
Without this experience I'd have nada to show
No stories to tell, no stories to share
No stories from drunken lips spilled without a care
You want to know the truth of it, the world is often cold
And those among us oftentimes succumb to icy holds
I've done so too, dragging my feet
Every day was an encore, every hour on repeat
So the days came, and so too they left
Nothing but a hollow sorrow leaking through my chest
Porcelain became my actions, stone become my face
A facade for my every move, a wolf with naught to chase
The darkness in the skies became the darkness in my eyes
As the darkness in the night became the darkness held inside
Shadows grew longer, so too did my inaction
An enzyme gone cold, with minimal reaction
This lethargy that enveloped every thought that crossed my mind
I crossed off all the pain and laughed, urged the struggles to hide
So struggle i did, so exhausted i grew
A plant of my previous self, all i did was grow roots
Stuck into the Earth with no intention to leave
I found myself worthless, this became my belief
And when i crossed out all my mistakes
These actions shown through carelessness made
An S.O.S called for, a flare launched in the sky
Shining ever brighter than the stars that lit the night
Uprooted and carried, burden i felt
Looking at my limbs satisfied with damage dealt
But hungrily lust for more, so more and more i drew
My laughter marked upon my arms in delirium renewed
Every step and every breath has pushed me off the edge
Until i fell and climbed back up, learned to walk again
My funambulism established, my lifetime the ropes
That once upon a time wound its way around to choke
With every moment left behind, my resolve grows evermore
Mentally i mark myself rather than count a bladed score
And when I've had enough, I'll not give up no more
I have a divine partner whom i love to my very core
And so I'll drag myself upright, so that i die with dignity
And make every day feel like a brand new beginning
Forgive my troubled actions, wish away my pain
Wash away these scars, and let us start again
Fun fact: I've already listened to all those songs to get over you.
Now I guess it's your turn
You're late to the party, truly
A good two months
You like that band now?
The one I scream to as a drive my car
The one I showed you and you told me was sub-par?
Since when do you smoke Newport cigarettes?
When you could no longer smell mine burning against my thumb?
Or do you just like menthol because it makes you numb?
And now you've got scrapes and bruises
From trying to skateboard depression away
Sounds like my August and most of my own days
My point is here
I am not my habits or my vices
So do not attempt to adopt them
In an attempt to hold on to me
Get your own coping mechanisms
And abandon your fetishisms
It's been months
since I've written a poem
since I've turned simple words into pieces of art
since I've made sad stories seem beautiful
Its been months since
I've had anything to write about
months of freedom
Its been months since I've written
for I don't write happy poems
now I have
more sad stories
to turn into beauties
Some of us let the summer month’s gets to your head
As we feel the heat we become one with nature
Naked, green and unapologetic,
a kind of trend which most people follow,
and hard for the some of us to swallow
Like all other things the summer heat can
Make the darkest man visible, the sleaziest worm
Crawl to the surface, for a dark tan
But it surely cans nectar the honey for the Gods
Fall is upon us, as our joints began to ache,
Halloween is a drawing near,
Am I the only one whose seem to care?
The fly flies settle down under the broad leaves
And here I am the green poet from New York is visiting Tennessee
Those Hot summer bikini bodies, is now as cold as Niagara Falls
We fret as we began to throw down, the last of the summer days
Creeping backs into our jean and Woolly Love Heart Jumper:
Suddenly, here come the hurricane months, September,
October and November all with they uncertainties
As I kept expressing my feeling into poetry,
With my frequent minds pop no matter how strange
Embrace them I probably will do the same.
Am I the only one
who noticed that
the clock stopped?
Am I the only one
who witnessed it
start up again,
two years later?
The months are going by