And I will never know for real,
If she was a cheater surreal.
She had jinxed various boys,
Even I was one of her toys.

Crying over spilt milk is foolish,
I should take her as a lesson.
Hating does not make any sense,
She never mended her ways.

She cheated me or she cheated me not,
It was always a perplexing mystery.
Am I lucky or unlucky – this I know not
And surely The Mystery Continues.

Lest one may tap my shoulder from my past,
For I'm striving to come back to my present.

Beyond thinking about her 24x7x365 benefit,
Now here I'm cursing myself for being unfit.

Was she true ever, or was I paranoid forever,
I will not get to know any of it for real ever.

Her mother had told me about her daughter,
That she had met someone else from Gujarat.

And now I have known who it was before me,
For whom she broke up with me permanently.

Will you just continue to hide behind your lies,
Or would you come out in the open ultimately?

Oh dear, why did you not tell me to stop ever,
Were you just trying me just as a time pass bf?

Except for the Nobel Peace Prize,
Which carries a hefty prize money,
No other Nobel Prize is given by the rich Norwegians,
Presented are the rest by the Swedish,
And the Norwegian award just the Nobel Peace Prize.
Alfred Nobel had died in the guilt,
The guilt of inventing such death.

She Is Long Gone Now & She Matters Not,
Would Her Own Image Ever Forgive Her,
Asking Now From That Celestial Mirror,
The Eyes She Would Never Stare Now,
Is The Pair Of Eyes Belonging To Her.

Hat Belonging To The Dress Man,
And Other Items She Had Worn,
Tiptop As A Dancer She Appeared,
Especially For Their College Fest,
Smallest Issues Saw Her Cousin Separated..

Knowing She Is Deep Inside Her Heart,
Righteous Moral Knowledge Absent,
Into A Never-Ending Pit She Falls,
Pitying Not Myself But I Know It,
Indians She Underestimates...

She Just Always Wore Such Artificial Makeup,
Also Just Touching Up Her Previous Pictures,
Lightening Her Complexion Even If I Object,
So Much I Love Her Original Indian Colour,
Lusting After A Fair Colored Skin She Was,
And What's My Loss In Her Transiting Youth,
Is Just My Bickering According To The Angel.

That Angel Was Not A Real Angel,
Only A Faker From Every Angle,
What I Lost Is A Part Of Mine,
Some Money & Some Time,
I'll Regain The Bucks But Not My Moments,
Alone I must Parry Forwards With A Smile,
Not So Feeble It Should Span Over A Mile,
I Should Be Moving On As The Admiral.

When I First Met The Angel,
She Was Very Much Youthful,
Carry She Did An Invisible Title,
Yes The Title Of The Most Beautiful,
But Now The Charm Has Just Faded,
All Her Love Was Everything But Real,
She's Immortal But Of Course Immoral,
Now Know About Her Grey Escapades.

Staring Up At The Plain, Lifeless Ceiling,
I Spend A Sleepless Night Alone Talking,
The Ceiling Says That It Is Never Falling,
And That Her I Should Finally Ignore,
But How Do I Ignore myself knowing,
For She Habitually Uttered Such - Lies,
I Had Been Such A Foolish Young Man,
Best Way To Moveon Is To Stop Feeling.

Now I Know How The Angel Really Was,
She Was Actually Like A Wayward Wasp,
I Shed My Maverick Traits Falling For Her,
From The Heavens, I Fell Right For The Girl,
She Loved How My Burns Now Did Twirl,
Straight As A Baby But Now With A Curl,
My Voice She Loves Deep Inside Her Heart,
As If My Accident Has Re–Engineered Me.

Standing In The Abaft In Front Of The Commodore's Cabin,
I Look Back Towards The Towed Wooden Raft Floating,
And I Am Smiling To Myself After Remembering,
How The Angel Was found, Liberated & Lost.
Yes, Sadly, She Went Away, Never To Return,
Probably Her World Was Way Too Cherishable,
And Comparing To Her World I Was So Perishable,
Now I Have Learnt That Angels Are So Very Unnatural.

O my mind's magical drop,
Tell me the meaning of UP,
Why everywhere it is used,
And why it is abused,
How can a bottle in the *** be up?

She knows that several men love her,
And she enjoys the attention she gets.

I have achieved you,
Oh my darling.
I have born again,
Oh my dear.
May this moment get frozen,
In the middle of our story,
And this way I will never lose you.

Your eyes are very unfaithful,
A swindling ******* you are.
You bereft me of all that light,
A dwingling light you were..
Youth had enticed me closer,
A cheating partner stabs me...

The Pill was invented then,
And humanity lost all its morals finally.
Girls started using The Pill,
And now *** is for recreational purposes.
Birth control lost its meaning,
And condoms were now used just for fun.
The Pill came and all morality was lost.

I saw a dream with me and her,
It was all very much ideal.
Surreal it seemed to be unreal,
Innocent future planning.
And then I was woken up,
Woken up rudely I was,
And it was just another broken dream.

A dream made of crystalline thoughts,
Broken dream's pieces,
So sharp and threatening.
I held it so tight with fear,
So far now as if it was not real.
It was all so much explicit,
I had shared a dream with her.

Hid behind the beautiful veils,
Inter-Services Intelligence – ISIPak,
Sends some female agents undercover,
Research & Analysis Wing – RAWInd is no less,
RAW & ISI have always been fighting,
Do we keep count how many die,
And that be an unsung death?

Unluckily, I am an offspring of two different genotypes,
For it, I so often face the reverse apartheid by a faction,
That faction particular is omnipresent in this nation.

Unseemingly, extremely patriotic I do feel except during cricket,
They look, at my face and deduce that I am not one of them,
That I speak their tongue more eloquently doesn't count..

Up North, they think that my nose is a bit like a Dravidian,
But down South, they often think that I am an Aryan,
That boycotts me in this land of the Indian nation...

It's only sometimes that I wish something,
Well, really.

Sometimes I wish that she had never come,
Other times, I wish that I had never gone.
Sometimes I wish that my fantasies come true,
Other times, I wish that I wasn't made to rue.

Sometimes I wish that I would get who I deserve,
Other times, I wish that I don't get my heart broken.
Sometimes I wish that me a succubus may attack,
Other times, I wish that I don't get tired of my hand.

But then I get visions of past forgotten in the wee hours,
Well, really.

And it ain't really a pretty memory,
She was meaty & soft but not loving.
I know that I didn't intend to relive it,
Not with her and of that, I am definite.

Long-distance relations,
I have a weaker memory,
My physical state is dismal,
Some say that I distorted facts,
That I am some sort of a ******,
Some have gotten so scared of me,
Others have just gotten sick of me...

I do not blame others for my state,
As I am lesser than my own shadow,
And in the end, I am alone with myself,
For nobody would want a half-boyfriend.

It was just a beginner's trial for her,
But the breakup was a swansong for me.

Now just no more future breakups for me,
I know not where the experiments will land her.

A phobia of breakups is what my life has become,
When I get well settled in my life I won't need anyone.

And The Tears Appeared

Neither you're mine,
Nor I remain yours...
Shadowing is just the grief,
Lost in the unknown is happiness...
And the tears appeared,
Trickling down the eyelids...
And the tears appeared...

Here I drown in my grief,
Down in the sea of tears...
In this sad rain of blues,
I get drenched deeply...
Just the tears appeared,
Trickling down my eyelids...
And the tears appeared...

Originally one of my own Hindi language compositions...

Aur Aansoo Aa Gaye*

Na tu mera rahaa,
Na main tera rahaa...
Chhaein hain gham hi yahaan,
Khoyi hain khushiyaan kahaan...
Aur aansoo aa gaye,
Palkon se chhalkay...
Aur aansoo aa gaye...

Aansu ke saagar mein,
Doob raha hoon main...
Gham ki is baarish mein,
Bheeg raha hoon main...
Bas aansoo aa gaye,
Palkon se chhalkay...
Aur aansoo aa gaye...

Oh my heart is lost since long,
I feel so heartless now.

What remains inside beating,
Is a hollow pump now..

And it still beats, not for me...

Shouldn't we make all the politicians,
Famous or not first bear as prerequisite,
Bear the mandatory minimum sentences?

It'll be really revolutionary for the civility,
For it could be revolutionized - the polity,
Won't it narrow down the differences?

I am me,
And she's my role,
So she's as excellent as me myself,
But she's beautiful,
I am not.


Her poses possess a demeanour,
And she says a lot,
Silently,
But I listen to it all,
She just wonders how do I know.


She is now my bestest friend ever,
And of course the most gorgeous,
Can not be any easier to conclude,
Because she is simply a class apart,
She is a real motivator & practical.

The heart is a warm brazier,
When full of love & happiness.
The heart is a cold freezer,
When full of hatred & sadness.

The heart is a happy place,
When full of loyalty & trust.
The heart is a sadder place,
When full of deceit & mistrust.

The heart is a hotter oven,
When full of hottest feelings.
The heart is a colder pole,
When full of negative emotions.

Every minute I will wait for you,
I am sure you will make it worthwhile,
Because I am truly entirely yours.

I* am invited by a bright light.

Leaving behind those days,
Order of God it seems bright,
Vast is the world in your eyes,
Earning your love is so worthy,

Yes it does not discourage me,
Old I want to get in your shade,
Up the road of love will take me.

Best beautiful is your heart,
Holding highest your thought,
Under my God you are not,
Mind my past you please don't,
I**n my life you are the light.

If I say that a gorgeous girl like you,
Exists not in the world,
What's just India?
That would be an understatement.

Lucky is the man who gets to see you daily for the rest of his life.

If I say that a raw beauty just like you,
Exists not in the galaxy,
What's just the Earth?
That would be an understatement.

Lucky is the man that gets you as his lovely life partner wife.

Love has always been a baneful boon,
Neither the sun sunk nor rose the moon,
That promised evening never broke cocoon,
How much I dreamed for she never let me say,
I only kept waiting & just an idea took her away,
Time is said to pay nice but it instead made me pay.
All I am left with is love & memories, and a right hand.

I had been bending over,
I used to do that for her.
Little did she ever hear,
Seldom she treasured ever.

Maybe I just can't get enough,
Never she went astray, though.
Determinedly I wasn't tough,
She managed to spoil the dough.

Perhaps life would someday shine,
Someone might come my way.
And then she'll be mine,
On this life's highway.

I relished applying the butter on her body,
She enjoyed slurping my cream,
God knows how strongly we both used to dream,
And now,
Taking her higher for babies she lets out a scream,
I am writing this ***** poem,
She too is obviously not riding an Audi.

I fought against myself to love her,
To love her, I had fought my family,
Maybe she did too, but not as seriously.
I had overridden myself to love her,
To love her, I had ignored the world,
Maybe she did too, but not as seriously.
Perhaps, she too was just another illusion after all.

But NO!

I truly loved her,
Only I loved her truly,
The way I loved is not just an illusion.
She did love me,
But not at all as truly,
The way she loved was a fake illusion.
Perhaps, *her love too was just another illusion after all.

The things I say might make you cry or make you feel bad about your current situation but try to see the depth of it, the meaning...

It's fear what's stopping you. Fear of facing who you are! Accept and challenge yourself...

Don't just get settle down...We always have two options Atul, either remain at the same level or become better.*

Everything you said is just a hypothesis,
And your hypothesis is your hypocrisy,
I have had spent my tears in gone time,
But now I won't cry for a girl like yourself,
Coz neither you loved me nor do you cry.

As you are a sow,
So a piglet will you reap.
As you are a pretty sow,
So a boar you will let you keep.
As you are a filthy sow now,
So a true human will call you cheap.
As you are another sow,
So a burr or oink will you beep.
As you are a sow,
So a boar will go deep.

Pikachu is not totally fiction after all,
There's this cute rodent called Pika,
This Pika is Pikachu's inspiration,
Found in the foothills of Sikkim,
But the scientists think it's new,
Pika is one tiny Indian rodent,
Its standing posture, its ears,
Have been the inspiration,
Not just now but for long,
Since antiquity it's there,
Only now got discovered.

I used to miss you bad,
But now I don't miss you,
Now only a question remains,
"Why did you become unfaithful?"
Maybe your world is so huge in size,
My world was you & it'll always be so,
All that is left is my own compact world.

"You wrote the best wishes for her,"
She continued, *"I really like it."
And all you ever used to say was,
"I don't like her fake personality,"**
Didn't you continue to cut her off?
You were only jealous of her, yes,
What didn't you do to put her out?

To me, her love always was bitter-sweet,
More repulsively bitter than 'twas sweet,
Perhaps because I took her as my mate,
But she was like chalk on my life's slate,
Time rubbed her off & nothing remains,
To her I will truly wish the best of luck,
For she is attracted by the golden light.

This separation from you,
Keeps giving tinnitus,
Yes it is recurring.

I read in fair detail of it,
It is the lack of love,
Love hormone.

Oxytocin that pacifies,
It is lacking in me,
Many downs.

All my biology has snuffed,
Extinguished is my flame,
Eversince you have left.

Separation debilitates me,
And though I can't weep,
It is stinging my heart.

Still you fail to perceive,
It's only me who waits,
And I will be waiting.

I have waited for long,
A very long time gap,
*Now I will move on.

You tell me another story.
But I gathered some facts.
Lame excuses' it's a lowry,
I'm so fed up of your acts.
Getting the tinnitus because I'm lovelorn,
So tired of locking yours with my horn,
Are you dead tired of fighting too?

Did you not know this already too?
Gaining what out of the fight you are,
Only we can be the best possible friends.
Come descend back home,
A helpless heart awaits you,
Another ceasefire beckons,
Come let's bury the hatchet.

As September is ending,
Many memories march,
For it was a September,
The one two years ago,
I only felt so complete,
Such love I felt wanted,
Now it's such a contrast.

You get back home weary from shocks,
You being impotent is not your tension,
But how two kids at home call you dad,
Basis of all your tensed thoughts is this,
Your wife still has two kids if not yours,
Your wife has the explanation to make,
May God curse the lying life of your wife.

You just get back home & draw your gun,
You load the fresh magazine in midnight,
Breathing long you put your feet silently,
But the door is ajar and she is fast asleep,
Your (or hers) children in the next room,
Your fingers tremble & you've flashback,
Many memories zoom through your mind.

You decide to use the pillow as a silencer,
You now calmly hold the pillow over her,
Breathing cautiously now you are unsure,
But her infidelity isn't what you expected,
Your heart tells you to introspect yourself,
Your mind changes after thinking about it,
Multiple times yourself have been cheating.

You pause & change your mind about her,
You have the gun now point at your own,
But now you see her stirring in her sleep,
Breaking from her sleep for water she is,
Your presence scares her to the hell now,
Your gun pointed at your heart she sees,
Mighty strength she gathers to ****** it.

You grunt and push her away from you,
You whisper, "Why did you cheat me?"
Before she replies to your weird charge,
Barked again yourself in a low whisper,
"Your children are not mine now I know,"
"Your husband is technically impotent!"
Maybe she understood everything now.

You remember that she is a policewoman,
You see her unload the gun and discard it,
"The children - both - are test tube babies,"
"The **** was mine and fertilized in vitro,"
"Your ***** was used artificially as well,"
"Your DNA from your own hair was used,"
Might have she followed the procedure.

It seems possible & you regret your actions,
But she just smiles & forgives you heartily,
"It's okay darling, I kept it secret from you,"
"It's really a cute face you've put up now,"
You now wish to sink down into the floor,
"You would forgive me for doubting you,"
Must be an angel to let you sink your head into her *****.

You're going on the highway,
Bringing a new 4-string bass guitar,
And a drum-set too for your sons.

Now you could be a family rock band,
You could churn your own Summer of '69,
The world will know you three now.

A really ******* hitchhikes in your car,
You are tensed as your eyes meet.
There is unfathomable longing in hers,
And the bathykolpian woman's so inviting.
You can't play the good man at this age,
You decide to cheat your own wife now.

You stop the car quickly anyhow,
A quickee's on your mind & nothin' more.
She smiles at you and lunging towards her,
You smell the inviting scent of hers.
In middle of the kiss you start foreseeing,
You forsee a bright romantic future,
Suddenly her wellbeing's lost & she vomits.

Then you bring her to the hospital,
The gynaecologist congratulates you,
"Congrats! You're going to be a father!"
Taken aback, you say, "But I just met her!"
The girl who hitchhiked says, "He's ****** lying!"
The doc summons the police and your test is done,
"Good news & bad news," the doc says,
"One, you're not her baby's father."
Hearing this you're relieved.
"Now the bad news, doc," you say.
The doc says, "You could have never have fathered any even if you intended to."
You are flabbergasted, "What the hell! Why?"
The doc pacifies, "Your load doesn't have any sperms,"
Seeing you shocked the doctor says,
"It's a birth defect that happens rarely but yes it does..."
"...You may sue the girl for everything."
The biggest shock in your life so far.

You just shake your head and turn around to go.

You're in the middle of a nightmare,
It couldn't be true!
If not you then the 2 kids back home,
They belonged to whom!

Now that's the biggest tension!

Hold on, as I seldom plead to others,
Except, my parents for edible sweets,
And for some other similar things,
Rarely do I plead to others when I'm in need.

Most of the times it is for a childish demand,
Yes I frankly insist as I am so innocent eyed.

Proud of my choice I was and still am,
Lest I perish in my self-brought loneliness,
Earning only four shoulders unknown,
A* defeated man I might perish alone.

Kinfolk of mine as of now are few,
Rings seldom this lifeless telephone,
Ivies of poison hang in front of my house,
Persons of importance have gotten so ancient,
In this lonely lonesome life I still wait for you,
Jarred ajar is this door of my heart,
I**n my life ever since you left me alone.

Aaj ke bacchon mein hi nahin,
Apitu badon mein bhi sanskār,
Naammatr ke bach gaye hain.

Not only in children of the day,
But even the grownups lack it,
Ettiquette is just for namesake.

Andar se wo aadar bhaav gūm,
Aur haan gūm hai satkaar bhi,
Badon ke liye sammān gūm hai.

That feeling of respecting is lost,
And indeed is lost that hospitality,
Elderly are no longer given the place.

We all have some dust
Which we can shed
Where else but here
With all our heart
Without selfishness

Holding you so very close two years ago,
A moment had been shared by you and me,
Pompousness of your birthday was fabulous,
Picking you up in my arms I had felt like,
Yet I restrained myself from doing that.

Because it was your home back there,
I could not risk losing you that day,
Restraining was the best option then,
Threateningly close to my eyes,
Had been your twinkling eyes,
**** – beautiful was the kiss,
Aye, we shared that moment,
Yes, it is so unforgettable.

Yeah,
She couldn't bear the distance with me,
And she could just not be strong.

Excused,
For she is really young right now,
She has a whole new youth ascending.

Promises,
I still have mine in my mind to keep,
I will do what I always used to do.

Unaffected,
Whether she reads any of them or not,
For this is my release and it's unaffected.