Enervated with these demands of needing explanations to everything she had done. She was worn out, until her nose bled her heart pounded, her ears rang and her eyes turned white — She was almost out of breath.
Did you even bother to know this?
Because the very first thing people would ask to her wasn’t “How do you feel on this?” But, “What is your contribution on this?”
I dedicated my life to stay by your side respect our relationship & to always love you right, keeping a vow to never cross any boundary line. But you showed a different side. An unexpected twist that brought tears to my eyes. Your energy changed. From positive to negative, this affection & demeanor wasn’t the same. Anytime my friends called to check on me or hangout, you yell. Cursing out my name as if I brought shame into our relationship.
Now I can’t breathe...
I can’t breathe because I’m traumatized, I’m traumatized because I can’t socialize, I can’t socialize because I ghosted my friends for you so now I hide in fear
You stole a peace of my mind to the point where I can’t even recognize who I am anymore. Which causes me to feel less of a “Woman” inside.
But no more! Times have changed
Somewhere along the road I found strength. Gain the courage to move on & think about what’s best for me rather than sink back into your arms. See, I've learned that you never had power... You were a simple weak man trying to devour a Queen’s castle rather control your own **** tower like the lowlife peasant you are.
But now that you are gone, it is safe to say I am better without you in every way. So stay your bch a off of my phone. There’s nothing here for you, please leave me alone. Your words mean nothin', so please hold your tongue & don’t worry about the next man I f-k with nor I am lovin'. Just know it will never again be you, you’re no longer a discussion highly irrelevant good riddance , peace out boo boo.
Dead on demand wil be the name of my band. When I'm reborn and my friends are too. A different universe where our dreams come true. Not like in here. Where every phone call is bad news that you don't want to hear.
We will be free because we went through hell in here first. We know not to be too ecstatic cause we'd known the thirst. When everything goes right we know what every type of wrong feels like. Everything will be completely turned upside down and ruled by music and magic. Love is rather ecstatic.
In here it's dark when I wake and all the people are separated. In their own space dealing with their own pain. Dead on demand is something that could never really be honorated. ***, it's gone on too long! Learning from every disaster but disaster will always remain!
We will be free! Dead on demand flying to the colourful sea. Reborn with your friend. Dead on demand will be the name of my band! It will never be like it is in here. Where every phone call is bad news that you don't want to hear.
We will be free because we went through hell in here first. We know not to be too ecstatic cause we'd known the thirst. When everything goes right we know what every type of wrong feels like. Everything will be completely turned upside down and ruled by music and magic.
Love is rather ecstatic. Love is rather right. Love is a feeling like you never felt before. Love is rather ecstatic. Love is better than magic!
I just feel so small and everything else is so huge and it keeps piling up on me, smothering me, until all I can see and breath is this wall of musts and responsibility and endless tasks and emotions that won't stop pressing up in my throat and I can't cry, I just don't take the time to do it, everything else is too demanding that I can't even do that, and I don't remember anymore how to relax my shoulder or unclench my jaw and I just can't see any pause ahead, no oasis of breathing deeply again in the near future, no space for just me to be.
To all the boys who have ruthlessly clinged themselves upon me, forcing me to make room for them, demanding me to fit into their dreams of me, expecting me to perform, wanting me to take them in.
To all the boys who have made me change for them, rushed my development, taking me out into the wilderness, so far away that I no longer could find my way back home.
To all of you who have shaped me into who I am today, leaving me less naive, so careful of others' feelings after learning to put theirs ahead of my own.
To all of you who have left me shining from all the love, more in touch with my feelings and my gut, a bit harder but beautiful in the adore from your eyes.
To all of you - I am done. I have nothing left to say to you, I've already thought it all. But to myself - I made it home. Bruised, scared and scarred but I made it. And even though it isn't what it used to be, I'm still back and the next time I go, it will be when I want to go and not because of a stupid boy.