I wonder, What have I gained? By all that I have stained? With words With strokes Of effort
The ink Never fading
But the pain Was it worth?
13.12.2018 I think I overexerted myself yesterday, refused to rest even tho I had a headache because I hate sleeping. I just finished my O/Ls and I wanted to have a little fun so yh didn't wanna take a nap.
“2:36” says the clock on the wall. with every passing minute time slows and my thoughts drift off into another world. a sly pain creeps up the ridge of my nose and trickles down into my eyes i blink, --once-- --twice— a frail attempt to push it back, her eyes filled with sincere concern. she asks if i'm okay, snapping me out of my daze, i blurt out, yeah, i'm fine, it’s just a headache. offering her a small smile, in an effort to calm the dull ache i press my cool fingers over my eyes and move my thumbs in tiny circles along my temples a rush of relief washes over me, but it lasts only a few seconds. suddenly waves of pain flood the space between my temples and course down my neck, piercing into my shoulders. i nestle my head into my arms muffling the shouts and roars around me. slowly i lift my head and peek at the clock “2:41” at last my suffering is over, for today.
there is always tomorrow.
I get really bad headaches all the time, this the best way to describe it.
Breathes of the room Each silent creek Warning the chambers Footsteps of stealth Inside the mind Exhale the darkness Breathe in new light Fallen to none The planets collide Each star a signal Lasting comfort inside Beating heads Racing hearts It hurts so bad But I want more Last
The mind is throbbing Thoughts and doubts, screaming loudly Blurring my vision
Sorry guys! I'm definitely going to finish the final freeverse today. My headaches have returned with a vengeance and its hard for me to both rest and write, but I'm not letting it stop me. The last freeverse will be up today and then I'll put it in a collection later! Thank you so much for 214 followers and for your patience! Much love! Lyn ***
amidst the subtle headaches and pulsating temples like mountains raining jagged side down and wooden nutcrackers bayoneting the insides of our brains our lives keep riding these burning carousels of monotony
there’s no war in our **** or fire in our incinerator anymore
and these chessboard days of recrimination keep repetitively circulating into the form of a spherical motion
get up, go to work, get yelled at by the boss, fight traffic, come home, cook, clean, eat dinner, go to sleep and do it all over again until there’s no beginning to tomorrows end. living our vanilla lives with vanilla wives until the something happens.
the needle of change pulls through the thread of life and we begin all over again on a new chessboard on a new carousel and repeat steps until our lifelines look more like a string of beads than a mountain landscape or a flash of lightning because it’s easier to give up and settle down than to have life constantly changing in chaos but only if we had enough courage to shake the world like an Ian Curtis epilepsy dance and rip the necklace of listlessness off the neck of inferno and watch the pearls of our routine fall, bounce and roll down some ***** alleyway where a rat never lived.
I have awoken at an early hour, Early morning or earlier than I want, but the gathering has begun. It appears in clusters as they say, as the pain gently taps, almost an absent thought, but if not aware, taking over all focus or any thoughts beyond the pain. I see the dark on the other side of the blade as I look over the edge of the crevasse trying not to go too far into the depth of my pain. It has been many years with a dance of doctors, drugs, along with a little experimentation along the way. A form of self-imposed self-medication. Avoiding the dark on of that side is to avoid the doctor's opiates advise.
The thirsty throat of my thought never lets me think It swallows up each idea into the dead mass of depression Selecting what joys to **** dry each day Headaches and hangovers help me forget my forgetfulness The remiss panic attacks assist my fugue state Then my own failure and impending irrelevance does me the honor Of piercing the center of my skull like a rhino's horn Grateful I feed it my fears and futilely fake freedom for my family They can’t know, they have problems I know, I wont let it show, Friends, whether fake or “for real” worry for me, Disgraceful Im not some sappy sonofabitch looking for sorrow Just wake me when I’m already late and disappointing you tomorrow
Hearing the deafening static in my mind Every time I get motion sick Arguing siblings who can't be mature Dead of night where a thunderstorm rages on After a really long, hard, cry Concentrating too ******* too many things at once Harmless basketball headed fast for cranium Eating or drinking nothing for too long