my old futile dreams
make the windows all misty
ripping up the seams
blood mixed with ancient whiskey
a smile around the corner
lures the naive mind
fucking up the world order
another death wish signed
overhead, brick by brick
the november wind stands still
heart oozing of homesick
empty thoughts my glass refill
delusions cover my sight
faraway lights blink with eager
fixing the crooked night
dinner with the grim reaper
Eventually pain became my friend.
An ally I could trust completely.
It would tell me when I was badly wounded.
But this friend became an addiction.
A toxic relationship with no escape.
And when my mind wandered off to other places,
trying to forget everything,
it would drag me back into reality with no mercy.
Scars can only heal if you leave them alone,
but this friend ripped them up every night.
I can’t lie and say it didn’t hurt,
but at least I knew I was still alive.
i scraped my knees in the
realms of time
i don't know where to hide
under the willow tree
to find and harvest
the new moon
a cracked ceiling blinks
with long lashes
my long lost friend is
still ice cold
it is not yet spring
greet my reflection if
i go too long
a transparent person
it looks a lot like
I take occasional sips
from my favorite mug that
I've poured chamomile tea into.
It's strange how we
change through the years.
When I was younger I hated
chamomile tea, since my mum
made it when I was sick.
But now, it's one of my favorites.
I guess my soul is sickened of the
mundane world I live in,
and it needs something to
clam it down.
I’m a healer; not a feeler,
a traveler with loss of passion.
Pipe dreams are clear when day is gone,
then I spawn stories you can’t imagine.
I’m a wanderer; but I am not lost,
burn the human manufactures.
The sky is bleeding poor man’s gold,
drowning lunatic dream-catchers.
I’m a winter child; but my heart is fire,
it's a roaring black hole of ancient lullabies.
Follow the zebra through the midnight woods,
I saw glimpse of amnesia in its eyes.
Hair was dark as night
the silver fox has arrived
I call her mother
Roasted chestnut eyes
searching for people to help
hope lives in her palms
Four strong beating hearts
she embroidered those to us
a human angel
Today is her day
because she emerged from it
April dwells in her
We almost made it
Hence the word almost
You left with no trace
Do you regret leaving?
I am a mess without you
Don't pretend we were nothing
You promised you'd be there for me
Unfortunately, you lied
Liquor is now your replacement
Eating seems pointless
After you left, everything lost meaning
Volcano meets tornado
Erase my foolishness
Maybe I still love you
Even now, when you don't deserve it
Wherever you look she is there, waiting;
beautiful and cold as she is,
for someone to entertain her.
When the sleepy skies yawn away and
his golden locks take the podium,
he can’t help but notice only her.
He invites to dance, so she lifts her skirts high
and puts her transparent hand in his and
together they dance their crystal waltz.
He might entertain her only for a while,
because she will soon perish from something
magically beautiful to just another puddle.
But despite knowing this, she does not mind at all.
Lying on the beach,
it's getting darker each time you blink.
Hear the colorful explosions up high,
the sky is in chaos, don't you think?
Forget what I told you,
leave those words to the tide.
The stars are peaking through,
my ignorance is wild and wide.
A handful of white rocks,
you smile like a maniac.
Breathing out hoaxes,
while I play piano on your back.
The fireworks stopped,
you gave me black rocks.
My blanket was made for two,
yet another startling paradox.
I want to yell across the entire universe, about
how close my heart is at exploding from the
constant pressure, caused by indestructible demons.
Demons that dance to the symphony of my broken dreams.
But if I really got the chance to speak up
my mind, I'd rather sew up my lips
so no pitiful words of hope can interfere with
the reality that kicked me down in the first place.
Having someone to care seems more scary than the
endless hole I'm falling through; My last cry for help
is now dying in my throat, mingled with the other
unspoken opportunities of a better life.
As a child, he whispered newfound dreams
to a delighted dandelion, before
he softly blew it to pieces.
He watched the tiny parachutes
float away in mother nature’s warm breath,
until the seeds arrived at their destination.
But now, he is throwing those dreams
into the ocean like useless rocks.
He watches them as they hit the wet surface
and vanish in a heartbeat.
Rings emerge, one after another,
until the debris of those dreams are gone.
She stood beneath the dying sun, with crimson mist
surrounding her at the very edge of the world.
Here she experienced the explosions of pure silence for
the first time, since being born into a world of noise.
She smiled and looked back to see the last burning bridge
destroying everything around it, to later vanish from the surface.
Later the rain will wash away the flaws that remain,
until another bridge magically appears out of the blue.
With a chill kiss from the November wind,
she closed her eyes and jumped.
Her fall broke the silence and the noise
claimed the last corner of stillness.
Your mouth gleams blue under the veil of the full moon.
Your perfect pearl teeth light up like thousands of falling stars ready to face their doom.
Your eyes are reflected in the whispering bay, while your raven black eyelashes extend like mournful hands up against the dark sky.
Your cheeks flare up as the warmest fire place on earth.
You make me feel so miserable.
But I can’t blame you for these feelings.
Because you don’t know about them.
You don’t even know I love you.
My light and will power is fading away.
Because she stole your heart without struggle.
A chosen one has claimed you.
And that chosen one is not me.
Giving you up is what I should do.
It’s hard, but you will never know.
Still I want to thank you, for being you.
Thank you for making me feel alive.
Mayday, my ship is slowly sinking.
Crushed and then consumed by these merciless waters called your lies.
Your apologies came in like the Kraken, destroying every evidence of life.
But I was safe inside my cabin because you know;
the captain is supposed to go down with the ship.
And so I did.
Now I am just a skeleton with pointless memories,
resting at the obscure ocean bottom with my shipwreck.
I keep thinking about all the things we could become,
about adventures we would put in our pockets,
and watch the dark capture the sun.
But I’m sure you don’t know how I feel,
but it’s not you who is spellbound,
since it’s you who spins the wheel.
I know you, yet you are still a stranger,
it’s rather funny the way we met,
but now I sense the inevitable danger.
Sometimes we don’t talk for a while
yet I still wonder how you’re doing,
and then I can’t stop to smile.
To be honest I would like to run away,
but you keep me tied to your wrist,
without hearing the words I have to say.
I think we have a lot of calamity in us,
yet it seems to hurt me the most,
so hit me with your best shot.
And take my breath away for the last time.
He calls her out when his imagination is used up,
then his ideas keep spawning, continuing nonstop.
Yet he can’t move his hands, they are paralyzed
from the touch of her hands; he feels hypnotized.
Her eyes are full of roaming oceans and thunder,
crushing small sailboats like a bloodthirsty hunter.
Her skin is gleaming in the veil of the silver moon,
reminding him of his first kiss with her back in June.
Her lips are covered in poison, like they were back then,
with a bare touch they can turn boys into grown up men.
Freckles are lightly strewn over her cheeks and nose,
smiling and blinking of all the little secrets she knows.
Her hair is chestnut brown with hints of flaming red,
dancing like fires in the reflection of the sun on top of her head.
The sky is trembling whenever she speaks a word,
sending shivers down his spine and making his vision blurred.
Whenever she takes a step the earth is loudly moaning,
making his ears on the very verge of exploding.
Her heart is a black hole storing mysterious crimes,
forgotten solar systems and corpses of ancient times.
Her soul is nowhere to be seen, it disappeared out of the blue,
making her a floating skeleton with something to pursue.
But when he takes the brush and pencil and begins to paint and write.
nothing ever happens; the canvas and paper still remain white.
When my finger met the paper, in a brief love affair, it took my blood as a trophy.
Then the red droplets created a beautiful mess as it sank into the dead white wood.
It stung badly, and it continued to hurt as I went on a mission to find a bandage that
could keep the crimson art inside of me, instead of spilling it everywhere.
When I wiped the excess blood away I saw nothing, yet I was still in pain.
But what hurts the most right now is my heart, because just like I couldn’t
see the papercut, you can’t see my broken heart either, and it is bleeding heavily.
Because of you.
And I can’t seem to find a bandage big enough to heal the
hole you left in my dying heart.
Captivating, enticing, comforting
Cleansing your soul, intensify your spine
Alluring, controlling, compelling
Your silhouette was ignited by
the flash from the headlights.
Here on the road away from
busy streets and dizzy delights.
Indulged by the chill kisses
from the distant wind above us.
We sat here until the frost bit our
lips and time became dangerous.
We watched the world as
people continued to live and die.
Here on the crowded highway,
where strangers passed us by.
Frozen in time we saw them smile
and we also saw them cry.
Wrapped away from the present,
we were trapped, you and I.
You gave your heart to me,
said it was mine for eternity.
I had nothing to give to you
besides blankets of serenity.
You are stuck on my mind 24/7,
like an indelibly tattoo.
I might go mad since it feels
like the only sane thing to do.
I just spoke to you this morning.
You sat elegant, just like a queen.
Yet you left us with no warning.
Now you are nowhere to be seen.
No more strange looks behind my back.
No more tiny sounds with that crooked tooth.
No more fur coated in midnight black.
No more eyes that flash like a photo booth.
The two there are left, what about them?
They don’t know you are gone forever.
Cars combined with speed is what I condemn.
You deserved so much better.
On this mild Monday in July.
Your memory now will be kept.
If I knew, I would have said proper goodbye.
Your death is hard to accept.
Your spot is now empty.
Like an important missing piece.
You were so sweet and friendly.
I hope you rest in peace.
Like ice cubes in a tray,
we were stored away.
Frozen and divided,
yet strong when united.
We cannot break free,
from the darkness they don’t see.
They are controlled by a malicious sickness,
which turns them into creatures bred by darkness.
Now we play a game,
for our freedom to reclaim.
They think they have plenty of time,
to cover up their secret crime.
We look them in the eyes,
with coldness and despise.
Messing with us they will soon regret,
when we torture them through the alphabet.
The world is trapped in a thick haze,
which is why no one wants to be themselves these days.
They are watching; circling like vultures,
while slowly washing away my colors.
Bandages and "sorry" don’t fix bullet holes,
decaying people have decaying goals.
Do not dare to dream of something bigger,
when your friend is shaking with their finger on the trigger.
Childhood songs are stored within,
like ink is etched into my skin.
My youth they stole; they left me plain,
with venom quickly crashing through my veins.
We are all but pilot episodes,
failing to ever make it as we go.
Like lost souls we flourish through the night,
searching for originality to make us shine bright.
Society; your cage is officially suffocating,
our lives you so ruthless is dominating.
The truth I speak is so loud you can not ignore,
because this is not another harmless metaphor.
I declare war.
I still remember the day we first met.
It was so magical, I will never forget.
I was invited to see and try something new.
But never would I have imagined I would meet you.
One by one, we got to hold you and learn.
I remember I couldn’t wait for it to be my turn.
And when she finally placed you in my tiny hands.
I didn’t expect you would change my future plans.
I placed my lips on your cold silver mouthpiece.
I took a deep breath and your notes broke the peace.
I looked at her with impressed eyes and lips painted with glee.
She praised the others, but the one she was most impressed with, was me.
11 years we have been together, where did time go?
We already have so many memories, performing at every show.
And the time we played for the queen, do you remember as well?
I will hold you until my hands can no longer move themselves.
I can’t picture a life, a childhood without you by my side.
They said we were partners in crime, just like Bonnie and Clyde.
And whenever I was falling, you were my never failing parachute.
I love you to pieces, my old trusty flute.
She is hiding behind the tall pine trees.
My thoughts are all twisted. She is calling for me.
Her silhouette is now stored, burned into my eyes.
She spoke with a voice that disrupted the sky.
It’s only her and I in this misty forest, all alone.
The path I came from is now gone, overgrown.
When I take a step closer, I simply go nowhere.
She stands completely still, guiding me like a flare.
Everything is quiet, except for all the voices in my head.
They scream her name, coloring my ears with red.
A distant look is embroidered on her face.
She is captivating; I might be in dire straits.
I’ve been wandering for so long, in so many years.
Now I stand in an awe of her, stuck in second gear.
So I’ll just stay here forever, looking at her in despair.
Because if I turn around, I am afraid she might disappear.
Her hazel eyes tell me secrets that
I have never heard of before.
And she don't have to worry about them,
because now I only want more.
I want to learn more about her, about the
person that lies beneath the firm ground.
About the person that will not let anybody
see her tears and instead let herself drown.
She is as mysterious to me as the girl
who forgot her glass slipper on the stairs.
And I can insure her, no one has occupied
my mind as she has, no one compares.
And when I finally tracked her down
and faced her with nowhere to hide.
She all of a sudden just gave up on running away,
and I made our fates collide.
I could see she started to realize how curious I
was and how much I wanted to get closer.
Sadly, I was not aware I trapped her in a corner;
I must have looked like a merciless bulldozer.
Somehow, she put all of her fears away and
prepared herself for an unexpected battle.
A battle I did not know she was fighting because to me,
I only saw an interesting person unravel.
As time passed by, I came to know her a lot better,
every day she showed me something new.
She took me by my hand and showed me another world.
She showed me her different point of view.
She could endure every pain that came in her way,
even walk through an eternal winter storm.
That did not surprise me when I found out she was
born under a steady sign such as the Capricorn.
But then a day, it all suddenly became clear:
She was tomorrow and I was today.
We both came to realize we were too different
and eventually she went a separate way.
And I look at the sky that used to be a pretty
shade of blue but now is a gloomy grey.
My heart still aches when I think about her
and I still occasionally pray.
Pray that our paths will meet one more time
and perhaps we could begin again.
But I doubt she wishes for the same thing as I do, and
there is probably no difference between now and then.
And as the lifespan of a flower, our love was ephemeral.
I was happy it happened but I still can't move on.
I finally came to realize she was the sunlight;
and now the sun is gone.
Fishing the coins up from my pocket.
One by one.
Counting them carefully. Repeatedly.
I hope I haven’t forgot some.
Just the thought of it makes me nervous.
I’ll face the ground.
What should I do if I have counted wrong?
Just keep looking down.
Standing in line, trapped in a cage.
The next one is me.
Please, don’t do anything stupid.
Count slowly to three.
The beeping from the machine.
It’s too loud.
The voices and smiles are all too much.
I don’t belong in a crowd.
I am up front, the point of no return.
Eye to eye.
Looking down, giving the money.
I am ready to die.
All the attention is now gone, I’m free.
The exit has arrived.
I can’t believe I did it once again.
I can’t believe I survived.
At day you can’t see them, because they are nowhere to be found.
But when the light is out, they head to the empty playground.
For while you are surrounded by walls, in your bed dreaming.
It is here their childish hearts are pretending to be beating.
The finder is covering their eyes while counting loudly to ten.
Here they get the chance to play their favorite games once again.
Fighting carelessly over plastic toys and digging in the damp sand.
It looks like a lively place to be, instead of yet another wasteland.
They are hiding in the trees, giggling. Who can climb all the way to the top?
Tiny hands are holding on to each other, spinning around until they almost throw up.
Going down the rusty red slide: some are going fast, others nice and slow.
And if they hear you coming, they’ll be gone like the first flake of snow.
Far away, you might hear a familiar sound of squeaking swings.
Laughter is echoing through the night, carried into the town by bird wings.
They are trying to evade being captured, while running in a green ocean of clover.
But the sun is lurking in the twilight; soon their fun and games will be over.
The music is blasting out loud.
You can feel the bass diving into your body.
Sweating mortals, creating chaos in a crowd.
It’s here where nobody becomes somebody.
Fragile glass filled with colors of a rainbow.
The liquid’s job is to make you dizzy.
Turning strangers into people, you now know.
It’s here where lazy meets busy.
Wanting a good time but is being oddly exposed.
Intrusive questions, stirring up the tension.
Asking polite for the door to remain closed.
It’s here where admiration turns into obsession.
Light is out, except for the lighter’s flame.
Shattered bottles and broken high heels.
Skin meets ground, leading to tomorrow’s pain.
It’s here where your alter ego is truly revealed.
I am soon leaving a place to find a new one to roam.
The place I am leaving behind is what I call home.
I am leaving the green fields and the cozy old town.
To face new challenges and get my world turned upside down.
Before, I was stuck at the bottom of a now forgotten ocean.
It was dark and quiet, yet the water around me was in commotion.
I could not breathe and was desperate to take in another breath.
I was not ready to greet the eternal sleep, better known as death.
My body felt weightless even though my eyelids were so heavy.
I cut off the link that hugged my feet and swam slow but steady.
“Would I make it?” was the thought that kept making me nervous.
However, that did not stop me from taking my eyes of the surface.
With my head above the water, the air felt so liberating.
Because being in the water for too long can be quite intoxicating.
I find it funny how water makes you either float or is pushing you down.
It can scream into your eardrums, yet at other times it makes no sound.
When I finally reached land and felt solid ground beneath my feet.
I looked at the horizon and felt a warm embrace from the sun’s heat.
When the last drop of salty water left my body, I took seat in a full bus.
We drove off without direction, while the sun was still shining on us.
When I reached my final destination, I did not know what to do or say.
I have never stood alone before, and I was ready to just run away.
But then the traffic light stopped me with the brightest shade of green.
And suddenly I knew what to do with my life, at the age of nineteen.
Sometimes I paint outside the framework.
Because even the perfectionist goes berserk.
Just to let the steam out of the system.
Sometimes I dream that my teeth are falling out.
I never know what that is about.
Only to find myself waking up with the feeling of relief.
Sometimes I stare directly into the burning sun.
It is a battle that I have not yet won.
Perhaps a walking stick will accompany me someday.
Sometimes I run with my old loose shoes.
Only to collide with the ground, leaving me with a blue bruise.
I never seem to learn by my mistakes.
Sometimes I apologize, even if it is not my fault.
But I can take the blame. I am tough as asphalt.
I do not mind to say what others are afraid to admit.
Sometimes I wish I could look in the mirror.
See all the things a little clearer.
To greet my reflection with a smile.
With his curly ginger hair, wild like a lions mane,
he just have to give you one look before you go insane.
He knows he is charming and he knows it so well,
that he finds joy in casting this inescapable spell.
His eyes are like the abyss: dark, cold and deep.
They consume the soul, make your mind go to sleep.
He has damaged you already and you think he is your remedy.
If you could just open your eyes and see his true identity.
With a longing for love and hoping it would float,
you went right in his trap to get him: the antidote.
But instead he fed you up with toxic dreams and lies.
Because this is what he is: poison in disguise.
War is coming, it is on its way.
Don’t try to hide, it will find you anyway.
War is coming, what will you do?
Will you resist its power or just let it through?
War is coming, it is now or never.
You either get to run or stay forever.
War is coming, are you still here?
You’ve had your chance, the end is near.
War is coming, stand tall among the white knights.
Tonight we die with honor and fight for what is right.
War is coming, it is just a footstep away.
But we will not surrender, and never will we obey.
War is here, and it shows you no mercy.
Bodies are falling to the ground, it is bloodthirsty.
War is here, death is all around.
The cannons are blowing, you can’t hear a sound.
War is here, now you are all alone.
As it stabs through your chest, you fade towards the unknown.
War is over, not a single eye is left dry.
You fought bravely, it’s alright to say goodbye.
You see me and I see you.
I have never met someone like you before.
You all of a sudden say you like me, is that true?
You open up a before locked up door.
As a warm cup of coffee you warm up my soul.
It is a feeling I had forgot.
But now I am no longer in control.
I guess I like you a lot.
You make me feel like I am 10 feet tall.
I can almost touch the blue sky.
But what if I loose my foothold and fall.
Would you catch me or let me die?
I feel so carefree in the cold and thin air.
I can see all the tiny people passing by.
But when I turned around, you were no longer there.
Did you forget me or was all of this just an evil lie?
Well, I guess there is no more to talk about.
So I suppose I should just let it dwell.
And as a candlestick being burned out.
I now bit you a bittersweet farewell.
It is so dark that I can’t even see my own two hands in front of me.
But it is okay, I don’t even need the light to see.
Because all I need is not to see what lies ahead of the path I walk.
Nor do I need to hear the birds sing or even the voices as they talk.
I might end up stumbling and falling along the way.
But as long as I know it is meant to be, I am sure I am going to be okay.
And if I happen to not be okay in the end, that is alright as well.
Because no one can do anything to harm me, no one but myself.
I have hurt the skin that covers me, seen the crimson red peep through to say hello.
But of course I didn’t tell any, why should I let anybody know?
I do not need any pity because after all I made these choices for a reason.
A reason others won’t understand, they might call my actions for treason.
But I don’t care what they think, they should just leave me alone.
How could they ever understand how it feels like, to be unwelcome in your own home?
I have held countless of knives in my hand and let them embrace with my ivory bones.
I can only smile for myself, now that I've found my place beside the many tombstones.
Demons, demons everywhere.
They touch my skin and smell my hair.
Cold, cold eyes.
Floating faceless beings in disguise.
Deadly, deadly claws.
Scratching the mind, waiting for an applause.
Throat, throat is sore.
Painted in blue, can’t take it anymore.
Tears, tears so very clear.
Face is bathed in agony and fear.
Pills, pills to swallow.
The soul passed out, the body is hollow.
Please, please go away.
Come again another day.