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Feb 2018 · 285
The Fire
Zero Nine Feb 2018
I feel the strands push through my scalp for blue skies
Grow up, grow tall, then steeple palm to palm
Praise the sun! but where's the sun?

Legend says it's there to reach for men with means
If love, if happiness, then just take a grip
Praise the sun! but where's the sun?

Preach goodliness like you've the throat, the road to heaven
Preach to us like you'll sell deviants the verse

Raise the men! but what's a man?
Praise the sun! that never burned.

I'm over. I'm over.
Been over all along.
Dec 2017 · 442
Forfeit the Kiss and Go
Zero Nine Dec 2017
Start, like another
End, like every other
Alone, UtI, spinning web
Like I believe I'm the spider
The weaver, weaving, tearing down
Start today
End tonight

Under the influence for years
I'll never pronounce it wrong
I start like another
I end like every other

While I wasted the time waiting for you to leave
I never once thought I would commit arson
Burn the memories we made
(Though, I did)

(I saw the start and new the end)
Dec 2017 · 395
Rosado
Zero Nine Dec 2017
We dream
we want
the awards you take
We dream
we buy
the hypocrisy
We dream
we want
the new days you describe
in your speeches

The soap box betrays you

Twitter. Tweeting. Facebook. Facade.
Insta. Instant. Dopamine rush.

If you could separate your self from the stage,
that would be great.
-- but if you're going to make a political statement
while accepting an award for your humanity,
you might want to think about what your
individual actions tell the world about you.

Who will listen?
Who will ask?
Looks like money once more
takes the last laugh.
Opulence. "Must be nice."
Nov 2017 · 389
A Microphone
Zero Nine Nov 2017
Broke, sitting with half plate
Pasta, butter, spice
Shuffle through my old clothes
I used to look nice

What is nice, but smaller?
Smaller, smaller, still
String bean and potatoes
Go fine together

The grocer tries to tell me,
"Divide, conquer, divide."
"What is nice, but smaller?"

I guess the grocer's right
Nov 2017 · 327
Disparate Hearts Will Love
Zero Nine Nov 2017
What if I just sat myself in the chair with open ears to silence?
In quiet, would the voices play over and over, even then?
What if I unplugged myself for a moment, no longer?
Would it be time enough to see the vitriol I become?
In quiet, would my love be renewed?

In quiet, would I realize the pain created by hating the hater?
More than disparate views, I hate anger. I hate violence.
The master's walls resist the master's tools, I read it.
Even she, she would despise my guise. "Oh, really?"
She'd maybe say, "Get lost. Be gone." I feel it.

What do I do when I'm part of the crew hated?
Do I spend my days hiding or out fighting?
What do I do when I'm part of the crew hated?
What if I want to change minds and hearts slowly?
What if sudden, forceful changes break us?
I think you know the answer -- we're primed to explode

And I don't
Believe a racist, transphobe will ever love me, or learn me.
And I don't
Believe a word, a turn of phrase, deserves a bullet in the brain.
And I don't
Believe for a second that I'm anything but truly naive.

And I don't
Believe that's bad.
woteva
Nov 2017 · 288
Eight-oh-Eight
Zero Nine Nov 2017
Sipping on OJ after ***, after ******* on a cigarette
   Night outside grows frozen as Autumn slips into Winter
She the Fire sleeps deeply, deep inside of me
   She's determined to hang moss bangs over Her face
      Block Her view from death's stony stare
         She's determined to sleep forever

What if I cut, what if I dig the skin to wake Her?
                   What if I starve the stomach?
Heave the breast toward the hand upon the chest with razor?

We all need Fire in the coldest days
Don't tell me   I'm in control
As you speak them, I speak too
We all say
   We all say
Don't tell me   I'm in control
We all break
   We all break
We've all broken ourselves

She's determined to sleep forever
   I'll
      wake
         Her
i'm ready
Nov 2017 · 292
Crib Scribbler
Zero Nine Nov 2017
Not thoughtless
   enough to  ****  all day long
Not thoughtful
   enough to  escape the hood
Not petty
   enough to  market my  ancient little lies
Not honest
   enough with my  self  to
   out  grow  these twisted  vines

   All along, I've been
friends, only with the pen
   The pen is kind to me
when  I've  blown  my
chances, myself
   Slice  a  Y  you'll find
   The  heart  is  pa - per
   The  blood  has taken ink

   All along, I've been
friends, only with the pen
   All along, I've not been my own  by
extension, not myself
   No way I ever was
   If you could only see me now  my
friends
wasted
Zero Nine Nov 2017
5 0 0 pieces or more
spill over six accounts
5 0 0 holes for fingers
opened over my skin
so  when  will i learn
to use my feet to seek?
so  when  will i learn
the blood  i  squeeze
will in time run dry?
the gills  that i cut
will swallow the knife?
no time better than now
no time like the present
  to remember to breathe
remember to walk toward
  not away
a comet on legs leaving
trails of  meteorites
no  time  better than now
the ropes of the past lace
through the toes to the wrists
how long has it taken?
how lucky am i that i
filled the flesh canvas
with angry scars and
still  have the  knife?
5 0 0 pieces or more
spill over six accounts
5 0 0 holes for fingers
opened over my skin
the detective is done
with the cold  case  blues
the detective is done
penning I 2 U s
there are enough mountains today
tomorrow and on for the detective
to be insane as long as they want
the detective is done
  with  the  cold  case  blues
   so case closed
So many pieces over so many accounts. I've hit so many angles, conjured so many demons, found so much harmony in the echoes of an old, rightfully retired dissonance. I'm at another point in life where I'm ready to initiate a paradigm shift and say a so long. This is the last personal narrative I plan on writing for as long as I can help it. I'm really looking forward to putting all that **** in containment and concentrating on creative projects. If you've liked what you've read so far, keep an eye out for a collaborative project with Toby (of HP) sometime in the future.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for writing.
- Zan
Zero Nine Nov 2017
Set the mood
Redline
Build the hill
Fill that stem
Inhale. Hold it in.
Take that breath
Relax. Just relax.

I'm  waving the smoke away
Both hands  extensions of
the atrium  that primes the pump
I'm  beating as bleating
Green veil  is parted re  -  vealed
Reveals  the one I'm afraid of  -  the
old me

I'm  counting days defeated
Dead days  used my blood took
the look that I sculpted and weaponized  - it
as something other

Set the mood
Lazerhawk
Build the hill
Fill that stem
Inhale. Hold it in.
Take that breath
Relax. Relax. Relax.

How am I  a ***** to myself  I wonder
I wonder

How am I  a *****?

How am I  a ***** to myself  I wonder
I wonder

I  ride the ghost train
I  deify  the old ghosts  -  I
I  never meant to board forever  -  I
Am shadow. Am product. The Ubik.
I  deify  the past as answer  -

nothing left to say
nothing left to say

(01101100 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100101 00100000 00100001 01101100 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100101 00100000 00100001 01101100 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100101 00100000 00100001 01101100 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100101 00100000 00100001)
Nine is the number. 3 x 3. The grid and the line's end.
Zero Nine Nov 2017
Thought I was high
Then, I felt a memory
Thought I was high
Thought I was safe
Then, I felt some emotion

What if I sold my soul for the green of grass?
What if I smoke my ambition in a bowl?
What if I bake the little dough I make?
What if I'm red-eye all day?

Then, I'm a peasant.

What if I send my nightmares away, ablaze?
What if I exchange the pain in my body for body rolls?
What if I buy a ticket to ride, unafraid of eyes?
What if I'm dead all day already?

Then, I'm lifted.
Zero Nine Nov 2017
I was a trap the last time they looked.
They saw me now, they saw me, saw I as I is now
I wasn't a trap last time I looked.
I saw me then, I saw me, saw I as I ever
Last I checked, I wouldn't get
after your sacred *** -- it's cute that you're afraid.
Last I checked, I wouldn't get
after your bible *** -- not even were I paid!

Though, that was then, and now is here.
Those aspirations, declare them dead.
Those old roads ended, I left for highways.
Those highways laid pink and blue lines.
Those definitions left me seeing red.

Last I checked, I wouldn't get
after your bible *** -- not even were I paid!

But, if you offered it, that would be a different story.
:)
Zero Nine Nov 2017
In bed
On the couch across the room
Futon
Folded over me
Folding my dreams
Into napkins,
shaped and dyed
Outside
4 AM bathing in rain
Inside
You sleep easily
You dream sweetly
Into madness,
I stay awake
Through night,
Petrified

Misunderstood
the saccharine
Too passionate
Far too naive
Misunderstood
the promises
Blood for caffeine
Dreamless
(Sweet dreams)
Zero Nine Nov 2017
This is nonsense
Non-sequitur
My care's breakfast
Love break away
It's gone by night
It's out of sight
What you take away
You **** out right away
I go forgotten
Not about to let on
That I want you back
Inside my ramble
Its the bramble
Push your arm through
If you can't or won't
Don't fret,
I've got money for the TriMet
This is nonsense
Non-sequitur
The hidden truth
between the words
Zero Nine Nov 2017
...
Saw you on the balcony
Saw you on the asphalt
Going to your car? So,
"Hello" is what I get,
and all of it.

Saw you at the office, I
Saw you at the pharmacy
First day, your new job. So,
I won't take your time away
Thank you for the pills

Fight and fight the feeling
but there's no fight to fight.
My routine is writ in river rock,
you're looking beautiful, free,
even if your phone is in your head,
and you've routine like me.

Romance and its fickle game
stitched me up young
After years, there's no way
to escape getting better
It's better now and I'm devout
to no one but myself, but
it's been forever since
I've seen as sweet a face
when each morning delivers
bitter afternoons before
the night brings reminders
your entire day is hate.

Amber, Oceanic Blue, and Violet
In the sky, particles align

You trace the stars for me
You make me feel what I seek
Is more than drawn in dream
...
Zero Nine Nov 2017
Hope below the moonlight
Invested in nonsense
Believing if there's hope
Life won't need to end

Childhood, so sweet,
put holes in my teeth
Innocent nightmares
bear cruel realities
They grow there

Hope below the moonlight
Invested in nonsense
Believing if there's hope
Passion grows, endlessly
She was wrong

Fire gets the rain
Smiles wither
Teeth rot
Empathy opens
Invites love
Invites pain

Time expedites
The threshold dips lower & lower
The balance upsets
Love disappears
Pain envelopes

Now I can't feel
Why would I
not want that?
Zero Nine Nov 2017
Hear the heart cry
**** the lungs dry

I give you time
I give you sweat & blood
I give you devotion
I give you love
In offer

Bite the lip numb
Make me succumb

I give you time
I give you sweat & blood
I give you devotion
I give you love
In offer

Angels of envy
Give sacrifice
While I admire
The view from here

In quiet night
In shapeless shadow
I scry & chant
The view from here                                                         hurts.
Nov 2017 · 704
Hormones (REDUX)
Zero Nine Nov 2017
I say I'm
not looking
for love but
I'm looking
I'm catching
cold glances
from eyes filled
with the weight of
sorrow been cast in gold
My purposeful fingers
reach up for money from
the gutters, this,
is just what I'm told.
Enter my ears,
enter my eyes,
enter my skin,
into my lungs.
I'm not breathing
oxygen if I exhale
byproduct. I'm out
of luck, won't press it.
I'm out of reason in
speech. Beyond
preventable death.
Regret, turned to
malice. Chest
compression. I
could have been
a good person.
What value in gold,
if I have you?
Nov 2017 · 204
St. Slaughter's Day (REDUX)
Zero Nine Nov 2017
I am thankful for the opportunity to feel.

To be here, as opposed to absence.

I am a statistical near impossibility.

Death missed me, as stars led me from nothingness

through time to landings where feet touched, and

breath breathed, and blood pumped.

I am fortunate for the blessing of clarity and thankful

of those moored in the void around me.

Is love? Is love, s/he said, (…) is love.
reuse, recycle
Nov 2017 · 440
Playpen/Toxic Gamer
Zero Nine Nov 2017
Games are for boys -- I was in the wrong.
No other opinion ever matters,
and how I know this, it makes me sick
Middle of your twenties dedicated to
card and computer games, but
never once was your attitude cool as
you thought it was.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I play for fun.
Maybe I'm naive, but I play to feel free.

Games are for boys only --
sometimes for girls who "aren't like other girls"
but then look what happens, Mary,
you get exposed to **** enough,
you'll become an *******.

I want to have fun, but I can barely breathe.
You all want to be competitive until you lose
in a way you never thought you would,
then suddenly the competition's a farce
and you're not okay, because of that list
you made, the one that has acceptable
and unacceptable ways to win and play.

I could be mean if I wanted to, but sometimes
the truth does work.

Sometimes the truth does work.

Honey, if you're hurt that you didn't learn
what you should learn in kindergarten
you are more than welcome to join your
toddler friends in the playpen
Hehe. Apologize? Why? I have more fun without you.
Nov 2017 · 259
99/Gateway WinCo
Zero Nine Nov 2017
Must have been the end of a delightful dream
Had my fingers around a power leak
******* up the light when I came to,
loosening my grip on a can of beans
68 cents, tacos on demand
counted the change pushing
through my pockets and
leaking through the seams
In a life like this I wish it
was considered decent to
decide for death even with
in proper company,
but only sometimes.
sip slip away
Nov 2017 · 322
Sewn Shut Screaming (REDUX)
Zero Nine Nov 2017
Once starshine
Once iodide

For years healing
You're done healing

You hard stop
You immolate

Every word
To ember but

You made a line of fuel right to me
that I will follow

I swore I'd
Sing should you **** me

Unless you
took my tongue with you

I see you
thought sealing my mouth
with stitches

Would drown my cries

We see
See how well that worked
Now don't we?
I've been a lot of people.
Taken many names.
And once again,
here I am.

Back.

It smells like home.
Nov 2017 · 561
Smut
Zero Nine Nov 2017
I'm lucky that my *** drive started when I was young
It leaves me my future wrapped up in silence.
Nov 2017 · 354
Celebrity
Zero Nine Nov 2017
look at me center stage
send your brain to sleep
if you can't, or won't
this is going to look a lot like satire
but picture me here
with yourself in the audience
you've seen my name on the internet
you've probably seen it on facebook
maybe you've heard of my movies
let's see if you can name five
isn't it funny that i'm being conceited
isn't it funny that i'm not like other women?
let's see if you can name five
maybe you've heard of feminism
if you hate it, i hate you, if you love it,
i reinvented it in a co-opted form
so please, don't forget to thank me
but seriously, though, just kidding
there's some real acting, here
i'm acting like i give one slimy **** about you
and your plebeian existence
i'm acting like i give a single, genuine *******
thought or care
to your meaningless, peasant
life, but i've never thought of you once, at all, .
you think it matters once your
stank cash and card swipe become my available
balance? i drive a tesla, ffs
i've heard the word philanthropy, it's meaning
is a mystery, or is it? ****
you, thanks for the view, but this is my business
Zero Nine Nov 2017
Sad songs had their place
In the coming of age,
My songs sound the same
The sound, blase
Sad songs had their place
In the coming of age,
My songs sound the same
My songs are blase.

The answers I need, who do I ask?
Where's my fire?
Where's my immediacy?

The roof is overhead.
The walls surround my bed.
Food in the fridge.
Necessary electricity.

The ends I seek, where do I ask?
Where's my fire?
Where's my face in smoke and mirror?

Sad songs had their place
In the coming of age,
My songs sound the same
My songs are blase.

Where's my face in smoke and mirror?
Where's my face in smoke and mirror?
The End
Zero Nine Nov 2017
Bored on the internet, so see what I find.
I'm taken back to that moment in the past
When I met the droop-eyed star and starlet.
Look what Twitter has. Their pale face framed
and recreated, pixel perfect, inundated.
Talking in circles.
Talking highly of
Your self --
Like you're above the tower seat of power,
In the clouds. You're a mental case. How
you gonna love yourself so much?
All of my former lovers are the messes they left back when.
Zero Nine Nov 2017
The comets came down raining on a subtle day
Stony rocks, amber locks, stony eyes, and Jokes
Portland never stood as a golden neighborhood
Now it's over where I don't have any business
Back in time, when you got me to the center for
Your clandestine affair, meteorites tore through
The troposphere, made your basement glow,
When the world is never us, you want a poultice
Look underneath, you'll still find me there and

Still X and hot rock
Still X and at loss
Mess no more,
Talarah, she's dead

Still X and want you
better, Sid, want you
better, Sid, want you
better, mess no more

Cindy's dead
Binary test
Found the X
I wish I could
Say anything
helpful to you
Say anything
to help you be
golden, if we were
ever, then be golden
again

I clap for you.
Super fan.
Zero Nine Nov 2017
I was told to never
light a cigarette
I did

He died and I
watched him
******* leave
me, nothing to be done

Lifeless and gray,
drained by day,
during his last week

Prey to the image
of the epitome of
masculinity

Cool, cool shades
Cool, cool leather
Jacket & boots

What do you want to be when you grow up?
One massive, tumescent lump
you'd think, seeing him turned to dust
would be enough, but you'd be wrong
Oct 2017 · 253
Comes Around
Zero Nine Oct 2017
The water burns my toes cold
It wasn't worth the wait or the waste for this day
I feel like the love I gave you
I really gave to myself because I saw me in you
Now that we're both gone
Would it be so absurd to truly love ourselves?
Spying through wires in space
You look rough, almost like you never learned
If you saw me would you say I'm better?
If you looked would you take me for someone else?

If I met you again, I'd put the past behind
In the end, the most difficult truth is,
we were looking and lost, fundamentally flawed
nothing more

What if we could make a place ours?
Fire for heat, flat for wheel, safe.
Free from the warning orange.
Oct 2017 · 220
Autumn 4 Ever
Zero Nine Oct 2017
I dream about the sunlit days while I'm at the window
The sun, like us, once looked bright, once looked inspired
You, you're looking cold, looking old
You're close in the race, but still behind me
Oct 2017 · 293
Marcus
Zero Nine Oct 2017
hey,

i've sent u text messages
i've sent u friend requests
i don't know how to find you
is it even your number, still?
is it that you're still pretending
you don't know me?

listen,

what happened, happened
i slipped on purpose to try
i hit my head on the toilet
when i woke i was concussed
just and only, alone, lonely
without my friend

could i close my eyes
and go back in time
i'd go back and
choke myself out

i think of you once a day
no one asks, if they did
i'd go outside
sing as in prayer

hey,

if you need time between
the moment you left and
the moment you see me,
take all the time you need
but remember I love you,
let me know you're alive

listen,
listen
close,

the lines i crossed
i crossed easily
i'm sorry,
see me

i've never been so
ready to apologize
then again,
what does
that mean
when i'm
the one
you don't
mind is
gone?

hey,

i'll have you know, the life
you wanted and were in
was no more kind to me
the lover i loved from you
took advantage of my love
and infected me --

i hope you're still out
I still live in hope that you'll decide I'm worth your time again.
I made so many mistakes. I want to rectify them.
I don't deserve it, do I?
Oct 2017 · 342
Grievances - Camera and Pen
Zero Nine Oct 2017
Would you like
to make
a change?
Why not
start with
your name?

Hon, you can make
the changes you
want to make.

If you need help
ask and recieve
Or for sake of
autonomy
I'll let you be
to send instead
unspoken love
over the air

Why maintain
your face
today?
Why not
burn to
be brand new?

(x2)
Change your name.
Change your face.
Change your mind.
Change your style.

Endings aren't always dark halls
Endings can be dark spells
Tunnel to the denouement
There you'll find camera and pen
The End

p.s.

told ya ;p
Zero Nine Oct 2017
I see your skin and I think
What did I do to deserve this blessing?
The God that I call chance
Would see my hands on a masterwork?
The American work week
covers your flame. You leave it at the door.

You wait to speak until you get close
You get close as it gets to say this:
I'm battered and bruised, think
you could relax me a little bit?
Want to take off your shirt?

For you,

I can't take my clothes off fast enough

Then you,

Tell me, "Shut the blinds, first."

Can we open the blinds?
I don't care who's watching
-- if you don't.
Let light in.
Let light in.

Who cares who's watching love?
For her. The first new permanence that kept.
<3
Zero Nine Oct 2017
Traveled this road
times before
It would be true
to say I drive
in circles
so I won't

So I won't say it
I won't say it

I won't say it
I won't say

I'm broken
You can't fix it with words
All I need is you
to want to hear
me speak
For once
listen

I'm here
I'm ears
Let me
hear you say

I won't say it

You're bare
You're open
Let me
taste your salt

I can't do that

I can't do good

to myself

It's endless
keep setting those
personal fires
one of these convictions,
from the ash
you'll rise
anew

i'd hate to end on a sullen note
so i won't
Zero Nine Oct 2017
I stopped caring.
A view of the world outside
escapes my morning eyes.
I eclipse you.
A view of the world outside
reveals wire frame in black.

The sky is wide. I'm just beneath heaven.
Have you ever felt as close to god there?
On the Earth turned cement dry?
In the dregs where lines divide?

I stopped caring.
A view of the world outside
escapes my morning eyes.
I eclipse you.

I regret that I see lines, instead.
One triangle on its head, risen
above the sun, above the moon.
The sight of you, deprived,
drives me back inside.

----------------------------------------------

Felt mostly alone.
Never deprived.
Unhappy with life,
still overjoyed.
My mama stole my name.
My sister got her's took.
Pass the line from child
hood into adulthood,
looking like,
I know, I'm sure I know
I can't owe you money, yet,
I've never lived
on my own.

That's still true, too.
Don't know the sound of silence,
so when it's been most quiet
staying with roommates,
I take my chance at pretend.
I wake up dying, laughing
and crying at ghostly degrees
floating with motes of dust
on the sunbeams
crossing my mattress
in the living room.

Felt mostly alone.
Uneducated.
Contented by kicking cans, though.
Contented in stinky briefs,
and the shirt that's food
for my closet moths,
looking for cheap ways
to express the illness,
the anger I hide.

I believe, that some use our backs
for stacking currency. For work.
Invisible work, deep under the radar,
pack mule to their nickel,
fifty-*******-cent pieces
and dimes.

I'm staring at pennies
they leave me to roll,
already rolling, like
they expect me to catch up.
The secret is:
they want it
so badly --

So game over. I ain't playing
no more, when the piece I play
climbs the backs of friends,
my brethren of the low-low,
one space at a time, with dice
cooked, favor to snake eyes

I'm not chasing pennies
if I'm so close to the floor
I'll always be carpet,
I'll part the lint and braid
to love what is free.

I'll always be base
to love what is free.
maybe I'll go wild, change my whole style

love what is free.
people miss it.
Zero Nine Oct 2017
My human body      
              stings of age
                     ache and pain
My human bone
              breaks
My human strength
              decays

My human form
              twists, deforms
                     courts mirrors
My anxious nerves
              burn
My fragile heart
              stops

Make my limb
Make my life long
Take my parts
Make me evolve

make my limb                                                                                        

                                                                                     make my life long

make my heart                                                  


                                              beat, eternal            

I long for painlessness
Bless this beautiful ship I control,
but I would trade the ephemeral
  flesh, bone, blood and marrow
to the first back alley broker
of cheap plastics I meet
get me out of here, quick.
Oct 2017 · 288
Grievances - Buy Sell Trade
Zero Nine Oct 2017
(i want it so bad, but, baby)
(i need it so badly, too)

Love sweet nothings turn to syrup.
I can't hear the wind through window.
The ants love me, want me for food.
Tell me how: how is that not you?

You're right, it's nice getting something
                                 for nothing.
Let me tell you right now:
                      In my age
I've learned to love
       a better way.

  No free sample
       Lifetime return
              Free exchange
                   That's the way,
                       the buy sell trade.
This is for the ants. Learn to give a little.
Zero Nine Oct 2017
Sweet TV
You & Me
Got a date
We touch
I learn

Whose
lives
mean
most

Which
truth
sounds
most

like
the
world
I
want
around
me

These shoes barely fit, but look fantastic
The uncanny caricatures sure seem to be
the ends to my meager means

These drive-thru aspirations taste like ****
I am born nuclear, and I am lightning fast
without self-assessment

Why would I ask?
Why would I want
to be stripped of speed
in a place that wants me
on the floor, dead or poorly
resourced to save the handful
of golden few, who sit in thrones
stitched in skin and filled with blood
at the spine of the world, watching while
me, my family, my friends and the neighborhood
burn up in linen and cotton tattooed with American green

-- I want above, to look down from the top.
**** everyone else.
i was born in a pair value village sweat pants
this is for everyone else born in a trailer, born in a project,
born into a broken family, born with preternatural traits in
a society of judges, keepers, and enforcers.

we're not each others' enemies.
we're the foundation.

and who cares who kills who when Elon Musk
will save you from Earth, and take you to space?
Zero Nine Oct 2017
It's been heard I'm adequate with words
If only they knew,
they knew less
than the full
story

It's been said I'm blithe, articulate
I'm pleasant at that
That I have
and want not's
compensatory
transitory

In the end, I'm worth forlorn words, no more
In the end, my has-been charm goes dead weight
In the end, I'm your additive to the dull days
In the end, my gains come from a snake's tongue

In the end,
I'm nothing
but words
for reading

black lies
on the white light
of a flat screen

In the end,
I've nothing
but words
beneath me
beneath me

Beneath me twists and turns the caverns where my heart grows.
I call it art to your face, when I'm a broker by trade.
You won't know that you trade, you won't see that I sell myself.
You won't feel the hidden strings on your cervical
spine until you've given your food, four walls, window and door,
given your love to a dead duck scanning for escape.
at certain things, i excel
but in doing them i hurt myself
Zero Nine Oct 2017
the acid talk really put me onto you
the specifics did it. precision cement.
the way you fill the silence, violently
**** victim defender. defender of what?
if you stuck to one version of your rules
you'd hear your disgusting tongue, you
would taste what you say and purge

you were in so many places at once
you touched the stars. drank in bars.
according to your true story account
the child soldier. soldiered psych wards.
for all that i know, i know no more truth
i know, i know, i know i let you in but i
can't truly know such an obvious liar
nor believe it in my core that you're a friend

what do you want from me?
the steel trap that memorized my paychecks
what do you want from me?
the cancer factory that steals all my class A's
what do you want from me?
what do you want?

your verse your version
infects my art

never have i ever been so tempted to spend
money over the internet

much too much too
curious
everyone knows one
i made a bad habit out of knowing too many
Oct 2017 · 207
Grievances - I'm Sold
Zero Nine Oct 2017
Oh,
Another 5 second ad
So harmless,
harmless!

Oh,
Another 5 second ad
I can't ****
- ing skip!

It's
Not that I've not the time
-- I do!

It's
because we've
figured how
to fit
the least
necessary ****
into
just
one
blink!

What is typical is shown
What is me is mostly unknown
I don't want to be the ghost in your eyes
before I've lived, before I'm dead
sometimes it's easier than others to feel like a product.
Oct 2017 · 280
Grievances - Rose Grey
Zero Nine Oct 2017
Left my heart in one with you
now, it's in two.

I return to find
the foundation
of my life

Ripped up
Roses clipped
The garden
closes in
a bed of grey

I return to find
the foundation
of my life

Removed professionally
Disconnected
Cautiously clamped, and taken
from the veins

Why!?

You're the
empty
meadow
in my
memory

The tome forgotten
The lost home

Why!?

Ani - mos - ity
grows over time
Ani - mos - ity
grows old and cold

I plead my case
to time,
"Be kind."

Thunder:
the resounding,
"No."

I return to find
the foundation
of my life

Ripped up
Roses clipped,
the garden
spoiled
under your shoes

Left my heart in one with you
now, it's in two.
Zero Nine Oct 2017
I can't recall what I did
When you fill my head with lies
Recollection, it won't happen

When these haunted eyes pull back
That flesh canvas turns black
As the starless night

I see your bare face right there
Clear, as in a lucid dream
I lose control to passion
You knew you left our bedroom

With the gas turned on

Your face --
I want to smash it

I won't wander where I go
In darkness, alone
With a gaslight
For Cindy/Sid
Oct 2017 · 291
Grievances - Discount Meat
Zero Nine Oct 2017
We've our grievances
right
here in hand

Blood soaked envelopes
stamped
sweat and seal

They use empty truths
to pitch hate
as a promised land

They sell their answers
used, as is
to the fearing masses

And they do so
dirt cheap
dirt cheap

From a throne
of our skulls
and ancient
bones

.our ******* bones.
thrash trash post-*******
Oct 2017 · 423
Shoot and Loot
Zero Nine Oct 2017
Shoot. Loot. Shoot.
Loot and shoot.

It's like half past ten PM
While it's true I've never been
the bread winner
I still wake and bake at dawn

Although, I'm losing sleep
They can see a tired person
hurting from existing as an
addictive personality

Although I'm losing sleep,
I'm positive this is the first
time I've felt fulfilled
since the last time

Believe me, my instruments are mine
when i'm the instrument - ally
conditioned queen
Believe me, my work is justified
when all it is, is time ill spent
in the end

Shoot. Loot. Shoot.
Loot and shoot.

Look at the
rewards
roll in

Oh yes, oh
yes, oh
yes, oh

Blue, purple,
and gold,
my goal

My
crucible
My
crucible

Shoot. Loot. Shoot.
Loot and shoot.

Oh joy, oh
joy, oh
joy, oh

How come in the meaning I'm promised new?
When you're my sole believer, what can I do?
What can I do but shoot and loot
til I become your monument?
Yeah yeah yeah.
-- but I just got to 275!
Zero Nine Oct 2017
I used to lie down in my bed
Count kernels in the popcorn sky, overhead
I used to use the daytime for nothing much at all
Was I prepped for death?

I once liked the ones I called friends
Draped myself in colors I could defend
I once misused my empathy, passion, and my wit
Only to have you seize it in the end.

Since I'm there, written on your list,
please, cross off my name.

If I show my amateur face on your stage,
just write me off.

Play me off with the music of your choice
until I'm gone.
The End.

Thank you all for joining me for another set.
Appreciate all the love. Much respect. <3

Catch me next time.
I've got grievances to air.
Zero Nine Oct 2017
The last letter you sent to me
simply read, "Z"
as if you wanted me to see
it was too hard
for you to
complete my name,
even after everything,
still, you can't even
press it with a Bic
into some Hammermill

So, what can't they see?

The last letter you sent to me
read like a eulogy
for the woman you were
The praise was put on pretty thick
By your description
anyone else would see
me as biohazard, medical waste,
another toxic taste,
highly addictive, overwhelming,
an overall detriment
to your mental health

So, what can't they see?
Lover from another over moment,
what can't they see?

Doesn't matter how I conduct myself,
certain ears listen to certain mouths
regardless of the content, or the timing
There's been a Jean-Claude in pink
since the beginning, sitting in the trees
taking notes, waiting for the moment
I reveal something petty and honest
in a rare moment of our honesty

Feel free to rake up my mistakes
If you want to do us both, anata,
we'll need a bigger ******* rake

So, what can't they see?
Lover from another over moment,
what can't they see?
it's difficult for me to express myself.
Zero Nine Oct 2017
There was a time you'd find
its untidy nest at the top of the lot
in the front room of apartment zero nine

Then, miles down time's treadmill
the creature first took notice, took a look
at its surroundings said,

"My world's color could be described as, and called, shame."

It split itself in half
The legs grew a head
The torso grew wings

While the grounded body kept vigil,
kept the common company
of rapists, liars, and thieves,
the winged being pushed off the Earth,
never to return to shame
as an ape with one short face,
but as a thing with a thousand names.
wat
Zero Nine Oct 2017
Toothless
Lying on the ground
Rain falls
Washing waste from purple skies
Sun sets
The dead man's skin is wet and orange
He melts
A Creamsicle in holy Summer's mouth, and the

Holler sits still
The silent home of broken will
The corpse misses mourning
While, all around, the residents eat
and sleep and lie
...
Zero Nine Sep 2017
I need rent, but how am I supposed to get it paid
with a grand total of eight people in town?
I need space to celebrate my first taste of a private place,
but even as I dance for quarters - dollar bills at best -
I hear Mr. Delaney's footsteps, feel his molester's breath
dancing like a hot hand with its fingers to piano keys
from my shoulders to where my skull sits
on my neck!

His hands on my neck -
I hate this hole, this holler, Cacophony
I'm seeing dreams smash, firsthand,
seeing me swinging hammer
His hands on my neck -
I hate this hole, this holler, Cacophony,

but not like the life I left behind!
what I left behind, what I left behind
grows colds, grows overhead,
grows on me, grows close,
so close to the light that I lose the light
and grow cold, no friends,
no room for remorse, just
four walls, hole of black creeping mold,
a fine home to settle in, to
hate what I left behind,
love I left behind, whole worlds away.

I'm home in this cacophony.
<3 for <3
Zero Nine Sep 2017
She said, "Hello. You look like ****."
I said, "To what do I owe this. . . this compliment?"
A double whiskey on the house
I said, "Fine with me, I always take the first one free."
"But you've been here all night," she said,
"In fact every single night this week."

Hope stands monstrous in the door
Can't tell if it's as it is or if it's my eyes swimming
Memory's a funny thing, because from what
I remember I never was a drunk
Just everyone on dad and grandpa's side
Cruising all the way up the line

Now, reflection's come to cast
proper shadow 'cross my heart
in clouded mirrors with lights off
I outsmart the faint voice
No hands, ******* in the dark
halp mi
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