Harri 1d
I have never been afraid of fire.
Which is good, I think,
Because when I am with you
I feel like I might go up in flames.
You have consumed me more thoroughly
Than a pyre would, love.
And I have never been so happy to burn.
Harri 1d
I never meant to love you.
You caught me
On the way to my solitude
And tripped me,
So casually.
Did you even notice
That I fell?
Harri 1d
Love strangles me.
My heart
Creeps, scratching, up my throat
Seeking release,
To hang itself
From my impotent tongue.
What use are words anyway?
What use my love now,
Turned to acid
That drills holes,
Sizzling and weeping
Through my chest.
I wait,
I wait,
I wait.
I hold on to a hope,
Too bright,
It shears the sight from my eyes
And flays me,
Laying me out
Broken and naked beneath it.
I pull on layers of gauzy dreams,
Hiding the cracks in my seams,
Where I'm tearing myself apart.
And smiling.
It's ok,
It's ok.
I'd do it all again,
You're worth the pain.
Harri 1d
I wanted everything with you.
To wake up one morning,
and see your sleeping face
and know
that from that moment on,
your freckles would be the first thing I saw
on all my mornings.
To go on adventures,
holding your hand
while sitting on the roof of our van
and exclaiming over beautiful things,
then looking at you and realising
I’ve already seen the peak of beauty.
To kiss you,
and know that your lips will be the last
to ever touch my own.
To experience that breathless moment,
hanging like gossamer between us,
right before the “yes”.
To sign that stupid piece of paper,
that nevertheless means so much,
because it says that even the law accepts
that we’re meant for each other.
To share a name with you,
to call you my spouse.

To open a front door,
sunlight highlighting the grey streaks in my hair,
and go out into our own garden,
and look at our little piece of woodland
and hear our burbling stream,

and know that all is as it should be.
hayden 4d
on this day two years ago
my heart was broken into
forty nine pieces colored
red with the blood
of people just like me.
my hands still shake and
my heart is still in pieces.
we could stitch it together
with a rainbow thread
but i cannot tell you
about the pain that won't go away.
say their names.
taste them on your tongue
before you spit words like bullets
that hurt just as bad.
look at sons and daughters and
kids and lovers and tell me
they deserved it. tell me i deserve
remind me where we're going
after we die, because that's where
we're headed.
pray for orlando and i'll pray
for you. your heart should be
kinder in twenty eighteen.
written 6.13.18
mc ish 4d
dirty hands,
doing beautiful works,
are still dirty?
dimming at the rapture
i cannot get the words expressed.
i hope to one day find an ounce of your being in someone else,
someone who is allowed to love with all they have.
someone not held back by society or circumstance.
but for now, i lie dormant at your doorstep,
hoping for the chance to let you see anything you’d like to,
take apart my very mind and keep the pieces that will keep me in your sight.
our dirty hands are not allowed to touch,
lest we create a spark so bright
they dare to put us out.
these hands make for a lovely soul, yearning to walk upwards without change of self.
our dirty hands are not the ones in need of cleansing,
our love is not the one in need of changing.
you and i, we are the ones who love with all we have,
we are the ones happy to suffer at the ends of the earth in order to give those we long for freedom.
love is accepted in the form of begging and lies,
coercing and exasperated sighs,
throwing things and vicious rendezvous,
“he just likes you!”
our dirty hands can’t too be swept by lust’s mighty flood?
when some of the world’s greatest creations came from the mud.
hayden 5d
the heart is located just below the sternum and i
would like you to exist in the space between them
curl into me and fall asleep to the pounding
of my heart that i feel whenever you look at me.
i think i could make you like me better if i
could make a soft bed for you inside of myself
but there’s only hardness and bone.
would you still love me after seeing that there’s
no depth to me at all? no flowers under my
nailbeds? there’s nothing poetic about the
desecration inside me. does that turn you off?
does it scare you? it scares me. it does.
will be posted on my tumblr, humbleboys
hayden 5d
Darling boy. I think you’re more of a dream than
I’d like to admit. You’ve existed in my mind for
so long. You go by many names: soulmate. The
One. Love of my life. Angel. True love. Mister
right. Beloved. Red.
Why would I call you anything but your name
when you go by so many? I can call you my
sweetheart and it doesn’t hold what I’d like it to.
My Red. Color boy. Have you ever considered
that the crime scene of my heart is now covered
in your fingerprints? Does it bother you to have
your name so close to a murder? I’d like to think
your hands will be the softest thing to ever touch
me. I’d like to think your lips are even softer. I
want to believe that you’ll always love me like
this, the way that I’ll always love you like a
whirlpool. I am just spinning in my feelings
for you. They can be overwhelming, but I wouldn’t
change it for the world. It’s almost like the universe
created me to love you. I was created to be yours
and you were created to be great. You’ve succeeded.
And I hope I’m succeeding, too. I love you, soulmate.
soon to be posted on my tumblr, humbleboys
Locked into your gaze
You are the only one around
Though we're surrounded
By the moving bodies of strangers

I don't know how to dance
But the alcohol fuels my limbs
And yours are up against mine
As we move together as one

Colorful flashes of moving lights
Pale in comparison to your smile
Our foreheads touch gently
As we scream along to the songs

I haven't "known" you for long
But I've known you forever it seems
Even my heartbeat knows your energy
And responds whenever you're near

As I lean in to meet your kiss
Electric currents shock my chest
As everything around us freezes
We've created a universe in our arms

Despite the crowds and the show
I can't tear my eyes away from yours
Cause you're the only one I see
And the only one I want to
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