it's not hard to crack someone open
when they are already broken.
and not much work needs to be done
to hollow out someone who is already empty.
you hooked the line and sunk us down.
you did nothing but make us drown.
but nothing but the lights are as low as you
and i hope you sober up soon.
'cause i'm tearing the fabric from our loom,
feeling nothing but the heavy gloom
from all the stress you put me through.
i thought i was a hero in your story.
i thought i actually meant something to you,
but i was just a pawn in all of your plans
who fell victim to your selfish demands.
you took the opportunity to turn your back on me
and guilt me for not being strong enough for you
as if you ever were for me.
you squandered everything i worked to achieve.
you selfishly took everything i had to offer.
and you made me choke
from your fake lifeline around my throat.
but what you don't know is
that i've felt this way before.
i've fallen to the bottom and tasted the floor,
and i won't play this sick little game anymore.
so you can try to take everything i have,
since it's all you ever do.
you can throw every stone at me,
but your words are see-through.
i caught a bird's eye view
and i'm finally done with constant blue.
'cause all you ever tried but now failed to do
was get to me, but now i see through you.
you can choke on your lies
just to hide the coward that's inside.
but time won't help you,
'cause now i've seen the truth
and you won't break my mind.
you picked us apart one by one
and tore us to shreds all for fun,
but what does that say about you?
i won't hold back my apathy,
and you'll never show empathy.
but that's on you, not me.
you buried me in a cage six feet deep,
but why should i let this bury me
when i can just bury you instead?
and tell me why i should waste my time
pointlessly dwelling on what you did
when there's so much more room to grow
outside of the coffin i was dug into?
and i could be angry.
i could be cold and ruthless,
but what would that make of me?
i'll tell you what it makes.
it makes me just like you.
and i am not like you.
i refuse to be anything like you.
i could say that you were a waste of my time
but deep down i know you were anything but that.
you showed me how to be strong,
something that took me far too long.
i'm finally starting to take back
all of the things that you took.
i'm standing my ground and finding my place.
and now i can finally see
all the once hidden clarity,
because you showed me a person
i never want to be.
April 3, 2019.
Thank you Abby for helping me write some of this. I love you <3