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He took a sweet moment before,
Smiling back to her
A whiff,
A Tear held back,
An emotion restrained in the
Captivity of heart,

Promises Don't Mend   B r o k e n  

Do they?
The doors are all closed,
the windows all shut
and all alone-
Surrounded by my lonely shadows
I do stand,
Shadows of a past
that is no longer mine,
Shadows of aspirations
I no longer recognize,
Shadows of dreams long lost
Shadows of longing
of regret and  failure

And often I feel like a misfit
an outcast
Locked up behind a door,
caged by my very own thoughts
captive to a fear yet unknown
Begging for freedom,
from my self

Not a word to call my own,
not a soul to call my friend
Often lost to the
Pangs of antiquity,
an oblivion so profound,
That all I often know,
Is but a prolonged solitude
A peace,
A quietude that now seems to itch,
And all I would ever bequeath,
Would be scars of a reticent heart,
gone sour with hate
A Yorks Sep 25
The time has come to understand all that you said;
Although it fills my heart up with a sense of dread;
To entertain the thought, that maybe I was wrong;
To think that I was helping you to get along;
You didn't love me, you just loved what I could do;
You didn't need me, and I guess I don't need you;
I was the stepping stone you needed to break free;
And when I fell apart you stepped away from me,

You tore me down with everything I did for you;
I still don't see how I could manage to pull through;
And after every single suicide you feigned;
I still don't understand what you thought you would gain?
I held it all inside and let it build away;
I thought it was for you I held up everyday;
And when the time had come that I did finally crack;
You went immediately around behind my back.

I wish for peace but don't receive it,
                                   Mercy upon me,
If I could only be forgiven,
                                   It can never be.

The time has come to understand I must move on;
Although it fills my heart like concrete that you're gone;
I know I never should have reached for you my hand;
Why did it take so long for me to understand?
All that I did for you, I thought I did what's right;
Now I can't even get myself to sleep at night;
My notes in therapy are scribbled with your name;
The final end result of all this twisted game.

I wish you peace, though not deservèd,
                                   Mercy upon you,
I wish I could deny forgiveness,
           But I forgive you.
With chord notation.
Eloisa Sep 7
I  have drown in love and caged repeatedly.
But I’ve broken the chains of captivity.
Recovering from a tidal wave of emotions,freeing my inner fire and energies,
I now return with strength with a pen
and a scrap of paper with me.
I have run into chaos, fear, self-doubt
and uncertainty.
For I anchored my motivation and confidence
in my flaws, my scars and pain.
With glimpses of memories that just farewelled,
I’ve got my new story to write.
I’m allowing my fear and self-love to co-exist.
And with an aching soul and a bruised heart
still to heal.
I now let my horizons of certitude confidently sail into undiscovered creative seas.
Is there peace
Be it at the song of a whale
Or under definition
Of ground up and churned kale
Let thy nature roam
Under skylight of natural horn
Grow unto snout of powered home
And be extinct with global scorn
Numerals count thine ground for divorce
Be it drama or disenchantment
But happiness be bound by string
And lost at the first encampment

Do it be trapped under my name
The tragedy that speaks to my character
Or are we forbidden lovers
Lost in underwhelming hearts
In calm
Pain and wounds
Healing contusions
The audience before us
Lead pencils of grade be just
The hatred of poetics and stages of bewilderment
Leave me begging for the rhythmic sublime
Mostly, synonymous
To me and you
Myself, be I
The poet who's heart beg all
Undo therapy for insight
And grace unto thee closure
The answer which we sought for
Last it end, drown in hysteria
Feeling sublime in honest invention
Dare I go forth
Or drown in recourse of dimension
The reaction
Subtle and divine
Lost and drowned
In word so sourly combined
OpenWorldView Jul 26
skin is the paper
the knife replaces the pen
remove lives mistakes
Eloisa Jul 6
It is only in my moment of silence
that I could hear my voice
I got lost in the wilderness
but I have found myself
~My Regular Nature Walk
There should be moments that you have to find time to have some solitude to review the past and do some deep thinking which is vital to your own growth. This is the time to identify your dreams that you already brought into reality and some goals and plans that you have not yet accomplished. Being with my own company at times provided me a chance to rediscover myself and my life’s purpose. It helped me reflect on my past and chart my future properly.
LC Jul 3
it's a massive sigh,
almost an exhale of stress.
it's the tension unraveling 
from knotted shoulders.
it's when hearts stop running 
and simply stroll.
it's the moment of recovery
between profuse tears 
and hopeful reassurance.
it's the drop of calm 
that spreads over the lake.
it's when the sun stretches its rays 
from behind the clouds.
it's the beginning of the end
and the start of a new beginning.
it's not hard to crack someone open
when they are already broken.
and not much work needs to be done
to hollow out someone who is already empty.
you hooked the line and sunk us down.
you did nothing but make us drown.
but nothing but the lights are as low as you
and i hope you sober up soon.
'cause i'm tearing the fabric from our loom,
feeling nothing but the heavy gloom
from all the stress you put me through.

i thought i was a hero in your story.
i thought i actually meant something to you,
but i was just a pawn in all of your plans
who fell victim to your selfish demands.
you took the opportunity to turn your back on me
and guilt me for not being strong enough for you
as if you ever were for me.
you squandered everything i worked to achieve.
you selfishly took everything i had to offer.
and you made me choke
from your fake lifeline around my throat.

but what you don't know is
that i've felt this way before.
i've fallen to the bottom and tasted the floor,
and i won't play this sick little game anymore.
so you can try to take everything i have,
since it's all you ever do.
you can throw every stone at me,
but your words are see-through.
i caught a bird's eye view
and i'm finally done with constant blue.
'cause all you ever tried but now failed to do
was get to me, but now i see through you.

you can choke on your lies
just to hide the coward that's inside.
but time won't help you,
'cause now i've seen the truth
and you won't break my mind.
you picked us apart one by one
and tore us to shreds all for fun,
but what does that say about you?
i won't hold back my apathy,
and you'll never show empathy.
but that's on you, not me.

you buried me in a cage six feet deep,
but why should i let this bury me
when i can just bury you instead?
and tell me why i should waste my time
pointlessly dwelling on what you did
when there's so much more room to grow
outside of the coffin i was dug into?

and i could be angry.
i could be cold and ruthless,
but what would that make of me?
i'll tell you what it makes.
it makes me just like you.
and i am not like you.
i refuse to be anything like you.
i could say that you were a waste of my time
but deep down i know you were anything but that.
you showed me how to be strong,
something that took me far too long.
i'm finally starting to take back
all of the things that you took.
i'm standing my ground and finding my place.
and now i can finally see
all the once hidden clarity,
because you showed me a person
i never want to be.

// q.h.
April 3, 2019.
Thank you Abby for helping me write some of this. I love you <3
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