Here is a response I must give but cannot give to whom must receive it. You feed the need. A yawning dark and deep emptiness that lies within. devouring everything it touches dragging to its depths an eternity of punishing hunger, wild and intense gnawing away at the fabric of my mind, an emptiness that desires you your presence,your warmth, your smell, your very soul. to placate, to fill I crave for you. a yearning so maddening, it is frightening But even as you fill, you increase the emptiness. crazed and rabid, I desire you still. an ache as tangible as it is visceral as painful as it sooths as though I am caught in a fevered dream tell me my perception from your reality you feed the need, even as you cause the hunger still.
She prefers coffee than tea romance over action the window seat whenever she travels ballads than punk rock a hopeless romantic for cliche scenes roses and daisies are the favourite among all she loves all that yet she'll love you more than a character in the book she reads she'll do whatever it is to make you happy regardless the good days or the bads you can always count on her to be there she makes you dizzy she makes you think she makes you go crazy but you go crazier if you don't get to see her even for a day because you love her you have fallen for her the way she talks the way she smiles laugh rambles on about current dramas and gets excited everytime her favourite artists comes out with a new single you love her quirks her silliness how good of a heart she possesses and how far she would go for the people she loves she sees the good in people even when they have done her wrong she forgives because she believes in change but she breaks she doesn't realize that she's just human that she has feelings that she can't fix everybody and everything because that is life people step on you and make use of your goodness so you protect her with all you got even if it hurts her you protect her heart because you love her because it's your responsibility to keep her happy and protect her from the bad
I do not know why I love the needle The pain as it enters my skin I long for the sight of blood bursting into the syringe Far more than the dangerous drugs contained within
I wrote this right after I got clean and realized how hard it is to go from shooting up three times a day to not at all. I figured it was fitting since today i have been clean off ****** for THREE MONTHS! Everyone out there struggling: you can do it!!!!
I love the needle They call it a "fixation" I call it friendship
I hate that i am/was addicted to such a self harming object more than the drugs themself. I dont miss ****** at all but i do still think about the thrill of seeing blood fill the syringe. I also had a horrible time hitting a vein so that is probably also part of it.
46 times a year (not including the whole of july) I'm allowed to try
7, 17, 27
I didn't think I'd make it through 2017 a year of free passes to let the angels walk me down the aisle and marry me to the sky
on a 7 day they- the angels- will calm my trembling and convulsing body clean up all of my ***** take out the part of my brain that makes me feel bad grab hold of my bleeding wrists and bandage them with feathers and love
they hold my hands lifting me up by the grace of god herself and 700 eyes emerge out of every wound and pore in my skin
and I become my own angel my own god
I will become my own holy number 7
suicide by number 7 seems like a wonderful way to go. Maybe thats my autism talking.
Sipping on OJ after ***, after ******* on a cigarette Night outside grows frozen as Autumn slips into Winter She the Fire sleeps deeply, deep inside of me She's determined to hang moss bangs over Her face Block Her view from death's stony stare She's determined to sleep forever
What if I cut, what if I dig the skin to wake Her? What if I starve the stomach? Heave the breast toward the hand upon the chest with razor?
We all need Fire in the coldest days Don't tell me I'm in control As you speak them, I speak too We all say We all say Don't tell me I'm in control We all break We all break We've all broken ourselves
two perfectly shaped almonds behind smooth velvet lashes housing a kaleidoscope of winter blues and flecks of frosted periwinkle a most unusual combination
it has been said that if a man were to gaze into them for more than a mere moment he would be swallowed whole endlessly spiraling into a sea of azure bliss
sun kissed curls the color of late harvested wheat draped upon delicate shoulders bearing the most subtle hue of gingered copper
it has been said that if a man were to touch her hair whether intentionally or just in passing he would be eternally entangled perpetually falling into a field of golden tendrils
through pouted pink lips harboring the tiniest scent of slowly warmed cinnamon her scandalous words dripping like sweet honey nectar
it has been said that if a man were to kiss her lips and taste the pure dark sweetness he would be forever doomed permanently enslaved to an existence of unending pleasure
silver winter moonbeams dancing upon corrupted skin her more than generous curves provocatively wrapped in the finest of ancient silks
it has been said that if a man were to experience her skin bared and willing to his touch such rousing desire would occur stimulating each and every nerve and he would beg for a set of nefarious hands to deliver his fiendish delights upon her
notorious for her titillating behavior and wanton attitude most any man would be hard pressed to not fall under her deceptive spell finding himself nothing more than a simple possession
it has been said that if a man were to be in her presence as the clock ticked away the minutes his transformation would be swift from confident skilled hunter to a quivering helpless boy fixated on his own secret desires
I'm sorry that I look away every time I catch your glance But I got hurt so badly the last time I took a chance I know it sounds cliche but I can't fall into your trance I can't allow myself to be anything more than an acquaintance
But you're so beautiful So beautiful And if I wasn't so ****** I probably could love you If you wanted me to You're so beautiful
And love at first sight might not be love at all I know you have my number, but you probably won't call The anticipation's enough to make my flesh crawl I've never felt so tiny, no I've never felt so small
But you're so beautiful So beautiful And if you weren't across the room I could probably love you If you wanted me to Because you're so beautiful
And I love you Yes I love you Your eyes are kind and large I have to fight the urge To walk over I won't walk over
-E (c) 2017
This is for J.M., written on 3/18/17, after a concert at The Jungle.