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m lang Feb 1
it was the frustration.
the frustration caused by
your arbitrary outbursts of anger,
whilst vomiting words of resentment and regret.
words that melted into my veins,
tarnishing my blood
with the ink that fueled my writers hand.

the dependency and obligations that i had to be yours,
and yours only.
the suffocation entrapped me
              (((inside of a cage)))
                       so small.
once i finally remembered,
"i could spread my wings."
i realized your latch couldn't hold me captive.

the salty tears that endlessly
stained my cheeks,
swelled my eyes,
and shortened my breath.
the emotions, the motions,
my body was speaking to me.
i was finally able to listen.

the intensity of emotions
without regard for
                           emotional intelligence.
it never made for a successful relationship,
but it sure as hell made for a good story.

our love ended at the cost of many cons,
but it came with a recipe for beautiful prose.
1-31-2022
Amanda Kay Burke Oct 2021
You're everything that is bad for me
Would resist if I could
Toxicity is easy to see
You make me feel so good

Not immune to exceptional charm
Infected
Love's disease
Knees wobble
Stomach churns
Like it's a stormy sea

Supposed to be secure
Why am I anything but?
Long to sever ties
Too strong to be cut

To and fro memories scamper
Throwing past in my face
Ten thousand pieces of happiness
I am unable to replace

I've seen the darker side of you
Yet also witnessed your best
There's no one else I'd rather cuddle
Or make me feel distressed

Want the heavenly highs
Without proportionate pain
That's just not how it works
Can't have rainbows without rain
I've learned by now you can't have the amazing breathtaking rush without equivalent heart wrenching agony because life is all about balance.
Kwa Oct 2021
Different soldiers with different swords.

Dominating & demeaning,
with similar swordsmanships.

Masqueraded in white silk,
with a bouquet of roses,
they strutted with pride.

One by one,
a peck on the cheek,
laced with honey and sugar.

Masqueraded in sweetness,
the outlines of it,
seemed blunt.

One by one,
pecks on the cheek,
now with traces of crimson trails.

A sword in facade.
Each,
with excellent swordsmanships.
Most boys, just out to hurt you, like as if they were trained to.
tabitha Apr 2017
he's standing by his white pick-up
she sees him swaying there,
something was off, for example, his balance
she engages him, and invites him to our sidewalk
boy staggers to our side of the street
drunkenly, i asked him if he was trippin'
she reprimands me for pointing it out
she insists that we help him
he looks terrified, or feral
we tell him he's ok
he pulls her in, desperately
she holds him, possessively
bile from his belly escapes, stealthily, from his lips
it drips it drips it drips
onto her head
"It's ok it's ok it's ok"
she holds my joint to his mouth to settle his stomach
i don't want her to because i can see the gloss of bile still on his lips
he told us his name was Savannah
it wasn't
he staggered away from us
while he walks away, she finds another circumcised **** to latch on to
after a moment of:
drunkenly watching the flirtatious introduction begin
Savannah pulling open the car door
my brain pings
she's doing the thing with her eyes to the circumcised **** guy
*******
i run to him
"you forgot your jacket, and please don't drive"
i approach him like a stray dog, trying to earn his trust
he lets me hold his hand as i explain it's not safe
he tries to kiss me with his acidic mouth
has he ever done drugs before?
"no"
where are his friends?
"i donno i donno i donno i donno"
he cranks his key into the ignition in all the wrong ways
windshield wipers start going off, blinkers, headlights, the horn
i have the thought that maybe he thinks his car is a Bop-It
"walk with us, don't drive, ok?"
he steps out of the car
"ok"
i lean into the car, finagling his keys out of the ignition
his face changes
he grabs every follicle of hair inhabiting the back of my scalp and throws me into the middle of Haight Street yelling
"who the **** are you who the **** are you"
my body bag of bones smacks down on the pavement
i've never been assaulted by a stranger, only by people close to me
i want to hurt him before he could hurt me again
but he's strong, and more dangerously, paranoid
his fear magnifies mine  
there's no one around to stop him from doing more
she's there, doing the thing with her eyes, she doesn't see me
"i'm trying to help you, Savannah"
his eyes are black
his mind crowded
that chest heaves like a rabid dog
not quite a boy, not quite a man

when there is a raging white male
who sexually assaults you
who uses violence against you

RUN

i have the keys to my car, i can just go
i don't want him to hurt me again
i want to go, i want to go, but i can't leave her
i can't leave her
i scramble to my feet while Savannah watches me
he takes slow steps in my direction

she's on the curb, talking about nothing
they stand so close to each other
i tug her sleeve
"we have to go"
she's not hearing me
"please, let's go"
she waves me off like i used to do
to my younger sister

Savannah is staring at me and in that moment
i believe he could rip me apart at any second

i'm begging now
"if you love me, come with me THIS SECOND, please"
that line always works in the movies,
but life is not a movie
it catches her attention, but not in the way i want
she hunches and steps toward me,
"how dare you say i don't love you?"
"i'm scared, we need to go"
"do you know what i've done for you?"
circumcised **** guy leave
she's stepping towards me angrily,
Savannah steps towards me tentatively,
i'm tripping backwards
"that's not what i meant, please let's go"
my eyes are shifting between them
it's 2am in San Francisco
we're yelling, in front of a bar called Zem Zem
"he threw me into the street"
she's tripping on her own feet

when there's a raging alcoholic
who questions your loyalty
who can't see the bigger picture

DE-ESCALATE

"i'm sorry" / "i'm so grateful for everything you've done for me" / "i really need to go but i don't want to leave you behind because i love you"/ ego stroke / ego massage / ******* deep tissue

we woke up in my little sedan on a San Francisco hillside
my shoulder and ribs were a bit sore thanks to Savannah
my mouth tasted like the darkest parts of humanity
she said we were both in the wrong
"it was the alcohol"

i could have left her
brandy Jun 2021
i will no longer allow myself
to lose my soul
in attempts of assisting you in finding
what i've been made to believe is
your sanity
i've spent too many nights
racing through your mental labyrinth
only to turn around and realize
you were never running beside me
the second i stepped foot into your maze
you locked the door behind me
and you had already obtained
everything
you could have ever desired
and more
you watched me sprint suicides in circles
my attempts to mend every crack
in your walls
using only the select parts of me
you craved, relied on, and would accept
you guilted and intoxicated me
every time i tried to say no to you
you exploited me and my entire body
for your entertainment and your pleasure
then boasted and smirked
over all the pain you inflicted on me
with a whole world i once knew
knowing i could never return the same without the reminder of everything
that you did to me
no matter how much you clawed out of me
i was never enough in your eyes
months later,
i still think i may have left a piece
of my being in there
after needing to use
my own bones,
the last piece of myself i clung to in there,
as a ladder
to finally get out of there
and rescue myself
i had to save what i had left for my survival
and if you ever truly loved me
the way you said you did
i hope you can understand
after everything you put me through i still hear your voice in the back of my mind every night telling me
"everything i did was because of you"
Ahmad Attr Mar 2021
You walk on the scorching sand
Underneath the naked heat of a blazing star
With burned eyes, parched lips and barren hands
Amongst mirages your bare feet have gone to many places
Finally you approach my oasis
Beneath my shades, I will open up cascades
That will replenish your soul
In my lap your furled body will find peace
Then I will lay my silken hands on your rugged face
My frosty breathe will echo throughout the world
You do always find a way in life you see fit
I’m supposed to relieve you when ask for it
And petulantly I will whisper the three magical words

‘’quit your *******’’
A poem about feeling used and abused
How can you be the devil
and simultaneously my muse?
How can you gamble with life
when there is everything to lose?

How can I enforce boundaries
when you don't play by the rules?
How can we keep loving each other
when it's clear we are fools?
His5Her is a series of poems with different points of view of fictional people.
Greyisntwell Nov 2020
The Game Is Over.

A vicious cycle
Comes crashing to an end
Twelve years
Was long enough
Twelve years
It's been a long road out of hell

Angry words--I've had enough
Can you hear this? As we come to an end
The truth-
The bitter truth

Can you feel the weight off my heart
You wanted me to sink among your demons, I know how to swim

The light that shone like the sun
The light I finally saw was from the
Burning of our bridges.

A vicious cycle
Came crashing to an end
I can finally breathe
This game is over

Amen.
Alex Nov 2020
I wish my mom would look at me as a person rather than a prize
In her eyes parenting is a competition

If I choose to spend more time with him she is losing
But she must win, to her, there is no other option

Then the minute she is ahead she loses the ability to even acknowledge me
Because of her, I am lacking in the stability I so often crave
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