i will no longer allow myself to lose my soul in attempts of assisting you in finding what i've been made to believe is your sanity i've spent too many nights racing through your mental labyrinth only to turn around and realize you were never running beside me the second i stepped foot into your maze you locked the door behind me and you had already obtained everything you could have ever desired and more you watched me sprint suicides in circles my attempts to mend every crack in your walls using only the select parts of me you craved, relied on, and would accept you guilted and intoxicated me every time i tried to say no to you you exploited me and my entire body for your entertainment and your pleasure then boasted and smirked over all the pain you inflicted on me with a whole world i once knew knowing i could never return the same without the reminder of everything that you did to me no matter how much you clawed out of me i was never enough in your eyes months later, i still think i may have left a piece of my being in there after needing to use my own bones, the last piece of myself i clung to in there, as a ladder to finally get out of there and rescue myself i had to save what i had left for my survival and if you ever truly loved me the way you said you did i hope you can understand
after everything you put me through i still hear your voice in the back of my mind every night telling me "everything i did was because of you"
You walk on the scorching sand Underneath the naked heat of a blazing star With burned eyes, parched lips and barren hands Amongst mirages your bare feet have gone to many places Finally you approach my oasis Beneath my shades, I will open up cascades That will replenish your soul In my lap your furled body will find peace Then I will lay my silken hands on your rugged face My frosty breathe will echo throughout the world You do always find a way in life you see fit I’m supposed to relieve you when ask for it And petulantly I will whisper the three magical words
the last two messages you sent i never even read i no longer check to see if you've messaged me since i deleted that thread i finally had to give up and see that the relationshit was dead you made up this false version of me based off of resentment and thoughts you never said just know that i'm sorry i know all of this is still ******* with your head i feel i did the right thing i learn to go with my gut now and i've yet to be misled some days are so easy while others hurt deeply and i can't shake the dread a couple times you roped me in i guess your intentions involved the ego needing to be fed you're the one who pays in the end cause i can live with myself and an empty bed
I orchestrate your violent butterflies Fluttering and morphing into bees with big eyes "Honey shed your chitin and be mine" Your guardian angel and savior so divine
The strings of your heart as my violin My grand concerto hypnotized you to sin Made me your deity, my boat your place of worship I welcomed your unholiness aboard my precious ship
Sailed through the clouds and into the stars Set off on a light-speed expedition to Mars When we returned to wander the Earth's seas I found myself a slave to all your pleas
Mistress of this vessel yet so caged and lonely When did I feed you so much power over me? She was mine but I didn’t recognize Tainted and defiled because of my lies
Her body and sails were painted red and blue To much better suit and satisfy you Irreverence to your deity, desecration to my shrine I could only watch while you took all that was mine
A glimpse of land and gardens so close Sparked a flame of hope in my life of shadows I sprouted wings and the sun began beaming Lighting up the rocks where waves were crashing
I raised her sails with one final goal To free myself and take back my control With cold confidence, I steadied my helm, directed my bow Crashed her down like Dawson to Davy in the depths below.
Being worshipped and adored isn't always fun, especially when you feel responsible and in control of a relationship. Despite having that power and control, you're helpless and catering to every need of this obsessed person you now pity and despise. It takes strength and courage to accept when it's time to break it off and let them go. Pick YOU P.S. Montague Dawson was a maritime painter and Davy references Davy Jones [locker] :) *Read "shipwreck for the outro/part 2"*
To the lush daisy gardens, I go The farthest place from you that I know My freedom was what I chose Shortly after, your heart froze My fault for not giving you a clearer sign But all my displays to you were benign So, alone I searched for the beams of my mind But its collapsed architecture was all I could find Immense guilt because of a simple truth The sense of our doomed future I ignored in my youth But life and love are meant to be lived Freed my sense to be gone with the wind My annoyance and displeasure would spew Every waking second and whenever you'd call Because long before you ever boarded, I knew That we wouldn't make it anywhere at all
Essentially a part 2/outro to another poem about a certain relationship experience I had- I guess it's simply the "aftermath".