to all those that ever wonder what it's like to have delusions or hallucinations:
touch your nose or your lips or your hair or your ears
you know that your nose is real right? you know that whatever you decided to touch is real.
now imagine everyone and i mean everyone is telling you that it's not.
that your very very real nose isn't there. that it's fake.
some people will scream others will treat you like a baby some will pretend with you for awhile. but all of them their goal will be at first to convince you that your nose isn't real. and when that fails it will be to make you feel so ****** that it doesn't matter because they don't care about you at all.
and one day maybe you'll break. like me.
you know your nose isn't real. it couldn't possibly be it makes no sense it's ****** it's just in your head.
but you also know that it's still there. that it's still very very real and you know it has to be.
so next time someone confides in you or slips up and you see inside
don't say anything negative. we know. it hurts. we just need comfort.
I remember the first time I saw you Simply a reflection in the mirror You seemed so harmless And soon you held me You made me feel safe in a make-believe world When the real world was looking grim
I suppose I like the idea of having something that cared Even if you weren't real Or at least I told myself you weren't And at first you seemed that way Something small, and easy to manage You gave the appearance of being just a small fluke But I think we both know that's wrong
You remained in your dormant state for a while Up until I took another emotional battering So you stood with me knee deep in snow under that window And we watched it unfold I know you could tell how shattered I was feeling And that darkness inside me fueled you You grew just a little bit taller And a little bit stronger
Now no one could have stood by my side quite like you did You were no longer a visitor in my life You had become an expected guest I was as sure to see you as the sun was sure to sink into the horizon
I'm sure you could tell I was falling apart And all the time you grew taller and stronger I didn't even notice how tall or how strong you had become At least not until it was too late
I took another emotional blunder Once again knee deep in snow but you stood in my way Under that sickly old tree And the hate in your eyes terrified me more than anything
I knew I could avoid you if I could avoid the dark But you put up a fight You filled my dreams with water And you drown me out
You broke me Told me I was worthless And when the time came you let me swallow those little green pills Those were awful Dying without death was awful
And so it went on You'd soften when I was broken Yet you'd be relentless if I even dared to hope The perfect balance Push enough to keep my head down where you needed it But don't break me
I learned to live with the nightmares And I learned not to look into your fiery red eyes And I tried to live my life the best I could Despite the falling world around me And you did you best to keep me in line
You relished in it all Every drop of blood Every broken sigh Every fallen tear And you sat there the whole time and took it in Like I was a painting you were mesmerized with
After three years of your sick games I met someone You probably remember him quite well He was a friend when I needed one the most And he understood me He understood you
And you grew taller and stronger You stopped hiding in shadows Started making daytime appearances And you became so hurtful You filled my head with lies And I believed them Because you are an excellent liar Best in the business You were determined to put me back in my place
It hurt you know When you'd pull my hair When you would steal my breath with a single touch When you would paralyze me in fear Those kinds of things hurt more than you'd think
And all the time you were getting taller and stronger And more and more willing to destroy me Because if you couldn't have me no one could
So we began the dance of death Cutting a little bit deeper and deeper every time And soon I couldn't tell where I stopped and you began Because I was stuck in this whole you had made me dig So while you were tearing me limb from limb Eating me alive I just wanted to die To be free from all the world had put on me
Maybe you're the reason I was never successful in freeing my soul A dead host means a dead parasite Or maybe god just took pity I don't think either of us really know
But you're **** show came to an end with his betrayal I lost my friend and you finally let up
I made my last attempt on my life that summer And that following winter I made my last cut I started to push you out And though you fought I fought too
So you made your last few meaningful experiences in a closet Locked in the dark I sat though your rage And I learned how to control you Just like how you controlled me. And though you grew taller and stronger as I refused your voice Eventually you didn't grow at all
I wouldn't call it a victory Because I never won You are still out there And I see you in glimpses of the dark But I have been rebuilt And you cannot hurt me anymore
I can't tell this story accurately, never can. It's not something you can really describe at all, you have to see it t believe.
When I shall pass the threshold of non-life I shall be swept away by a soothing confusion. I shall be a tamer of souls, a fearless wife who shall sleep in the shade of a blooming illusion.
When I shall close my eyes for the last time, don't get sick with black sadness, if you please. Think that there was a girl not committing a crime by speaking tenderly to your heart, on her knees.
When I shall sleep my dreamless dream I shall stop from everything, invaded by a chill. You shall find broken lines of mine in a song-theme about our hearts beating in unison, as a thrill.
Don't let yourself be overwhelmed by the pain and the chaos that might install into your heart. Sip eagerly the air that covers the silence in your reign, for I know, one day we will give our lives a restart.
We shall continue then together our afterlife, we shall be able to look through the truth. The time of rinsing dreams will be sung by a fife, for renewing our vows and regain our youth.
There shall then appear colourful stripes on the sky, the world shall think they are shadows of the past. Overwhelmed by delusions they shall say goodbye, for we shall be reborn, this time our love shall last.
trapped in your delusions sadness is it you anger is it you no, no—i’m anxiety says it i’m your ego the reality of truths the pains of sorrows the excruciating **** is this how we part ways? like the moon says goodbye to the sun memories will be my joyful thoughts i’m sorry i left i’ll be back and fix everything when i’m okay though our eyes met and i could’ve sworn there was an electricity the ocean rushing down your cheeks the storms that clouds your mind mi amore, tell me you’ll be happy without me be free like the bird you are and maybe someday we’ll meet and i could caress your lips again connect the stars on your body make you whole again i love you forever.
we were so in love yet these thoughts were unreal.
the lie comes out of the mouth just like the truth. and it sounds the same. and they chew it, get a taste and swallow. and it goes down easy; with minimal effort. the truth seems to require more chewing and talking and water and wine and bread and water lots of water.
Symptomatic time bomb. Deluded delusions of ethereal projections, A dissociated self of severe sorrow. Louder now, the crooning calls, The malevolent mayhem of voices. Sleepless nights, onset insomnia. A refuge from reality is lacking. Dreams sent packing. Nightmares walk. People talk. And time offers no relief. Crawling inside, fear growing. Fiendish thoughts, lethal insanity. Scribe away, transference of pain. Words trapped between pages, A book of demons, all of them screaming. Bound by a spine of mental failing. Fold the latch, turn the key. Bury this *******'s tale. Rinse and repeat, With each rising defeat. And pray the delay of further tells, These fortunes of the lost amd the broken.
I’m in my prime; at the cusp of my development. A few more years of growth makes decay a lot more relevant… Glass Elephant, Glass Elephant, Irrelevance, benevolence, compassion, or malevolence; I’m one of few who sees it sums no difference. Glass objects. Or Elephants. Irrelevance, Irrelevance
Striving for motion, with motive elusive Each thing I endeavor is far too exclusive I need something inclusive, objectively singular A sinusoidal wave with a mean lacking integers Peace in zero and equilibrium inclusion Glass Elephant Glass Elephant Delusions, Delusions