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Lukai Mar 8
built up my walls
to avoid this
reinforced them with metal
lined up the windows with wood
bolted the doors
Swore on my life that I wouldn't let anyone through
but I missed a hole in the corner
and a little mouse snuck in somehow;  undetected
but I let it roam as it pleased
It wouldn't harm me?

little did I know he was a devil in disguise
Red Oct 2022
where is the support group
for Trans Masc kids
with bad fathers
alcoholic fathers

ones that didn't show up
and still try to tell you
what a man is
and isn't
and by God it isn't you

a Father with misogyny
ran so deep
that my body is
a beautiful woman's
and God made me
to be this way

Born into the beautiful body of a woman

where is the support group
for fathers who are so damaged
dating girls within 5 years of me

i've never felt safe around a man
even the one who is half of me

maybe why i don't feel safe around myself

where is the support group
for Trans kids
that are 27
who always wanted to be like their dad
until they got to know him

who found the masculine beauty
within their best friend
who picked them up
every other weekend

and now
who can't even stomach
to muster
that that is my father.

the guilt
of a kid who just wished one of us
would die


can you please stop traumatizing me
its been 20 years
haven't you had enough?
where is all of this material coming from?
is this a never ending bit and i simply just don't get the joke?
Wynn Star Aug 2022
They call my name and I fall
Falling, Falling yes Falling
It has me feeling quite tall

You call my name and I fall
Falling, falling, yes Falling
I shrink to the ground, feeling small

And hey deadname
I hate your stupid guts
You ruined everything and anything
there's no one else to blame

And oh my God
I'm sorry for fixing your
I didn't know you'd mind so much

Now people look at me differently
They seem to pray to you God
"Change her" they ask of you intently

spewing hate and judgement gently
It only hurts if it has sharp edges
Sugar coated pills I take daily

And hey deadname
I hate your stupid guts
You ruined everything and anything
there's no one else to blame

And oh my God
I'm sorry for fixing your
I didn't know you'd mind so much

Colors cover my body and brain
Sticky thoughts, sticky hands
But I'm the one to blame

I treat the sickness you gave
Without your sugar coated drug
acceptance is what I crave
Filomena Aug 2022
The world is hollow
And I am just a guy
I find it hard to swallow,
But logic must apply

Without it, I am lost
There's no alternative
I wish I knew the cost
To live how I want to live
Psych ward poetry.
Set 3, poem 50.
Filomena Aug 2022
Am I your ugly step-sister?
A twisted plot device?
Or am I just an evil twin?
Please give me your advice.

I might be just a criminal,
Or possibly a spy.
I know I'm being cynical,
But tell me, am I right?
Psych ward poetry.
Set 3, poem 20.
Andrew Rueter Jun 2022
While working my routine at Amazon
picking the same items I always have before
I was trans shipped to trans ship
filling me with anxiety
understanding unfamiliarity
nerve racked novice
sweat trickles down my face
soaking into my PPE.

Two man crew I'm meant to join
black guys wearing reflective vests
"I'm here to help, can you help me?"
blank stare foreground
empty workload background
perplexed aesthetic
French accented walls muffle communication
I form a reluctant alliance with repetition
yet my counterpart understands everything I say.

Their patience eases my troubled mind
when my capability falls short of my enthusiasm
hand gestures guide me free of frustration
I stay silent, only saying
"I'd talk more but I figure it'd be a hassle"
my learning ambassador understands
but his extra steps start a conversation
creating comforting small-talk acclimating aliens.

Sydna and Josue from Ivory Coast and Congo respectively
and respectful was all I wanted to be
yet I got the impression Josue was uncomfortable
after I had brought up gold, diamonds, and oil
but Sydna had taken control of the conversation
telling me all about the lottery he won to be here
I wondered what lottery's prize was living in Cincinnati
to work a factory job in Hebron.

We work bundling totes together
printing confusing and mysterious tags
reading ACY, CMH, SDF, JFK, or CSG
these bundles will be leaving CVG eventually
carried away on skids
to their indifferent destination
of the same capitalist company
just at another fulfillment center.

I guess I should be more grateful
to be in the poor nation of transportation
but I'm not—I'd rather be picking
where I can communicate with compatriots freely
but I'm far away from the south mod now
near the north side red tag area talking to strangers
it's just a shame
because there's plenty of material where I came from
but transitory shipment is where the work is.
finn May 2022
Did I make the wrong choice
When I decided to be a boy
Because I couldn't handle
Being a girl
Who would be a woman.

Because now that I'm a boy
I can't be a man
I can't stand the thought of it.

And all I want is to be a boy
Never a man
Or a woman
Just a boy.
*transes ur gender*
Filomena May 2022
I have heard someone say
That I'll always be conic,
But I find, in a way,
That the thought is quite comic

As it's clear that my gains
Come by means of a tonic,
I'll eschew needless pains
'Cause my shape is iconic!

(Though I wish in my heart
That my words were ironic,
I have known from the start
That I'll always be conic)
birdy May 2022
I'm crying for a girl who never existed.
One who failed but always persisted,
to try and figure out
what makes one woman.
these thoughts about gender felt like a shout,
but this 'girl' was still figuring it out.
Now this person mourns the loss,
of this gender that felt like an albatross.
really just needing to put my thoughts down somewhere -

I've only ever wanted to lead a quiet life,
I've found peace and comfort in being a homebody. I'm an introvert but I cherish the time I get to spend with the people in my life and they make my world so bright and I will never be able to put into words how much appreciation I have for them.

Identity is a sacred thing, because at the end of the day it's the lens that you see life through.

Remember that. When you wake up and you sort through the sea of thoughts and emotions, you get to stretch and feel complete and you taste that first sip of water that starts your morning... in those little bits of your day where you feel at home, you feel like you...

it's your life, it's your identity and you should never have to defend that.

But for the ever loving **** neither should I.
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