I sit inside a body in blood that isnt my own. There are voices calling out a name, a name attached to this vessel. It's not mine. I am conscious of my state, this sentience pains me. I know what's out there. I know my potential, what I could be. This barrier of skin and blood prevents me. It hurts. I'll sit in this shell of a body to be perceived by those who happen to pass by. Wading in blood that isnt my own, with skin like marble begging to be carved into, and I won't mind. This body isnt my body, my body is inside.
I wrote this inspired by a nightmare I had once, where I was trapped in the shell of a plastic gargoyle, sitting in blood that I knew wasn't mine. Looking back on it, my brain was probably trying to make sense of my feelings, but the nightmare has stuck with me.
the words come easy when they are about love they float around me, and my mouth speaks before i can regret letting out all that i hold inside of me the light and the beauty spilling out im shy.
we lay down in your bed, but this time my teeth pull the words back my throat is on fire so much of it burning why aren't they floating i want to tell you show you the love choking me up im scared.
until my lips stop trembling until my hands are brave enough to hold us in their warmth will you wait for me I'll come back with every word and every phrase and every tiny bit of longing i swallowed back for us, i won't let all of it disappear inside me, not this time, i love you.
maybe i was just hiding behind pride and shiny things, maybe the shame i hold inside myself was too big to be left unseen, bright colors and silky clothes, dozens of rings and necklaces, and the swish swish of oversized chains on oversized pants on oversized everything,
all meant to hide the ugly swirls of my hands, the highest notes of my voice, the round parts of a body i cant stand to see from your eyes.