I changed the colour of my hair from brunette to blonde
not for me but for you
maybe then you might respond

I got rid of my natural nails and replaced them with longer more colourful gel ones with lots of details.
not for me but for you

I stopped wearing sweats or comfortable pants and shirts, I now wore dresses and short skirts
not for me but for you

I  tossed my sneakers and flats, started wearing high heels which are all lined at my doormats
not for me but for you

I spoke softer, more high pitched just like every woman "should"
you make it a part of womanhood.
not for me but for you.

Is there anything you would like me to change?
Is there anything more you want me to rearrange?
Of course it's not gonna be for me, it would be for you.
Afterall, it's a game you play, it's the thing you do.
Not for me but for you.

our second of two lasses conceived
sometimes within a blink
the exact moment auguring conception
difficult to identify or pinpoint

whence seminal liquid
ejaculated from a phallic chink
birth of second daughter thyself and spouse created
while immersed in the coital drink

generally occurred during
our naked lunch sans primal cop
yule la shun, via carousing with amorousness
when a seminal dollop
of passion circa May 1998 that pregnant verity
became definitive when the ultrasound
evinced a miniscule glop

pronounced by obstetrician and gynecologist
with an impending due date
yet unpredictable until the wife did evince
a swelling abdominal area, an ordinary fate

once pregnancy without doubt
ascertained both of felt great
lee excited at prospect thee eldest
would become “big” sister,

which less than total devoted attention
she would naturally hate
upon begetting youngest punim
indubitably saw her (Eden) irate

yet any jealousy temporarily deferred, offset
and thwarted upon the birth
of Shana, whose anniversary
she exited birth canal when a dearth

of being cocooned in the womb
suddenly necessitated adjusting to life on Earth
when formerly inducing
a bulge within the uterine hearth

and this papa nearly nineteen years
wept tears of joyful delight
with a complete set of anatomical features,
and gender as the girl found wife excite
head, cuz decision asper circumcision,

a moot point re difficult conscience fight
club and prediction as per average adult height
of female progeny, number two found the sight
a biologically whipped miracle I held tight.

J Flower Dec 2017

Catherine sat across a smooth pavement
Holding a cigarette to her face
Her skin shone gracefully as the sun
Bathed her to a perfect taste
Glossy lips and pointy nipples
Yellow unbuttoned blouse and dimples
Vintage clothing embroidered with red flowers
Cigarettes lit raging smokes into corners
Shamelessly winking at gentlemenm of all ages
Youthful exuberance blown to heightened stages
Energetic elegance with effervescent emotions
A woman seductively cueing for commotions

Kate Dec 2017

"I made a product for men"

My Father's words resonated in my head
What did he mean by "product"?
My seven year old mind
tried to put it together
like a puzzle
I couldn't quite put the pieces together
I left my father's words
scattered on the floor that day

Ten years later
you crawled out of the darkness into my soul
you took my dignity that night and
my mind couldn't help but drift
to the grocery store
ten years back
where my father told the cashier
that he had made a "product" for men

The seven year old me
picked up the words
my father spit out,
not knowing what they would
one day do to his little girl
I put them together
each piece fit perfectly
I knew exactly what my father meant by "product" now

that's precisely what I was to you
something to be used
for your satisfaction
I was to be submissive
to the male
"dont disappoint him"

I was held captive
in my own body
a body that was now in your possession

you used me carelessly
left me dry
without life
nothing could be planted in me and flourish anymore

Somehow what you did to me
was acceptable
what you made me do
over and over again
until it was ideal for you
was acceptable
I am a product
that is what I was made to do
I was meant to be used by you
over and over again

this poem is about the night that a man took my dignity and forever used my sexuality against me.
Toxichumanbeing Dec 2017

I have always known I am beautiful.

So why did I say I wasn't?

After every compliment, I contradict
"Oh no, I'm very normal."
"Oh you're too kind"
"Oh, no...I'm not pretty at all."
But I am. I am beautiful.

Why should I not know?
I see myself more than anyone else
In the mirror I see my hips
And the puffy full shape of my lips
I know the way my eyes shine
Of course I know my body is beautiful.
It's mine.

Did you think I was blind?
Did you think I don't know how I kick ass?
I know how I make you feel
And when I walk past
I know about those looks you steal
Why wouldn't you?
I'd look at me too.

Don't pretend I shouldn't know my own strength.
I carry myself with power and control
And I'm perfectly broken and yet perfectly whole
I can survive anything
I have and I will again
So let's not lie to ourselves anymore.
I am beautiful and capable and I have everything I need
So if you think I'm beautiful, you're right
I won't lie and say I'm not.

Carlisle Nov 2017

sometimes i forget
how i have grown to own my skin
and i am bigger than what i was trained to be

sometimes that training kicks in
and i am just curleys wife,
flashing ankles
trying to soak up leers
the same way young men
graciously accept accolades.

i wish i could say it at least
leaves an oily film
or the burning of bile
in the back of my throat but
it doesnt.

growing up as a sexually appealing teenager has separated my view of myself to my actual self. or maybe thats just how life is- you never really know what you look like.
Zero Nine Oct 2017

Another 5 second ad
So harmless,

Another 5 second ad
I can't fuck
- ing skip!

Not that I've not the time
-- I do!

because we've
figured how
to fit
the least
necessary shit

What is typical is shown
What is me is mostly unknown
I don't want to be the ghost in your eyes
before I've lived, before I'm dead

sometimes it's easier than others to feel like a product.
girl diffused Oct 2017

i only learned value
after i picked
through my wreckage
he left me as a broken house
derelict splintered wood
peeling paint
broken shutters
i fed myself softer things
rebuilt myself on a river
and married the earth

It takes a while but eventually the pain recedes. It becomes acrid first, then bitter, then bittersweet, and finally it will taste like nothing at all.
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