There's too much of me So I slice into parts Don't know who I am Who I was Where to start My fingertips stained a raspberry color Let's cut off another Another Another My softness dismantled Set the mood light some candles This hole inside grows So I must learn to handle Those times where my head was held under water Men dont give a **** if "that's somebodys daughter" When all that you've taught me is I should be better I think of my past self and send em a letter The version of me that was put under ground Carving into myself cause I cant speak out loud Skipping breakfast and dinner or stuffing our faces For some sense of control To hope it erases The feeling inside that all that you can be Is how flesh meat and bone Hangs off of your body When your own heart could stop From barely a flutter Flesh of the womb Laying wet in the gutter Taking what's ours They go on with their lives Resorted to tonics and herbs Backyards and midwives He said it's not that bad you ******* faker Beat in her face Just to text her phone later All my exes are crazy I just wanted to bang her Cut her down from the rafters when you know what hanged her It's funny it's sad at the end of the day We're in hell together Across hot coals we lay Dress your own wounds Don't bend over for them Instead let's Redacted Redacted Redacted
I am woman But I am not Where there should be flower there's **** and rot I should be girl So that you can nut I should serve you ***** but never **** I should be smaller I shouldn't be louder I should nibble and never devour I should be young I should do that forever I should be stupid so you can be clever I should ******* But I should be pure I shouldn't **** him though that makes me a ***** I should be bald from the neck down I shouldn't call you when I break down I should be nice I should be meek I shouldn't cry and I shouldn't leak I shouldn't scream I shouldn't hiss I should not explain why I still flinch I should whisper I shouldn't joke Like every girl I should like being choked I should be by design I should be like a doll I should know how to curl up in a ball
My whole life I felt so much shame in my whole being like I was born wrong that everything about me was so wrong because I was born into a family where I never recieved love attachment or true joy where I was always picked on bullied and harrassed by pretty much everyone in my life. Where everytime I felt my dysphoria I felt wrong Iike it was wrong to feel like a girl but wanna be a boy at times ... but now that I am healing myself I see that there is nothing wrong with who I am that I am beautifully made and that I am just different in my own way and that is beautiful , I am a person who thinks for myself who has always questioned it all and that's why I was able to leave a super opressive religion and hometown. It's been my saving grace. Someone who is super creative who has a super big heart and soul who feels so many many things so when others even in a well intended way try to tell me that I am non binary or something like that or queer, the labels don't feel like they fit me, because I am who I am and I don't like labels,
I am learning to not judge myself but to just accept myself,
that I have a right to exist to live a good beautiful life of my own choosing to learn that I am powerful by just being me by just existing, and that there was never anything wrong with me I AM Who I AM.
More and more colours join the flag until the whole spectrum shines like a sun a beacon on the troubled journey
It's just a flag nonviolent communication in the wind a silent look
The pole a magic wand a seeress, beacon of patience made of the right stuff
Oak and elder, willow, fig and fir the trees of Mother Earth beech and birch, cedar, cypress so many more than elm and ash
A healing staff with a robe to wear in the colours of our soul all colours of light
Poem "Völuspá" ("Prophecy of the Sorceress/Seeress"): The three forefathers of the divine Aesir (Breathing creatures/Asians), Odin, Vili and Ve, formed the female human from the elm tree/vine (embla) and the male human from the ash tree (asker)
Not knowing if we would have worked out had I stayed in London. Not knowing if you think about me as much as I think about you. Not knowing if you ever thought about me all those days apart. Not knowing if you had also wanted to kiss me that afternoon. Not knowing if we would be together had I been born a boy. Not knowing if it is me or my gender that is putting you off. Not knowing if I will ever get to hold your hand. Not knowing if I will ever get to kiss you. Not knowing if I will ever see you again. Not knowing if I will ever be with you. Not knowing if I will ever be myself. Not knowing if I will ever be you.
This 'poem' marks me starting to write again. Everything else on my page is fairly old, so please do not take it too seriously..
White's a privilege, a responsibility, an advantage,
(topped-up by a Y chromosome for some)
which can't be worn lightly.
Let’s not kid ourselves - despite the painted ceilings the flaky teachings - God is not a white man God doesn't carry chromosomes or gender-bearing genitalia.
God designed all of that paraphernalia for us to enjoy, out of a love of diversity out of a mischievous plan for human sexuality out of a need to be reflected in more than one gender because one was not strong enough to fully bear to accurately render God's image alone.
Be clear, being white is a privilege, a responsibility, an advantage placed on our shoulders by successive generations who denied, pushed down, held back and placed into submission the rest of God's rich palate of humankind.
God is not a white man - No, they agreed upon the olive skin of a chosen, a select people and wore that dark complexion with pride.
So put aside that ancient lie. God is not some white guy.
God is translucent.
Recommend the book 'God is not a white man and other revelations' by Chine McDonald.
I see that picture from 20 years ago of the kid in the blue dress smiling - throwing the feeling - with balled up fists. Acting 'inappropriate'. Everyone laughs at this picture - at the obviousness, the uneasiness, - but part of me doesn't