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chug coffee like a caffeinated punch to your nervous system,
music too loud to sleep.

smash the cement and level the buildings,
boots too heavy to hit the ground lightly.

silence chauvinists with your *******,
anger too tangible to be ignored.

drop out, drop bombs, wear red lipstick,
moments too few to waste.
carmen Oct 23
i no longer have anything to lose
and that makes me dangerous
for i am reckless in what i choose

you broke me bad, darling,
and now i teeter on the edge
floating faster, faster, faster to my demise

headlights pass and time stands still
my mind's been blown by an urge to live
that terrifies me into complete submission

my head is in the clouds
as john speeds in and out of traffic
but i am not afraid of what could be

tommy's got his shotgun out
and i'm bleeding now, but still devout
in my new man's little church down the street

jesus calls me from the stars
and pleads with me to slow down the car
but i don't know how so i just scream

my liver is muddy and my mind is fried
i'll take anything to ease the pain of what you've done
and i'll do anyone, including your best friend

i thought you'd be my valentine,
first time in my life, no big surprise,
but you left my heart shattered across the sky

the road is my home now
and stranger's beds are where i lay my dizzy head
dazzled and confused

it was always meant to be this way
but it's easier for me to say
you were the reason for my sweet, suicidal decay

and now they've left you all alone
and you're blowing up my phone
for a piece of heaven, for a diamond covered bone

but i can't let you in again
i can't let you win
yet i take another shot and sell my soul
i'll let u back in, but ur gonna do what i say or i'll kick u to tha curb
Marina Oct 8
I feel a storm against my chest
I feel almost alone
I feel like the world is ending
why is it the reason I feel this, i can't breathe?
tell me things to calm me down
help me feel air in my lungs,
because I beg for some oxygen

I love it when you make me laugh
sweet love, can i lay with you?
we can breathe fresh air
but I'll crave your air more than anything else

I'm living, im seeing for you
} Ily.
Oct 7, 2018 Panic attack
jdotingham Sep 3
/  she looked at me from across the table;  her eyes barely still, her thoughts barely able.
i looked at her from across the table; the me she once knew, the eyes are a fable.
                   she asks questions
"how you been?"
"doin' much"
yeah. you?
           you can boil the tension and it wouldn't dissolve on a spoon.
            she asks why i chose what i did all them years ago. there's no nuance on the question. there's no 'wavering remorse that things could and should and would have been better' because we both know it probably would've been. unless i got AIDS or some **** like that. she asks the question for closure. thing is though; some doors fail at the one ******* job they are given, like the one in the caravan; sometimes, they can't help but stay open.

i don't know.
"that's not an answer"
i don't know.
"for **** sake! just tell me why you chose that path"
i don't know.
"... but you ******* picked it!"
            her voice raises. people look. she quietens down. nobody likes public displays of drama. it makes people feel uncomfortable. a bit awkward. the little ******* sin of 'i feel a bit uneasy in this social situation'.
i know i picked it. i do. i don't why. why the **** would it. it just sort of happened.
"it just sort of happened?"
"you've not changed have you"
changed a bit yeah.
"but not really"
i have a bit yeah. we all do. it's what happens when time mo-
"shut up, please. i'm asking you why you picked that over me all of them years ago and why i still can't ******* escape you. just tell me why, don't turn it into a parade of ******* again. that's your problem is *******, just comes out of your mouth in heaps and heaps and ******* heaps, you hear me?"
you want the truth?
"yes, of course i ******* do. of course... the truth and nothing but the cunting-***-****-truth. swear by *** if you want. i still ******* love you, after all these years, i just want the truth; that's all i'm asking for. not the *******"
i don't know why i picked it.
stand alone (as of yet) draft excerpt from "awhiterose".
carmen Aug 2
i see you in the dark, my darling
waiting on edge in my front yard.
i float to you engulfed in flames
preparing for a bittersweet broken heart.

was it something that slipped
from my liquor stained red painted lips?
or casper herself casting a long shadow
on your barren sahara grey walls?

how long did you know that you'd leave me?
since the last time we made love
and you slipped back into the darkness
through my window without a parting kiss?
or did you know from the very beginning
with your white corvette crystal lies?

i remember the way you fought with me
in my bed, pushing me hard to the ground,
and my heart breaks with the death of the day
to think that i'll never hear your voice again
or your low groans or feel your fist wrapped
like a diamond necklace around my throat.

you haunt my dreams and i cannot sleep,
your shadow still waltzes around my room.
you're larger than life, my burnt out elvis.
they all told me you were a big time dealer.
siesta key was once your home, but now you ride
under the radar in your cool crimson beater.

prison called and your empire almost fell,
but you can't **** the king of floridia,
for he rules the dead straight from ****
without mercy; better take what you're dealt.

pretty kitty, always ocean blue and starry eyed,
baby's a ***, heaven found in my cherry pie.
queen of hearts always knows what's on your mind;
i know you'll come around again and then you will be mine.
blue bonnie & her cool kid clyde
Fayre Jul 30
I have been malnourished
of good people
and good poets.
Sometimes I have high expectations from low end humans.
Fayre Jul 30
Sometimes it’s just there

That feeling in your chest,
like a dead weight being  dropped onto your lungs;
preventing you from gasping for that breath of fresh air.
That feeling of helplessness,
intercepts your ability to scream at the top of your lungs.

Sometimes it's just there.
I can’t explain what it feels like.
But if I had to try,
I  would say it's agony.
It's torment,
but absolutely remarkable.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just going under.
Fayre Jul 29
Well my mind is a cage enclosed with fragments of my soul
drifting away into the infinite amount of nothingness
that flows through my bloodstream and
embodies my mind and soul.

Her freedom had yet to be discovered.
I'm going where the wind takes me.
Fayre Jul 29
"Fall swooned
Left me drunk in a field
Dandelion wine for a year

And i packed up the dust
Of all that i owned
Handkerchief hung from a pole

I rolled out the day that the apples fell…"

- Gregory Alan Isakov
Currently listening to Dandelion Wine - Gregory Alan Isakov. Feel like the world needs a piece of his music and lyric.
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