As History falls
Onto his blood strewn path
He meets a Fork In The Road
Between Take
And Be Taken
So instead
He jumps into the Rabbit Hole
To stop Time
And repeat himself

I think loving you is like
Indian summer
So warm
And beautiful
And gone so quickly
You do not cherish
The sunlight hours
But kiss me hello
When I am falling asleep
Beneath the stars

I'm treading on
shoe soles of glass
one wrong move
I bust my ***.
they say I'm pretty
but what's that mean?
when pain is beauty,
you **** the queen.

I am enamored
With the idea
Of being in love

Not the kind of love
Where I say
I love you
And let you meet my family
Or maybe exactly that kind of love
A love like raindrops?
That, as fast as I run away from it
I cannot escape it

I want never ending night skies
But I’m obsessed with sunshine
Especially when it’s raining
Am I my own paradox of eternal delights?
If I am, I think I’m doing a good job of
Whatever this is, for once

I really really like holding on to the past
At this point, my wall is choking
On movie tickets and pictures
But I keep thumbtacks
By my bed anyway
Just in case I need to remember something new
That I didn’t forget in the short walk
From desk to window

It’s not being sentimental, I think
It’s being “sometimes I forget who I am so how do I know I won’t forget how happy feels or how my best friends laugh like sunshine?”

But let’s call it sentimental because
I have a real love-hate relationship with labels

I am the least organized person I know
But I’m constantly labeling people
It’s touch and go, this metaphorical game of tag
Friend, lover, enemy, acquaintance
These labels aren’t permanent
The fingerprints on my skin wash off like chalk in a rainstorm

And let me tell you
I am enamoured with rainstorms
Because when I don’t have an umbrella
They seem to feel a hell of a lot like love

Please do not tell me
You love me
Because that scares me so much more
Than loving you
Ever could

Your brain is a little rock-n-roll my friend
Too much guitar solo
For you to think sometimes.
The pounding
Of the bass drum
Isn't any better.
But did you know that words
Spill out of your mouth
Like chords?
Always the sounds
That need to be heard
Even when someone
Dislikes the key.
My friend,
Life is sheet music.
Never forget that you
Are your own composer.

I look in the mirror at a person I don’t recognize anymore. Prodding and pulling at my skin just to make sure this is who I am I only cake on so much makeup because this is the me I don’t want them to see.

So they don’t

They don’t see me and time is just running away and what if I can’t make them see me before time is up?

It’s not that I’m invisible, I know they can hear me and they tell me that really, I’m fine, and I’ve never been an issue but then why do I feel so out of place in my own day to day routines?

In fact nothing is routine anymore I have no constants. Eating, sleeping, it’s all ireggular and sometimes I can’t remember doing any of it at all.

I have pictures filling my camera roll of happiness in a moment that I can’t bring back, why do I keep them for happy if all they do is make me sad?

The clock is ticking and I can hear it but they can hear me so I can’t scream, they don’t see me but I’m tearing at my mouth trying to get out the words that I really want them to hear.

And they tell me, that it’s okay to be yourself.

But only around certain people. Because society wants you to have curves but never in the wrong places. They want you to feel free to speak your mind as long as it’s something that they want to hear. If you keep your secrets to yourself you’re hiding something and if you share them you’re being too open.

But time is passing.

I need time, I need routine, and I need to remember happy so that I don’t fall in love with sad because far too many do.
So I will scream into the wind where they cannot hear me.
And paste on my paper facade.
Someday, they will see me.
Now you don’t.

It’s not that I’m sad, per se,
It’s that I’m not anything at all
I cannot feel happiness.
I can experience it but I know
That it will not last forever.
That is the case with all things.
Life is temporary and beautiful,
Life given and taken away
In the same breath.
In some strange way
I’ve known what happy feels like
I’ve just been wishing I knew
How to feel it now.

I miss you sometimes
And it’s not that I don’t miss you other times
It’s just that
Sometimes
I freeze and I see you
And I hear your laugh
And I hear you call my name
And it takes everything in me
To not run to you
Because I know that you aren’t here anymore

The years go by faster the older I get
Can you let me know if I’m wasting precious time in advance?
I wish I could time travel but the seconds are still slipping past my fingertips before I can hold them.

I think it’s a blessing to find you in other people.
But you are not other people.
I’m sorry I wasn’t there.
I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye.
I’m sorry I can’t change the past.
I’m sorry.

they tell me
to open the door
and step through,
but can they not see
that it's locked
from the outside?

Find your passion
hold it tight
and never stop to rest
until what you hold
inside your hands
is finally at its best

turn the phone on silent
get the angle right
send the message, take a breath
you'll lose yourself tonight

caught up in your nightmare
no dignity to find
so bite your tongue and move along
too late to hit rewind

i never meant to start this
the one thing i regret
but you text me and i don't leave
i wish i could forget

Driving down Broadway
At one in the morning
Raindrops
Blurring the red lights
Into broken halos

I was pondering what-ifs
Putting could-have-beens
Into words


“It couldn’t have been”
My best friend assured

I wonder
How I manage
To mess love up
Anytime it comes near

“You fall in love so easily,”
She said
“You’re a poet at heart.”

“And that isn’t always a good thing.”