when i write about other people
frantically scribbling words on a page
to express love
or hate
or something at all

why can't i write the same way for myself
the intense verses and elaborate wording
all used to express a feeling that no combination of words will
ever explain

perhaps if i stare in the mirror long enough
my body will begin to feel like my own,
my face won't distort to a disfigured mess
i'll learn to love my long golden hair
my eyes that look like the earth from outer space
the soft jawline i've always hated
asymmetry embodied

maybe then i'll realize that even scribbles are beautiful too.

palaging bilin sa akin ni itay kahit pa bata ako, "huwag kang pupunta sa lamay na may sugat." ngunit, hanggang ngayon pa naman, makulit pa rin ako. bawat lamay, ako ang taga-aruga sa umiiyak, taga-bigay ng biskit at dyus sa mga bisita, taga-lampaso ng sahig sa tabi ng kabaong.

sa gitna ng lahat, yakap pa rin ako ng aking itay. kahit sa gitna ng pagod, kinakaya ko pa rin ang gumaya sa mga yapak niya. subalit, araw-araw ko na lang nilalampaso sarili kong paa; paa na puno ng laslas, pasa, at mga iba't-ibang mga butas na hindi ko na rin matandaan.

sa kahit anong mangyari, dala-dala ko ang mga sugat na ito. ito ang aking sumpa; na araw-araw kong paglalamayan ang bawat pagkakaibigang nawala, mga irog na sinaktan at nasaktan, mga bawat away sa pamilya, at tuluyang hindi ako aalis sa kapilya kahit mawala pa ang aking dugo.

alam ko sa sarili ko na makulit ako. hangga't may ihihinga pa ako, dadalhin ko ang mga sugat ko sa bawat lamay na hindi pa nililibing hanggang ngayon. pinili ko ang mag-lingkod at maging mabuti. *kahit akin itong ikamamatay pa

more often than not,

i find myself
scrutinizing the person
i see in the mirror;

whispering
and desperately reassuring

that i am not
my mother
nor
my father.

Fairytales and picture books
Don't tell the whole truth.
Sometimes,
Toads are just toads.
They don't always become your prince
After you kiss them.

It's a funny idea, really -
The notion of finding love
In a murky pond.
Lonely bogs have lonely frogs,
I suppose.
Did you have any doubts
As you traced the surface of the water
With a fingertip?
When you took him in your palms,
Did you not have second thoughts?

It takes a mental blindfold,
Opaque enough to block out reason,
To hold a toad so dear.
He might be charming at first,
If for nothing else than for the idea
Of what the two of you could be.
But soon enough,
The emptiness will settle in.
He won't call you pretty,
Or hold you close.
He'll leave a little trail of slime
Wherever he goes.


And at the end of the day,
I'm left wondering...
Why the **** did I kiss a toad?

My body is a tropical island
Full of wonders, views are grand
A spectacle of various rare terrains,
overwhelming for the unadventurous
and exhausting for the meager brains.
My body boasts of all the different
exotic textures and new colors,
something your waiting eyes
must be ready to marvel at.
My body takes pride on its
mountain-like curves;
not exactly the perfect shapes
but awe-inspiring, like a painting.
something your anticipating hands
has to feel thrilled to touch.
However, my body is also known
for its extraordinary yet abrupt movements;
scary for most and sensual for some.
Like earthquakes and typhoons,
you'll never know when the rhythms come.
Something your foreign familiarity
would either be thrilled or petrified about.
So I welcome you to this island of mine,
leave your worries back to the shore,
clear your soul and free your mind.
Leave exhilarated and in monsoon,
my rainforest flora forever in bloom.

I used to be grateful for many things but not for everything.
I was self taught to take every lost I had on the chin.
Before there was an “all ten.”
“Many men.”
I had dark days, felt like I wouldn’t win again.

Learned blessings and lessons, I bought it all in.
Investing on myself so I’m not giving in.
Told my daddy we gon eat good again.
After I return again,
I might have to sin.

So I cry that I’m grateful for everything.
Cry for my block because we never got one ring.
I stayed in the trap but in my head still heaven sings.

So I’ll remain grateful.

Thank God that my plate’s full.

My past life distasteful.

Running fast like sonic, not understanding getting rings.
God showed me I can come from many things.
He pulled me up said, I can’t go for anything.

Even though my plate’s full, I stopped complaining because I’m grateful.
Even though my plate’s full, I realized it’s everything that I’ve prayed for.

Be careful what you wish for.

Even when I return, I’m grateful.

Died once, I’m grateful.

Past life, distasteful.

Til I return,
I’m grateful.

Blank walls, whitewashed
And clean, yet empty.
Stretch out your weary arms;
Feel the numbness in your fingers.
A can of paint, a brush, and a pan -
Colors bleeding from the shape of your mind.

Take a deep breath,
Feet flat on the ground,
And open your eyes.
You can remake yourself.
Paint the walls.


Blank walls, whitewashed.

"Dayna," what does this name mean?
A collection of the best and most beautiful;
Indeed, God did make you most beautiful,
He indeed, did make a collection of the best when he created you,
So, don't sell yourself short, and don't undermine yourself,
Live to be the Dayna that God made you to be.