You own already
When you love me like a hero
All you need to rescue me
Have the power to make me less than zero

One last time I return to the crime scene
Nothing to take me away
Sadness gives tears to wash conscience clean
I will leave the darkness one day

They weren't brave enough to face danger
I am nothing that's worth saving
Nothing is worth losing for a stranger
Can't be stopped from caving

A sense of justice found in destruction
My surface is scratched and muddy
Pain teaching specific instructions
******* nothing to nobody

I let it build up too long again.
The bin is overflowing with stinky garbage and now a simple chore has become a huge ordeal.
If I could regularly dispose of all the toxic negative thoughts accumulated in my brain it would be a relatively easy process.
But I procrastinate until all the insecurities, fears, and anger become too heavy to lift
So I drag the ******* bag behind me as it leaves a trail of stinky slime in it's wake.
I get rotten trash juice all over my hands as I dump all my emotions onto paper.
When it's all taken out and empty and I am exhausted
I put in a new liner and let the trash begin piling up again.

I raised my hopes amazed
From dust to package and ******
Blinded by charms into your arms
Forced to watch now without affecting the how
Twisting restlessly beneath sea
Doesn't matter if they scatter or drop and shatter
Heard them fall and not hurt at all
Crashing is nothing new in fact it's why I grew
Another crack won't cause a heart attack
If my hopes weigh too much that's okay
Let them go to be swept below
I will pick up the pieces and use glue to stick
Until every single hope I own is ready to once again fly

For one yesterday I would trade every tomorrow
Anyone if I could have you
Been looking for a way to make this exchange
No one seems to have a clue

I provoke sorrow with memories
They can make old wounds bleed
Choking them or stretching them out
Senses shakily blurred indeed

Stomach twisting from nostalgia
I watch pictures from the past
I'm left with traces of regret
Do I hold or let go fast?

These demons desire my surrender
Pretend I'm winning the fight
Straining muscles just to stand
Invited to wave a flag white

Feel cathartic
Nearly on the brink
Emotions high when I sink back
Was used to the ache of remembering
Failed being an amnesiac

I see you everywhere but beside me,
the one place that I need you the most.
I don’t know if you’ve just felt like hiding,
but it feels like I’m being stalked by a ghost.
I think of my life consisting of just time biding,
with parasitic emptiness and I’m the host.
This hits me like waves I am meant to be riding,
and it follows me persistently from coast to coast.

The grass didn’t seem so green back then
I guess all that constant rain did pay off,
‘cause now this little future’s just a casual friend,
and my god looking back the past was soft.
It’s not like I always want to be drenched in sorrow,
I find I look much better in brown, blue or grey,
you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.

I hear every voice but yours in my ears,
the deafening noise has made me forget that sound,
since I’ve heard that sweet melody it’s been too many years,
and every other pitch makes my static brain pound.
I’m always biting my lip but now I’m fighting tears,
I shake my head side to side and around.
I’m quickly losing stamina from battling my fears
and now looking forward to my hole in the ground.

The skies never seemed clear and blue back then,
it turns out that I was the creator of each cloud,
I’m hoarding past calendars so that I can pretend
that I’m back in time and making everyone else proud.
If you’ve got a hour or two that I can borrow,
I swear I’m good for it and whatever price; I’ll pay,
‘cause you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.

I feel you all over, laced in everything,
if it wasn’t such a curse, it’d be a gift.
You’re the peace in winter and the hope in spring,
you’re the summer sun and autumn’s winds so swift.
I’m relieving every memory, looking for a place to cling,
I remember all of the details but the clarity is now adrift.
Side to side, back and forth, I constantly swing,
it pulls and drags me down but it can also give the highest lift.

The sun never seemed to shine right back then,
but maybe I was just too busy looking for artificial light.
I was never one for second looks but I should’ve searched again,
because everything I wanted was already in my sight.
So I plant a seed hoping it will eventually grow
and I sculpt all I wish for with clay,
‘cause you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.

I have been in places worse
Where I could not see the light
It was different I swear
Than how I feel tonight
This is not pain in my smile
It is something I can't name
Every time I sigh I know
I am the one to blame

The rooster crows when the day begins
He yells "****-a-doodle-doo!"
Awakening not just the farm animals
But the farmer and his tired wife too

Life's a cage not a stage

A sky full of wishes waiting to be had
Twinkling against a backdrop of deep dark blue
A billion stars poised to gracefully fall
Every last one reserved for you

If I had a quarter for every time I wished
For you and I to take a trip to yesterday
I don't know exactly how rich I would be
But it would add up to a lot of change

I don't know what I'd do with that cash
But I would spend every cent on you
Doing whatever you like till it's gone
Or till there's nothing left to do

Or we could leave where we are for good
Pack up all our things today and leave
I could take your hand and whisk you far from here
To a place our tomorrows will always be happy

I will say farewell to bad memories
Never look that direction again
Like arrows we will fly toward the future
Our time in this small town will end

Presently I have your heart to hold
And although time may never give me a replay
I am too lucky to be nostalgic
Done wishing for yesterdays

Roses are colored red
Also can be blue
Artificial dyes turn white ones
Into shades of every hue

You hold the beauty of angels
I see darkness in your eyes
Should have known from the moment we met
You are the devil in disguise

Welcomed by Mother's well-meaning embrace
Touch tender as a trap could be
How could my poor mother know?
The path laid for her precious baby?

Naivety must have rendered her blind
To awful truths of this life
Pain is inevitable for everyone
No one escapes sorrow and strife

A happy bubble flourished years I was small
Raised a sweet girl who made her proud
Four members of a perfect family
Tucked in each night warm, safe, and sound.

Had riches beyond measure when I was young
I treated it like dirt
Ungrateful for blessings owned
I'd never experienced hurt

Time unwillungly thrusted me forwards
Stole innocent hours one by one
After that problems rushed swiftly in
Unappreciated happiness forever done

Heartbroken heaviness settled in my bones
Weight growing larger still as days go by
If mom had paused to really think her decision through
Would she have chosen to birth a daughter who would rather die?

Babe I hope you know
Every silver lining found
Is shaped just like you

You are a co-worker I will truly miss
So I thought and decided to write you this
Working by your side has always been great
Even on days you clocked in a little late
I am glad your acquaintance I got the chance to know
Have a great life no matter where you go
Have a safe trip back to your own country
Now you'll always have these words to remember me

I cannot see when I need
Foggy curtain will not concede
Full in the distance forcing us apart
These dark days you are the sunshine in my heart

It is really so revealing
Only takes five weeks
You already need somebody else
Moving between another's sheets

Looking at the terrible facts
Betrayal was truly unexpected
So many times you have hurt me
Yet I thought our love was more respected

Let's hope distance strengthens us
Afraid to lose your heart
If you give it to someone new
Mine is going to crumble apart

No more talking suicidal
Done with that stupid ****
I am closer than I
Care to admit
Shouldn't rant and fuss
I'll never do it

I say I hate my life a lot
Believing I am a waste of air
The reasons I stick around
Are the people for which I care
I'm starting to think those same people
Would rather not have me there

You swear you love me again and again
It hardly feels that way
All I want is for you to hold me close
Instead I push you away
If you return my arms will never let go
I just want you to come home to stay.

I chose you though I am not sure why
Many reasons why we shouldn't be
It feels more like the universe
Divinely made the choice for me

It's obvious you are the dangerous pick
Living life fast without care
Despite the toll you take on my health
Can't imagine having you not there

My soul magnetized to yours
Smile a drug I consume
Addicted to your presence
The moment you walk in the room

I cannot control affection I feel
Skin craves the brush of your hand
Failing to explain what it is about you
To others because even I don't understand

It is not what I see in you
But what I don't in anyone else
High when you shoot one glance my direction
The ice surrounding my heart just melts

It is how you always offer your embrace
Even when I am being unfair
How you think I look just as ****
In my comfy modest underwear

It is your ability to make me laugh
When I have been crying all night
Though you are usually why I'm upset
Touch once and suddenly I feel alright

You may not treat me well
But better than I deserve
You make up for flaws with patience
I get on your last nerve

We fight lots more than we used to
More problems to figure out
I'd rather care enough to talk through our feelings
Than have nothing worth arguing about

I could find someone shiny and new
Yeah, I could get along,
Without a doubt I am certain
No one besides you makes love so strong

Do not ask me why I love you
I don't really know
All I can say is our souls are drawn to each other
Your heart the one thing I can never let go

You take my breath away with just one sweet smile
When sad all I have to do is punch in your number and dial
It has been so much better since you entered my life
People do not understand why I want to become your wife
It is not because I am scared of being alone
But for joy you give the world we own
Momentarily deflected by everyday trouble
The difficulties made worth it every time we snuggle
I admit I didn't know when you captured my heart
That you'd keep the whole thing, not just part

You're sure you know what's best for me
Should leave and never come back
Degrade me until I'm forced into a corner
Alone and finally attack

But you do not understand your terror
Can't see eye-to-eye
Both sides are quick to get angry
I can't hold my tongue but I try

That smirk upon lips incites rage
Not strong enough to keep it in
Not capable of letting go
You always have to win

I work with all might to be
The bigger person but fail
Talk nicely until your words turn mean
I can't help but wail

I miss days we got along
Miss ways you used to be proud
Hateful expression worn on your face
Makes me wish I could run and never turn around

I want more than ever
To kiss your supple lips
Mark neck like you did mine
Cause stomach to do flips

I want you to laugh with me
Stupid, silly, random jokes
Tease me with meaningless words
Annoy me with tickles and pokes

Want to travel the earth with you
Walk beaches, bridges, and tracks
Hear stories, dreams, and fears
Make you happier than Prozac

I want heart to forget how lonely feels
Relieve shoulders of the shame
Never display disappointment
To teach your value is my aim

I want us to forget the feeling
Of any other person's skin
Never want you to give to some other girl
The part opened to let me in

I want nights I spent alone
To vanish and be replaced
With ones laid there next to you
Inches from your face

I want to keep my fear far from me
Heart on an untouchable cloud
Haze of happiness making truth hard to see
I'll gladly live with you forever in this shroud

I want to give up and let you in
Know in the end you'll always have me
Promised myself I wouldn't care too much
Didn't realize how hard that would be

If you peer into my heart
Completely you'd understand
How I care about your soul
I truly miss your hand

I you borrow my irrational brain
The one obsessing over you
You would discover your presence is my escape
The past haunts all I do

There is burning through my veins
Too much you and your essence
Wish you owned the same skeleton
You would feel I'm not happy in your absence

Nothing what it appears to you
I have made sure of that
Going through familiar motions
Stability only an act

I cannot be as strong as I want to
Not allowed to show real dismay
I force a smile to portray a happy face
Can't live this charade one more day

There is no heaven
There is no hell
Those are just lies
Us humans tell
I found both
Not in the skies
Or underground
But in your eyes

You must love me because nothing else makes sense
Kind words you say rarely sneak past my defense
Yet you patiently compliment me daily
Even on days I am ungrateful or crazy
Sometimes feel like I treat you unfair
Or think I would prefer not having you there
I wish I didn't care about you so much
Reacting angrily when you revoke your touch
You reflect the same doting affection
Your pupils are reluctant to gaze my direction
So do not pretend that after all these years you still feel the same
Don't know when or how or what exactly-but something's changed
Because it's obvious you love me by the way you tell me and how you act
No one else would have stayed this long and that's a fact
And it brings so much shame to watch your sad face stick around
Hold on out of concern for the love to which it's bound
But when begged to do what's right for you and go far away
You never fail to find an even better reason to stay
I push you away from me in fear one of us will get hurt
Scared getting close is pointless cause we'll never work
And right when I'm about to pass the point where it's too late
I turn around realizing I'm making a mistake
Again and again the cycle repeats
You never surrender or admit defeat
I need to accept your love isn't fading
No matter how much I deserve degrading
Not one single thing I've done to prove he depths of my attraction
You are alright giving me your whole focus when you only get a fraction
Why can't I provide the security you need?
Used to be able to do anything for you to succeed
Now I have lost all motivation and hope
Remembering how I once was able to control stifled rage and cope
I can be cold and often don't play fair
More than anything I am grateful to have you there
Sometimes get mad at you when it's not your fault
Assumptions spark a critical verbal assault
When angry "I love you" is so hard to say
We are best friends but it doesn't always feel that way
Lately feel excluded from your present life
Can't wait to be free of your soon-to-be-ex-wife
To wake from the nightmare I accidentally created
Eyes opening to a day where I am just someone you dated
A morning where love hasn't got you wrapped in chains
Not obligated to handle my pains
Maybe that Dawn will arrive; hopefully not
I will do my best and our happy ending I will plot
I'll make you proud, we will finally be
The happy family so unfamiliar to me
Please be patient my love, soon we will laugh and smile
Life is so ****** up right now, you make it more worthwhile
Believing your words though difficult to hear
Because if you didn't love me you wouldn't be here

My broken heart froze that day last year
They warned me it would happen
You are the reason I'm sitting here now
Chasing thoughts as cheeks dampen

Know I should not blame you for the tears
We are equally in the wrong
Try though I may to distract myself
You are all my mind can focus on

When you left for rehab in Florida
Like shattered glass pain began multiplying
My world crumbled even more
When I discovered you were lying

Something deep inside involuntarily snapped
What was tightly wound dangles loose
On that swaying heartstring read one word: "goodbye"
Carved meticulously into my recycled noose

Hanging myself with self-inflicted emotion
It was more than just a suicide
Because the instant I killed myself
Our beautiful love also died