Thin pages turn and I can almost hear the tear,
but you never ruin a page...
                                                 is this how you care?
I wonder.


You see a lady shiver on a bus from the seeping cold air,
you stand to close it for her...
                                                 is this how you care?
I wonder.


You don't believe in god, but in grief, you always say a prayer,
"just in case," you tell me...
                                                 is this how you care?
I wonder.


Her curls tangle up in her scarf, so you lift up her hair,
before she drapes it on...
                                                 is this how you care?
I wonder.


She orders drinks for all, without a single care,
you go to the bar to help her carry them...

                                                 is this how you care?
I wonder.



Her friends bring up her parents, & you know she hates the affair,
so you change the topic quickly...

                                                 is this how you care?
I wonder.



When she walks off to get a taxi, in the cold night air,
you give her your coat that is warm...

                                                 is this how you care?
I wonder.



These things you do for her is love in small declares,
I watch them silently, as I stand by you...

                                                 how unrequited love cares.

You reached out to me again
And I felt your touch
Like a gentle shower to a wilted rose

You looked at me again
And I felt complete
Like the final puzzle piece slotted into place

You embraced me again
And I felt a delightful glow
Like the clouds had finally parted

You kissed me again
And I felt my shoulders unburden
Like nothing could bring me down

When morning set in like our initials to bark
And final call had sounded
The flurry of soft moments formatted into dreams
Retreated back into their sanctuary

I wilted,
Appeared empty,
The clouds drew like curtains
And I hit the cold callous reality

i was so foolish back then
seeing you in a perfect light
it blinded me
your unfulfilled promise became my only hope
i let you drown me in your own pity
your own insecurities
i let them define me, i let them break me
you got to play magician
always pretending you could snap away my cracks
when i was the one mending yours
always making me worry
disappearing for days at a time
but always finding a reason to be upset when you would return
i was your toy
a pawn in your game
and i never even read the rules
you let me believe you needed saving
when i was the one living in the nightmare

the ghost of who i thought you were still haunts me
but i could never hate you

It's days like this
It's worth remembering
It's not the end of the world
It's the bittersweet beginning

Does it always go this way
I mean you suddenly text
outta the blue
after you threw our friendship away
You erased me , blocked me
Shattered me
Yet here you text
and I can't walk away
I can't ignore
I want to trust you
I want to believe you
feel sorry
or you actually realize
our meaning to each other
Who am , I kidding
**** here , I go again
don't you dare
play me !!!
it will be you hurting
this , I promise you !!
© Jennifer L DeLong 🦏4/3/2021