We used to reminisce about our adolescence
When you were a boy, and I but a stranger
You played the violin, and sang in the choir
While I allowed strange men to pluck away
At every fiber of my teenage existence

You started dating a plum of a man
At the ripened age of 17
While I started finding creative ways
To mask my dysfunctional tendencies
And further submerge myself into solitude

Senior year you explored your gender identity
And started romanticizing the idea of mental illness
While I had already become well too acquainted
With a disingenuous existence
And slowly but surely was planning my exit

College steadily approached
But you still never noticed
How you had blossomed into the symbol of extroversion
While my mental stability was greatly slipping
And I was barely holding on by the skin of my teeth

do you know why there is this thing called pain?

because you keep on reaching out for something that you can’t reach

because you keep on thinking if maybe he did this because of that so you will always thing there still is probability

because you keep on letting the memory that you hold on to so tightly alone in your heart and mind playing all of those beautiful memories that ever happened

then, who creates pain?

you did.

K Harris Jan 9

things the neighbors saw
They saw a young naive freshman bloom into a warm, love focused sophomore.
From a girl who hated her skin and was scared to open her front door for two years--fearing what was inside.
To someone who was falling into others instead of being alone.
Junior year was experimenting, putting everything out there
    my heart, my body, and my soul.

The neighbors saw the job change.
They saw my father in handcuffs.
They saw a broken family upstairs.
They saw the red eyes of emptiness, eating a girl alive.
They saw a broken girl getting affection in the parking lot from someone who wasnt hers to hold.
They saw him stop coming around and the broken girl get more cracks.
They saw the red car pull up at 7pm and leave at 1am
    the red haired girl taking control and not being pressured.

They saw the broken phone.
The crash and burn of pain in her heart.
They saw the numbness that overcame her.

They saw her stand up straight and take her situation into her own hands.
They saw her bloom.
   waves of love coming from her own shores
she shines like a new promise of love.

9-1-17

We were once just kids
With big hopes and big dreams and freckled faces in summer streams
We were once just kids
Making out on your bedroom floor, with no idea of what was to come anymore
We were once just kids
That skipped school to spend more time together and huddled up in the colder weather
We were once just kids
That snuck out past curfew so that we could dance in the rain, and that was our virtue
We were once just kids
That rode bikes around town and helped each other up whenever one of us would fall down
We were once just kids
But we are no longer, that's clear
From the day that you left, you told me "Our life starts here"
We were once just kids
But now you're a man in a uniform
And I'm his soon-to-be wife
With just our memories to keep me warm
We are no longer kids
You have our country to serve for now,
And I have letters every night to send out
We are no longer kids
And we have cares and we have worries and we have things to complain about
But we still have each other and that's the one thing that ever counts
We were once just kids
But now we're grown and our life began
And I'm still hopelessly in love with you,
My United States Airman.

We've watched each other grow, and we still continue to do so. I could not be more proud of him... My Airman.
Aster Ray Dec 2017

No time for breakfast on
school days turned into no breakfast on
any days. Skipping dinner because of
too much work turned into skipping lunch
because who was hungry at 11am?
I lasted months until someone noticed
but at least I never had to leave my room.

High school was such a trip honestly. I didn't like the first two sentences of this stanza, so impact of the last line might be a little lost. I'm doing much better these days in terms of eating disorders, thankful for that

I can't help but to fall for you
I can't stand not seeing you,
Even for a second
I do know that it is getting unhealthy
But never do I know you will react the way you are

I need to move on
I need to forget you
I need to erase every memory of you
I do know all of those
But never do I know I have to do that this fast

So what I need—
What I do really need to forget you—
Is to forget myself itself.

i won't meet him until next month

You don't care about how my feeling is
You just want to hear whether your purpose's concealed

What is inside that heart I used to know?
What happened to your beautiful mind?
Why would you knife me?

My whole life,
I've been running,
I've been hiding,
I've been screaming,
Trying so hard to conceal my emotions

But with you by my side,
I can't do that anymore
All I can do is stop.

ugh should I stop?
solfang Dec 2017

the school bell rings sharply
at nine-twenty in the morning,
echoes across the classroom,
are the usual 'Selamat Pagi, cikgu'.

fast forward to nine-forty,
boring lessons and classes
requires essay crafting
and dream jobs listing,
instead, we wrote fan letters
to be the filial wives of
members from boybands

fast forward to noon,
we were hooked on stories,
from breakups of social divas
to everyone's future college plans.
those were the days,
that should never end.

fast forward to today,
it's now nine-twenty,
greetings for teachers,
are now meetings with bosses,
essays are now reports,
compadres are now colleagues.

memories are the sweet
in the word 'bittersweet',
and I'm starting
to miss the taste,
every time the clock strikes
exactly at nine-twenty.

I really, really miss my high-school mates.

When infinity must be finite,
When changes to one variable no longer affect another variable,
When the long tape of the cassette that records the entire memory is broken,

will everything just end?
will everything be erased like never exist?
will you think I'm not there?

I will stay right here
Stand at this point
Looking at you until this heart is powerless
Until these eyes are tired
Until these legs are limp
Until...
This heart stops beating

Because I know that actually deep inside,

There are still pieces of memory about me
About us.

it is based on my true story. ha. im sorry. this is way too cheesy. im just getting started. but it is real. enjoy.
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