for more than a year,
I have been stuck with the indecision to
and it's as if I torture myself with the thought
of what I would do
if you were to bump into me at the grocery store
hair grown out past your chin,
bloodshot eyes; you smell like beer and piss.
would I have the courage to confront you?
or would I take on the "little girl lost" persona
i oh so often do
and crouch behind the stand of sunflowers,
waiting until you have finished fishing through to find your favorite muffins from the display
and go on your way
i just can't fathom
after all these months of trying to change myself,
i can't change the fact that you are still plaguing my body
the bruises on my lips can still be felt.
your scent fills up the room that you refuse to walk into
and it must be some kind of fucking sickness
that no matter what you could have said to me and make me cry
it won't be enough to scare me away
Stockholm syndrome for the ones who keep themselves imprisoned in another's memory
you have made me sick and perverted
but I love you for it.
We walked through the woods,
when it was growing thick with shadows, the way smoke funnels
out a chimney. She wore a hoodie and yoga pants,
attire to match her mood: relaxed and comfortable.
Her eyes reminded me of what lies beneath puddles,
after a rainstorm had passed through
the small hometown, which disowned you.
We wrote songs while sitting on tree stumps,
chewing tobacco and drinking gin.
Because, we wanted people to write movies about us,
like the ones they played before the explosion
took out a half of Paris, DC, and Sydney.
Test me again, and I will never talk to you,
you said those words and you meant it.
I regret ever running
into you at the house,
and falling for you,
like how I'm falling
over on my ass.
And now we will never text,
have a conversation,
or hold each other in bed.
Kiss me goodnight,
but don't say
that you ever cared about me,
because I don't believe
in the lyrics,
your favorite musician sings.
Brush your hair back behind your ear
Pull my blankets to your chin
And kiss your cheek
Just before I let you drift off to sleep
Because this is where the long day ends
And my loving care for you begins
And renews again
Over and over
Just like all of your dreams
Which my unbroken heart always wanted to mend
For as long as you need me here to sleep
I’ll wait for you most patiently
Be it by your side or a distance away
With a cup perhaps in the hallway
To sip until the break of day
Because I am yours
As you are to me
One meant for the other
And purposefully made
This way to be
Like coffee and her beloved tea
Yes I am your tea
And pleased so to be
Dark and rich like indian spices
Warm and soothing as a bubbling bath
To cut the edge of the winter's night
And to warm you to me
Oh dearest future
See only me
And know that I read not just for me
But for all of the stories which are yet to come
And for all of the secrets you may wish me to speak
How I wish that this sound could be more like me
Like the last lingering note
Of the lullaby we’d always sing
And I’ll sing once more one day to my kids
Which I hope one day you would give to me
And so in this momentaneous rhyme
I give you what's left of my lifetime of time
My everything and all of me
With every sentiment and subtle though
Which ever passed through this imperfect mind
As well as this comfortable bed of mine
How lonely it's been
Here without you within
Oh dearest girl
Oh darling of mine
You're the future that I
Most every day desire to see
But must stop myself from picturing in mind
So goodnight dear future
You're far to beautiful to begin to describe
Cloudless and bright your visage
Your raven strands blow across it.
The gentle rise and ebb of your breath.
I gaze at you, asleep in pristine beauty.
The waves that lap the silver sands
Of shore bathed in pure beams of the moon,
Echoes of the sirens of the tired ships
for mooring to rest, from their trips.
Hours pass over me, yet undeterred.
My eyes never content, longing more.
Calls out to your heart with silent gaze,
Waves of love, again, again and again.
As light on rippleless water
Flashes a smile on your lips
A flutter a flash of your eyelids.
Perhaps dream of me, you did.
Slumber evades my being
Captive it never is mine
As often as I sit a gazing
Your beauty in sleep divine.