My tea is very warm.
My body pillow is very comfortable.
I want to write more poems,
But I am simply too sleepy to do so.
Yuri is still my best waifu.
I'm feeling very sleepy right now.
I should probably sleep.
I'll see you all in the morning.
I regret making this, [REDACTED]
This rosé tastes like I will be texting you two AM
It tastes like I will gather up my thoughts and tell you I am oh so in love with you
It almost tastes like I want to see you and feel your embrace once again
Four glasses in and this rosé tastes like I should be entangled up with you in my California king bed
It tastes like I will send you a three page text confessing things I shouldn't ever say out loud
It almost tastes like we should be up in the middle of the night making pancakes in our underwear
I graduated from rosé onto vodka now, and it tastes like every feeling I have been hiding for the last eight years
It tastes like I should not even have access to a phone where I can text you my heartfelt feelings
It almost tastes like I should go to bed and forget that we even were together
I like to say “Goodnight” aloud,
Before I go to sleep
(When I remember).
Not for myself, of course,
But for anyone,
That might be listening.
Not to God,
If that’s what you’re thinking,
Though I am open
To the possibility.
To the demons of my day;
My little fears and regrets,
So that they might shut up,
And leave my dreams the fuck alone.
the world seems to fit this specific rotation
where I found myself sitting on this bar stool
well you know,
not alcohol because,
that one thing my body does so well
is shut down
start peeing blood
not process anything
it just kind of gives up,
I mean you remember,
that time you took me to the ER,
How I couldn't stand up and they kept telling me it was going to be ok
but I just looked at you and bleakly smiled because I knew it wasn't
this is my
clearing my throat and saying
"just put some fizzy water in a glass and throw a lime in it, it's not that hard and don't look at me like that"
The dive bar
God, it was your dive bar
they were even playing that one song you
played for me on the car stereo
the happy one,
the one I always picture you driving with your one hand on the steering wheel
sun shining on us
that fucking one
and the bartender she rolled her eyes, walked off
I saw this reflection in the mirror
the one right behind the bar
while the neon red light
illuminated my eyes
in that moment
this whiskey taste hit the back of my throat
your sweat, your voice,
all of it, taking over my entity
without my consent I was stuck in
the notes that stung
tickled my tonsils
I could feel you
you had to have been sitting in this exact spot
an hour or so ago
and the reflection was so used to
you filling this space
it almost just shot an image back of you
I wanted to call you
send you one of those long emails
we used to spend hours typing to each other
to seem profound
to rationalize our mental health by simply stating
but then I remembered the last thing you said to me
it was more of a question
and I thought about
how selfish that was
the anger just bubbled from there
it rose to my chest
and I lifted my hand up and said
"actually can you make it a whiskey?"
and I waited for her to roll her eyes again,
walk to the bar,
grab the cheapest well whiskey I've ever seen
and pour it heavy over two ice cubes
You would have liked that.
Im sure you're ordering that right now.
I pulled the shot back
waited for it to hit
quickly requested a Lyft to the nearest hospital
because I knew
send me spiraling
and I would be there again
in that same room
where you laid still
and I tried to sleep
to not vomit on you
to kind of just pretend this wasn't a memory
I'd have to actively force myself to forget
as I frequented the same sterile supplies
the room where you chewed on the words
and spit them back out at me
detailing the world I actively live in
the one where
where my body is a ticking time bomb
and not a subplot for your novel
but as I rode with the windows rolled down
I still missed you
I hated myself
I wanted another whiskey
I wanted that reflection again
because at least
that would make this all
This would all make a little more sense
and maybe I could forgive you
stop recreating each moment
like I was stuck in a perpetual hell
Because it had to have meant something
it shouldn't just sting.
It's hard to end the days
As we go our seperate way
I feel a part of me is empty
As goodnight I say
I wonder if you feel my love
If your thinking of me
I'll look forward to tomorrow
And hope with you I'll be
So precious memories you give
With your sweet and thoughtful way
You know things that make me smile
Always sweet words you say
I hope you know I love you
With you I want to be
You are my dearest sweetheart
You mean so much to me
Until tomorrow, when the day breaks
I'll hold your love so tight
Hoping to have dreams of you
And wishing you sweet goodnight
Unlike any other
We sat on the hood of my car
And stared at the beautiful stars
A simple kiss here and there
But it wasn’t anything more
He wouldn’t dare
Kisses, cuddles, laughing and stories
You remind me
Who it is to be Zoie
From elementary school
You have always been
My favorite song
With sweet memories of love
filling the night air,
her heart fills with bliss
in the love that’s shared.
In the silence of night
with her head upon your chest,
sleep beckons her body and mind
to a peaceful nights rest.
You see, never in her life
has she asked for anything new,
the only thing that comes close
is asking for a love pure and true.
Not just love of heart
but of body, soul and mind,
that honest love of truth
that is so hard to find.
So as her eyelids start to dance
and images start to form,
she gives into these beautiful dreams
that are now being born.
As sleep takes you into dreams
and you feel her head on your chest,
know that it’s your faithful love
that gives her peaceful rest.