I’m so tired
of feeling so tired
"my body is tired with torn hands
I want to be perfect, more and more
but nothing changes, it only ever hurts"
"when will you be happy?"
"never... I live miserably,
wanting to work myself to exhaustion
waiting for death's release of this worthless vessel
that hates me deeply
perishing underneath dirt and pebble
no one will want me, need me
I will be forgotten and my ideals of perfection soon to be rotten"
On a path where arteries will meet scythe
suffocating, with silhouettes deceased in defeat.
A spark struggles to illuminate before the feet.
cloaked in fading shadows, conversing with grief.
Handed daggers with orders to stab and flee
however pierced the allies still search for peace.
Climbing an empty ladder, dreams clustered beyond reach
with worn bones aiming to reach beyond the known peek.
Tired with unresolved overwhelming feelings
Attacking at the most random times
Opening up old wounds to only stitch them back again
It never gets old, does it?
i thought i was getting better
a better sister
a better friend
a better human
a better weight
a better student
a better daughter
a better mental health
but it was just a lie
It’s not death I fear,
I would welcome it with an open arms,
Like an old friend I haven’t seen for forever,
Like you would welcome love.
What I am afraid is dying through suffocation
When you are in a room full of smoke,
And you realize that you only have these fumes
That burns your chest with every inhale, to breathe.
When you are choking on ether,
And you can’t really feel it because
There is nothing to choke on.
When you are in a close space
And the hot air you breathe out
is the air you need to breathe in.
When you are drowning in the sea
And you realize there is nothing you can do about it.
Since a couple of days I am trying to **** myself.
A worn out soul
With a weary smile
Calling out to the heavens
Voice filled with despair
Begging God for rest
"Oh Lord, please grant me peace" it cried
As it began to crumble
A woeful plea to the gray sky
Sanity slowly slipping away
Numerous futile attempts
Praying to be saved
"My God do not forsaken me!" It yelled
Shedding tears of blood
Holding on to a thin string of hope
Then It snapped
Taking matters to it's own hands
The soul left
Now walking on the path to Utopia
Where it can rest for eternity
I spent three weeks stewing in disbelief
Sweating us from my pores
Today the fever broke
But my body still aches from the chills
I’m exhausted from having and losing you.
These are a few lines from a poem I wrote a year ago that I like as a stand-alone.
drain my empty soul