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exhaustion overwhelms me
when i realize
i’ve spent
the last
four years
not to love
the person
that i love
As I sat by the edge
And stared down in wonder
I felt a hand upon my shoulder
A cold and familiar sight
It was Death, again by my side

She looked at me as always
With her usual smile
Even though, it had been a while
I took her hand in mine
For what felt like the hundredth time

She then asked of me,
"What is it now, my dear?
Is there something new you fear?"
A chuckle from my lips fell,
"Oh love, you know me so well"

She softly leaned against me
And lightly hummed in thought,
"I do, we used to talk a lot"
I remembered all my strife,
"Yes, before I got busy with life"

I saw her frown a bit
"I still think of you often"
At that her features softened,
"I know you do", she said
That she was glad went unsaid

She looked at me sweetly,
"I'm a patient woman"
And I was just a man,
I wouldn't live forever
"One day, we'll finally be together".

We smiled,

Both with love.

And me,

With hope.
Back when I wrote this it had been a while since I had last thought of dying. I was busy, too distracted to really sit and think of how bad I really felt, but eventually I had some free time, and naturally my thoughts drifted to this. I wasn't really sad, nor desperate to die, just empty, and more than a little tired. I thought of Death wistfully, like one thinks of an old lover who you never quite stopped loving, one who deep inside you still hope to see again.

I don't relate this with suicide, it's not what I wanted at the time. I wanted to rest, I felt tired of living, and as such daydreamed of the day far in the future in which I could truly rest in peace.
Aman Dahiya Jan 12
I am lost and lost have I been
Through years of confused education
Is an engineer all I can be?
But what about the mystic lands of mystic people
I sure should have a visit sometime
And decide that that is the place to be
Another confused decision
And I run back from the mystic place
Into the arms of another mystic *****
I am lost and lost have I been
Through years of confused love
Helpless confessions of rotton desperation
And facing the vile of rejection
‘She doesn’t love me back!’
How many times has my system rendered
The same sentence over and over again
She doesn’t love me back
She doesn’t
No one does
Then why do I keep knocking windows of cars
Hoping that they’ll buy these windshields
Oh, they need windshields, alright
But not from you
You see love is there in the world
But not for you
Homes are there in the world
But not for you
Don’t ask me why
I don’t know why
It is the way it is
Love is not for you
Stella Mar 2018
Minutes, hours, weeks
A broken leaf in the wind
It doesn't want to see beyond the cloud
I wish I could stop writing about you.
But a dark ink, wells up overflowing the ***.
My hands scoop the ink frantically so I am consumed.
As if hiding in this *** of thoughts as black as a night sky.
There's words woven out of stardust.

~...Words that would make you love me...~
Deb Jones Sep 2017
Life is rushing by me.
Faster than I can run
Daily affirmations bind me
And I can't complete even one
Everything overwhelms me
I can't get anything done
I look at the colossal effort
And I am exhausted before I have begun
It's a beautiful day outside
The birds all singing out of tune
The cacophony of songs should make me wince
But it's sweet on my nerves
Maybe this is what I should do
Sit on the swing and just listen
Stop thinking...
Stop reacting...
Stop reaching...

Stop letting my sick body dictate my mood.
I can bear anything if only there is an end in sight.
It's hard to be cheerful for more than minutes at a time.
There is no light for me.
There is no dignity.
It's my gloaming time.
The twilight of my life
I have Type 1 Diabetes. I wrote this during one of many many times I have felt down
It's as if we're climbing
over mountains,
except by some cruel trick
we trek along the fault line
rather than across
and as we crest each painful saddle
there is no choice
but to slide back down the other side,
blistered, limping, starved,
and carrying too much weight,
hoping the next peak
will be the last.

it's nothing like climbing mountains,
for at least in the mountains
I can breathe.
claire Dec 2018
can't be bothered
to lift my feet
I drag along, the empty street

my head throbs
my body aches
my eyes open, I'm not awake

always tired
can't sleep
sometimes I, forget to eat

this life I live
has me exhausted
my own agenda, has me hostage
cupid Dec 2018
i often wonder why it is i can’t dream
i can sleep just fine
but i’m always tired
i sleep pitch black
like a smoker’s lungs or like the rift
my mind blank and open, empty
dead asleep
dead still, awake
tired and fatigued
unconscious with open eyes
i hear little monsters in my head
“sleep, sleep lion boy”
their unholy mother sings
“rest up, lion blood”
and they stop as soon as i close my eyes
as soon as i pass into that void
i cross a line into the abyss
i can no longer think
do i even breathe
sleep now lion-hearted child
i want to dream
i want your pixie themed, technicolor movie theater dreams
i don’t miss my rusted monochrome nighterrors
i just want back those memories i never had
blazing beaches, my arms tanned and strong
but all i know is my body pale and sick
all i know is i’m awake
and i don’t think i want to be
sorry i havent posted for awhile, got busy then school let out for break
Theshygirl Dec 2018
How wonderful they are
Because in the moments leading up to them
I’m ******* happy
A fantastic sense of euphoria
Something I haven’t felt in forever
Because teachers stop teaching
A few days before
Easy reviews and exam prep starts
And I get to relax
Nothing new to learn
Just old things to remember
Then they actually happen
And I remember why they’re so horrid
Cramming the night before
When your friends tell you
The test wasn’t as easy as you’d hoped
And remind you that no amount of prep could prepare you
Exams are ******* hard
Don’t you dare try to tell me otherwise.
I cry myself to sleep after hours of staring blankly at a full sheet of paper
Eyes wandering but not focusing
My mind turned to madness
Euphoria gone all too soon
And I’m back to hating myself
Wanting to quit and give up everything
But I can’t
Because as everybody says
It’s just exams
Like they don’t realize the anxieties and pressure that come from those four letters
I hate them
And the worst part is I know I’ll survive them
And have to suffer through again next year
And the year after that
Until the year that the exams conquer me
Absolutely destroying me inside and out
And I guess I’ll just wait for that to happen
Hopefully sooner rather than later.
In honor of them...
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