Body and flesh with the age of seventeen,
without being loud or angry.
Never been,
the warm yellow light.

Spiraling out of control.
Calmness collapses.
Burning a hole,
in what is assumed to be poured.

Deep pigment,
showering over loved once.  
Yet no commitment.
Daffodils growing in the garden.

Dripping from the ankle,
deep red,
ropes to get strangled.
Melting and mixing orange.

They may not know how i’m feeling,
but if they stop reality,
they see me hanging from the sealing.
“How young was she?”

I plug in the
vacuum cleaner
to **** it up
and see  
if it disappears
into a bag
that holds
everything
that is black
and blue.

Anemone,
Aubrieta
& Aster.
A life so precious,
A life so spacious.

Cosmos,
Cyclamen
& Crocus.
Call me when your ready,
Call me when it gets messy.

Ground Ivy,
Greater plantain
& Garlic Mustard.
Give me some love,
Give me everything above.

Our garden has turned
to awful melodies
of screams and sounds
that I once heard
as rhymes and
beautiful notes.

I never knew,
something so negative
could feel so positive.

A daydreamer,
who doesn't understand.
He took my hand,
told me the broken things.

I cut all the strings,
watched him burn.
then I wanted to learn.
Learn to end the fire.

Something I didn't know prior;
You can't start being a liar.
Then splash water on it,
when you should use an extinguisher.

Drinking blood
of sinful
bodies
that want
no more
than a hand
to bite down on.

******* every
last drop
of metallic
liquid out
to taste life
the way
it is.

If you want to define love
you are not worth of such beauty.
Because love is not to be defined
just like you can’t describe
the golden thoughts of a crazy lady.

Her shine will forever remain
unspoken amongst the cruel men
who no longer know what to strive for
or what to do with the the puddle of shine.

I wanted you
to  s p r e a d  me
like butter.

I wanted your
knife's cold surface
to warm me up.

I wanted you
to ******* saltiness
as if it was sweetness.

I'll show you mine
if you show me yours.
She said
as paint dripped down her face.
Humming melodies from out of space.

I once discovered,
a dark place.
Hidden beneath
all the fear.

Crawling up
the ladder.
To drag me down,
and let me drown.

Shaking pain,
and nothing else.
no rescue,
because I chased it away.

Bleach my heart,
my eyes and my mouth.
Strangle love out of me
till I scream and shout.
Let my skin turn red,
purple and blue.
Feed me till I drop dead
with an apple from Peru.
Scream at me, scream!
Let there be steam
coming out of your ears
to awaken my fears.
Hold me tight and whisper
till your lips gets blisters.
Beat me ******
roar loud.
Show me that your proud
of the hot heavy tears
that stream down my face.
They are just for you
and don't bring me a tissue.

If we felt nothing then how
would we be able to write
about
the darkness
that turns within
us
that creeps deep
down
so that we turn our
shoulder the other way
when really
we should have
faced
our devil.

Defy.
Why?
Why?
Why?

A soul.
Dark coal
staring Eyes.
Ties.

Disobey.
HEY?
HEY?
HEY?

Slow.
Put on a show.
Hearing it.
Not a bit

Done.
Won?
Won?
Won?

I liked to see him suffer
because he used to watch me.

There is nothing better than watching
a man’s feelings getting shattered
after he shattered yours.

This world delights you,
but you may not love him.
For when he leave
the truth cling to you.

And lead you
to do things
and thunder from
the ******'s womb
might not linger
so that he stays.

I see you drinking
a cup of warm tea
with chipped toenails
that scrunch your throat.

Your hand pour
the sand that looks like
pure brown sugar which
crunches between your teeth.

As you swirl it
it turns to black juice
with ****** veins
that clenches to your tongue.

Is that how you went ahead
and became so bitter?

A, b, c,
you took advantage of me.

D, e, f,
when told no you were deaf.

G, h, i,
I'm nothing you can buy.

K, l, m,
feed my soul to them.

N, o, p,
please don't be beastly.

Q, r, s,
you left me as mess.

T, u, v,
your the wave swallowing me into the sea.

W, x, y,
you watch me with your private eye.

Z,
now I'm going on to win the bet.

I'm tired.
Not that tired
which makes you stay in bed.
But the one that
makes you wish you did.
I think about life
and the value it has.
It can be worth more
than diamonds and gold.
Or it can be worth less
than coal.
I chose the second option
because I'm tired.
But if I rest my life,
put it on hold
and let myself breath,
I could make life more valuable.
Yet, I wish I was in bed
and sometimes I'm guilty
of wishing I was dead.

Words drip from your mind
water the consciousness  
grows the sentence
that formes in you mouth  

- "Be my bee to my bird"

I don't want to sound silly,
but these poems are therapy.
Silly words written down
seems better than a human
made of flesh and blood.
I don't want to talk it out
and I don't want to explain why.
But these poems are better
than any therapist you can buy.

Crazy chaos going on in my mind,
I promise one day I will leave it behind.

Grapes
crushed.
Forming new
shapes.

4.8
escape.
AM
again.

Square
life.
Breathing
air.

How to E S C A P E and be F A I R ?

Undone sentences
that die between lips.
Soft skinned cherry  
lips bitten by teeth.
Searching for sweet
and sour company.
Pleased by pain
and haunted by time.
Ticking clock in the night
recalling sunshine
landing on hips of gold.
Melting beauty
upon the sheets.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
where's the perfect lips of them all?

Therapist: How are you feeling?

My answer: Currently experiencing hell on earth.
                      But nothing major, just a slight reaction
                      to the misery my thoughts
                      are dragging me though.

Therapist: That must be hard

Your mother spoon-feeds you happiness.
But at some point
the happiness becomes rotten.

So she cuts your meat in pieces
and feeds it to the therapist.
In hope of answers.

But she will never find the knifes
cutting slowly in your mind.
For you are hopeless.

Buy it in pieces,
to get to Jesus.

Let it flow,
to get the snow.

Put it in rows,
to get it in the nose.

Sniff the outdated,
to get elevated.

Music in your ear.
Calms your mind.
Calms your world.

Screams turning into tears.
Water dripping from your face.
Water dripping from your soul.

An unconscious mind.
Not able to understand reality.
Not able to understand normality.

Floating in false beliefs.
With a confused thinking.
With a unclear thinking.

Involuntary presence.
Lack of motivation.
Lack of creation.

The mercy of God
saved him from
the world.

With his alleged
****** birth
flesh from
light and darkness
mixed in a
good and evil
conflict.

Flesh and meat
eaten.
A member
to pluck fruit.
Wicked lost souls
belonged to
the lower order.

Gone girl,
Gone soul.
Burned to ashes,
flying in the wind.
Freedom
here in emptiness.
Leave anything
on your mind.
Zone-out
and go about
what you though
didn't matter.
Yourself.
A work of art.
Seen by few.
Admired by less.
Valued by only you.

Sip on my nectar
as if it was yesterday.
Fuel your wings
and fly away.

Lord If I may ask:
When we pray for the truth
and open our hearts to you,
will you be merciful
before you confess.

You used to make me filled with fear

The leftovers are laying on the plate,
it’s almost Half past eight.
The Fork and knife knightley laid,
on the tablecloth casting a shade.

On the plate there has been left a trace,
of the food from a chinese take out place.
Beneath the table a red stiletto heel,
that is probably all he can feel.

Slowly raising the glass of wine,
it’s a die and dine.
Glairying on the silver reflection,
how about he is shown a little affection.

The black hair in his eyes.
He is a human so centralized.
But once he loses focus on what is happening,
he will feel his whole life blackening.

I paint over
the true colors
that they show me.
But they blend
and I no longer know
what color it is.
It's a mix
and that is how
mixed signals are created.
They are not made by them.
They are made by you.

Wheels rolling,
him,
so controlling.

Rain hitting
me,
feeling so fitting.

Parked feelings,
him,
thinking of all our dealings.

Front seat flirt,
me,
vulnerable and hurt.

Yet there is hope,
him,
convincingly tying a rope.

Hanged by fear,
me,
killed by my dear.

You & me
tuning into
us.

Spreading love
Spreading legs
Splitting a bottle of wine
As our bodies are to dine
Simple life
Yet complicated minds
Breaking patterns
Breaking rules
Committing just
Enough
To continue as fools
And I love
Every detail
And corner
love explore
For me to adore

You are no longer there,
to hold me here,
while you would stare.

Wondering to myself,
if I should put your book on the shelf,
maybe you would do it as well.

Emotions tearing me apart,
a supposedly dark heart,
that you gave a kick start.

Baby,
you make most of your mistakes on white linen,
but Im laying on red rose petals.

Turn off your eyes.
Let all the lies,
pass like flies.

Drown your sins.
Watch them form twins,
and poke them with pins.

Drain your blood.
Make a sacrificial cut,
and watch the flood.

End your Life.
Use the bread knife,
in front of your three wives.

You are my mirror.
I see so much of
me
in your flesh.

Through your eyes
I feel your pain.
Through your veins
I feel your troubles.

Yet you are not
completely and utterly
me
because I am my own.

Through your touch
I know we are different.
Through your stare
I know we are not the same.

You may appear as my
mirror.
But my darling
mirrors twist reality.

The words I write,
come with no crime.
Tapping away,
in a field of grey.

Imagination,
temptation,
and the need for acceptation.

It is a meditation.
Feeling everything,
letting the words come up
as I'm puking.

The words I write,
help me survive.
Not alone,
forever be known.

We are told to be different.
While we despise different.
This is what I call hypocritical.

Different has big round curves
or slim bone waists.
Different has curly black beautiful hair
or nice strawberry red locks.
Different is expressing everything
or nothing at all.
We don't decide our different
but we can learn to love it.

Listen to me carefully.
Bees won't die necessarily.
The flowers will stand up straight.
Everyone can be in a good state.

Stars will continue to shine.
The universe will be fine.
So will the whole of you.
Mistakes will be few.

Miss nothing but your sole.
Nothing worse than losing control.
Treat every ounce of your body.
Life will stay rocky.

Purple and pink
glooms of hope
spark in what
I like to call life.
But my sweet darling
this is no life to live.
Full of regrets
that sail across
the passive mind.
Only to relive
what once wasn't
yellow and orange
juicy drinks
at the beach
with stars above.
The colorful hope
serves limited time
but at last it gives
an after glow.

I hop on and off,
just like my mood does.
It's quite empty in sound,
only the hissing of the wheels
is present in my ears.
I observe the flash of lights
count them one by one.
Making me realise
that's not all I count.
Life has been traced
from number to number.
But it's the countdown
for a vacation, paradise,
freedom with no walls.
I wish the count would end
because, my dear friend,
my wish is to die
even if I don't know why.

Watching the
fire fly,
drizzle into the sky.
Waving goodbye.

The classic
floating imagery.
Lying on the bed,
newly wed.

Observing light.
thoughts turning white.
Dark canvas,
painted handless.

Tail illuminating,
never fading.
Once been awakened,
never forsaken.

The supreme being.
Space sightseeing.
If I was,
the creator and ruler,
I wouldn’t be minuscular.

Source of all moral authority.
Power and superiority.
If I was,
the universal leader,
I wouldn’t be a *******.

Nature and human fortunes.
Praise or reward the orphans.
If I was,
the worshiped spirit,
I would be merit.

He's a puzzled man.
One that I can't understand.
Frightened deep down.
Fellow inmate I wish to be enlightened.
Walking down the stairs faintly.
I'm in the basement mainly.
It's dark all around me.
Some days he won't let me free.
I want him to hear my screams?.  
Then maybe he wouldn't get in my jeans.

Rose from the ashes,
brought back from the devil.
Drowning in acids,
we are on another level.

Trying to defeat,
swallowing darkness through the night.
But I won’t be beat,
I’m not giving up on another fight.

Quick to forget,
yet easy to come back.
Covered me with cold sweat,
while you attack.

let me go,
can’t you you read my mind?
It’s screaming no.
Still your so kind.

Fun at times,
I don’t own her,
yet she gives me those signs.

I play around,
knowing when her door is open,
yet I don’t make sounds.

Wish for more,
my mindset denies her,
yet I start a love hate war.

You really know your addicted
when you feel like
addictive you can think of
the sober one of you.
And one has become two personalities
so
"Baby don't smoke today<3"

A tease.
Yellow bees.
Plumb.
Twinkling ***.

Eleven.
Where is heaven.
Who creates.
The gates.

The sky.
Through the eye.
Clouds.
Crowds.

My heart doesn't just
hurt
when I see you.
It is battered.
You leave it
crushed
done by a fist.
Aching constantly.
It doesn't just feel  
pain
but permanent bruises.  
Like it's spilling out blood.
You left
my heart
damaged and disfigured.