always need a sweater
and the windows closed
but when i’m around you
I’m like a fire
struggle to breathe
slurring my words
sparring with my own tongue
unable to retain
functions of the body
we are perpetually cold
but sometimes when we talk
for once we are not
All energy comes from the same well
every whim wrought
while sitting on a fiery throne
or cast out onto frosted stone
buy or sell
It's drawn from the same well
close your eyes
what color is it?
Are we really in complete, control of our heart?
What about natural selection?
True to its own necessities
its as inescapable as mica in marble
its influence uncoiling
throughout our everyday existence.
The emotional future decided by pheromones
by unconscious laws of pattern, form and complexity.
Decisions independent of what is fleeting and fashionable,
based on actions without social polish.
Natural selection in the age of lasers,
terrifying hierarchies of secret signals.
Layers of strangeness glinting and winking at us.
Chemical commands by tide of electrical impulse to warm the heart.
To end one love in favor of another.
The choosing of one heart over another,
as if, at my age, the situation demanded such sacrifice.
To refocus the heart like the skipping of a pebble
from one spot to another. Self inflicted sabotage.. dreadful gamble..
so many variables in romantic choice - some are even unconscious
Standing right behind me,
Just out of view.
In direct sunlight,
I cast a shadow of you.
I draw you back under my feet.
Where I can't see you.
the four walls are frowning and closing in on me
the doors are all knocking on my head for a change
all the eyes in this room are piercing into me
everything and everyone
they're all counting on me
but i'm just a little tired
i want to lay down for a while
this is good, it's fine
the floor is nice and cold
so is the darkness
that has enveloped my sight
Im the reason others don't want to visit me, Im the cause of their pain. I set myself up for failure, unconsciously aware of my wrong doings and the evil person I was truly becoming. I failed to recognize my shadow, and one could say is simply the dark area produced by some object coming between rays of light and a surface, my surface.
Brain, brain go away
Don't want to listen one more day
Already lonely and afraid
Feel insecure and full of shame
Brain, brain don't act this way
You're always angry; Filled with hate
You know we're joined; Can't separate
Yourself your punching in the face
Brain, brain what can I say
To make it so you see things straight
Don't know how much more I can take
Of constant warring and debate
Brain, brain it's getting late
This journey's not some endless race
Life's flying by and at this pace
Forget a win; Not gonna place
Brain, brain let's medicate
I'll feed you drugs and we'll sedate
The only way to mitigate
Discrepancies we generate
Brain, brain we sadly waste
This outcome feels like it was fate
But never was there a sealed date
Fulfilling what we self-create
Brain, brain so much we faced
Success so close could almost taste
Instead our tail we always chased
We'll die alone sad and disgraced
Written: March 6, 2019
All rights reserved.
[Iambic Tetrameter format]
even sleep no longer provides relief
once a safe haven
from the restless, overactive
thoughts that never
realism interspersed with subconscious fears
the clever subtlety of imagination
thoroughly intertwined, entangled
veiling the dubious line
no longer distinguishable
awake? or simply a false awakening?
There is a cave
Within a cliff
Beside a great waterway
And I don't know
That it exists
How the ocean moves and carves it's way
Without me watching it every day
How the caves of mind turn ever in
In their unexplored and unannounced way