Im the reason others don't want to visit me, Im the cause of their pain. I set myself up for failure, unconsciously aware of my wrong doings and the evil person I was truly becoming. I failed to recognize my shadow, and one could say is simply the dark area produced by some object coming between rays of light and a surface, my surface.
Brain, brain go away
Don't want to listen one more day
Already lonely and afraid
Feel insecure and full of shame
Brain, brain don't act this way
You're always angry; Filled with hate
You know we're joined; Can't separate
Yourself your punching in the face
Brain, brain what can I say
To make it so you see things straight
Don't know how much more I can take
Of constant warring and debate
Brain, brain it's getting late
This journey's not some endless race
Life's flying by and at this pace
Forget a win; Not gonna place
Brain, brain let's medicate
I'll feed you drugs and we'll sedate
The only way to mitigate
Discrepancies we generate
Brain, brain we sadly waste
This outcome feels like it was fate
But never was there a sealed date
Fulfilling what we self-create
Brain, brain so much we faced
Success so close could almost taste
Instead our tail we always chased
We'll die alone sad and disgraced
Written: March 6, 2019
All rights reserved.
[Iambic Tetrameter format]
even sleep no longer provides relief
once a safe haven
from the restless, overactive
thoughts that never
realism interspersed with subconscious fears
the clever subtlety of imagination
thoroughly intertwined, entangled
veiling the dubious line
no longer distinguishable
awake? or simply a false awakening?
There is a cave
Within a cliff
Beside a great waterway
And I don't know
That it exists
How the ocean moves and carves it's way
Without me watching it every day
How the caves of mind turn ever in
In their unexplored and unannounced way
Come and face your a b y s s .
Eternal d a r k n e s s .
Peripheral b l i n d n e s s .
45 degrees C e l s i u s .
Pure s i l e n c e .
Dried, orange-hot a s h .
Come to me when you can
ṣ̛̰̤̬̩͔̱̬͝ ̙̯̯̱͈̘͇̟̩̕͝h̘͔̗̬̀ ͇̤͎̘̠͕̱̻́͝a̡̮͙͈͜͝ ̱̭͇͖͍̙ͅd̷̪͕̺̭̳̪̻͎ ̴̸̖̮͠o̧͇̱͔̦ ͕͔͠w̸̬̗̭̩̳͢
Face your abyss. Face it!
This lonely road which i have chosen
Was it just fate or have i been betrayed
By my self or others
No one else's to blame
The way we choose to walk is an unconscious decison
Maybe not our fault but made out it is
Will we ever make peace with the people who look down
Maybe they're to obsessed with royals in crowns
Is our fat our decision?
Closing my eyes
in a fleeting moment
One of those times when you seem to be awake and unconscious all at once
all of a sudden I turned into a small blue bird
Who fluttered up high
Wanting to see everything below
And I watched myself walking
Noticing some small things
He looked like someone out of a book I've read
Something about the look on his face
As if this was the beginning chapter and a long journey lay after
On that hopeful thought
I flew back down to my head
And opened my eyes
Music in your ear.
Calms your mind.
Calms your world.
Screams turning into tears.
Water dripping from your face.
Water dripping from your soul.
An unconscious mind.
Not able to understand reality.
Not able to understand normality.
Floating in false beliefs.
With a confused thinking.
With a unclear thinking.
Lack of motivation.
Lack of creation.
Happiness vibrates in my chest
and echos down my spine.
Thousands of tiny electric shocks
Excite my bones,
as My heart beats faster and louder
than My tapping foot.
My chest is tight , like a fierce embrace.
My mind buzzes like a confused crowd
as My focus shatters like the plate
Tong tied and speechless.
Out of joy I collapse
My excited bones
My tied tongue spouts mumbled riddles
While My brain beats against the side of
My tapping heart inflates
My veins like a balloon
i’M Locked away in my body
Limp and Scared
I scream out...
I am still here
The voice rattles in my mind
as I remain silent
Held hostage with a plastic smile
Fading slowly into unconsciousness
I let go
This is the description of my first stroke like event when I was 16. My mind was scattered and I was trapped in a mumbling lost state. My entire body exploded in a sensation that’s very similar to holding onto an electric fense.