What does it mean to cry
When feelings stay locked from the
Surface
Emotions I fear
Crammed into small tears
The tears that I make myself
Forfeit

What does it mean to hurt
When the scars are from those
Who don’t know you
They’ve watched you grow up
And you feel their love
But they don’t know the real you

When I’m asleep I run
Down a path in a gold
And green
Meadow
And someone’s out there
With true love to share
Then I wake in the real world
Feeling alone

Alone
I’m home
That shouldn’t be so
Where’s the log to my fire?
Because I’m working for me
And I’ll never retire

Bring on the thunder!
Bring on the rain!!
There’s no true life
Without some small pain
So I’ll be the thunder!
And I’ll be the rain!!
I know how to cry now
So I’ll work through the pain

If I’m coming alive
I acknowledge I hurt inside
My tribulation brought me to salvation
I had to suffer to write
I don’t need you to understand my plight
Just know that I’m coming alive

Just to last to a brand-new sunrise
That’s all I ask of me
Just to last to another sunrise
Find out what victory means

Just to last to another sunrise
That’s all I ask of me
Just to gain a stop on this great ride
Towards the victory I seek

I need to last until sunrise
I need the sun to see
That I’m more than my nightly low cries
No more will they define me

I’m fighting for my sunrise
For my last chance to see
A life beyond this shadow
A smile just for me

Just to last to another sunrise
Just to say without forced luck
Good morning, Peaceful Sunrise
Good night, Tearful Dusk

The Monster With Blue Hair
Jeers as I cower in the corner
But she’s coming
He’s won
I’m done
The Other will be happy
They’ll be fine and dandy
But she’s coming
And she has her Blue Shield
And a Sword forged for intense war
War on a Blue Field
The Monster With Blue Hair
Will die
Someday
Like His wicked brother of Red
She’s here now
He’s fled
She saved me
Now it’s time for bed

Tonight
Tonight
Alone in bed
I'm crying.
Tonight
Tonight
Dark eyes lose their spark
All because somebody lied
And they don't feel cornered
It's what they've learned from a colony of lustful hearts

Tonight
Tonight
All I feel
Is heartbroken
Tonight
Tonight
I'm close but feel so far
Someone always lies
And they never feel cornered
It's what they've learned
From a colony of lustful hearts

Tonight
Tonight
I'll cry on your shoulder
Tonight
Tonight
I refuse to rot
Although someone lied
I won't let it keep me cornered
I won't be a consequence
From the colony of lustful hearts

A man is a man
Is a man
He stands tall
With strong shoes
And blue jeans
And red wings
He does not strut
But
He owns the block
With his talk and walk

A man is a man
He understands
To be gruff is to be loved
To be aloof is to be good
Muscles to waste away
And away
And away
And

A man
Broke the rule
A man
Choked me through
Pulled me too close
Transparent as ghosts
An unyielding lust

To the horrors of man
Stare into fear
Such horrid leer

But please
Don't
Hurt
Me
So
I
Let
This
Man
Take and steal and scare and sing
Or better yet his radio sang

Such a long quiet sorrowful manly drive
For those who wish to thrive

Be a man?
No
Take a stand

For a man is a man is a man is
A
Man

Man
You broke my life
Left me as bile
But I'm still alive
With vision for miles
I see it clearly now
I see that a man is a man is a man
I understand
You're sad

I said I’d return
Some time ago
Anticipating it was true
But broken matter surrounded me

Now it’s tantalizing heartbreak
Followed by whispers in the night
It’s like I lied
And I stole from you

Now I’m lost
I’m sorry I’m such a lost cause
I’m sorry I made you tremble

But the tantalizing heartbreak told me

That I forgot you tonight
Please stay so near
I’m crying and weeping inside
Don’t placate my fears
Nothing matters
Can’t you see
I don’t care

Tantalizing heartbreak
Teaching me whispers and lies
I did lie
And I stole from you

I’m so lost
I’m sorry I’m such a lost cause
I’m sorry I made you tremble

But the tantalizing heartbreak told me

I forgot you tonight
You’re not safe here
You’re crying and weeping inside
I placated your fears
Everything matters to me
Can’t you see
I still care

The tantalizing heartbreak
Lied

In the dark of the night
I go to bed
And feel purgatory drawing me in
Say no more

      In the dark of the night
      I don’t trust myself
      Alone with my hand
      When I should stand up to Him
      Say no more

            In the dark of the night
            The storm drain overflows
            I should really get going
            So I don’t drown
            Say no more

                  In the dark of the night
                  I call all angels
                  Take me closer to Heaven
                  And farther from Him
                  Say no more

            In the dark of the night
                  In the alleyway running
                        Please forgive me
                              For not being brazen
                                    Please forgive me
                                       For not being brazen
                                             I will say no more

Gather near
Young and old
A story of Winter to be told
The Blue-Haired Monster smiled at me
Then stole my soul with wicked glee
He knows my name

Gather near
Boys and girls
The Blue-Haired Monster’s tangled curls
Warned me of the danger
Yet stuck in the remainder
It knows my name

You don’t belong here.
You weren’t invited.
But others came dear,
They were delighted.
I am Death.
Come and taste me.
Just one swift bite,
Bleak paradise you will see.
Feel the taste of dark.
Feel tortured peace.
A demon fair,
With snow white hair.
Can lead you from this life.
I’ll feel your blissful strife.
Come closer to me,
I’ll be your star in this night.

And when I'm around you
I can dance from sunrise to nightfall
I can dance and proudly stand up tall
I can dance from dusk until dawn
i can dance and never shall I fall
I can dance and forever stand up tall
I can dance from sunrise to nightfall
Just for you
Because of you

Somebody, please take me home
Get out of here fast
Somebody, please make me whole
Make me want to last
It’s like living under a street light
At late nights
Too scared to survive
Someone, get me some healing
Get out of here fast

Somebody’s gonna have to love
Get out of here fast
Somebody, please gain my trust
Make me want to last
Somebody’s gonna have to love
Get out of here fast
Whoever did this to me
Pray for forgiveness
I’m not going to last

You’re gone to me
And your two-faced hidden agenda priorities
Will never take me down anymore
Maybe if you skip the pass
You’ll even the score
So play your melody,
O Brother of the Blues,
Play so clear
Those melancholy tunes
Play that song like never before
Play it like you’re trying to breach
A closed door in a shallow pool
Of memories gone
Like you’re drowning
And the door won’t open
Because it never opened
Please open…

He’s crazy
Don’t talk to him
Feed him what he needs
Then he leaks
Like a drug
He’ll make you crazy

He’s loud
You can’t ignore him
Try to run then he gives chase
Then he fades
Like abundant silence
He’ll make you loud

He’s hurt
He’s damaged on the inside
Smile at him and he’ll melt
Down into the sewers of solitude
Until he’s completely gone
You did that to him
It will make you hurt

You’ll hurt
So much
The pain will be crazy loud
I love you

She deserves to be spun around at a ball.
She deserves to be treated like the queen.
She deserves to be gazed upon as regal.
She doesn't deserve ridicule and tease.

She tries to see the good in others' minds.
She tries to be the good girl next door.
She tries to be happy, not for show.
She deserves to be a princess, brave and sweet.
She deserves to be the heroine who saves.
She deserves to be the one you smile at and greet.
She doesn't deserve lonesome misery.

She tries to smile through the pain that haunts her eyes.
She tries to hide the clouds that block her sky.
She tries to act mature and sassy all day.
But at home she knows life won't go her way.
Someday, not today, I see her getting married.
Someday, not today, she'll start a life to lead.
Someday, not today, she'll see life isn't always high school.
Someday, I hope today, she'll be the woman that she needs.
The woman with the brave heart I see.

But on this night, she will go home crying.
But on this night, her dreams went down in flames.
Her lover lied, now her feelings need a restart.
Another sad victim from a colony of lustful hearts.

So...

If you love her, stay.
Don't abandon her in shame.
She's no toy to play.
Hold her heart steady.
Treat her like royalty.
Don't **** with her feelings.
She's no toy to play.
Hold her heart steady.

Not because she needs a white knight.
She doesn't.
All she needs is what every other human being needs:
Support.

No!

what?

No!
I say again,
No!

You will not catch me,
You will not stop me,
You won't control me.

**** the Blue Man!

I own this fight,
I own this night,
I own my rights.

Never again will He slay me!

Though I am tired now,
In screaming pain out loud,
I will go home now.

For I will take my stand!

Gone is your meek gain,
Now you get dark pain,
Your blue hair erased.

And fight until I'm free!

I rule the fight,
King of the night,
This is my right.

Even though it burns my hands!

I'm so sick and tired now,
Of hurting behind shrouds,
Can we go home now?

My sword will slay him swiftly!

Dance, my son
Dance in the grass
The pavement is constricting
It leaves you numb to true feeling
So dance in the grass
Dance in the grass
Be snazzy
Be jazzy
Create your own craze
The grass sings to your bare feet
True joy for days
The pavement is for those
Who follow the path
But those who invent their path
Dance in the grass
The pavement walkers will stare
But when you’re dancing you don’t care
A tango
A waltz
A rhythm your own
The grass understands
The pavement can’t atone
Barefoot and fancy free
Dancing in the grass
What a sight to see

I’m listlessly restless
It’s not fair
The show
And the crow
Took the crowd
In a shroud
Now I stare

All of these strawberry people
I don’t care
Flavors
Can’t savor
The name
Of blue pain
Don’t you dare

The hatred I feel in the yield
You can’t bear
But I can
And I stand
Upon broken glass
Bristled clear sharp grass
Barefoot skin to tear

I’m listlessly restless
So ugly it’s yet precious
How quaint
How base
Such fate
Worthy of anyone who cares
Call themselves a good person

Listlessly restless
King of the fail
Such sweet painful woe
Begone, the loved one
Onward, set sail

There is a monster
Inside of my head.
It’s not in the closet,
Or under the bed.
Us two locked in combat,
Soon one will be dead.
War is peace
For this monster and me.
The arrow,
The notch,
The sword in the sheath,
It stops.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Blood.
Is it blood?
Have I spilled the beast’s blood?
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Perhaps it’s water,
Please give me water.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Tears.
They are mine.
Streaking white across my face.
Fate is truly divine.
Fate is truly divine.
No monsters in the dark to fear,
For my monster is always a mirror near.
Drip,
Drip,
Slay.

You hurt
Yet not with blood
Yet still you breathe
At least you breathe
Keep breathing
Please

You shake
And shiver
A fearful lone quiver
Yet still you breathe
At least you breathe
Keep breathing
Please

You live
You survive
I hope you can thrive
Forgive my lies
For you, I’ll stop breathing
Stop breathing
Stop

You hurt
I hurt
I’ve cried through the times
You’ve cried through my lies
The Blue Man is coming
For me to stop breathing
Stop breathing
Stop

At least the Blue Man
Isn’t coming for you
I’ve lured Him to me
With my silly false truths
You just keep breathing
Keep breathing
And someday
I’ll breathe again
Too
But if I don’t
I will always love you

If you believe in love
You will stay
No abandonment
No shame
Hold your heart steady
People aren't toys to play
Royalty to be seen
Treated like kings and queens
Putting troubled minds at ease

Did you know that I would say no?
I only asked for a brief flash
A beacon
A sign
That refusal is acceptance
Now this hatred is mine
The light was bright
An instant of white
I asked for it yesterday
Now it haunts me tonight
Tonight
Tonight is the night of the monster
I slew him once before
Now he plagues me from outside
External at my door
Tonight
I smile?
I die?
Maybe both
Death to the reprobate
One last time, say hi
If I’m to truly live
A piece of me must die
My monster lives forever
With me side by side
All these things I’ve seen and done
Shows me now the light has won
But just one question plagues me so
Did you know that I would say no?

Pins.
Needles.
Knives.
Shadows.
They know my name.
They seek my fame.
stop
My Temple plays unwitting host
To the horrid displays they love to *****.
I don’t think I can bear to know what’s wrong
With me.
Stop.
I don’t think I can bear to know what’s strong or weak.
Weak?
Weakness?
Weakness.
Frailty.
It all comes down to the end.
It spins,
It slides,
It taunts,
Stop!
Maybe if I spin again my own weaved web to comprehend,
Then maybe I can fix this flux that burns down my will to trust.
STOP!
Or maybe I can fly again or jump to the sun;
An Icarus end.
STOP!!
die.
I SAID STOP!!!
I’m broken this time, you can bet.
It’s what I get for casting light on my silhouette,
When I wasn’t ready yet.

I’ve been gone a long time
Wasting the sunlight
As it glowed on me
I’ve been losing track
Of the path
That the moon herself delivered to me
I’ve been slack in seeing the way
Not everything can turn around
I forgot to love
At the speed of sound

Now I love the way you’re there for me
The way you’ll always remember me
The way you touch my dreams every night
You lead me out
And I win the fight
Now I know it’s not just you
It is you
To you
My home
I return to you

I will return
Please don’t wait around
Just listen for that sweet sound
Just play me that sweet come home music
That makes my heart and soul
Step in time
There’s nothing keeping me from coming
Home now
Just to see your face is all I need
To survive

You’re all I need
You’re all I need
You’re all I need to survive

On this pathway you’re the light
That shines in every daily plight
Remember that I’m only a traveler
When you call I crave to hear you
I can see you
Though the lights dim
I won’t forget where I’ve been
Or how I’ve been
All I need is this sweet return home music
Found inside of you

I just want to live that love song
Play it loud as I press through this throng
I’ve heard it all my life all along
It lights my way
Shows me right and wrong
And I see you
All of you
Inside
Waiting to welcome me home

Sweet, sweet come home music
Makes my soul
Feel strong and whole
Singing and dancing
Long past the woe
In this house
There is room for one more
I love you all

Some say I’m of the sun;
Burning bright and blue.
But few can’t understand
The woes of mischievous moons.

The day has its pay,
With drops of dew on its shoe.
It knows what to do.
It shines.
It’s wise.
Yet it frowns down upon the gloom
Known only by mischievous moons.

Someday we will collide,
And you’ll be lost in the fog
By my side.
“Hold me,”
You’ll beg.
“Hold me,”
You’ll plead.

But you cut me true.
You blocked my blue.

I’ve no time for the sun.
The night is mine to run.
Dark music and wondrous songs to accrue,
As I’m the mischievous moon.

Hey, Mister Man
Tell me why
You chose to steal concentration
Because of you,
I am in perdition
Vengeance is mine
Says the old and wise
But I can’t discern
When love fogs my eyes
So, coming down
The man in the Blue-Haired robes
Because of His brutal choke
Tonight, the choir sings
Of your deception
And my depression
So, coming down
Say something
Coming down
Do nothing
I can’t sleep while my soul
Cries at night
Hey, Mister Man
You’re coming down

I am locked in a Prison of Innocence.
The warden is kind,
The guards are stern.
The cell of stale straw candy.
My own home to yearn.

Stuck in the Lost Town of Resonance,
My feet are scarred and bare.
The shackles are soft.
But they burn if I stare.
I may never see the privileged loft.

How I got here is a story too long.
My crimes and my sins
Born from lonely heart song.
You know it.
We all sing it in the dark.

I am locked in the Prison of Innocence.
it shouldn't have gone this far.
Though imprisoned, I know they love me.
They'll tearfully let me leave.
This prison is all of ours.

Wait
These aren’t my hands
These can’t be my hands
What are they doing?
No!
Stop!
Cry!
Repeat!
I’m ok!
I didn’t do it
He didn’t do it
Who listens?
It glistens
The pearl of sin
Nobody wins

Wait
Those aren’t my eyes
They can’t be my eyes
The horrors they’ve seen
Never gazed on by me
Surely not
Look away
No!
Stop!
Cry!
Repeat!
I’m ok!
I didn’t see it
He didn’t see it
Who scoffs?
It stops
Time itself
Puts lies on the shelf

Crash!
Who’s there?
With torn hands
And vile eyes
A terrible stare

     Drink
What?
     Drink.
No
     Drink.
Please
     Drink.
It’s poison
     Drink.
I’ll die
     Drink.
Why do you want me to die?
     Drink!
I want to live
     Drink!
     DRINK!

     Drink from the broken cup
     Filled with lies I spew while you sup
     Now you know the cruel tale I spin
My love, I hurt
     Such a cruel
     Cruel
     Whim

I can't help it

Never have I tried to stop
Every time my world just flops
Enter the world of my crazy
Don't stay or you'll be crazy

Can't talk now
On my way somewhere fast
Forget me not
Feel my waves as I run away
Entertainment at its finest
Early risers need it highest

It's like moving in slow motion
While the city lights
Br in the fast lane
Cutting me off
Cutting me off
And then
They burn my eyes
While they cut me off
As I rocked to the top
Higher it rose up
But I never stop
I'll never stop
It's all I know
And all I've got
Long live the hard flop
So I'll roll with the punches
And see what I've got
Way to go
Small fry
You're in the big leagues now.

I don’t know why I stopped dancing
I’ve still got steps to learn

When my bare feet are prancing
Sweet lessons I can yearn

Don’t let my fear stop you
Call it stripped and bare

I relate to the forest
I’ve got enough to care

Here I am, mouth breathing
There I go, running swift

Escaping from real life taunting
Taunting myself to slip

If you take my sorry
I'll take the fall
I'll make the call
And choke on my blood

If you take my pleading
It'***** the wall
I'll lock the stall
And choke on my love

Please, ignore my stalling
I was so wrong
I was so wrong
Forget my memory

Forgive me
Never
I hurt your soul
And you'll never know

Sorry
Sorry is not enough
I was torn by lust
But now I must
Apologize
It wasn't me
Not by will
Please don't choke on me

Here I've been singing
Songs for my bleeding soul
Can't you feel my morality leaving?
And now I'm struggling
On heartstrings I'm dangling
And emotionally muddling

There I was, running
My gold armor scuffing
Soon I'll be trusting (forgive)
Soon I will rust
My soul will join the dust
And maybe that's enough

i'm always naked
sure, it's beneath my visible clothes
and yeah, when i'm in the shower
and more or less every time i'm home alone
but there are other times
other whimsical nonsensical times
when i'm fully ****
and nobody even notices
when i'm raw
when i expose any facet of my idiosyncrasies
when i fall
when i suppose i'm in pain purposefully
when i draw
when i paint with a purpose to show my sadness and rage
when i write
when i put words to use in the way conversation betrays
people react to ****** in various levels of extreme
some get aroused
some get repulsed
but nobody seems to appreciate the nakedness of my raw mind
completely exposed
full frontal
appreciate it or just don't look

All they want
Is whiskey and a mirror
To see their faces clearer
Steer clear
They'll say
For they want peace and adoration
Yet they're stuck in emulation

All they want
Is a mirror and a gun
For dark reflective fun
Curse the ashtray
They'll say
It ruins their laundry whites
To gaze on their delights

All they want
Is a gun and God
To walk where sinners trod
Drunken Bible bullets
They'll pray
For when the darkness takes its motion
They'll fall to their drunken notions

Once upon a time
The man I trusted lied
Hair clad in blue dye
'Twas the night my soul died
He took my body and ran
Overwhelmed me with his span
Legs and mouth open wide
'Twas the night my soul died
Now it's almost been a year
I thought I'd overcome the fear
Yet when I wake I fear his smile
Getting my soul back will take a while

Just caught outside
Still broken inside
Never have I seen
What true light is like
Just caught outside
Still broken inside
I pay my dues
To Father Time

Here I stand
A nomad

Cracked road, broken road
The place that I call home
This perfect place I’ve seen
I’m undeserving
Cracked road, broken road
The only road I’ve known
The one mistake I’ve seen
Is trying

Here I stand
A nomad

I’m on my own
With no one’s heart to hold
A lonely place to be
It suits me
I’m on my own
With no one’s heart to hold
Only now do I see
This is all that’s left for me

Here I stand
A nomad

Well, I think you could my red wine.
My sweet decadence.
Or maybe you could be my sunshine,
My moonlight.
You could be my celestial dream.
In my heard is such precedence,
Such a hope sublime.
I hope that you could be my red wine.
In time,
My sweet decadence.

Mayday
Mayday
The storm is coming
Arriving today
Evasive action
Run with traction
Pack your essentials
And escape
Before it stops
A pitiful refrain
For those who remain
But here comes the rain
Drowning the gain
The slow can't hide
But I have my shelter
Slam on my brakes
And tonight I will pray
For brighter weather

I ran away
To better days

     Don’t stop singing for me

So far away
And almost gone

     Don’t stop dreaming

I ran away
To seek better days

     Keep me in mind and on your heart

I hope you’re sorry
For turning things around

     Don’t stop thinking of me

Maybe someday
I’ll come back around

     Don’t stop fighting through

Maybe I’ll come home to your sweet sound
And I hope you’re listening for sweeter sounds

The price to be paid for seeking residual gain
Is the lost ones never come back the same

I ran away
And I got lost and hurt

     Don’t stop

Tonight
I want to learn
How to cry
Let me see
How it feels
To burn my wings
I crave to hear those voices
In the dark
Let me see how it feels
To be insane
Letting it out will be a sin
So I will keep it in
Teach me now
Then disappoint me again

Marching ahead
Broken paths we trek
Dare we try again?
Onward, Homestead

Let us trudge ahead
And never bow our heads
Even in death
We’ll make it to the Homestead

Wake up to find it’s gone
It’s gone for good
The old way is gone
It’s a new neighborhood

Nothing’s quite the same
Same old rules
New twisted game
No feelings save for hate
No love to contemplate

I’m blind without what I need
Without it I’m all alone
I don’t feel safe
Can I learn to call you home?