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i'm always *****
sure, it's beneath my visible clothes
and yeah, when i'm in the shower
and more or less every time i'm home alone
but there are other times
other whimsical nonsensical times
when i'm fully ****
and nobody even notices
when i'm raw
when i expose any facet of my idiosyncrasies
when i fall
when i suppose i'm in pain purposefully
when i draw
when i paint with a purpose to show my sadness and rage
when i write
when i put words to use in the way conversation betrays
people react to ****** in various levels of extreme
some get aroused
some get repulsed
but nobody seems to appreciate the nakedness of my raw mind
completely exposed
full frontal
appreciate it or just don't look
now that i have your attention...
Bartholomew Oct 7
I’m supposed to be strong for everyone including you. But whose supposed to be strong for me?
Guess I don’t need anyone’s help.
I cry but incognito, can’t allow anyone to see these tears.
I’ll wipe them away myself.

Push it to the back of my mind, all the way in the rear.
I’m afraid to share my emotions so I numb it all away, cage my depression, bury my fears.

Can’t trust anyone cuz one day they’ll be gone, they leave as they usually do, I tell myself I can’t be mad.
So sometimes I leave them before they leave me, Every man for himself right? I learned that from my dad.

My biological..... wherever he is in this reality
I’m on my own. A solitary mentality

The abnormal normality
Paul Butters Oct 1
Back in my teenage college years
I was told about “Autistic kids”
Who lived in worlds of their own,
Seeing things through weird and wonderful specs
In social isolation,
Frightening in its completeness.

At sixty six I since have learned about many
Of their “traits”:
Their obsessions, inflexible routines and
Panic
At all change.
Their inability to read
Emotions or social cues
Or innuendos
Or irony.

I have worked with those with Aspergers,
Colleagues, friends and clients –
Indeed with people all over
The Autistic Spectrum.

And the main thing I have learned
In all these years
Is that in my own way…
I am one of them.

Paul Butters

© PB 1\10\2018.
There, I'm Out.
Micaiah Sep 12
aware of my depravity
pressed down by the gravity
kept down by the havoc it spills actually
it's sweet like a cavity
it'll confront you callously,
it'll tactically relieve you of your faculties

aware of my depravity
seeing how it got to me, seeing how it held hold of me
No plan of letting go of me, feeding me feelings of apathy
my demons parade me, pageantry , steal from me, give me fantasy
somebody send the cavalry, somebody take this pain from me
somebody save myself from me, give me back my captaincy.
Breeze-Mist Sep 11
I wish I was better, that I could be more
That I could remember enough to keep score
That I could make more than a small change
That my life could have some kind of range
I wish I could speak my world aloud
And not change myself for who's around
I wish I could be a steadier friend
One who'd make a difference in the end
But maybe it's not meant to be
Cause all that's left at the end is me
Eleni Jul 12
It is just one of those days,

When the body clock is pillock,
When the 'give-way' sign is waved towards your pains,
When the sky's face is not idyllic
When progress is ******* in chains.

It is just one of those days,

When a lover replaces you for another,
When politics ***** on the weak,
When traitors lie in a smother,
When tongues are stripped to those that speak.

It is just one of those days, again.

When innocents perish, unjustifiably
When monopoly greed is widespread
When your life is in crisis (undeniably)
When high on coffee and you could still drop dead.

It is just one of those ******* days!

Your foul mouth has no limits:
You have no time for eloquent stanzas and metaphysics.

All I need to do is ***** my thoughts on paper,
Trap my emotions inside of arbitrary words.

300 of the 365 are ****
And well...
One of those days will be good.
Liz Jul 3
Afraid of what I think is there
Feeling suffocated by air
Acting out when things don't feel right
This is my fight or flight
Losing control
Grasping whatever I can
I hate this was caused
Just by one man
Unexpected reactions
Full circle disfunction
Stop the cycle please
PTSD
Breeze-Mist Jun 9
It's
A pity
That I can
Stare down a drop
Of beaded water
Pace these same halls for hours
Chef Ramsey vids end to end
But that I can't focus
Any such efforts
So that I can
Do the things
I really
Want
My focus eludes me; either I can do everything and it consumes my life with its intensity, or I do useless things that I'm tired of for days on end because I can't find it.
PoetheticSoul May 14
Skinny, I was told I was not.
Skinny, I was taught.
Skinny is the thing that makes
All the men love you more,
And that makes you hate
Yourself even less.
Skinny is the answer to every
Question you ever had.
Your intelligence, personality,
And your perspective,
It all means nothing. Even your
Heart means nothing, if
Your body is not thin.
Skinny.
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