I miss it I miss who I use to be I am not the monster depicted to be This world is sinister but there are good people out there I like to imagine one of those people out there are me Adopted to these trenches this is my habitat We cannot control our lives as children and where we are forced to grow up at All we can do it adapt to our surroundings as it molds up into who we are made out to be The demons in my closet I try to keep locked away sometimes are able to gain control and get the best of me Majority of you couldn’t walk a mile in my shoes let alone half a mile in my slippers Strong willed but a lone wolf the wrong decision would get most of you in a world of pain if not killed Crazy thing though I like the pain I like the animal I have become how do you explain pain to an monster like me who has become completely numb? Chaos is my destiny To bring hurt brings me joy How to you make a peace keeper out of someone who only has one objective and that’s to destroy?
for My head is spinning Isn’t this sinning Why am I grinning If it’s wrong I’m plagued with Moral confusion obsessive delusion mental exclusion From the truth
my moral compass should always point north But I fear the magnets broken My thoughts have been invaded Infused With a brand new mindset
It’s the new vs the old
Both sides fighting for superiority In this brain They’ve reached a stalemate The decision is mine
I don’t know what to do anymore What to think What to feel How much of it was ever real Have I been lying to myself This whole time The line in my mind of right and wrong muddled in a puddle of grey How far is going too far I can’t see I’m scared to go forward But
The unknown has an allure Should I delve into it Go despite my better judgement take a step that’s Closer to my destination And farther from where I should be But What about the consequences? My family who leads me in the right direction? I’m confused Help me
Make a decision Question it Rinse Repeat
It goes on and on and on Why won’t it stop
insert maniacal laugh/mental breakdown
It seems I still don’t know what to do Isn’t it just hilarious I amuse myself My head is aching I feel as if i’m splitting in two I’m falling apart Deteriorating Maybe If I just ignore it It’ll go away
I want to cry but I’m not weak I’ll be strong minded until I break I’ll never let anyone know That I want to break down sometimes But not for long I’ll be strong enough eventually I’ll go numb
Then I’ll laugh as I step on everyone Then they’ll cry How pathetic
bleed from the inside out Die 10 times over Be ripped apart in every direction I’ll keep laughing For it’s all I will be able do I’ll be numb I can’t wait
Hooray for a failing moral compass am I right? No? **** it.f
I fell off and got up. I ran away and found more junk. Nothing's ever fixed and corrected because there's always more problems than what you expected. But will you understand? Will you cope? Or will the chains of past have the last laugh when you made a promise to say no more?
Can these patterns continue or will there be a change? It seems to me you have an understanding, yet you act so deranged and estranged. It's worse than our lockdown, Yet that gave me more answers then than now. It's like finding the rhyme to orange and then more and more words begin to pour and overflow, overload, self implode Then no more...
There's an understanding to our problems and it's like a conspiracy, We fear it in theory but really is it worth believing? It's not complex as you think, But it's not as easy as turning off the sink. We find ourselves fighting more with our thoughts than the ******* government on what we can and what we cannot.
Understandings cannot be prevented, so fly with it and seek more truth. Otherwise you'll be nothing more than a buffoon. And that's on you...
They say self care is a main To prevent you from becoming insane. So let me lie back and figure it out.
Might take a smoke to or two, Just to help the view. Let's dive in deep and think of the sneak leek we seek like in a Disney channel movie. There's a party and we're down barely floor one. Let's check it out.
These Sirens are blaring yet we all dance along. It's something they're all used to dancing around. Call it my song or call it my calling, It's a ******* Siren Party.
Where or where have you gone? It's been 3 months long enough. It's time to be more than alone. I'm not alone I got and him and I. We party like nothing's gonna change. Grab a cup, kick back, have a drink of the extinct.
There's so much banging at the door yet I dont bother to answer. It's a party in here where nothing ever changes. Not even the moves we make or the things we faced. We're just more laced.
These Sirens are blaring yet we all dance along. It's somethings they're all used to dancing around. Call it my song or call it my calling, It's a ******* Siren Party.
We are aware of your precense yet we treat it like covid...
My mind's a jungle With wonders beyond belief Beware the tigers.
Sometimes, I live in the mind so long that I can't get out of it. I overthink things until it becomes a big ball of anxiety. For what? No idea. I don't know if it's an anxiety disorder causing it or genetics, but it's something.