Sometimes, I feel like being a magician.
I’ll open my box full of wonders and curiosities, and I’ll pull out the stacks of old birthday cards that I have received throughout the years.
I’ll fan them out like a deck of 52.
If I had you pull out a card, I’d already know who it was by the way that your hand hesitated to touch it.
He writes his love on postcards, and she writes hers on lined paper.
You see, guessing who the cards are from is the easy part.
Making them reappear is what I haven’t mastered.
bri 3d
my heart is so big
      because it was already broken
long ago,
      before I even knew what a whole heart could be.


                                   - thanks, dad
I can’t forget you.
The both of us share a face.
I can’t see myself.
Kee Nov 2017
Wow
You’re Satan’s lover
You have to be because I️ haven’t met anyone as evil as you
I️ stumbled upon you
It’s the one regret I️ will always have
Because you sneaked your way in
And you clutched tight
Worn down but I still fought
And tried to rip you off
But your lies made sense in my mind
And for a while I️ let you stay
But you hurt me again
Then whispered in my ear another time
And for a while I️ let you stay
Because I️ once thought of you as mine
Now I️ want you to be damned to hell
And I️ want to be the one to do it
I’ve waited so long for my freedom
And now I️ have it
But I️ no longer seek to be free
I’m too broken from rescuing myself
My hands tattered and bloody
Eyes wet with tears
Lips scowled in pure rage
My mind blank with nothing but the thought of your face
Bloody
Bruised
Scarred
And your mind
Broken
Your pride
Destroyed
Your voice
Gone
Your fear
At an all time high
I️ wanted you to feel the same way I️ did so bad
But now that I’ve done it
I️ realized that this is my greatest accomplishment in life
And I️ have nothing left to look at
But  to think of myself
As a wilted flower
By searching I feel like
I'm begging for a family,
Trying to tell someone they have to have me,
But they made me lonely.
Why should I fall to the feet of people,
Who do not deserve me?
Who purposely removed me?

Sometimes I wonder if I really want it,
I inform myself I know I don't need it,
I recite how it won't make it better,
Instead the discomfort will fester
And I won't be able to hide,
I'll be unable to make it go away:
And that's my biggest fear.

I've learnt by now,
How scary it is, when it comes around
To asking for things;
Carrying out the consequences.
By the time I get what I thought I wanted,
I no longer desire for it:
Instead I've put myself in Hell,
A place where I've backed myself into a corner:
And I'll never find an escape.

Somehow that storm has past:
I've survived, I'm still alive
But after that I'm back to needing.
Needing things to be okay,
Realising what I've missed out on,
All over again,
Yet I'm too scared to find it,
Because of how terrorising
It was the last time,
That I almost found what I've
Always been waiting for.

What I can't handle is,
Providing someone with my weaknesses.
This is one of the things
That could really hurt me,
And I'd be screaming it at the top of my lungs,
To some stranger that I've
Never heard of.

Eventually, every now and then,
The time comes around,
When I'd like to give in.
I'll just try, this one more time,
Maybe it won't be so bad,
Maybe one day if I do this it won't make me sad.

There's always this one thing
I don't understand:
Is how this makes people so damn happy.
It's like a celebration, a liberation.
Why are they so happy,
To find people who treated them like rubbish before they really even existed?
They spent their whole life without them,
Because they simply gave them up
And I don't care about the so called "reasons",
For me it's just not good enough,
And then they're so happy to get the chance,
To discover them.

Can't they see it how I do?
They got rid of you,
They didn't want you before you even had the chance
To do anything wrong.
How can you look at,
Or hear of
Your own flesh and blood
And decide to get rid of it,
Like an old worn out rug?

So tell me, why should I live for,
Someone else who doesn't give a toss,
Who goes on with everything else,
While I grew up.
Do you know what it's like,
Being the kid in the playground,
Surrounded by their friends with their parents,
Whilst you're there with no father or mother in sight?
Do you know what it's like,
To cry at night saying you miss someone,
Someone you have never known,
Because you didn't understand,
That you can't miss a privation;
You can't miss what's never been there,
Because you're too young?
Do you have a clue,
What it feels like, to wonder why you weren't good enough,
To even have a crappy father?
Why you couldn't have a father at all?

But children are resilient,
You'll be happy to know,
So you get through all that,
Like it's nothing at all.
Then for some reason,
It all crushes you when you least expected it,
You see you've been apathetic, not caring about it.
Then one day you wake up,
And your whole life evolves around it,
Almost like an obsession that you can't stop,
You're sure it hits you harder than before,
With no visible cause, and you can't gather why
This suddenly matters so much now,
But it just does.

They may have gotten rid of you,
Before they had the chance to see you breathe,
That's not important though,
Because you'll suffer all the same,
With constant thoughts after you're sure you have escaped.
You'll wonder why they're so inexcusable
And so dissolute.
You'll ask yourself what you should do,
And in this society, many people think it's great, they think it's fun to find out
Just exactly who left you, who ditched you, who made sure you didn't even know their name,
Thinking about it will make you feel enraged,
Disgusted, but all the same:
These thoughts,
They will never seem to go away.
Amarys Dean Jul 10
You won’t live there forever.
One day, you will leave this place, and you will
take all of your things with you. You will decide what to keep and what to throw away.
When you are cleaning out your home,
emptying your room,
what will you do with my skeleton in your closet?
Sara Mares Jul 10
He comes to me, this strange suitor
He speaks to me of dancing and poetry
He's fluent in my launguage, I see
On my doorstep he leaves flowers
In my heart he leaves hope
Beneath this comfort I feel fear
The wounds are still too fresh
I can't let another near
I can't let another touch this flesh
So arms length he'll stay
Until he pulls me close and under the moonlight we sway
If your delicate hand ever returns to mine
Where comfort and softness was found
Don't be alarmed
Touch won't be familiar
Palms became disfigured
They've grown calloused
From carrying the weight you left

-JCM-
Jungdok Jul 2
I was once a pen that's full of ink
But I had dried out, because of neglect

Now, I am of no use.

After using me, improperly
After extracting everything I can give

You threw me, in the trash can

You said that's where I belong.
Using people, that's where you're great at.
Sara Mares Jun 30
I had no time to say goodbye. Sweet mirage, a temptation indeed.
You ghost haunts me relentlessly, as I beg for relief, it smiles
I linger, broken, lost, without, searching for reasons to endure
I exist in this galaxy, without the stars and you have taken the moon.
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