Do your people watch me?
Do they know where I am?
This imbalance of knowledge seems slightly unfair,
I have to wonder, and ponder, and yearn,
Yet you sit back peacefully with your ways to learn,
The curiosity is torturing me, making me sick
What are you doing?
Who is it with?
Heartache morphs to obsession sickenly quick
But if I miss a step, or I scare the crows, the universe makes sure you're the first one that knows.

My heart is packed so full of love for you
  I dreamed I exploded, like aerosol cans sometimes do

I blew with such force that my bones became shrapnel
And leveled the town, except the small chapel

My teeth flew like bullets, I didn't know what was happening
They killed everyone in sight, except for the chaplain

And then, thanks to him, we were happily wed
Even though, at the time, I think we were both dead

I want her, I want her so bad
without her, my life’s like
sugar without the sweet, a flower with no colours

I want to be the nectar inside the flower-her

but I’m just morning dew-worthless
Why, why 
didn’t I love her enough?
in my poems- her; in my thoughts-her
she wrote and even thought but just not about me

even when she wore those diamonds 

only her face shined

asked her what she applied to her face

she replied: nothing 

when she chose that ******* over me 

I was furious

but
why did I love her?
was it not to see her smile?

was it not to see her enjoy?
She is happier than ever-without me
in her happiness my world finds peace
that is enough.

You are not a want—
you are the echo I was born from,
a silhouette cast in my marrow
before I ever learned your name.

My angel—
but not soft, not serene.
You burn with the hush of a candle
before it devours the room.

I breathe you like smoke,
thick and slow in my lungs,
each inhale a tether
pulling me closer to your orbit.

You are gravity,
and I—
a planet begging to collapse.

I carry your voice in my bloodstream,
a hymnal whispered between heartbeats.
It sounds like salvation,
feels like
flesh peeling back to reveal something
holier
than skin.

I don’t dream anymore—
I enter you
in every silence.
Your shadow moves behind my eyes
and still,
I ask for more.

Touch me
and I come undone like a cathedral
beneath thunder,
every stained-glass memory shattering
to let the dark rush in.

You,
the angel with teeth,
who kissed me into ash
and called it devotion.

The scent of creamy hot cocoa pervades,
creeping up my nose.
The childhood I never had,
a warmth I’ve never known.

The sound of the nocturnals humming a life worth living.
I imagine I am one—foraging, longing.

I inhale the smoke of burnt beans,
the bitter taste of an existence unwanted.
Empty expectations fill my lungs,
a cold sky, a fantasy hillside.

I exhale—half a hope
vanishing as if it never was.
I regret respiring
an act just because.

You choose, you privileged fool
pick one from the lowly hopefuls!
find your preference in the end
But just once, make amends!

See me:

A fertile rice field, ripe for harvest.
A single-colored pasture, silently sprouts.
Yet too uniform to be noticed,
too plain to stand out.

Use your senses, you peculiar bull
I'm crawling inside your skull!
Haunting, pressing your mind,
reaching those that unwind.

RECOGNIZE ME, CONSIDER ME, SPLIT ME, DISENGAGE ME,
CUT ME, SORT ME, ISOLATE ME, BOUND ME,
KNEAD ME, WRING ME, DIGEST ME, INFURIATE ME
THROW ME DOWN, PULL ME UP,
DISCARD ME FOREVER.

I'll be gone—like half a hope,
evaporating as if it never was.
It dissolves into mist,
in the cold sky, a fantasy hillside.

I'll return, as smoke from burnt beans.
A ghost beside the rice field.
The pasture with budding growth.
A whisper lost in cocoa's warmth.

The life I never had.
The luxury you wasted, driving you mad.